Hmmmm, some times, the woman's profile mentions her willingness and competence in providing a massage. (Pros and non-pros) Should men assume these women cuddlers have ulterior motives? Can we say "double standard"???
Yeah, I have to throw in with the majority and say that posing massage queries upfront coupled with a shirtless photo is a busload of red flags.
However, if I had a cuddle partner right now, I would ask them if they could drive a knuckle into a particular muscle knot below my left shoulder blade until it is released. That knot is killing me tonite.
@UCpaaHVg6u0 & @squeakytoy ~ It works with any kind of vinegar but most recommend apple cider.
I set these up every summer, but I tape them together at the top of the jar so the flys for sure don't escape...
... mu-ha-ha-ha!!!
@quixotic_life Ah HA! I'll keep this in mind if the fruit fly infestation ever comes.
@waskul If you've noticed that women who offer you a massage usually end up pushing your boundaries, and this puts you in a dangerous position, then yes, I think it's more than fair to protect yourself by avoiding the women who offer massages in their profiles.
This is not rocket science! I love how people dance around the subject, Many pretending to be what they aren't, but wanting to get in on the discussion in hopes of finding what they do want. People who come on this site, even for the purpose of finding a cuddler just for some platonic cuddling, must realize that many people on sites like this are really interested in more. I don't have a problem with that, but really believe that both should be upfront enough to let each other know, fairly early in the process, what they are really looking for. Then, they decide to move on, or to stay. Less wasted time. Less time thinking, "I really think this one is my soul mate." And, more time thinking, "Okay, Try another one. Next!"
@Luvtocuddlewith I agree somewhat. The problem with that is this site IS platonic only so if people want to be up front and say what they really want, they'll likely get reported and banned. Thus, the tiptoeing. Plain and simple, this site is platonic only. They just don't belong here in the first place and should look elsewhere.
Edited to add, this is kind of rocket science... pocket rocket science. I've become a little disenfranchised with platonic cuddling in general. I think for me, the evidence is showing more and more that cuddling does in fact lead to the launching of rockets wink wink and there are just a lot of people here with secrets, keeping things on the down low.
I give massages with my cuddles. I enjoy it. But if someone flat out asks me to do it i say no.
I understand not all men have bad intentions and i also understand men can be in danger of sexual harassment as well.
But it is literally terrifying to be a pro cuddler. If i tell someone no are they gonna cause a scene? Demand their money back? Hurt me? Yell at me? I now have let a stranger into my home and now i have to decide whether i want to risk my safety or incone by saying no or ending the session.
It isnt fair. The downfall of cash business is that i really cant stop u from taking the money n running out bc i said no. Or hurting me. Or having me scream and the neighbors calling the police.
None of these things sound like a good time but its a reality and a total 50:50 chance it could happen.
So if theres any red flags off rip of course its going to be part of my thought process. I dont want these things to happen so i have to be extremely mindful of what i say, do, wear, behave.
Do the men even comprehend this at all??
There are massage therapists u can hire and escorts. You can likelu have either party see you today. Right now even. So if your intentions go beyond a cuddle then WHY TF ARE U ON CUDDLE COMFORT .COM
OH, thats right. men dont wanna pay the actual rates required to get the services they want. Or they blame stigma. Or their blacklisted in the industry and have to finesse ways to make it happen. Or they fear arrest. Which is literally a 1% chance of happening and online is so heavy these days that if u do get arrested seeing an escort thats bc u were thinking with your dick and not your brain because if she has one ad posted an hour ago and no online presence its probably a scam or police. So thats YOUR FAULT.
Men are willing to sort thru dozens of pro cuddlers to find one willing to go the extra mile, but dont wanna put the work in to finf a legit escort who will happily provide what u actually want.
It cones down to a few things. Money. Stigma. Ego.
I should NOT have to even worry about being uncomfortable because i sitned up for a website that offers cuddling. This isnt blowjob comfort. Massage comfort. Escort comfort. Friends with benefits comfort.
If u manage to find someone who offers more then you should probably just stick with them or use google to find what u actually want.
