How do i ask an Enthusiast to cuddle?

[Deleted User]Khrysler (deleted user)
edited November 2021 in General

Im new to the Website, and i’ve cuddled a couple of pros so far and i find it nerve wracking as it is to contact a pro. But id like to someday talk to a non pro but i have no idea how to communicate that id like to cuddle. Im a pretty shy person. Any thoughts or advice?

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Comments

  • Ahmedali999Ahmedali999
    edited November 2021

    Just greet them, hi, hope you are well🤗 and then ask questions ☝️ but don't rush to cuddle, talk to them for a while

  • Nature_Lover_Nature_Lover_

    @Ahmedali999 great advice. Simple and sweet directive but I do wonder who out there has the perfect opening conversation or approach. 🤷‍♀️😊

  • Ahmedali999Ahmedali999

    @Nature_Lover_ lol I'm the worst one ☝️ but greetings and asking about the person state always important

  • Ahmedali999Ahmedali999
    edited November 2021

    This link will help you https://www.cuddlecomfort.com/forum/discussion/12055/how-to-start-conversations-first-time#latest

  • [Deleted User]Khrysler (deleted user)

    @Ahmedali999 @Nature_Lover_ thank you both for your advice and input! 🤗🤗 despite my conversation starter struggles a greeting doesn't seem to hurt

  • cuddles_ndreamcuddles_ndream
    edited November 2021

    Just be like - what it do mah what’s really good wit chu Nahm sayn b jk I think what works best is really taking the time to read their profile thoroughly & finding common ground & similar interest where you can bring it up in your introduction to begin with, & having a filled out profile as well which is inviting / possibly pictures ect ….

    Edit : don’t be afraid of non-response or rejection … it will happen.

  • [Deleted User]Khrysler (deleted user)

    @cuddles_ndream rejections and no response are definitely my biggest fears here, i will keep note of your advice 😊

  • cuddles_ndreamcuddles_ndream

    @Khrysler even the most gorgeous & most handsome of them all has gone through (& goes through) rejection … 100% guaranteed whether it be here / personal life / ect I promise! I wish I can share more here but you’re free & welcome to hit up my p.m. whenever you like & I’ll share stories with you 😄

  • RadiantHugsRadiantHugs Mod
    edited November 2021

    @Khrysler, you are going to get rejected. Heck, I've had pros blow me off. Just remember when that happens that it's not about you. It's all about them and whatever they are going through.

    I follow a few rules regarding rejection, just to maintain my own boundaries and sanity. I speak for myself here, so what follows is strictly opinion, not advice. So ymmv.

    I don't hold a "grudge" against those who don't respond (unless they are pro, in which case them not responding indicates a lack of professionalism which is a deal breaker for me.) Enthusiasts may not respond for whatever reasons - they might be new to the site and just kicking tires, they may have found a stable cuddle buddy, or they might just be doing "research" for some article or class (yes, I ran into that once, too.) When (and if) they do get back to me, I'll have a conversation with them.

    Secondly, if someone wastes my time eg. start a conversation and then ghost, or book a time but cancel last minute for a lame reason, I move on and don't re-engage them. I may give them a second chance if the story is reasonable (yes, life happens), but usually not a third. They are indicating to me that they have work to do with themselves before they will provide any meaningful value to me as a cuddle partner. Regardless, I don't make it about me, I recognize they just have stuff to work on and move on to the next.

    Thirdly, I build strong antennae to sense when I'm getting irritated or angry, and bow out of a conversation before it turns into personal attacks. People are going to act like asses, but I make it my responsibility to recognize that and get the hell out of a pissing match in a polite way. And I take the responsibility to not act that way myself.

    I don't succeed every time, but I strive to get better at this every day.

  • Ahmedali999Ahmedali999

    @Khrysler I'm with @cuddles_ndream always expect rejection if 10 enthusiasts reject you 1 will accept you if 20/1 will accept you if even 100 /1 will accept you. Don't fear rejection ,life is very short go for it and break your shyness even if you pay life coach or therapist . Life is very short my friend

  • cuddles_ndreamcuddles_ndream

    Ty @Ahmedali999

  • Ahmedali999Ahmedali999

    @cuddles_ndream 🤗 @Khrysler never lose hope even if you get 1000 rejection.
    In America you have more chances i want to move there. In 1 / and1/2 year i messaged more then 400 people only met 2 my luck very bad i found about 10 but they found me boring which is judging .

