I personally like elevator jokes.
They work on so many levels.
My Dad told me this one just a few weeks ago:
"Ask Ida. Ida know."
What's Forrest Gump's Facebook password? 1forest1.
I bought my friend a camouflage jacket for Christmas, but I just can't see him wearing it.
I sold my vacuum cleaner last week, it was just collecting dust.
A lobster walked into a nightclub, and pulled a mussel.
A man walked into a bar, and said, "Ouch".
A horse goes into a bar and the bartender says "So, why the long face?"
Amal and Juan are twins. Their parents only carry a picture of one of them. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal.
How did Luke Skywalker know what he was getting for Christmas ?
By feeling his presents.
How many psychotherapists does it take to change a light bulb ?
Just one, but the light bulb has to WANT to change.
I went to my doctor'last week.
He said, "I haven't seen you for a while".
I replied, "Sorry, I've been ill".
I got a new Mercedes for my parents. I figured it was a good exchange.
A firework was caught drink-driving by the police. They let him off with a warning.
I was serving Christmas dinner for a crowd of my parents' friends. One asked, "Is this asparagus ?"
I said, "No, it's turkey ; and the name's Geoff".
My legs are so short, that when I stand up, they only just reach the ground.
I went to the hardware store to get an extension cable for my Christmas lights.
The shopkeeper asked me, "How long do you want it ?"
I replied, "I was hoping to keep it permanently ?"
My extended family includes a pair of crabs. They didn't get me any presents, they're two shellfish.
@geoff1000 you have WAAAAAYYY too many of these... lol
We didn't have turkey for Christmas, we had roast octopus. There are eight of us, and we all wanted a leg.
No-one goes hungry in the desert, because of all the sand which is there.
Strawberry to Raspberry, "Can you help me ? I'm in a jam."
I was watching some acrobats on the TV, very impressive until one fell off.
A ship carrying red paint and blue paint, ran aground on a desert island. The crew was marooned.
I was told that I'd won an electronic watch, but it was a wind-up.
My kid came out to me as a trans woman. She was afraid of how I would react. I told her, "I have no son."
My dad had no jokes , only stearn looks of disapproval
I set tried setting up my own business.
I had an origami business but that folded.
I manufactured dustbins but the pay was rubbish.
I opened an amputee clinic thinking I could charge people an arm and a leg.
I sold shot guns thinking I could make a killing
True story: my friends went camping. The first night it poured and the big tent got soaked. My friend had a smaller tent that she set up inside the bigger tent. It was an in-tents night.
^ I told my therapist, “Some nights I dream I’m a wigwam. Other nights, I dream I’m a teepee.” Your problem is obvious, he said.