Being female is literally a danger. N its soooooooo exhausting having to repeat myself in every other message i get. Today alone ive been asked for a fetish cuddle, nude cuddle, n im just tired of it!!
It seems to be 90% bullshitters i have to weed thru to find one genuine soul to remind me why i do this to begin with. It shouldnt be this hard.
If u genuinely want a cuddle and platonic massage its ok to say that if u provide context.
Saying i want a cuddle vs saying i like to book pros who give body rubs. My back hurts from work and its very theraputic and i have no intentions to go beyond a clothed cuddle then u shouldnt have any issues.
First impressions are everything when youre in a people business and if i feel concern off rip then youre doing something wrong.
Its sad that people take something innocent and theraputic and turn it into a game of human dodgeball, but here we are.
The only thing i have control over is what i tollerate and what i do. The only thing u have control over is what u do, so if u genuinely want an innocent massage then you shouldnt have a problem providing context in your inquiries and do what u can to ease the other party.
This should be simple and fun and its literally so hard and the fact people cant even see the problem is partial to why the problem exists to begin with.
Talk to cuddlers like youd want a gentleman to talk to your daughter and we would all have more respect for eachother and a much better time.
@CutieKat14 100% I wish this was a Reddit post - I would give you an award. Seriously, I don't know how many times I've said this on the pro board - that a majority of these guys that get reported are here because they are blacklisted from seeing escorts AND/OR they want massage or escort services for super cheap OR they don't have a clue how to find what they want.
MaineCuddle and CutieKat just reinforced what I said. This is a Platonic cuddling site, we all know that. But, my point was that we also SHOULD know that in many cases this is not reality. You can say - over and over - again and again - that this is a Platonic site and people who want that should stay away. Let me say again: You're right, but you're not real! So, my point is to stop trying to change the world, and just get on with finding someone who wants what you want. This is not rocket science.
@Luvtocuddlewith are you saying that we should just let sex seekers take over every damn website? Just continue to sift through the 90% of people that are here for more than cuddling?
I'm telling you to get on with what you're looking for. Don't sit here all day and complain about this site, just go on to another potential cuddler, or another site, and keep looking. You're just proving my point. Don't stay on this site sifting through profiles if 90% of the people are here for more than cuddling. If sex seekers have taken over this site, look for another site!
Flagged, reviewed. People who are following the rules on this site have every right to complain when rule breakers make it unpleasant for them. If you don't have anything constructive to add to this conversation, please move on to another thread. You have been warned. Thanks. -squeakytoy
👍
Re: catching fruit flies with vinegar - I like apple cider vinegar for that and in a side by side comparison caught more with apple cider vinegar than balsamic or white distilled vinegar.
Re: telling men who are not listening to shut up and listen - those who are listening know that’s not directed at them and recognize that men who argue with women describing their experience are a problem. Men who are offended are part of the problem because had they been listening to the “nice” words, they wouldn’t be arguing with us.
Here’s what happens when we’re “nice”:
I worked in construction for 13 years. I was the first journey woman electrician in IBEW Local #1. Many of the guys I worked with made my life hell to the point that I faced thinly veiled death threats.
Years later a group of my dancer friends and I went to dinner after a dance. One was a retired electrician and when he learned I’d also been an electrician, he said something to the effect about how guys would treat women on the job, being extra polite and giving us the easy work, which was absolutely not the experience I or other women had. We faced open hostility, foremen sending us alone to do a job usually done by two people, being completely ostracized, men engaged in gross, sexually explicit conversation just to harass us, etc. When I started to object to what he was saying, he interrupted, still insisting the men were protective, etc. Every single time I tried to counter with what my experience and the experience of other women in construction was like he interrupted and kept painting this rosy picture. I finally leaned over, got right in his face, and said VERY sternly, “Tom, you have absolutelynoidea what it’s like being a woman in construction.” At that point he finally backed down and said, “Well, I guess you’re right about that.”
Some men don’t need to be told to shut up and listen because they are already listening but all too many men don’t listen when we’re talking “nice.”
