I think there is a huge difference between a guy sending a shirtless pic with an offer of massage and say... during a session someone mentions their calf hurts and the other offering to massage it for them. The first is clearly out of bounds and the second is (usually) someone looking to be a good cuddle partner.
My cuddle partners always loved it when I gave them backrubs. But be wary of the guys offering fully body massage unless you've known them a while and trust them. It's a common tactic to get you naked.
So like, I partly finished schooling for massage and am pretty good at it. Plus I'm gay. I am not sure if I'll ever offer it, but as a woman, would that be more acceptable? Or as a straight/gay male, would that bother you? I'm ok with shirts on, depending on how involved the present parties want the massage to be (platonic, of course)
@CaringCompanion I can't speak for everyone here, but that would make all the difference to me! Also, based on your profile, you seem like a great cuddle partner - I really hope you do well on here.
@Babichev If I had seen your post of two minutes before my post landed, I probably wouldn't have even posted.
If one more person tells me they needa see my toes before they will cuddle🤣🤣
Or
Can i give foot massage to you?
Why?
Are we cuddling upside down? Do u not want unpainted toes laying across your leg? Maybe they had a cuddle partner with smelly feet before. (Some people WANT THIS)
If they demand a feet pic its a pic collector n theyre not gonna book or its more than a cuddle
If they mention feet its a fett*sh thing
I applaud creativity 🤣🤣🤣
But you cant even respond sarcastically 🤦🏼♀️🤷🏼♀️🤣
Can i just ask them what their ideal woman is like and then send them tinder profiles?
Or is that too much 😅
But genuinely feel bad for cuddlers who dont know this.
And i REALLY cannot grasp the idea of why men enjoy playing a guessing game on what the cuddle comes with when u can literally find someone outright who provides what u actually want with no guessing involved.
Massage is a very 1980s way of asking for more and its silly bc youre on the wrong site and im gonna assume arrest or refusal to pay asking rates of a mutual participant is the reason for all the slang or maybe its the chase. Idk n maybe it does work but im going to assume theres been many times it didnr play out in their favor n that scares me for the cuddlers bc if theyre willing to do all this effort to sneak intentions how are they gonna react when they are put in their place if they actually meet….
@CutieKat14 Right, risk of arrest for solicitation as well as trying to get more for cheap or free are a couple things but here's a really scary thing: There are potentially dangerous men who did something to get themselves blacklisted from seeing escorts so they're driven to sites like this one to try to get what they're after, and without proper screening (real ID). Unfortunately, a lot of cuddlers don't realize this either.
There are two methods to find this imfo out. Im an extremely independent person n ive had to call for help more times than i would like to admit which is why i originally got my dog, and there are ways. I just cant tell u publicly 🖤
And i dont mean just for escorts. I mean for people period who wanna know who someone is.
I have thorough screening methods. A lot of people here do not.
I adore massages and love rubbing people's backs while hugging them! However I agree that initial messages that include that tend to indicate that someone is looking for a more than a platonic time.
@CaringCompanion - I think in general it’s best to get to know someone first. Being gay would probably help but more than anything, taking it slowly, letting someone get to know you, letting yourself get to know them, I can’t emphasize that enough.
The more I read these forums the more I see some fellas get bad raps here. I guess I'm use to massages
From past experience female riends have offered massages usually as a pretense of escalating things.
Somebody has had personal experiences that didn't pan out well but that doesn't represent everybody. Massage is not something I see as a prurient activity, and not inherently suggestive of sex. It could be that things like that change from one generation to the next, though.
personally, I do not allow any massage by either client nor cuddle professional in my sessions. 2 reasons. 1.) Though I studied massage in college, I am not a a licensed masseuse. I cannot legally practice. 2.) allowing massage is allowing space for personal boundaries to be crossed intentionally and otherwise.
@Babichev Amen Sista!! 99.9% use it as a precursor to seduction.
@UCpaaHVg6u0 I love getting a massage, I’m all for it, and again I’m not saying everyone uses it to check how far they can push boundaries.
It’s the case of one rotten apple spoiling the bunch or I should rephrase it’s a rotten bunch and the few good ones are getting tainted as well.
@squeakytoy love that gif!!! Spot on
in my experience as a cuddle professional, the term“massage” was used as precursor to a non platonic activity. to me I automatically default to waving the red flags when the word massage is included and decline a booking proposal whether it was an honest request or not. I do not need the stress, risk, hassle wasting any time off my life trying to figure out someone’s morality and motivation.
It's too bad--a Thai massage workshop once taught me how enjoyable compression (through clothes) can be, both as giver and receiver. But unless I already knew someone very well, I think the only way I could reasonably suggest massage would be to invite them to attend another such workshop with me, and even before covid I had been unable to find any Thai massage workshops beyond the one-time offering.
@Melomaniac9 I appreciate where you're coming from, and that I wouldn't have experienced it the way women might encounter it. I'll need to be mindful of that.
@sage_wisdom It's unfortunate that massage has such connotations, and I feel I'm fighting a losing battle in trying to rescue the reputation of legitimate massage, my livelihood. You could imagine if the cuddlers out there were overwhelmingly fronting for sex work, how that might be frustrating to you as an honest cuddler.
The most I'll let a cuddler do is massage my head, shoulders, back, hands, or feet. Anything else can be a slippery slope to non-platonic touch.
@mtp - Classes are available but only to licensed professionals. You can hurt someone doing it.