  • LovelightLovelight

    @Khrysler how did you go about asking pros?

  • [Deleted User]Khrysler (deleted user)
    edited November 2021

    @Lovelight so far Ive started my conversations with pros by reading their profiles in detail before i send a message and start a short conversation based off what i read and then eventually ask to schedule a cuddle if they seem happy to do so

  • [Deleted User]Khrysler (deleted user)

    @Ahmedali999 thank you so much for the words of encouragement 🤗
    @cuddles_ndream i will indeed message you
    @CuddlesByDeep Thats definitely a good way too look at a no response and a rejection im really enlightened by the detail you put into your response 😊 (i love the second picture on your profile)

  • [Deleted User]simsaddict (deleted user)

    @Nature_Lover_
    My approach seems to work decently. “Hi are you interested in a session with me?” 😂😂

    I typically ask that within the first two message exchanges. I work too much to have back and forth messages without intent to book a session.
    I don’t mind answering questions naturally and welcome it but I also have friends a plenty.
    I like providing a safe space for someone to feel connection but I seem to be encountering many people wanting to be pen pals.
    I’m sure my direct approach is not the best case scenario for everyone but clear and concise communication is what I prefer.

  • CuddlyKitKatCuddlyKitKat

    @Khrysler I just took a look at your profile to see if I could offer an advice! You mention you’ve cuddled several pros, I’d ask the other pros to leave you karma! (The karma that was left is great btw) for me I do make judgments left by others and the more the better.

    You profile is AMAZING! Have you ever gotten to cuddle in the woods in a hammock! I highly recommend you give it a go! It’s so relaxing to sway and spoon! Enos are overpriced, Grand Tunk is the way to go (double nest for two)

    For starting conversations with locals, I’d surf everyone in the area and reach out to those with outdoorsy profiles. I like engagement, and keeping it by saying a bit about you but also asking questions. How was your day is a good base start for anyone, you can get more specific with outdoors ppl by asking for their favorite parks, hikes, recent outdoor adventures ect.

    If this isn’t helpful or you have any other questions don’t hesitate to ask me!

    💚💙Happy cuddling💙💚

  • Nature_Lover_Nature_Lover_
    edited November 2021

    @simsaddict clear and concise is the way to go for sure. It’s great to be on the same page. I find a lot of people prefer multiple messages to break the ice, build rapport and to truly decide if they feel comfortable paying for a session and furthermore to discern if I will be the most compatible cuddle companion for them. Absolutely welcome this type of conversation and pre connection.
    While vetting and pre screening for mutual comfort, safety and compatibility is also key I much prefer actually getting to know someone in person over texting or calls as a whole.

    @CuddlyKitKat really great feedback! Your comments brought to mind a friend of mine’s go to ice breaker - he would say, ‘tell me one good thing about your day.’

  • CuddleDuncanCuddleDuncan Mod
    edited November 2021

    First you read the FAQ thread at the top of the General Board, especially @respectful's excellent section at the start.

    Then you read this thread:
    https://www.cuddlecomfort.com/forum/discussion/10731/how-i-found-happiness-on-cuddle-comfort#top

    And then you read this thread:
    https://www.cuddlecomfort.com/forum/discussion/11489/how-i-found-happiness-on-cc-part-2-the-first-meeting#top

    Lots of people on here are shy, including many of the women. You've found the strength to post a thread, so you've already done the hardest part.

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel
    edited November 2021

    First of all, purge the word “rejection” so many use on here from your thoughts because I have always believed it is incorrectly applied to human interactions. Rejection means to turn something down because of flaws, malfunctions, incongruities or any other shortcomings. So reject the notion of rejection.

