Here’s another one... this man has messaged me multiple times with all types of strange requests. I have not responded to him. Here is his most recent request and I cropped the question and poll he wanted me to attach.
Interestingly, he basically gave me two options. Post the thread or reply back to him with a “no”. I did neither. Why do some men, regardless of how kind his message seems, feel entitled enough to treat women this way? I would never presume to ask someone who was not my friend, someone that I had never had a back and forth/two party participant dialogue with, to post anything for me let alone an entire thread and poll for me. Or subsequently require a response back if they did not want to post on my behalf.
@DrCuddleBug I do take your point about cuddling not being completely accepted in certain circles. But this is a private message to somebody in a different location - there is no possibility whatsoever of embarrassment or difficulty. No need for secrecy. And anyway, as I've already said, anybody who knew him well would recognise him from that photo anyway.
The issue of how it's going to become accepted in those circles if people are secretive, we will leave for another day.
Weird. Why not just post it himself???
@CuddleDuncan it sounded like they were in the same general location to me. Yeah, if great distance separated them, then why? Where did I miss that there were not near each other. When he asked if she ever went to a particular ace (red flag), I assumed they were close to each other.
Whether reportable or not, always follow your gut instinct. If it just feels wrong then walk away and possibly block them of they continue sending messages. As to why someone would act that way, cause some people are just a holes lol.
@Importance - I wish men got messages like that. I need something to laugh at.
@quixotic_life , I agree - this message is not "kind". However he writes the message, the intent is completely unreasonable. He can post the damn poll himself, lol. And he's not entitled to a response.
@Importance another weird one. I can only assume he was trying to inveigle you into a conversation. And I agree, the intent is unreasonable.
Do any other people here have weird messages they could share?
I think that bringing to light behaviors that feel inappropriate and harassing in private message can be helpful in many ways: They can help us understand what is unacceptable behavior. They provide for interesting discussion and feedback. They improve our community. They make it so we don’t have to suffer alone in guilt and shame that we are doing something wrong by not replying to these creepy messages or by merely existing and being the recipient of the pm. They may also help people understand what not to do when messaging. And various other reasons.
And ppl wonder why some choose not to post or send pics. Without a shred of evidence of wrongdoing, here’s a user violating the trust of another by posting a pic he probably assumed would be private when sent and definitely didn’t intend for anyone else to see. Face or no face, it’s a violation of trust.
@Importance a firm "stop messaging me" could work. It just seems like he's trying to be creative in having a chance to speak to you. He is asking for a no so he can give up without feeling like he just didn't try hard enough.
I guess, you could just block him if you feel that sending any response is letting him win.
Is the guy married, maybe he wants or needs to be discreet ?
@CaptainJed I find your perspective interesting. He and I do not have a relationship of trust. We had never exchanged messages before. We don’t even have a relationship. Why is it that that anyone would feel like this is an OK private message to send without trying to begin a friendship first? Why is the fact that he simply sent me a private message entitle him to privacy or trust?
I think if the pic were asked for, then it's a violation. Sent unsolicited... not so much.
I also want you guys to think of things this way. Do you think a man would treat another man this way? Have you ever gotten a message from a man asking you to post something on their behalf? Or could this be more of a idea in our society that women are meant to serve men? I understand that this may trigger some of you. I’m actually thinking about not posting this thought. Please be willing to consider it. Please be willing to realize if this upsets you that there may be a reason why it upsets you.
@DrCuddleBug The location he was asking me if I ever came to is over 1000 miles away
@Needinghugs His profile states that he is single
@Importance - Probably some of them are socially awkward and think that is a way to break the ice. I'm there when it comes to my social skills, but don't want to sound creepy, so I just say nothing.
This is what I twigged to. As a woman, you're automatically obligated to do emotional labour for any internet rando???
@CaptainJed Do you send messages like these to women?
Also ironic that the OP (like me and others) chooses not to post a profile pic for privacy reasons, yet has no problem disregarding that of others. Sure there’s a completely rational reason for the double standard 😊.
@CaptainJed the wrongdoing is the sending of the picture in the first place.
The second message is further explicit wrongdoing. The evidence of wrongdoing could not be clearer. And I haven't even got to the erection.
Also, it is not a violation of trust, because no relationship of trust had been established. Thirdly, you are wrong in law: the recipient of a message becomes the owner, and in absense of agreement to the contrary may dispose of its contents how they please.
In other words, everything in your post is factually incorrect.
You have also failed to note that the poster has done everything she can to protect his identity.
@CuddleDuncan hugs If you want em. Excellent reply
@squeakytoy You called it, I think
@CaptainJed yet again you make an error of fact. The OP does not post a non-picture for privacy reasons. I know why she does it, because she has posted the reason repeatedly. It is fine that you don't know, but it is not ok for you to assert something which is incorrect when in fact you are simply guessing. Or worse, assuming.
@MaullySterling I always want them!
@Importance In Gavin De Becker's Gift of Fear, and in studying security and predators (serial rapists and killers), he asserts that this behaviour is the test; are you so nice, that you go against your gut, to do what you're told?
The pic is a little beefcakey TBH and he clearly didn't read your profile and adjust accordingly, which doesn't bode well for any potential sessions.
Your gut is probably right but maybe take the high road and try to edumacate him if you feel up to it. Still, my overwhelming $ would be on it going to creepville pretty fast - should we start a betting pool?
Edit: I say beefcakey due to the lack of a face/head and the general vibe.
@CaptainJed my reason for not posting a profile selfie is to highlight the predominance of male profiles here without profile face pictures. I have no problem showing my face online and I work in/with the public with thousands of customers and I am very recognizable. You are welcome for this metaphor. I actually wish that more women would remove there faces from this website until the men would start to show us their faces. But that is only my personal feeling.
@Importance Just a thought. I would suggest not over analyzing the actions if these men. They don't deserve you spending any time trying to figure out their weirdness. I am sorry you have had to experience these things . Your posts in these forums tell me you are way to smart to give them the time of day. Others have said it and I agree. Trust yourself.
@Importance I meant to add this at the end of my other reply but when I first saw this thread I had a cognitive dissonance moment as it looked like, "Disturbing messages by Importance" rather than "Disturbing messages by Importance"
I was like, "What the heck? Did Importance suddenly start sending disturbing messages?" and then my coffee kicked in
@MaullySterling, thanks! Also "The Gift of Fear" is an amazing book. I'm also a fan of the classic "Why does he do that?" by Lundy Bancroft. Even tiny trickles of entitlement are big-ass warning signs to me now.
@CuddleDuncan In response to Dr CuddleBug you write "this is a private message to somebody in a different location - there is no possibility whatsoever of embarrassment or difficulty."
Really? In this age of reverse image searching and facial recognition technology? You are, I fear, somewhat naive.