some men don't want to post pictures or post pictures that express who they are, on the other hand, the same men also wonder why no one wants to cuddle them for free. You can't really have it both ways.
Sure you can. I send my photos when I message women, as I assume most men do who don't have profile photos. Since men are going to be the ones initiating contact the large majority of the time anyway, what does it matter if my photos are on my profile instead of in my initial message?
Plus, as already mentioned, women enthusiasts lack photos just as often as men do, so why aren't you complaining about that? Which is sillier: having no profile photos but initiating contact with people and sending photos when you do, or having no profile photos but passively sitting back expecting others to message you?
@CuddleWho Well, that's the thing - both women and men who are successful cuddlers have stated the importance of having a complete profile. I have tried to follow suit and besides that just intellectual conversations on the forum.
And you know what? I had made friendships, and connected with pros and enthusiasts- many of them messaged me bc we all had some interesting discussions on the forum and some wanted to continue that convo one-to-one. How does that work? I/we/you write something interesting on the forum, they check our profile, and if they feel safe or interested then they shoot off a message - so you see that if there is a lack of profile, then there's a break in the chain of action.
Lastly, many of the cold messages that I've sent and the cuddle requests that I've posted have not been successful - apparently those are usually not ways that women cuddlers want to familiarize themselves w a potential cuddling partner. So cold messages go out the window, and if you don't have a full profile that's another strike, and if you are openly disrespectful to pros and women on the forum...guess who will receive the message? Hint hint: women.
I can't tell pple what or what not to do, but I do put my nose to grind stone and listen when certain experienced members are speaking and I try to listen instead of insisting - especially a forced logic on an incompatible situation. It's helped me. Who knows, someday I might be a cuddle GOAT, but for now I'll enjoy my time as a cuddle noob and just train and listen like I do in Latin dance. 🕺💃
@CuddleWho is right. I send a cold message with my pic and really don’t have any problems. I am also an experienced member. So you are taking the advice of particular experienced members @cylee1180, not all of them. It does not mean the people whose advice you take is the only possible way to success; it just means that’s the one you believe in. It’s like the old joke—you know what the best advice is? The one you agree with. Does not mean others are wrong.
@FunCartel Perhaps. My area doesn't have that many enthusiasts that are active- that coupled w being a noob def. limits my chances to connect w cuddlers.
I still do send cold messages from time to time, but I still recommend listening to feedback particularly from women cuddlers...bc I'm trying to cuddle with: women!
@cylee1180 The sample size of women on the forum is small and definitely not the end all, be all of everything women want. Think for yourself and be yourself rather than trying to be what everyone else is telling you to be. I have met a few women that participate in the forums, but that was my choice and my evaluation to see them. They were great. But If anything I have observed more women that I wouldn’t want to cuddle on the forums. Evaluation and thinking for yourself cuts both ways—you discern between the suitable and unsuitable. You have to figure out what is suitable to you.
I cuddle with women too, and I do listen to them more than I listen to other men. But women are not all the same and not every piece of advice that flows from some of them is dripping in honey and sage advice. Like men, a lot of women are just giving their opinion. In my career I work mostly with designers and I have done presentations in front of as many as 60 women before. Let me tell you; sixty women equals sixty opinions that in their eyes is the word of a god. In other words, they are no different than men in that sense.
@FunCartel Listening has never stopped me from being a free thinker. Respecting women cuddlers and pros has never made me an empty vessel, a moldable piece of clay, nor a pandering yes-man.
Imo, having good profile pictures (not just a profile picture) and a full profile is a basic in participating in rhe cuddling community- as you have shown its nor a requirement. But, if we see hordes of men here complaining about ghosting, loneliness, or ratios, and we look at their profiles and what they've written on the forum, then sometimes there lays the issue.
Earlier this week there was a whole thread on the tone of a woman cuddler's profile, and sometimes men including those on that very thread are not mindful of how their tone (aggressive, condescending, misogynistic) might affect their cuddling experience and the broader cuddling community.
Listening is also a great way to get other perspectives before making up your mind and to avoid being in an echo chamber.
@cylee1180 You are stating the obvious—you should always listen. But my point is you should listen with discernment. Not every woman has something worth listening to just like a lot of men don’t have anything resembling a good idea. I listen as a human as much as possible and forget about gender though I do lean estrogenically most of the time.
As far as your critique of other men’s profiles you are generalizing and baring on the very few who post on the forum. I really don’t have a picture yet I am not lonely or unsuccessful in getting cuddlers to cuddle me—both pros and enthusiasts. Same with @CuddleWho. I had this success even before posting in the forums. I mainly owe that to the first two or three women I cuddled (thank you @BlueIris, @great_pillow08 and @Kai816) and my own instincts.
