Why would men be embarrassed if it became known they sought platonic cuddling?

I think most of us would ; but is it because we seek cuddling, or because we don't also seek sex ? Would it for instance be more embarrassing if it became known to our male coworkers that we paid strippers, lap dancers, or sex workers ; than if we paid female pro cuddlers ?

My personal feeling is that a man seeking just a cuddle with a female, is regarded as rather less of a man by his fellow males.

As a non-drinker for over 20 years, I sometimes find it easier to explain my non-conforming preference for soft drinks, as a fake medical condition or from alcoholism in the past.

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Comments

  • I'm trying to imagine the good that could come out of discussing this. And I'm failing : )

  • edited January 17

    I don’t care to inform the world of something so easily twisted into a weapon of words. Let Oprah explain it.

  • I think the fact that it is an online community may lead to more reservations with men when it comes to sharing

  • edited January 17

    I think if men were embarrassed it would be directed more towards someone hiring sex workers, strippers, etc rather than a platonic professional cuddler. I think if they thought about it they would admit at one point or another they too could have used the comfort of being in the arms of another. Sometimes people just don’t have that person they can feel vulnerable enough with to admit they need to be held. We all need it, it’s human nature. Most people need that human touch, that human compassion from another. I think among his buddies he may feel embarrassed because of the chuckles his friends would get out of it but if it was 2 buddies discussing it and they were true friends there may be a moment of joking until the friend understood why the other needed it. I think when people truly love and accept us there may be a little kidding with it, but deep down amongst true friends there should never be embarrassment for something like cuddling.

    Personally I think it says a lot about a man admitting he needs to be held without being sexual.

  • My feeling is that many people wouldn't believe it was "just" cuddling. I know I can't tell my family (many of them older and more "old fashioned") because they would insist that I was paying hookers.

    Outside of that... one on one with genuine friends I could explain the situation, but in a group setting my gut says that there would be some measure of judgment as "weak" - that I was somehow unable to attain the affection and human contact "like a real man." From time to time, I suffer through that same judgment by myself. "Dating" - the usual source of touch and affection - has never been a highlight of my social career, and I'm probably harder on myself that way than the outside... which of course is a confidence crippler and then the snake is eating its own tail.

  • Who gives a fig what anyone thinks of you or what you do? Adults living their lives don't need to explain or apologize, ever. There isn't some organized movement to make cuddling "socially acceptable," as if cuddling was somehow something that didn't occur organically, naturally, and physically all the time.

    The idea that men who cuddle are any LESS for cuddling is obscene. I disagree, wholeheartedly, @geoff1000 - those co-workers going to strippers, sexworkers, etc. are lower in my book than any man that states he cuddles. The braggarts of the world are ugly, overcompensating wanna-be humans. Neanderthalic braggadocios are pitiable, not enviable. Intimacy and being vulnerable is the measure of man's true strength.

    Men cuddle. And there's not one damn thing wrong with it.

  • But you know... SOCIETY says...

  • I wouldn't say this was an issue only for the males. Many females do not have photos and/or do not let be known their true identity.

    I am much less embarrassed about it than I was when I first started on here. But I still select whom I would allow to know of the fact that it is something that I've done.

  • Real men are not embarrassed by their cuddling activities.

  • I'm not without a picture because I'm embarrassed but because of a desire for my personal life to be private with regard to those in my profession. I think there may be some shared and some different dynamics (as always) for various genders.

  • I'll be honest I'd be more worried about someone finding out about this than going to strip club or hiring a prostitute ( I've also been to strip clubs with my friends so there's that ) because I would actually be harassed more for this than either of those by my friends. Not saying it's right , wrong , or indifferent just saying it is what it is.

  • edited January 17

    I'd venture it's two related reasons:

    1.) Society and it's view on male sexuality.
    2.) The sexual connotations that can come attatched to cuddling.

    Paying a professional cuddler may cause people on the outside to think that we're paying for sex. This can impact our lives on the outside. Cuddling platonically with our friends may cause people to think that we're looking to frickety-frick-frack and since we don't we're stormed with a barrage of toxic ideas about masculinity.

    It can cause more headaches than it's worth. I'll note that in the tiny group of people who know that I enjoy a good snuggle, my lady-bros and queer homies are much more accepting and understanding of platonic cuddling than my guy-bros.

    @portlandcuddle I'd beg to differ. I'm a little embarassed to bring it up to my friends and I'm as real as real men can get. Real men aren't embarassed to talk about the things that make them feel vulnerable. Based on what I see in this thread of embarassed men allowing ourselves to be vulnerable, I'd say that every man here is a real man. :)

    It has less to do with who is or what defines "real man" in the world of platonic cuddling and more to do with men being cautious about what information we decide to share with which people.

  • Thanks for this, AceofCuddles.

  • I'm grateful for all the replies.

    My feeling is that paying for "sex" and paying for cuddles, are both embarrassing ; but for different reasons, and hence we would suffer differently, depending on who found out.

    For instance, if I hypothetically were found to have paid a lap dancer or sex worker to just sit with me fully-clothed for polite conversation, I would be variously ridiculed for :
    0. Being so soft as to need that company.
    1. Being too socially inept to find that company by normal means.
    2. Exploiting for money, someone who hated my company even in that non-physical way.
    3. Wasting my money by "purchasing a hamburger and eating only the bread".

    Engaging a pro cuddler would be similar ridicule, except that in (3) only the bread is for sale.