    People often do not respond because we live in the age of information. People are bombarded with surveys, offers, marketing, self-improvements, and social media which exposes them to the nastiest of nasties—full frontal attacks on one’s self-esteem by strangers. As a result, people have become conditioned to be highly selective who they become vulnerable with and for good reason—the virtual world has become a pit of vipers in every sense of the word unless you realize none of it is truly real. A person you have never connected with on line is a phantom and more than one is a phantasmagoria of people that do not exist in your world. This is not rejection; it is an event that failed to materialize.

    I have been at this quite awhile with great success and I will share my secrets with you in my book, “Cuddling For Dummies” on Amazon for only $39.95. I am just kidding. The truth is I have been successful but the other side of the coin is it can be frustrating and unfulfilling at the beginning. I was lucky with who I cuddled the first time because she was a great teacher despite my painful self-awareness and inhibitions. She maneuvered my thoughts to a place of calm and relaxation and I was hooked. But for every connection made at the beginning there were 10-15 non-events.

    Common wisdom says the person with the most money wins a political election. Well here, for good or bad, the most karma enhances your chances greatly. Once I had a few karma under my belt it became pretty easy to connect with pros, but I noticed that I was getting responses from enthusiasts now. Even if they were unable to meet at a certain time, they would tell me to connect with them later. My karma is sprinkled with enthusiasts. Many of the deleted users are enthusiasts who left the site later, but as you can see are still around.

    So what am I saying? I am saying if you wish to make your search more fruitful, diligence is required, an ear to feedback from responses, and leverage your experiences with pros into karma because enthusiasts do read karma. Karma is your passport to at least a conversation because it puts an enthusiast a bit at ease. It gives them names to contact if they feel unsure. You may be shy, but they are worried about safety, which is even more paramount before cuddling. Moreover, I often receive messages from enthusiasts who comment on my karma and would be interested in meeting for a coffee or lunch. So it does do wonders regardless of one’s opinion of karma.

    So continue to be yourself, send out messages introducing yourself and expressing your interest, supply a photo, and be persistent. I am pretty successful at this as others on here are, but it didn’t happen overnight. I wish you luck and don’t let shyness be an obstacle to happiness. Happiness does happen here.

  • CuddleDuncanCuddleDuncan Mod

    My favourite quotes from that excellent post are so good I think they bear repeating:

    First of all, purge the word “rejection” so many use on here from your thoughts because I have always believed it is incorrectly applied to human interactions. Rejection means to turn something down because of flaws, malfunctions, incongruities or any other shortcomings. So reject the notion of rejection.

    the virtual world has become a pit of vipers in every sense of the word unless you realize none of it is truly real.

    You may be shy, but they are worried about safety,

    don’t let shyness be an obstacle to happiness. Happiness does happen here.

    One of the best posts I've ever read here.

  • LovelightLovelight

    @Khrysler Okay. With most enthusiasts, especially women since being a woman is what I know better, it's somewhat different.

    How I'd advise to go about it and I think most women would like is this general guideline: Get a bit acquainted: via messaging, most likely video call to build more rapport. Then plan to meet somewhere public to get more acquainted. If all seems to be going well, you may then ask if she's comfortable to cuddle sometime. Or maybe then and there ask to share platonic touch if y'all are cool with it.

    Starting the meeting with a firm pleasant handshake can help too and if a cuddle or touch barely happens the first day, then you may offer and end it with a good hug. Til next time you two make plans to cuddle. She may or may not need a lot more time to feel comfortable with you, then you can decide how long you're willing to wait. Also, I'd err on the side of caution and not ask her to meet at like 8 pm and onwards, especially if you two have never met before. Because when it's getting darker or the streets quieter she likely will not want to be meet with a stranger. Plus she more than likely has safety nets to notify and why would she want to bother them to make space late at night for meetings with strangers.

  • [Deleted User]ernesto_2 (deleted user)

    @Khrysler

    As a fellow enthusiast, I read over your profile and think you did a really good job with both the pictures you've chosen and the information you shared. So I wanted to start with acknowledging that you've done a really good job there! :)

    In order to help you, I would first like to understand what you meant when you said:

    i find it nerve wracking as it is to contact a pro. But id like to someday talk to a non pro but i have no idea how to communicate that id like to cuddle.

