What to do if cuddler is triggered or has PTSD in mid session?

Minestrone101Minestrone101
edited September 2022 in General

Yeah, this hasn't happened, but I could see this happening at some point:

What is the best thing to do if or when someone has has been triggered by a traumatic experience during the session (in the instance that no physical boundary has been breached)? E.g. touching the shoulder, or talking about a memory, or having a song or position trigger a previous experience, etc.

My initial thoughts are to take a break or end the session abruptly - maybe ask if they'd like to talk about it or need a moment or space.

Humans are sensitive creatures, and no one is immune from "having a moment."

Comments

  • ShaneSchruteShaneSchrute

    This isn’t exactly what you’re talking about however, I’ve definitely had trauma triggered in a session. For me it reduced me to a weeping ball of sadness and grief. More quiet cuddling was exactly what I wanted, needed and what I gratefully received.

    If my cuddlist suggested we end the session immediately because my feelings were too heavy I would have understood but that would have wrecked me and caused more damage.

  • JadePearlJadePearl

    I have had this happen on a few occasions, both myself and by the ones I am cuddling. The type of trigger/reaction can determine the best way to respond. Try to communicate needs of one another. Sometimes someone may need to cry into your arms. Another time, a break from touching or talking may be needed. There may be instances where ending the session is necessary.

    I will say that as a pro, I'm here as support for my client. I go into every session knowing that it could be relaxing and quiet, happy and joking, or serious and emotional. I would hope that no pros would end a session because of serious of heavy emotions.

  • Minestrone101Minestrone101

    Thanks for sharing yall! :)

  • [Deleted User]HumbleBaron (deleted user)

    This is what you do

  • TNNativeTNNative

    @cylee1180 I think asking the triggered person what they might need in that moment would be good, then follow their lead. Hopefully the person will be able to say. If they can't, I would think just trying to be present with no judgement could be comforting.

  • BearBear

    I had some thing like this happen on the second time I was at a Cuddle party. I was sitting on the floor the accounts a couch and there was a woman sitting in front of me. Leaning into me. I have a natural comforting and supportive energy as well as doing energy healing. Yet this had never happened before.

    The person just broke down and started crying because they felt safe. I didn't know what to do and I didn't know what to say. My intuition told me just to stay there. This was the first time that I became aware of the term holding space for somebody. After they stopped crying and such, I checked in with them.

    Unless the person acts negatively, I suggest just being there for them. On some level they are comfortable being vulnerable with you.

    By negative, I mean as if their boundaries were crossed somehow. Then I would stop every thing I was doing and look for clarification.

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    Two words: tranquilizer darts

  • TxTomTxTom

    Run.

  • PlushandPerfectPlushandPerfect

    As a cuddler I make sure I have verbal consent when touching places, ie, arms, shoulders, head, etc. I have had people who are up front about anything that triggers them but I know for some it can be hard to be with someone you don't know as much. I've had some that are perfectly fine with cuddling and when I have asked if its ok to touch their hair I can tell they get nervous and politely decline. Even though they are with me to cuddle they don't owe me anything and it doesn't mean they agree to cuddle me in a way that is uncomfortable to them and vis versa.

    Communication is so important and the best way to prevent full panic attacks is to understand warning signs of both them and yourself and feel comfortable enough to voice them, also as the other person watching their non-verbal behavior. Non-verbal cues talks both ways and you can communicate back with your own as well. The most important thing is to never be judgmental or negative in any way, always give full support and comfort and let the other know you are there at any distance and way they prefer. Whether it is holding them tightly while they let their emotions out or simply laying next to them holding hands while they allow themselves to feel comfortable.

    I am a pro cuddler and I always add 15 extra min to a first timer, it gives time for ice breaking and not feeling rushed which helps with the beginning jitters.

  • MissAdventurousMissAdventurous

    Typically before a session if PTSD/mental ailments are mentioned I go over with them to just communicate before it becomes too overwhelming, that way we both can engage in the best way forward to create that neutral space.

    A lot of time, we as individuals know our triggers, just reconfirm with those around you. 💗

  • ThomSSIThomSSI

    I can say what NOT to do.
    Someone I saw regularly for months triggered me on more than a few times when she spoke about a topic that was and remains upsetting to me. I tried to let it pass, but sometimes felt that I had to bring it to her attention. I did so gently, even apologetically, as it is my issue, not hers, and at first I believed it be unintentional on her part. Unfortunately she became defensive and angry each time, all but yelling at me, and if anything the frequency and severity of her triggering statements increased, and she blamed me for ruining the time we were spending together.

  • Minestrone101Minestrone101

    @ThomSSI Sorry to hear that. Unfortunately, many people are not aware of their own issues: arrogance, stubbornness, being inconsiderate, etc. Hope you found someone better.

  • ThomSSIThomSSI

    @cylee1180
    Thanks so much for your thoughtful and supportive response. I joined her in blaming myself, for a time, and unfortunately she took advantage of that, which just added insult to injury. I’m no longer seeing her, but as you can see am still deeply troubled by the experience. Fortunately I have been able to reconnect with someone who’s supportive and understanding.
    Thanks again-
    Thom

  • Minestrone101Minestrone101

    @ThomSSI Yes , sir. Boundaries extend more than the physical. AND you were polite too!

  • [Deleted User]GreyingBear (deleted user)

    Wow, @Bear, what a profound moment that must have been. An incredible milestone in each of your lives, I imagine.

  • Minestrone101Minestrone101
    edited September 2022

    @PlushandPerfect Wow! You have a great philosophy and methodology!

    I also like how you acknowledge Beginner jitters. I had em the worst! Haha

    @TNNative You sound like a great and considerate cuddler!

  • BabichevBabichev

    There may be some helpful information in this:

    https://www.cuddlecomfort.com/forum/discussion/12132/moderator-thoughts-on-mental-health#latest

  • Minestrone101Minestrone101

    @Babichev Thanks!

  • excellentenochexcellentenoch

    Hold your space. Comfort them and let them process it. Just be friendly and remind them they are in control.

    Do not try to be a psychologist if you are not trained to do so.

  • TheMidnightOwlTheMidnightOwl
    edited September 2022

    Talk about it beforehand. Ask what they need beforehand and in that moment if it does arise. Let them lead and don’t make any assumptions about what you may think they need. Keep your voice calm and steady and don’t do anything abrupt. Definitely get out of the situation if it becomes dangerous but otherwise try to stay with them through it.

  • warm_embracewarm_embrace

    I had a situation like this happen to me once while traveling on business. I booked a cuddle session with a pro and she hosted at her apartment. The place was in a state of disorder and the pro cuddler seemed either deeply distressed or under the influence of some substance (or both). We talked a little and it was clear to me that she didn’t need to cuddle a stranger. Rather, she needed to be with someone she knew and trusted. She called up a friend, I sat with her until she came, and then excused myself.

  • pmvinespmvines
    edited September 2022

    @warm_embrace great way to handle that situation! I can just hear all the entitled thoughtless people who would light up the forum complaining about this and dismiss it as bad service and bad pro and should be given bad karma and banned , etc etc . We never really know what's going on with people, it is good to reserve judgment and err on the side of being helpful and harm reduction .

  • ThefruitsofeveThefruitsofeve

    I have a large history of trauma and was diagnosed with complex ptsd awhile back but have since recovered. The best thing to do is to remain calm and aware. Ask if there is anything they need from you. Create a little space between you two and just sit with them in their trigger. Also you may aak your cuddle buds in advance if they have ptsd and how you should handle it.

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