So if I was listening to women too, and still being successful without following your rules for success, then it stands to reason that more than one thing can be true at once. I find more gold to mine one-on-one with a cuddler than all the bloviating that goes on in the forums. I come to the forums for a good laugh, to read what my favorite people are saying, and to spout off like everyone else on here because at the end of the day no one really remembers what is said here much…if you do then your life needs some work. I mainly get my laughs from the many vaunted experts on here because their views on how to do things are very singular and ego driven. I don’t have all the answers, and I usually don’t even know why I succeed or click with someone else—and maybe that’s the point. Trust your gut--woman or man—and be yourself. People eventually sniff out facades and persons of a disingenuous nature. Be yourself with all your flaws.
@FunCartel Glad your formula works! So does mine!
Glad you're paying homage to your OG cuddlers!
I come to the forums for a good laugh, to read what my favorite people are saying, and to spout off like everyone else on here because at the end of the day no one really remembers what is said here much…
Well, I think we can agree that the forum means different things to different people. "I don't really remember what is said here much." Might be more accurate!
if you do then your life needs some work.
A nice hearty gaslight to top that off! Just real casual and sly like a bit of cumin or paprika in an omlette lol.
Not every woman has something worth listening to just like a lot of men don’t have anything resembling a good idea
We're not talking about pples theory on quantum physics- it's their opinion of what THEY Iike in a cuddle and cuddler - I don't think that's worth discarding. But that's just me.
As far as your critique of other men’s profiles you are generalizing and baring on the very few who post on the forum.
I feel that those that participate on the forum are a good microsm for active users - especially since these are reoccurring themes:
https://www.cuddlecomfort.com/forum/discussion/8842/og-input-on-forum-categories#latest
And these grievances sometimes paint and take over such a large portion and tone of the forum for weeks...never with a resolution or a remedy...just wash, rinse, repeat.
So if I was listening to women too, and still being successful without following your rules for success, then it stands to reason that more than one thing can be true at once
Agree. Except posting a full profile is not MY rule. The moderators and most of the long-time members recommend that - it is listed in stickies as well. Following that piece of advice won't turn members into a zombie- at least not a fast running zombie.
Cold messaging can work for some folks if you have a thick skin and high tolerance, but it can also cause some pple to clam up if they don't have the skin to face non-responses, rejection, and blocks.
All in all, I enjoy this mental exercise. I do agree with some of your points and some I don't- I call a deuce a deuce. That's to be expected. Either way, Happy cuddling- cheers!
it's their opinion of what THEY Iike in a cuddle and cuddler - I don't think that's worth discarding. But that's just me.
Not all opinions are created equal. That is fact. The truth of the matter is, some opinions suck. Everyone has uttered a dumbass opinion at some time or another. I know I have. And god knows I hope people discarded whatever stupid opinion I had at that moment. If you can’t recognize a bad opinion from a good one then well…bless your heart.
I know many want nothing but pure positivity on the forums, but my philosophy is that positivity shouldn’t be divorced from reality. The reality is we all have biases, opinions and ideas and the right and wrong is different from person to person. So I am saying with tons of cuddle experiences under my belt that I can discriminate between an opinion that is viable and one that isn’t. I will listen to all, but laugh at most. Kind of like listening to politicians without the scary repercussions.
I can understand being nervous on the platform regardless of intention. Perhaps even being self conscious but that’s not what this community is about. I’ve never turned down anyone based upon looks. I care if you are kind and honest.
I’ve come a cross a lot of profiles without photos some yes because they are hiding from wife or friends and want to keep this private which is understandable. Others have a profesional lifestyle which would be affected by being in this kind of site and yes you have the occasional fake profiles with scammers or men who are looking for more than cuddling.
I'm 100% an ecstaticly exuberant stick figure.
and a cis-female enthusiast
The reasoning of men... 🤷♀️ Could be some men may not post a photo because they're hunters/prefer making the first move, or they don't want a mess of touch starved ladies hitting them up. Or maybe ... ?? Really, there could be so many reasons. But the one thing true of all who don't is they either don't want to or they don't know how/don't feel compelled to figure out how to.
They have girlfriends, wives, boyfriends, husbands, trans partners, kids, pets and landlords that they want to hide this activity from. 🙃
@quixotic_life Way to stick it to them!
@stephanielove i guess this activity isn’t as innocent as we want to make it out to be eh? Haha
@SilenceMe - Yes, their dog might have an issue of it finds out they're on a cuddling site.
I don't have a pic for two reasons? 1, my spouse would not approve... even though my love language is physical touch I get very very little (only what I initiate) .... 2. because in my professional life I'm in charge of several people and this could be used against me.
I do have a profile pic, but my thoughts align with @CuddleWho. If one is going to be person who reaches out the most, it's not much a problem if they just send their pic in a message. This is even more logical if someone doesn't have much interest in the forum community here.
I'm guessing all these women don't have partners, jobs, or managerial positions.
The milkshakes are funnier. 🤷♂️
Also like others here, more often then not I've sent a recent photo along with my first message. Even when I don't, it says plainly on my profile they can simply ask for a pic & I'll send them one. I'd say I've found plenty of success with this method so far.
