Sex offenders on this site

bobadevoteebobadevotee
in General

Honestly, I really think a discussion needs to be had about sex offenders on this site. They obviously aren’t welcome and are banned when found out, but I’m also not seeing any process in place to actually keep sex offenders out of here in the first place other than saying they aren’t welcome. The only way you’d find out is if they gave you their real full name or real phone number to look them up on the registry, and we know most people on this site don’t do that. And if pros started asking for ID, clients just wouldn’t book us.

Idk, I just wish this site would start requiring members to submit an ID to sign up, and then cross referencing that with the sex offender registry and not allowing people to make an account if their name comes up. That way folks still don’t have to share their name with everyone, it could be kept private for mods to see that only. I have friends who work on adult sites, and those sites ask for ID to confirm they aren’t minors. Their info is safe and not shared with any site members, so it’s a system that works and maintains their privacy.

The only advice I got to stay safe was to ask for a photo of clients and then take that photo to compare to the registry, but realistically how am I going to do that? I’d have to sift through 100s of thousands of photos…

I’m just so disheartened because in the past two weeks I’ve seen one pro post about finding out her client is a sex offender due to luckily having his real phone number so she could look him up, then reading about another pro who got raped by a client. Plus the countless comments and posts I see about pros getting grabbed, fingers shoved into their private areas, pinned down violently, etc. I just want to stay safe. Most of my friends are telling me to stop this work because of the danger.

I really hope this site one day takes measures to keep sex offenders out in the first place.

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Comments

  • Mike403Mike403

    Sex offenders who actually are a sex offender should be in jail IMO. (Not the people who are on there for a ridiculous reason such as peeing in public)

    I don't think there is a whole lot that can be done except asking members too much personal identifiable information which may make people more reluctant to sign up.

  • bobadevoteebobadevotee

    @Mike403 look at Brock Turner. Two people WITNESSED him assaulting an unconscious woman, and he still didn’t get a proper punishment.

    We can’t rely on where people “should” be. Fact is that tons of sex offenders are out and about and use anonymous sites like this to find more victims.

  • Mike403Mike403

    @bobadevotee - Because justice in this country is F'd up. People are spending years in prison for weed possession and that guy gets a few months for sexually assaulting someone?

  • bobadevoteebobadevotee

    @Mike403 yep it’s extremely messed up… especially since weed is legal, yet there’s still people in jail for it

  • Mike403Mike403

    @bobadevotee - The problem with your proposal is that if websites like this start asking people for their real first and last name, a recent photo, a copy of their driver's license, etc... just to sign up, many people will stay away and the site owners will lose money. The internet is anonymous unfortunately in this case.

  • cuddles_ndreamcuddles_ndream

    This site will never assume liability, and I highly recommend they don’t , the same way Meta/ Twitter/ TikTok ect don’t … it is a platform, an intermediary between A & B …

    Also, I know this is going to get very misinterpreted, but more sex offenses (by far) are committed by non-registered sex offenders, i say that to say that there will be a false sense of safety / security for many (or some), not all, that they are completely safe, and if something were to happen they will blame the site and try and hold them accountable for having said protocols in place ….

    With that said, Sex offenders are pieces of s#%+. I’m glad that the site does so much with rules / mods / and enforcing things immediately. Infact they do a lot even if it doesn’t seem that way, just looking at it and saying it how it genuinely is.

  • GreatHornedOwlGreatHornedOwl
    edited December 2022

    I have no personal experience but this might do what you need.

    https://socialcatfish.com/reverse-image-search-ad/?abt_ris_landing_page=purple7&campaign=googleads&gclid=Cj0KCQiAtbqdBhDvARIsAGYnXBM5UZbZtXBinYsQGtscME-Yg-vcIPI970PxrTT5W6RCSy1e5WL62jsaAqg1EALw_wcB

  • bobadevoteebobadevotee

    @cuddles_ndream yes you obviously can’t keep people away if they haven’t committed a crime yet, but more effort could be put into keeping people who’ve already been convicted of a sexual crime out. Sex offenders tend to reoffend. Same reason we don’t let sex offenders work at elementary schools.

    Meta doesn’t assume liability but they still will ask for a photo of your real ID on Facebook if they think you’re a fake account. I had to do that a couple of times when I changed my last name to avoid a stalker. They forced me to change my name back to what was on my ID. However, I don’t think that them asking for my ID makes FB or Meta liable if someone does get away with having a fake account. There’s probably clauses in place to cover them if they mess up.

  • RezzRezz
    edited December 2022

    Here's my take.
    We are independent contractors so it's really our job to thoroughly screen our clients.
    For the site to require identification to sign up would impose a number of problems and none of them would necessarily solve the current problem. Sex offenders and disgusting fucks who can't keep their hands where they belong will only appear on a registered offenders list IF previously caught and with a record.