    Engaging a sex worker for the normal purpose, would be (1) and (2) ; and I think different people would weight those factors differently.

    A friend with diabetes has regular injections of insulin, because unlike most of us, her body cannot make it. My feeling is that those of us who cannot get what most others naturally get ( including social interaction in all its forms), should be allowed to purchase the shortfall ; and it only becomes a problem, when we purchase far more than others get, and hence we lose sight of how valuable it is.

    As a parallel : We might resent our neighbour owning a Ferrari and driving recklessly at all hours of the day and night ; but we would surely not resent our quadriplegic neighbour buying a motorised wheelchair, that allowed them to move as fast as we can gently stroll.

  • Oh my goodness, so there are men who seek platonic cuddling? My experience has been they’ll say that and then do something else. One even told me during an argument that most of the men on this site are looking for sex only.

  • This was such an interesting read. I appreciate everyone’s feedback and transparency on the topic. I can relate to this, on another level. I’ve been cuddling professionally for about 3 months and I’ve tried my BEST to keep it a secret. It’s something I do often and quite frankly I’m so tired of having to lie about the “work” I do.

    But there’s no way I can be honest with my family about it. I come from a super old school, Hispanic family that would call me CRAZY if they found out. #1 would be for my safety. Although I’m extremely careful, they would worry about my wellbeing, with so the crazy things going on in the world I know they would just be scared for me.

    On the other hand, there are a couple of friends I have told and I’ve had to convince them that yes I do get paid $75/hour JUST to cuddle and talk with someone. They find it so hard to believe and some have even assumed “oh she’s gotta be doing more than just cuddling with them” but truthfully it’s ALL I do. Some just can’t grasp these services really exist.

    In conclusion, my biggest issue with sharing this Information has been acceptance. I’m all for everyone doing what makes them HAPPY and I truthfully enjoy this as a profession. That’s ALL that should matter!

  • @Erna Unfortunately A LOT of people do come on this site to seek sexual favors or more than just cuddling. I would say about 80% of the clients I’ve came in contact have all tried to either solicit something sexual or are want to form real relationships outside of cuddling. It gets tough but I ALWAYS set that expectation before meeting and stand my ground.

  • I mentioned it to a woman once and her reaction was "That's silly".

  • Well that's belittling. :(

  • @Bellaaaaaaaa4U
    Interesting to see from your side too.

    As a former part-time taxi-driver ( have I mentioned that before on this forum ? ) I always reckoned that if it were not a recognised job, I would have been either sectioned ( under the Mental Health Act ) or put on suicide watch.

  • edited January 18

    Just an FYI going to a strip club is not embarrassing. It’s actually socially acceptable now and last time I went I saw more women than men in the crowd. In large groups having fun and they weren’t even there for a bachelorette or birthday party. America is one of the few countries where sexuality seen as something so horrid. The rest of the world? Nobody else really cares . You can show a head getting blown off on TV but not a boob.

  • mb0mb0
    edited January 18

    To answer the original question: Part of the reason is what's been mentioned, that maybe it's seen as less masculine or virile than having sex. But I think that's actually a minor part. The bigger reason why it's embarrassing, IMO, is it's seen as something one should be able to get pretty easily in life anyway. I actually recently read an article by a woman (of course) about just the enthusiast non-pro aspect of cuddling sites, who concluded that it was really weird and only for people with severe social problems, because obviously any normal person is not going to lack for physical touch with the people in their life.

    @Bellaaaaaaaa4U To address the "80% of the clients I’ve came in contact have all tried to either solicit something sexual or are want to form real relationships outside of cuddling": I don't know what other clients' experience is like exactly, but I can tell you in my experience there are a lot of pro cuddlers blurring lines and creating confusion in clients' minds and presumably making life harder for other pro cuddlers who have to deal with their clients' confused expectations. There should be a warning on this site every time a client books a session with a pro: "Please remember, this person does not and never will care about you. She is spending time with you because you are paying her."

  • @Kense reason strip clubs are socially acceptable is cus it celebrates sex and sexuality which is culturally normative . However something like simply cuddling and finding non sexually based connection is not .

  • @Bellaaaaaaaa4U After looking at your pic, I'm surprised it's only 80%. For one, you look like you could be a model. Then there is the pose. Back arched, butt out. Knee high boots. That's a sexy pose IMO. That's not a pic that invites platonic cuddles. Likely there was another 19% who didn't make an advance but really wanted to.

  • @Bellaaaaaaaa4U
    I'm pleased to see you exercising your Second Amendment "Right to bare arms".

    This site supports the lesser known Eighty Third Amendment "Right to bear hugs".

  • edited January 18

    @AceCuddlerMike trust me it has NOTHING to do with the picture. The picture I had before (my first picture) was a simple selfie with sunglasses and it still always happened. I understand where you’re coming from but in my experience, the picture is not what is causing this.

  • @Bellaaaaaaaa4U I get you. Still, regardless of the pic they saw before meeting, then they see you in person and if they are not asexual, that has to be difficult. But if platonic is what is agreed upon, as it is on this site. Bad men!!! Bad!! : )

  • @Bellaaaaaaaa4U
    Sunglasses !
    What were you thinking ? Sunglasses = sunshine = beach = red swimsuit
    No man could avoid that train of thought.

    Seriously, there is literally no style of photograph ( except maybe vomiting into a bucket ), which could not be blamed for giving the wrong signals.

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