Just a thought. Thinking of @geoff1000 and what others say. I do understand how people can find troubles with how people choose to only cuddle people they are attracted too. Let’s try this.
How about considering not cuddling who you are unattractive to. There are plenty of men that i would admit are attractive but because they are men i am what I’d called repulsed by. There are plenty of women i find unattractive but they are women so i find them compatible. Also platonically as an adult, when i seek friendships i seek them with women, i don’t shun male friendships, but there is only so much vulnerability and thought i want from a male. So to have any type of intimate moment, for me it would be for me.
Even if they charge me. Counselor/therapist, massage therapist, pedicurist, physical therapist, tutor or whatever I prefer women. I say ALL that to say I’m not choosing women because of sexual attraction, i just trust women more.
@geoff1000 the best way I think I can describe the difference between platonic cuddling and dating would be a word someone has already mentioned. Romance. There’s a difference between intimacy and Romance. Platonic cuddling is a very intimate scene you hold with someone but most are trying to get cuddles from everyone and feel a different connection and intimacy with everyone. While dating is very different. It’s romantic. It’s just you and your partner, no one else. (Most times anyway lol). You most likely have sex with them. You certainly don’t pay them an hourly wage. It’s just romantic. I understand sometimes people can blur it but there’s honestly a huge big line smack dab in the middle of what dating is and what platonic cuddling is. It’s totally different.
This reminds me of the old Star Wars joke : "What is a nerf herder ? Someone who herds nerfs". If platonic cuddling means "without romance" , we have to define the latter.
If there is sex, it isn't "platonic cuddling" ; but if there isn't sex, is it not "dating" ? Some people date many others at the same time, or have polyamorous relationships ; so number of partners isn't a definition. People have said they feel sad after losing a long-term cuddle buddy, so it is more than finding your usual bus driver has retired. Some say they will briefly kiss their cuddle partner on the forehead, some people in relationships don't even do that.
I'm really not trying to be awkward, I'm saying too many people have a view which is too simplistic.
@geoff1000 You really have a fixation with cuddling / dating. Something must have gone wrong while you were exploring one only to find out it was actually the other.
Most people have zero difficulty understanding the difference and this absolutely does not require even more definitions, which, honestly, I think 87.5% of the people are OBSESSED about on this site. But if this makes it at all easier for you, here is the difference boiled down: purpose. If you ask someone to cuddle and you decide on a movie as a venue, it's cuddling. If you ask someone to go to the movies, and you end up cuddling, it's a date. By the way, you CAN have platonic "dates" - the majority of movies I've seen with someone else have been with buddies who would be all manner of creeped out if it was referred to as a "date."
I'm really not trying to be awkward. I'm saying too many people have a view which is overly complicated.
@StoryDoctor1138 So if I go to the movies with someone of my gender preference, it might be : Platonic cuddling, if the alternative proposed was to cuddle somewhere else Dating, if the alternative was a meal in a restaurant where cuddling would get funny looks That means an external observer, at the time, could not determine which it was.
If we go to the movies and don't cuddle, is that dating, or non-contact cuddling ? It would be strange if the absence of contact makes it non-platonic, whereas genital contact certainly makes it non-platonic.
Many enthusiasts suggest a non-contact initial meeting to jointly assess compatibility. Is that a first date, or a job interview ?
I enjoy female company, with or without contact. If I am cuddling, as the price to pay for being with someone, am I being not platonic ?
Dating doesn’t need to be thrown in this at all. If two enthusiasts are meeting to talk about cuddling preferences and whatnot, it’s obviously not a date! It’s two people meeting to possibly be friends or see if they click for cuddling. Why does the aspect of dating have to be thrown into it??
Also, if you and another cuddler are meeting at the theatres, why wouldn’t you be cuddling? If you both decide you just want to meet up and watch a movie together, that’s still not dating! Dating doesn’t have to be in this at all... I’m confused why there are only two options in your mind. Dating or platonic cuddling. There are so many more aspects to this. Whether the person you’re meeting up with is your gender preference or not does not mean it’s automatic dating. Why can’t it be considered two acquaintances meeting up or two possible connections to be friends?
@Sheena123 This is the point I'm making. I don't like the idea that an arrangement must be demonstrably platonic cuddling, the only alternative interpretation being dating.
There is no such thing as "non-contact cuddling." You're really pushing this but I can't fathom why. I would point out that non-contact automatically means "platonic" but I'm sure you'd say "but what if they're naked?"