@UCpaaHVg6u0 i too wish that the word massage was not used to suggest other activities, I love getting one and giving one to the ones I adore (all platonic) though now my hands hurt after a little bit….. bloody arthritis lol. I finally bought one of those massage guns….. but it’s not the same. I do have a dear friend whose a licensed Masseuese, she’s my saving grace when my body is tired and achy. I sleep better take fewer to none pain pills too. 🫂🫂
I believe massage before cuddle it's amazing stretching the body , massage make blood flow probably then you feel relaxed,awake,active otherwise I don't enjoy and focus on cuddle because I sleep my pro she does massage and cuddle which is paradise for me but why it's wrong for the men to massage women ? That's sexist
@Ahmedali999 it’s not sexist. I highly doubt you get sexually assaulted almost every time someone tries to massage you before or during a cuddle. Unfortunately women deal with sexual assault MORE than men. We aren’t belittling the men that go through abuse, we just experience it A LOT MORE. This makes women acutely aware and worried that every male cuddler that brings up massaging (almost immediately) has intentions of making it sexual. This does suck for every male that is incredibly respectful and would give a great massage and keep it platonic, but my safety is a lot more important than someone’s hurt feeling.
@Sheena123 This thread makes it sound like when a guy offers massage during a cuddle, it's really code that he wants to try a Larry Nasser type of subterfuge. You're saying that this is a real thing. If that's the case, I'm wondering what happens the moment when the line gets crossed. Is it something like, don't let it happen again? Or session is now ended? Whatever the pretext, not cracking down on transgressions is how abusers are signaled that it's okay to try. In our society, when criminals don't get punished, they do more crimes. Massage is not the problem. Sexual assault is the problem.
@UCpaaHVg6u0 like I said,: This does suck for every male that is incredibly respectful and would give a great massage and keep it platonic, but my safety is a lot more important than someone’s hurt feeling. I’m not saying the massage is the problem. I’m agreeing with you that sexual assault is the problem which is why I along with soooo many other pros immediately take massages off the table. We don’t LET that line get crossed because the male cuddler almost always abuses the option of massages to touch inappropriately. I’m not the only one saying this is a real thing. It should be blatantly obvious at this point based on an insanely large amount of women coming together saying this is something that happens way too much, that it obviously does happen way too much…. So with this being a constant abuse in so many female cuddlers’ lives and with this being so widely known, why would we let these cuddlers massage us and HOPE they aren’t going to abuse it? It’s a lot safer for me to just say no to the option of massage as opposed to hoping they are a good guy. Sorry for those that really do love to give massages for the true platonic reasons, but I’ll repeat myself : my safety (and not getting sexually assaulted) is sooooooooooooo much more important than that one rare male that would give a respectful massage. Therefore, I go get massages done by a registered massage therapist and keep that separate from my cuddles. Let’s also remember that it’s against the rules to be shirtless so 🤷🏼♀️
@Sheena123 I agree with you most men when bring up massage their have sexual intentions but not all of them don't judge the book by it's cover women get offended easily when men bring up massage how do you know his intentions women deal with sexual assaults more then men yes because they report it.so many men get assaulted by some massage therapists they never report it . by the way women safety it's really important because many men don't like when their partners,sisters mothers get assaulted they are sick men there to be aware of regards.
@Ahmedali999 Right, how DO we know someone's intentions? Best just to not offer the option. We are under no obligation to allow massage. We just plain do not have to allow anything we're not comfortable with, whether that's across the board or on a case-by-case basis as we see fit. End of story.
I think it’s important not to conflate what is really a matter of trust-building, and having to gauge some stranger’s intentions for the sake of one’s safety, with the nature of massage and its relationship to cuddling.
Talking about massage to a stranger in a message is problematic the way proposing specific cuddle positions is problematic; even if the asker just wants some back rubs or other similar soothing touch. It’s moving too fast for the vast majority of women, who do not trust you, and may fear you, as a man if they don’t have some good green flags to go on. Men seeking women must actively defy the expectation that they will act overly familiar and pushy. Even if they do actively defy this expectation, that doesn’t prove anything, but at least they are aware of, and incorporating into their behavior, the likely perspective of the individual they are looking to connect with. Add to that the fact that someone who has cuddled with cuddle buddies or pros knows that a cuddle session may involve some massage, but you are probably not going to get “a massage,” where one person gives the other’s whole body highly-skilled attention (let alone for an hour or more, or by rubbing oil on bare skin, etc). A genuine cuddle request from someone experienced would be more specific than that.
That said, in terms of the relationship between massage and cuddling… Cuddle Party, that wonderful and wholesome institution, started as a massage exchange. Putting aside the question of how to identify creeps, massage (in my mind) is about giving healing platonic touch, and cuddling is that plus an additional layer of physical and emotional intimacy, because it involves things like pressing bodies together and expressing care and what I consider platonic affection. Many professional cuddlers have some interest or experience with giving other types of bodywork or body therapy, and my experience (having been to many pros, and having some in my friend circle) is that some are happy to incorporate whatever they can into a session, though it will probably not be a long or thorough whole-body experience, just some attention to a few areas. A pro may also not be interested in giving any massage-like touch, because they don’t enjoy it or feel they aren’t good at it. Or they would need that to be a different type of session. Clothes will be on, of course, for a cuddle. What we think of as a typical massage can be quite sensual, and that level of sensuality, while not sexual or technically incompatible with the spirit of platonic cuddling, requires a lot of trust and familiarity to combine with cuddling and is usually outside the agreed-upon bounds of cuddling. However, many kinds of massage are done through clothing, and anyway, clothing is not really an obstacle to giving some attention to a stressed friend’s tight muscles.