I really don’t care if someone takes offense at those words because I’ve spent my entire life being “nice” and not being listened to and that’s the experience of a lot of women. We’re expected to be “nice,” even when we’re complaining about being groped. F*** that sh*t.
Namaste.
:-)
I have had some clients massage with clothes on. These were clients I had already met and gotten acquainted with and it was fine. I've also offered upper body massage if clients were feeling very tense or nervous.
In an introductory message? Yeah that would be suspect.
I think in almost every cuddle session I've ever had there have been moments of consensual spontaneous informal massage while we are intertwined in a cozy position. Like others in this thread have said, no oils of any kind are used and clothes stay on, so it's not like a traditional massage. (Though with traditional massage there is proper draping of sheets so that only the area being worked on is exposed in any given moment. I think it really is all about the context and the intent behind the massage. So it's best to wait and talk in-person or on the phone with a new cuddler partner about it so that the context and the intent is clear. I feel massage often comes up very naturally as something you and your cuddler may want to do for each other in a session. For example, if you are spooning, to offer the little spoon a shoulder rub in that context would fit in well. But yeah, if someone's first question when reaching out to a new cuddler is "can we massage each other?" I think it definitely gives the wrong impression, even if the person asking it truly has good platonic intentions. I'd say brief consented to massage within a cuddle session is totally fine, but it should not be the main focus of the session. I don't think you should be seeing a pro cuddler if your primary interest is massage (even if it's platonic), go see a massage therapist if it's a massage you want.
@Luvtocuddlewith
"I'm telling you to get on with what you're looking for. Don't sit here all day and complain about this site, just go on to another potential cuddler, or another site, and keep looking. You're just proving my point. Don't stay on this site sifting through profiles if 90% of the people are here for more than cuddling. If sex seekers have taken over this site, look for another site!"
How about NO. This is a platonic site and it isn't the members being respectful of that who need to be told "find another site". The rule breakers are the ones who need to learn that not everywhere is for them period. End of.
I jumped in earlier saying massage isn’t cuddling and if your focus is massage go to a therapeutic massage location. If you want not TOS services, then the internet shall provide. I am male and I have only walked in my shoes, but have seen enough in life to know there are individuals who will ask in inappropriate places for inappropriate things because it sometimes works.
This is website that has touch involved, and wants to be wholesome and platonic. It doesn’t always happen, and with the internet it is hard to keep bad apples away. They come back or are replaced with other bad apples.
I think the core group of people want good, platonic things. This thread shows clearly that A. Not all clients or enthusiasts are respectful or care if they offend people searching for what they want. B. Sometimes they find what they are looking for.
The people engaging in non-appropriate behavior will not read this forum and stop.
The next best solution is when you get pests in your home is clean the house, get rid of what is attracting the pests, and eject the pests when found.
I believe the intent here is wholesome platonic touch. But, we are having issues where people are being put in uncomfortable issues.
Picnics attract ants. I think we have established there are ants here, and it is time to consider strategies on keeping everyone safe from ants, as opposed to blaming whether the egg salad or pecan pie attracts more ants.
There are a lot of nice people here. But, eventually communities must find ways to maintain their standards, and I believe CC tries.
But, I have had unpleasant, unsolicited, conversations as a male, and I have an absurd photo. Step 1. Acknowledging there is a problem. Step 2. Solving the problem.
I think we all agree a cold introduction of “Hi! Will you massage me?” Is a huge red flag of inappropriate or massively oblivious behavior.
The key question is, do we need to keep rehashing the issue of “massage”, or look more about why people are sending these, and other inappropriate messages, and what can be done to protect the entire community.
(I acknowledge females have far more risk factors than males, but not exclusively. I am just stating this is a community issue which can affect all people. But, yes, females do receive more inappropriate requests than males.)
((There are too many good people here to not want to make things the best possible experience for everyone. I am not saying things are not being tried because things can be so much worse, and they are not. I support the efforts being done, I support the community, it is just sad this conversation is being had where people at telling stories where they don’t feel comfortable about their experiences))
(((Some people can ruin the fun for the rest of the group, but only if you let them)))
((((I like parentheses))))
(((((Most of you are awesome)))))