Did you know Santa had only eight reindeer last Christmas?
Comet stayed home to clean the sink.
What do you get if you cross an iPad with a Christmas tree?
Why did Rudolph get a bad report card?
Because he went down in history.
What’s the difference between Santa’s reindeer and a knight?
One slays the dragon, and the other’s draggin’ the sleigh.
What's yellow and dangerous ?
How did the hammerhead do on the Math exam?
He nailed it
Why do sharks live in salt water?
Because pepper water makes them sneeze
Where do sharks go on vacation?
What store do you shop at , for both nice clothes , and complaints ?
Abercrombie & Bitch
“Do you think I talk too much about dinosaurs?” I asked. She was silent, like the P in pterodactyl.
What do you call a pig that knows karate? A pork chop, hiya!
Gets me every time LOL
When you propose, propose in july in a santa outfit when it's really hot. "Will you merry me?" Ultimate story.
Dad to son: "Knock, knock"
Son checks the Ring app on his phone.
Maury just told me I am not your father! Im going to Disney World! So long sucker
I had a grade school teacher ask me, if I gave you a dollar and your father gave you $3.00, how much would you have-??
I told her $1.00, she said, well, you sure don't know your MATH !!!, I told her, OH NO, you don't KNOW my father, LOL
I don't always tell dad jokes, but when I do he laughs!
@Sideon I laughed so hard it hurt!
@waynewv I heard one before on the same theme: A teacher asks a student a math question saying: If there are 10 sheep together in a group and three jump the fence to the other side, how many are remaining? "None!" Says the student. The teacher corrects him and says, "that's incorrect, the answer is 7." The student replies: "Teacher, you may know math, but you sure don't know sheep!"
On a sad note, my father passed away yesterday. He was 85 years old.
I once dated a girl who owned a pachyderm as a pet. She kept saying it was irrelevant, but she was wrong ; it was a hippopotamus.
My hair is perfect, grammatically speaking.
"I had some hair."
I once owned a small amphibian.
It was my newt.
A stick of wood applied for a job as a chair leg.
He was turned down.
I need to get my dinner suit repaired. I'm told there's an invisible-mending shop in our town, but I can't find it.
Bad news about our local paper delivery boy. He blew away in the wind.
Did you know there are only 24 alphabets instead of 26?
L & M got kicked out for smoking
@calineur my condolences
Awww, @calineur waaaahhh. Sending love. Mine's 83. I feel you.
Very sorry for your loss @calineur
@beardedtech @littermate @hillbilly thank you for your kind words. My Dad shared his corny jokes often and whenever the opportunity arose to tell them to someone new. One that comes to mind was this one: "If you eat enough, you're full, but if you eat too much, you're fool." The last one I heard him say was the one I quoted earlier, sent to me via text message.