I believe it’s very important to have full transparency on both sides of this question and issue. Let’s just suppose that all things are to be created “equal “ in this subject. Not to say that I’m not being politically correct or “insensitive” in saying, Let’s suppose that some males on here may take issue with taking their photo and or posting there photos on here or any other site or social media account.
While maybe more women may or may not post their photos. Would it be fair to assume that if both male and female post there photos on this site or any other website or social media, what would we possibly find from these photos. We would find the possibilities of men posting their photos with the concern that they might not be able to be themselves and remain themselves after their photo has been uploaded and that their photos could be used for ulterior motives. While a woman might not share her true photos for reasons that she might have low self esteem, be looking to protect and preserve her true identity, or to evaded being able to equally cover her own track of being found out for things that she may have done. In todays times equality and equal justice era, it’s very hard to say all things are right and just even through attempting yo rebalance the scale of time.
A Lot of men are not able to be the man that maybe they were raised to be, because it nolonger is excepted as a social norm. This may be why he is here on this site to try and connect and feel some sort of connection outside of the mainstream norms of our current society.
Maybe he is concerned with the current catfishing schemes that plague our warped society where his photo could be copied and used as blackmail or even to go dig not his past. The society norms are not likely that a man would blackmail a woman, but it is statistically shown that men are often more subjected to blackmail that women. More often, real photos are not used, and more often that not another woman’s photos is used.
I am using this as an example because this has happened to me and there has been little to no recourse that could be taken when the true identity is not used. I understand that anything in life can be argued. But I believe that that fact remains that women more often than men either alter their photos or use someone else’s.
Men are less likely to use photo filters to alter or enhance their photos and are less likely to present an Illusion through the photographs used. Men don’t usually use the artificial persona when making themselves up up to present their best side. Men most often don’t use the luring aspect in presenting themselves to eight women to attract. It also is a social norm that men are attractive for either their look, their money or their personality, and the personality is most likely the last on that list. I i’ve only been on here for a couple of days and have red a lot of threads and peoples comments and looked at profiles. And a lot of the threads are talking about the level of inactivity and not much exchange between people. Also that the non-professionals seem to not be as active and on the other hand the professionals are more active and also the comments and concerns about the value and pricing of a professionals time. I It’s abundantly clear to everybody of our Socio economic times and the inability for a lot of people to have close to $100 an hour to pay for a service. Then looking at the threads it appears that there is a lot of people wanting to connect and to be able to meet and get to know somebody. It also seems like some states and areas are more saturated with participants than others. And I think that also has to do with possibly the reason why male photos are not shared as often on here is because rather than making an introduction and to at least exchange in conversation and maybe meet publicly . It seems easier for people to avoid much if any interaction or contact based on no photos in a males profile.
I also know that there Hass to be some concern not only with a man sharing his photo, but for a man to spend his money on professional services when there’s the possibility that not everybody providing services is doing it ethically and could possibly not be following the rules and guidelines of the site. We all know that we don’t always get what we pay for, and not only is that in life but it could be for professional services or other services on other sites that are outside the rules and the guidelines of this site. It’s easy to make contact, it’s easy to pay a deposit and have a scheduled meet day and time. And it’s also as likely that there is the possibility of men not getting the follow through on the agreement and again paying for services that may not be rendered.
I don’t know that it really would do much good in the event that a man responds to a profile to arrange a booking for professional services. And have things not work out per the agreement. He really has no recourse except to share his experience on this site. And if he has no guarantee following the rules and guidelines. Then he becomes an individual that through trusting in the process ends up with a breach of trust.. And that being said if that were to be done multiple times by any individual that could become fairly profitable . And that is a concern of mine as well and. So as per the rules and guidelines of a man posting or not posting his photo, he could become a likely person to have his photo used against him and someway through this process.
I would never meet someone without at least knowing what they look like first, I feel like that would just cause a lot more anxiety. You could be talking to a man (or woman) and find out they're the opposite sex. Catfishing is real. Coming from the dating world, any profile that doesn't show someone's appearance is a huge red flag to me
Because they're very important people
It was probably mentioned already , haven’t read all the comments… but social acceptance (I think) is high up in the list …. While it is far more socially acceptable for woman to be part of a cuddling community, it is far less socially acceptable for men to be part of one, so maybe fear of being recognized? Another 1 I think is up there as well is that some people genuinely don’t want their pics out there in the web … once your pic is out there it is out there.
With that said, I think if someone reaches out in hopes to possibly connect with another member and cuddle, as well as booking with a pro, the person should message with a pic of themselves and / or provide one when requested …
@Finnegan2017
💀
I could suggest that even if you don't want your FACE in your profile picture, take a picture of something you love... a hobby, your dog, favorite food, a stock picture of something that makes you happy, a place you've been. Anything but a blank profile picture 😉
I find it strange I have 5 photos on my profile but these guys send me 1 photo and ask me for more. No! My profile is enough
@Calah 100% glad you're setting your boundaries.
@Calah Occasionally I'll get these requests. If they caught me in a feisty mood I personally enjoy sending them additional photos of me and a male friend.
They don't seem to like that. 🤷♀️