What's your favorite dad joke?

I personally like elevator jokes.

They work on so many levels.

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  • My Dad told me this one just a few weeks ago:

    "Ask Ida. Ida know."

  • What's Forrest Gump's Facebook password? 1forest1.

  • I bought my friend a camouflage jacket for Christmas, but I just can't see him wearing it.

  • I sold my vacuum cleaner last week, it was just collecting dust.

  • A lobster walked into a nightclub, and pulled a mussel.

  • A man walked into a bar, and said, "Ouch".

  • A horse goes into a bar and the bartender says "So, why the long face?"

  • Amal and Juan are twins. Their parents only carry a picture of one of them. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal.

  • How did Luke Skywalker know what he was getting for Christmas ?
    By feeling his presents.

  • How many psychotherapists does it take to change a light bulb ?
    Just one, but the light bulb has to WANT to change.

  • I went to my doctor'last week.
    He said, "I haven't seen you for a while".
    I replied, "Sorry, I've been ill".

  • I got a new Mercedes for my parents. I figured it was a good exchange.

  • A firework was caught drink-driving by the police. They let him off with a warning.

  • I was serving Christmas dinner for a crowd of my parents' friends. One asked, "Is this asparagus ?"
    I said, "No, it's turkey ; and the name's Geoff".

  • My legs are so short, that when I stand up, they only just reach the ground.

  • I went to the hardware store to get an extension cable for my Christmas lights.
    The shopkeeper asked me, "How long do you want it ?"
    I replied, "I was hoping to keep it permanently ?"

  • My extended family includes a pair of crabs. They didn't get me any presents, they're two shellfish.

  • @geoff1000 you have WAAAAAYYY too many of these... lol

  • We didn't have turkey for Christmas, we had roast octopus. There are eight of us, and we all wanted a leg.

  • No-one goes hungry in the desert, because of all the sand which is there.

  • Strawberry to Raspberry, "Can you help me ? I'm in a jam."

  • I was watching some acrobats on the TV, very impressive until one fell off.

  • A ship carrying red paint and blue paint, ran aground on a desert island. The crew was marooned.

  • I was told that I'd won an electronic watch, but it was a wind-up.

  • My kid came out to me as a trans woman. She was afraid of how I would react. I told her, "I have no son."

  • My dad had no jokes , only stearn looks of disapproval

  • I set tried setting up my own business.

    I had an origami business but that folded.

    I manufactured dustbins but the pay was rubbish.

    I opened an amputee clinic thinking I could charge people an arm and a leg.

    I sold shot guns thinking I could make a killing

  • True story: my friends went camping. The first night it poured and the big tent got soaked. My friend had a smaller tent that she set up inside the bigger tent. It was an in-tents night.

  • edited December 2019

    ^ I told my therapist, “Some nights I dream I’m a wigwam. Other nights, I dream I’m a teepee.” Your problem is obvious, he said.

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