    The main difference between a Professional and an enthusiast is whether or not they are judicial in selecting their cuddle partners. What I mean by that is not whether or not there is prejudice, but preference.

    CuddleComfort Requires that Professionals:

    ...have a photo to attach.
...can be affectionate to anyone.
...are accepting of all races, ages, genders, and sexual orientations.
...should be reliable with strong interpersonal and communication skills.
...understand and agree to the Cuddler Contract.

    Unlike Professionals, an enthusiast is not bound to agree to cuddle all races, ages, genders, or sexual orientations. This means that more open and effective communication is required in order to establish the interest in, and expectations of, a session.

    I think that the best way to communicate your desire to cuddle is to be clear, honest, and upfront in your messages, which I believe you can do quite well given how you've communicated so far.

    As a fellow enthusiast, I wish you nothing but luck and happiness in all your cuddling endeavors!

    -Ernie

  • Sheena123Sheena123

    If I were to put my feet in an enthusiasts shoes, I would want to feel safe right off the bat in your first message to me. I would want to feel like my likes and concerns are considered.
    I’d feel better receiving a message that says hello, picks something from my profile that you connect with and shows you read my profile, a photo, ask me a question like “what do you love most about cuddling?” Or something like that and then finish it off by saying something like “if you wanted to video chat first or meet at a coffee shop to get to know each other first, that would be awesome”. I know it seems like a lot but if someone that I’m about to be vulnerable with doesn’t see the worth in sending a message to me that makes me feel safe, I wouldn’t want to cuddle them.

  • [Deleted User]Khrysler (deleted user)

    Update: Hey everyone! I appreciate everyone’s feedback and advice on my thread. i do want to apologize in advance for the late replies, i didnt think that my post would get this much exposure and support and wanted to see how much input i get from everyone that responds. From what i see many faces of the CC community are friendly and are very welcoming to new people and im truly thankful to be here 💜 everyones input is making a difference for me and I appreciate it

    @CuddlyKitKat Hammock cuddling would be amazing! You can send me amazon or store links when you can im really open to the idea of investing in a hammock! 😊 thank you for your advice its been a great start as of now

    @FunCartel your words really brought me into tears to hear you describe your experiences of your start to the cuddle universe is inspiring in a way, i agree with you on dropping the word “rejection” perhaps I could’ve better worded my other response. Ive taken some of your advice and its done wonders already 😊

    @Lovelight thank you for that valuable advice! ive taken everything you said to note and will apply them into my approach

    @ernesto_2 im happy you’ve checked out my profile I appreciate the kind words 😊, in response to your comment i was referring to the aspect of asking pros for a cuddle due to my shyness when i first started. With enthusiasts i wanted to know if it worked the same way but their non pro status made it even more intimidating to contact them but now i am aware of how it works.

    @Sheena123 first impressions are indeed everything, making sure anyone i cuddle with or meet feels safe and comfortable is definitely my biggest priority over anything else and i will emphasize that in a message at all times

    Thank you all for your responses im loving CuddleComfort! Its changed my life in a positive way 💜

  • BabichevBabichev

    @CuddlyKitKat , expect a p.m. from me asking about hammocks. :)

  • BabichevBabichev
    edited November 2021

    @Khrysler - I just checked your profile and I agree it’s exceptionally well written. As an enthusiast, that would go a long way towards helping me feel at ease.

    Enthusiasts are generally going to require some time to get to know.

    I’m glad you’re having a good experience. Welcome to the community.

  • [Deleted User]Khrysler (deleted user)

    @Babichev im happy to hear those words from yourself a longtime user! Thank you so much for the kindness and love 😊

  • cookiecrumbcookiecrumb

    Share in the forums. It gives people more than your profile to shape their impression of you. Even if you disagree with a perspective, kindness and thoughtfulness will go a long way toward making someone else feel at ease. People will start to talk to you about a thought you shared, and that's kind of one way to lift off the launch pad to reaching someone in person.

  • BabichevBabichev

    Yes, I second that. Participating in the forums is a way to get to know people. Even if they are not from your area, you never know when someone will be passing through your town or you may be traveling through theirs.

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