"But what ifs" seem pretty pointless.
@geoff1000 so you’re just basing this on interpretations? Like what people on the outside would see it as? Why would that matter? It doesn’t. Just because a man and woman meet for a movie or a coffee doesn’t mean it’s automatically assumed they are dating. If two people are meeting up, that could mean so much more than the only two options you are horse blinding yourself to. Two people meeting up can mean all these things:
-friends meeting -acquaintances getting to know each other - interview - Date - Meeting up with family - Real estate agent meeting client - Wedding planner meeting client - Any professional in any career meeting a client
Do you see what I mean when I say there are many more ways for meeting a cuddler to be interpreted by the people around them? It’s not as black and white as you’re forcing it.
@StoryDoctor1138 "If you ask someone to go to the movies, and you end up cuddling, it's a date."
I don't buy that.
Is there a such thing as platonic sex? I think that’s a great idea that should be explored.
@BashfulLoner I have several FWB that I consider more than platonic but not necessarily romantic relationships
Several! Let me find out @pmvines a playa from the Himalayas..... but yeah i think I’ve had some fwb that definitely were not romantic in the past, but those a short lived situationships.
@geoff1000 What's not to buy? It's pretty straight forward. If you ask (pay) someone to cuddle and you decide to do it at the theater OR ANYWHERE ELSE, it's still cuddling. If you ask someone you are interested in to come out to see a movie with you, it's a date WHETHER YOU CUDDLE OR NOT.
Honestly, what is your obsession with this as something that needs clarification?
@geoff1000 It seems like there are as many ways to do platonic cuddling as there are people on here. Some think of it as a prescribed time, cuddling only, like what happens (or is supposed to happen) with pros only with no money. Some like to cuddle anyone, some like to settle into a regular cuddle buddyship, some end up becoming friends with their cuddle partners, and perhaps the traditional "relationship" thingie gets going between people sometimes when they discover that their cuddle buddy is actually the love of their life. I've heard that after an initial cuddle peeps can have a conversation about expanding things to the non-platonic and that that's considered okay if both are fine with it.
To me platonic cuddling can also be housed in a friendship and that relationship (as opposed to the culturally sanctioned "relationship") is still based on platonic cuddling and not something that's leading to sex and partnership. I actually have found that the process of meeting someone new and cuddling with them requires some investment on my part with questionable return, whereas cuddling with the ones that I've met who I like and it works with is a known and positive endeavor. So I'm less likely to want to spend time getting to know someone new when it's working so well with the familiar ones. I could see grabbing a bite, seeing a movie, or going on a bike ride with my familiar cuddle buddies if both were into expanding the relating with that and it still being platonic. Now we're just more friends with platonic cuddling. If I happened to be in the market for more of a "relationship" as the culture defines it, and I found one of my cuddle buddies to be growing on me in that way, I imagine a mature conversation about it could lead down that road if both desired it. I think the emphasis here is on not using the site to find a partner or find sex, but to have mature and intentional conversations about taking things in another direction should that emerge as a mutual interest.
At least that's my sense of what the site allows.
I don't even know what "dating" is as I've never done it. It creeps me out honestly. I like to get to know people as people, male or female, attraction or no, and if it emerges to add other dimensions to that basic relating, we can talk about that. "Dating" just seems to me like a game based on romantic fantasies that perpetuates limiting gender roles within a culturally sanctioned and limited relational template and I don't like to play that game.
@littermate Thanks for the endorsement. I don't like the idea that I could be following the site rules, with someone I have met on the site, but be criticised because : I wasn't also seeing other people, or we went to the movies and didn't cuddle, or we spent too much time getting comfortable with each other emotionally and intellectually.
@geoff1000 it seems we could be criticized for anything by anyone at any time but it's the moderators who decide what's cool and I doubt they'll get their knickers in a bunch over what you've written above.
@littermate 👍 😀
Coming back around to the OP and her original questions and frustrations.... WELCOME TO THE SITE @shadowofme so glad to have another female enthusiast!!!
I thought this site was about cuddling but it is more like a dating site. You respond to mail and try to get to know someone first and if you send picture they disappear. Or it’s meet now come to my place..... excuse me lone woman here not driving an hour to a strangers place. No one willing to meet in public when profile says public not host or guest. I just wanted to find a nice cuddle not drinks and bars and pushy people, I can go out with my friends and get that or be on a dating site. Is there actual people that cuddle?