    It's 100% on us to talk to each other, share information and support each other. I and many other pros are very active in the pros forum and are always happy to give guidance and safety tips.

    If you want to require an I.D and an intake form you're welcome to, and they are welcome to decline. Yes you will lose a lot of potential clients with what some may consider excessive screening but at the end of the day do what you need to feel safe.

    Be vigilant and assertive. If you push boundaries with me, I will end the session, no redirecting and no refunds. I haven't had a problematic client in well over a year. I'm very upfront with my policies and expectations. It brings me fewer clients sure, but I'm very happy with the small pool of repeats that I do have and the trusting connection I share with them.

    I'd like to finish with reporting members does not tell them who reported them.
    They may be able to determine this based on timing etc. but the mods will not tell the offender who reported them.

    So if you're being harassed, sent inappropriate requests, pictures etc report their ass. If you've been assaulted call the police, you're a victim. Report them to the mods with all identifying information you have and use the proper channels in the pros forum to alert others so we can keep them off the site.

  • MelancholyMelancholy

    I don't think this site will take that responsibility. Plus how would they safeguard all that personal identifier information they would be collecting ?
    The number of clients would plummit if you started asking clients for such information.

  • pty1999pty1999

    @bobadevotee If the site asked for ID people wouldn't want to sign up and it would be the same issue as a pro asking. statistics show that 80 percent of sexual assault happen to females under the age of 34. Predominately age 12 to 34. A humans prefrontal cortex (part of the brain responsible for good judgement and problem solving) isn't developed fully until the age of 25. I would recommend this site ID all pros and not accept any under 25.

    The world is a scary place and certain situations can increase you risk of assault. You may want to weigh that out and reconsider your cuddling career.

    @Mike403 the average sentencing of sexual assault without a mandatory minimum is 145 months

  • LovelightLovelight

    "The only way you’d find out is if they gave you their real full name or real phone number to look them up on the registry, and we know most people on this site don’t do that. And if pros started asking for ID, clients just wouldn’t book us."

    "Idk, I just wish this site would start requiring members to submit an ID to sign up, and then cross referencing that with the sex offender registry and not allowing people to make an account if their name comes up."

    I see a clash with those two statements. Because although perhaps to a lesser degree, even the site requiring that would or could turn many away. If anything I think someone would feel more comfortable showing their ID to an individual of their choosing in person and with whom they are more likely to further interact with. Which could mean that you do a first meeting just to vet the person. Then make a decision to meet again. Or find a way to go about it that works for you.

    "That way folks still don’t have to share their name with everyone, it could be kept private for mods to see that only. I have friends who work on adult sites, and those sites ask for ID to confirm they aren’t minors. Their info is safe and not shared with any site members, so it’s a system that works and maintains their privacy."

    I ain't no lawyer, though I feel like that may raise legal and liability issues. So if the site was to do that, it could mean a lot more work and money put into it. Which could change a lot more about the site to meet the demand which it may not be ready for. Things such as charging all members a fee. Platforms such as dating sites can more easily get away with this considering the demand is high and what have you. Though doing it on an already niche platform in which many men are already struggling to find someone and telling them they got to pay, seems like a recipe for disaster.

    Also moderators as far as I know are volunteer based. So I'm not sure exactly if someone would trust a random mod with that who they aren't having such interactions with and how said person may get protection if something was to go wrong.

    Therefore, I think the best approach is for each person to do their own due diligence how they see fit and based on their risk assessment. Unfortunately even finding that someone has a clean record doesn't guarantee safety. So one would still need to do a lot to help ensure one's safety.

  • bobadevoteebobadevotee

    @Rezz most of my work outside of this site is contract work, but even in those jobs, the companies I have contracted with always handled the client and such. In fact, we were prohibited from directly handling any dealings with the client. Being an independent contractor doesn’t mean that your company cannot handle client affairs for you in any way.

    I get what you’re saying but it is frustrating to hear this site supposedly say “sex offenders aren’t welcome here” but meanwhile not having a process in place to keep them out or to identify them for removal. How are they “not welcome here” if they can freely be on this site undetected?

  • GoochGooch

    who is in jail for peeing in public? thats a new one to me.

  • Mike403Mike403

    @Gooch - I didn't say jail. I said being on the sex offender registry.

  • bobadevoteebobadevotee

    @Lovelight in 3 years I’ve met ONE person here who was comfortable showing me their ID. And I understand why most people wouldn’t show their ID to a stranger. It generally isn’t safer to show your real name to a person because they can look you up and stalk you. It’s safer to show your real name to institutions that have privacy procedures in place. For example, I had to show my ID to Facebook when they noticed I changed my last name, or they were going to delete my account. That info is kept private and safe. Versus me showing my ID to a random person who might come to my house and bother me. Or when I show ID to companies that contract me so their HR can pay me out. I feel safe doing that because there are policies in place to keep my info safe, and a company or institution isn’t likely to try to stalk or harass me.

