Sign on a café window.
"Don't stand outside being unhappy. Come in and be fed up."
Bumper sticker on Plumbing service truck
“Your shit is our bread and butter”
We dispense with accuracy but...
Our machines have no precision
A bluegrass banjo player and a fiddler had a child together . What did they name her ?
I was going to tell you all a joke about paper... but it's terrible
A septic truck in town reads...
To you it may smell funny, to us it smells like money
Paving company truck says...
If you use someone else its not our asphalt!
A songbird got too political
they took his tweets down!
For the bilingual English/Spanish audience: my sister-in-law made 2 breakfast burritos for each of us on a fishing trip, and my brother asked: can we have more than 2? "No," me: "Why not?" Her: "Because that would be over dos."
Beethoven fancied himself with a Sharp wit but was sad when it
When I was a kid, and got tired of being held by my dad, I'd say, "Put me down, daddy!"
His response every time?
"Okay. You're a rotten kid."
He never explained it. It was years before I learned what a put-down was....
Where do duck farts come from? Their butt quacks!
What time did the man go to the dentist? Tooth hurty!
Once there was an old Indian. He loved to drink tea. He drank tea day and night. One day he was found dead floating in the tee pee.
These are all amazing. Thank you for making me smile all day.
New Year reading suggestions :
Rusty Bedsprings by I P Nightly
Haunted Houses by Hugo First
Sources of Mercury by H G Wells
Blaming Others by U Dunnit
Thank you all for the endorphins this evening! Further reading suggestion:
Mad Rush to the Outhouse
By Willie Makeit
Illustrated by Betty Kant
Published by Doris Lockt
Sign on accounting office naming partners
Dewey, Cheatem, and Howe
Genuine name of house-builders - Lowe Quality Homes
Home repair company - Bodgit & Scarper
I didn't like facial hair before, but then it grew on me.
Do you guys think the rough parts of Italy are called the spaghetto?
Spaghetto..? Italy? Hmmnnnn, oh , now I see-silly
I named my horse Mayo.
Sometimes Mayo neighs
It turns out that upon being surveyed, 6 out of 7 dwarves are not Happy.
Where does a mansplainer get his water?
From a well, actually...
Why do mummies like the holidays so much?
They’re into all the wrapping.
One night a Viking named Rudolph the Red was looking out the window when he said, “It’s going to rain.”
His wife asked, “How do you know?”
“Because Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear.”
What is a bird’s favorite Christmas story?
The Finch Who Stole Christmas.
What do you call a shark that delivers toys at Christmas?