There ARE LOTS OF PEOPLE WHO CUDDLE!! I am one of them and I have met with quite a few people who do. Another fabulous way to meet people who are INTENTIONAL about cuddling (thank you @littermate it is SOOOOO nice to see you jump in here!!) is at a cuddle party where 8-10 people get together specifically for cuddles. Its different than meeting people on here and messaging first but its a wonderful option to meet like minded people as well.
Hang in there and stay true to your goals and intentions no matter if other people don't have the exact same ideas about navigating the steps. Be patient with yourself and the site.... Like was said earlier.... You just have to sift through all of the different personalities to find what fits best with you!! Everyone is different and its BEAUTIFUL!!!!! So many HUGS!!
@shadowofme This site has it's ups and downs. I have struggles here as well. Every once in a while I will meet people who are genuine and kind and platonic and I treasure these people dearly. There will be negative interactions for sure but I think what it boils down to is how much is it worth to you? Because it can be really worth it to find the right companion but it will cost you some struggles weeding through the wrong ones. Hopefully you stay and give it a chance. There really are some real gems of people here. If you ever need to talk I am here and happy to listen and talk with you.
@shadowofme i feel this site has pros and cons. A lot of it is being patient as you search for the right cuddler, it takes time.
You're lucky to even get a response from a non-pro. Just find friends in real-time to cuddle with.
@Sheena123 You're right in the fact when 2 people meet up it doesn't have to mean they're on a date or involved in any sort romantic dynamic but majority of people on the outside looking in assume this is case and I would say 3/4 of the time they're probably right. I know I've been guilty of this in past and still am a lot. Lol my mind doesn't jump to ( assuming this is a man and a woman ) oh they're on a job interview , or they're just friends , or they're family ( unless I see an obvious family resemblance of course ). While I totally understand women and men can be platonic friends I usually approach as they are a couple until Im given information to tell me otherwise. We talk all the time about how platonic cuddling is niche thing and still new to most people so it would only be natural to assume if I saw 2 people out cuddling each other they were doing it with romantic or sexual intent. Most people still dont know platonic cuddling , certainly dont know about CC or pro cuddlers and if they were told about it probably wouldn't believe it or understand it. For now the societal norm is the majority.
@hugonehugall I guess the main thing I was trying to say in my last message was that whether it was viewed by other people like were dating, it doesn’t matter. If two people are meeting for cuddles, what people are thinking doesn’t matter. Just because it looks like dating, doesn’t mean the two cuddlers are dating. It just seemed like the main thing that was getting repeated was that it’s either cuddling or dating lol
If two people of the same gender are meeting, do people assume they are friends, or gay dating ? If they are different genders and the man is older, do people assume father and daughter or a "bought" wife ?
Do we need people to know what we are doing, and not doing ?
Whenever I buy an apple pie in my local supermarket, I always tell them that I'm going to eat it, in case they think I'm going to recreate the scene from American Pie.
Gay dating? Is there such a thing? I thought it was just dating, but that’s just me.
@geoff1000 oh my god... so many things wrong with what you just said.... first off, don’t say gay dating. It is just straight up dating. Secondly, who cares what someone is going to think? If someone thinks it’s you and a daughter or you and a “bought” wife, who cares?! Are you that concerned that you are going to clarify for everyone around you in everything you do? Honestly, if I worked at a supermarket and you came up to me to buy an Apple pie and you told me you were going to eat it instead of humping it like in The movie American Pie I would think you’re very disgusting and I didn’t need to know that. If I were sitting in a coffee shop and I saw you sitting with a younger person, I would mind my own business! I wouldn’t care if she’s a daughter or wife but I would think you’re still disgusting if you felt you had to come over to me to clarify, “don’t worry, she’s just my daughter. She isn’t a bought wife”. No one cares whether you are meeting for a date or anything else. Those perceptions don’t matter to most people so why is this the only thing you bring up? And I’ll say it again. Don’t say gay dating.
Some people feel compelled to intentionally play devil’s advocate to an extreme for attention. Any attention makes them happy; even being told that violating Sara Lee’s apple pie is creepy suffices as attention for them.
@FunCartel which is why I’m done.. I’ve tried lol I’m just done 😹
I wasn't the one who said "If you aren't platonically cuddling, you must be dating".
I'm glad that so many people are pitching in, to say that my analogous situations are equally ridiculous.