  • cuddles_ndreamcuddles_ndream

    Rezz said it all I literally have nothing else to add.

  • Mike403Mike403

    @bobadevotee - Facebook is the polar opposite of privacy. I'm sure they're stalking your devices right now and selling your web surfing habits to other companies.

  • LovelightLovelight

    Furthermore, with showing to an individual of one's choosing can come with seeing theirs too. Which I don't suppose one would get with handing their ID over to moderators. Also asking for yourself can help you ensure that you know and if anything is to go wrong further down the road, you've a better point of reference. Which the site might not provide say if the user in question deletes their account. Unless the site is to keep said data for months or years after the deletion and be willing to hand it to authorities or something if things go left.

    I don't know if this is a thing where you are, though there may also be a risk in which sex offenders can change their name. Along with using fake IDs. So personally I think the best bet is for each person to ask for themselves.

    https://www.unitedconservative.ca/stopping-sex-offenders-from-changing-their-names/

  • LetzHugLetzHug

    Hey is it true that some people use the code word "massage" and it means sex? I keep getting asked if I give massages. The question comes out of the blue and a little weird. Is it just me?

  • bobadevoteebobadevotee

    @Mike403 yes but I’m more referring to the concept of liability. Meta isn’t liable for users having fake accounts even though they do have a process in place to identify fake accounts by flagging them and requesting an ID. It’s happened to me and friends—we have no choice but to submit an ID or our account gets deleted.

    Point is—having a process for vetting something doesn’t make the site liable for times when the process fails. The Meta identification verification process fails a LOT but they’re not liable for every sock account on their site

  • bobadevoteebobadevotee

    @LetzHug it usually is code for that. As well as skin to skin contact. Also, depending on where you live, it’s not legal for you to be paid for a massage if you’re not a licensed massage therapist. At least that’s what I’ve seen other pros say in the forums regarding that.

  • Mike403Mike403

    Eventually you'll need to be licensed to be a pro cuddler. It's still a niche activity that not many knows about.

  • RezzRezz

    @bobadevotee

    What I mean is we are solely responsible for all of our screening etc. It's in our contracts.

    The site will never be free from sex workers and their clients because it's not legal in the us. So they will use every potential outlet to get those clients and vice versa. I don't care about sex workers, do what you need to pay your bills. I just don't want it here. It puts everyone including the site at risk.

    So we work with what we have an that's the ability to screen our clients however we see fit. So do what you personally feel is best! ❤️

  • MelancholyMelancholy

    @Rezz maybe things are different now but a few years ago a pro I knew told me she reported an assault and they were waiting to hear the guys side of the story. It seems to me that this would mean he would know who reported him ?

  • bobadevoteebobadevotee

    @Mike403 additionally, I’ve never had anyone find my address from the driver’s license I showed to FB and come bother me. I am pretty sure they have policies to keep members safe from stalking and harassment. Versus I have had issues with people coming to my house to bother me when I shared my address with them on a person to person basis. Institutions generally aren’t going to use your info for harassing or endangering you.

  • LovelightLovelight
    edited December 2022

    @Rezz "I'd like to finish with reporting members does not tell them who reported them.

    They may be able to determine this based on timing etc. but the mods will not tell the offender who reported them."

    Not exactly...

    "Reports and confidentiality
    Reporting another member for misconduct is highly valuable to the community. If you intend to file a report, thank you for your contribution.

    In regards to privacy, while discretion is an important consideration for us, under some circumstances your username can become known to the accused member."

    https://www.cuddlecomfort.com/site/privacy#reports

  • RezzRezz

    @Melancholy
    Yes in some cases they would need to give your name to hear both sides or to check your story.

    In most cases such as harassment or inappropriate requests the mods will check our messages. Which is why I stress to never take communication off-site, it makes proving your case much easier.

  • bobadevoteebobadevotee

    @Rezz I’m referring to convicted sex offenders, not sex workers. Most sex workers I know aren’t doing anything illegal. Remember that OnlyFans is sex work and it’s perfectly legal. Same with being a sugar baby.

    I do feel that allowing sex offenders on this site and not doing anything to remove them puts people at risk. Sex offenders tend to reoffend. There’s a reason we don’t let them work at elementary schools. We don’t tell parents they have to be in charge of screening the teachers. The school just doesn’t allow those people to work there in the first place. It doesn’t magically prevent every assault but it’s definitely better than straight up allowing offenders in and not screening.

    Not every pro or even every enthusiast will have the same screening process and what if that sex offender finds some newbie who didn’t have a thorough vetting process? It hurts my heart when I read about things that happen to some girls and as I learn more details I see they barely had a screening process, don’t even know enough info about the guy to be able to press charges.

  • bobadevoteebobadevotee

    @Lovelight i think the “reports are not anonymous” part means that mods can see who reported. Not that the person you report necessarily knows it was you.

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