Why would men be embarrassed if it became known they sought platonic cuddling?

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  • So are we saying it is to be expected that if you are attractive then men are gong to be expected to hit on you? Does not say much for the men on this site, and also seems to suggest it is the woman's fault. You know, well you dressed that way and were at that place and doing that thing so what do you expect...

  • I read a really great article that was about this exact topic, I wish I could link it or remember more than the gist.. basically I think it made a lot of points that you guys already have. It talked about vulnerability being perceived by men as undesirable and effeminate. It said that a lot of men aim for sex, knowing that they’ll likely cuddle after (and that being what they may actually desire), and more stuff about the social and perceived mutual exclusivity of masculinity and the need to feel comforted or held.

    In my opinion any man on this site searching for platonic cuddles is well on their way to be “woke” as hell. Good job guys.

    Coincidentally, my favorite cuddle position is holding my partners head against my chest (and scratching his back) with my legs bent over his thighs. I don’t know if you can picture that, but it’s similar to the most efficient way you would protect someone larger than yourself from something like falling debris or ect...
    I know some men wouldn’t enjoy this, preferring to be the “big spoon” or equivalent. But in my experience the men that do enjoy being held like this, really, really enjoy it and will lay in my little nook for hours. - ok totally off on a tangent, but relevant I think, to the way some men feel the need to “cuddle masculinity” and social perception of platonic cuddling in general

  • @mb0 this is true. Only reason I am in their presence to begin with is because of the money. But I truly do care about each and every person that takes the time to book me. Whether if it’s in that moment or in general. Hell I wish I could have a friendship with all of them (the ones that don’t solicite sex or harass lol) but it’s literally impossible.

    Now, is it ALL about the money for me? No, if it were I’d be in and out of there and wouldn’t care about my client’s experience with me :)

  • @geoff1000 lol!! This is true though. No lies told. You’re funny 😂

  • @Bellaaaaaaaa4U OK, yes, you care about your clients. But "care about" is a pretty broad concept. I "care about" a cute dog I saw walking today, and I also "care about" my mother. But I mean something very different in each of those cases. Someone who will only spend time with me if I pay them does not care about me in any sense that matters to me.

    Please understand I'm not saying you're doing anything wrong or have anything to be ashamed of... it's just the nature of the work.

  • If I were in a 1:1 basketball game, I would expect the other person to : stand between me and the hoop, hold up their arms, or try to knock the ball out of my hands.
    I would not be expecting them to punch me, or kick me, or pick up the ball and run off to sell it.

    When one cuddler off this site engages with another, one at least is usually expecting the other to similarly follow the rules of the game ; and yet there seems to be a double-standard among some people, that rule-breaking by one party, is somehow the fault of the other.

    CC rules say that one is allowed to be such a good platonic cuddler ( on a physical, verbal, etc. etc. level ) within the rules, that the other person decides to make it a long-term permanent basis.

    Perhaps a key point is that following CC rules, demonstrates that one would probably follow other different rules that might be applied from time to time ; but demonstrating the inability to follow CC rules, is a very bad start for any other arrangement.

  • When I do something nice for someone else, I don't care about the benefit to them ; I only care about how good it makes me feel to have done it. As and when I ever stop getting the "hit" of pleasure hormones, as payment for my effort, I'll stop doing it.

    If one has a job, where the majority of their interaction with others is paying clients ; the opportunity for being nice, will generally be limited to "going above and beyond" in that professional role.

    I'm told that the movie actor Christian Bale ( among others ) sometimes gets so emotionally engaged in a scene, that it is physically draining. Does he care about the audience, or is he just trying to make them enjoy the movie so much that he can ask more salary next time ? We all need an income.

  • I first heard about professional cuddlers from my therapist, which led me to this site and my first cuddle session. I selected the pro based on proximity and attraction. I felt then (and it was confirmed later) that I would be more fulfilled and relaxed if I could imagine in my cuddling that this person was my friend who could potentially be my girlfriend. I’ve only cuddled with two professional women cuddlers. One has tasteful, pretty, but not very sexy photos, the other kind of barefoot, bra-less, tat-showing, sexy hot af, out in nature photos. Both were pros with clear boundaries. I am one of the 20% who isn’t going for anything but cuddling, but at least has fantasized about it before and afterward. And, who could blame me?

    Now on to the embarrassment part of this conversation. I felt embarrassed and a bit guilty when I first told my wife about my cuddling with professionals. She couldn’t believe there was such a thing, and she immediately felt threatened. But in time, and with our therapist’s support, she now sees it as a therapeutic for me. She honestly doesn’t want to cuddle with me, because I told her once that when cuddling I sometimes get in touch with my baby-self, which she is either repulsed or disgusted by because she wants to be cuddling an adult—she holds that admission over me, and it’s another reason we’re in therapy. But I am agreeing to only cuddle with professionals as I believe my wife and therapist erroneously believe that non-professional cuddlers just end up having sex, which I have strongly denied (in defense of you wonderful people and of myself). I mean give me a fracking break! Two decades in a touch less marriage and no cheating, and they think I’d break that stellar record with someone I’m cuddling with?

    I have also told a female coworker and my best friend (man) that I pay professional cuddlers. Both were dumbfounded, but pleasantly so, that there existed such a thing. And both had nothing but “good-for-you’s” to offer. I think if I told my brothers, one would think I was cheating and getting sex on the side. But all would be supportive none-the-less.

    In any case, I would be way less concerned about telling my friends that I pay professional cuddlers, than say, that I have interests in BDSM or that I am pansexual (i.e., there exist within continuums of unfortunate yet conquerable shame).

  • A coworker keeps trying to convince me that there's nothing embarrassing about engaging in sadism, necrophilia, and bestiality. I think he's flogging a dead horse.

  • Embarrassed? Interesting point of view. I have to admit when I first set-up my profile it didn't include a face pic. My thought process at the time (or so I was telling myself) was discretion more than embarrassment. When pondering this question now, I have to admit that embarrassment was an element informing my "discretion."

    I have since moved past all that as my cuddle experiences have helped me find a new emotional normal. Articulating my sense of boundaries and consent, along with discussing my cuddle partners' sense of boundaries and consent, while taking time to understand each others takes on types of attraction e.g., platonic vs romantic, and sensual vs sexual has lead to a sense of personal centering that I couldn't even consider in the past. In my formative years, venerability was modeled as weakness in males to me; no participation trophies, empathy, apologies, or tears. It was all about focus, achievement, and ferocity.

    Cuddling is a space that has allowed me to be vulnerable in ways that deep-down I feel a romantic partner would frown upon, even though she might claim its something she would be "open to." For me, this is the value of spending time with an holistically-centered professional cuddler with a caregiving or health care background. Cuddlers with big hearts are nice. But my most beneficial experiences have been with cuddlers that have some training in health care or holistic study e.g., massage, reiki, yoga, etc. They tend to better understand energy or how to share life source/love in an emotionally healing/restorative way.

    At the end of the day, I've moved passed whatever embarrassment I may have been feeling in favor of being completely authentic with myself and any cuddle partner I'm with.

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