Deposits

houdini2019houdini2019
in General

I notice that a number of the pro cuddlers here require a deposit in advance of a session. I have an issue with that.
I understand a pro doesn't want to deal with a no show, etc. but I have the concern that I'll make deposit and then get ghosted.

Does anyone else have this concern or am I overreacting?

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Comments

  • [Deleted User]SivaSky (deleted user)

    personally, I don't think you are. I think it's a two way street from a business point of view. Both Client and Pro needs to feel secure. I guess that's why i prefer to talk to my clients first to kind of feel out how the person is and in addition see if it's even a right fit. Quality over quantity.

    That being said, I wouldn't blame the Pro for wanting to request deposits either, especially if they've been constantly having no show. At the same time, you also have every right to be concern that they might just run off with your deposits. So i think it just come back to trust.

    So maybe try to communicate and establish that trust somehow? or keep seeking until you find what's right for you.

  • tacpmurgtacpmurg

    I split the difference and send a decent travel stipend. If they dip it wont break the bank, and it helps build a positive relationship right off the bat.

    Not everyone is cool with giving on top of the normal rate, but im a pain to reach so I prefer to always do so.

    Middle ground.

  • [Deleted User]MrAdmirer (deleted user)
    edited March 2023

    I won’t pay a deposit, period. And I even paid a cuddler the 25% or whatever it was when I had to cancel as a professional courtesy, so I’m not just being cheap about it.

    I get why some would ask, but I just won’t do it for a stranger. Even if they have tons of karma.

  • houdini2019houdini2019

    Mr. Admirer I tend to think the way you do

  • WKplatonicWKplatonic
    edited March 2023

    I have been paying my professional cuddlers 24hrs or more in advance from our second session on sent day one when I started cuddling; cuddling clients and strangers is far from any other occupation. I hand first-time professionals a check for our first session right when we meet face-to-face for the first time. To me, it is how much I want oxytocin. A lot goes into cuddling a client that we don't see.

  • houdini2019houdini2019

    I think most cuddles would prefer to be paid in cash, which is how I do it. But not in advance. I'm not saying my way is the only way. But it's what I'm comfortable with.

  • _marC_marC

    Cuddle Comfort gives paid cuddlers the freedom Conduct business the way they want so of course this isn't anything I am concerned about.

    If you feel they would take your money and run- just find a someone else to spend time with. This isn't the only website for cuddles

  • CuddleWhoCuddleWho
    edited March 2023

    It's definitely possible she will take your deposit and ghost; this is not a rare occurrence and your concern is warranted.

    That said, if she has been on the site for a while and has some positive karma, the risk isn't all that high.

  • CharlieBearCharlieBear Mod

    Whether you want to cuddle a pro that asks for a deposit or not is entirely up to you, and I don’t think you should feel forced to do so, though the pro also has the right to cancel the session because of it as well. There are instances of the scenario you are worried about having happened so the apprehension is not unfounded.

  • SunsetSnugglesSunsetSnuggles

    @houdini2019 I totally understand, and if I were in the market for a Pro, I would absolutely go for one who didn't require a deposit.

    That said, if the pickin's are slim, and a deposit looks inevitable, go for Pro's with really legitimate, thoughtful profiles, and a history of good Karma.

    I'm not sure how far you are from each other, but @justjennn is now located in your state, and I cannot recommend her highly enough.

    Best of luck and if I ever visit, I'll hit you up for deposit-free and entirely free cuddles! 😊

    ~ Sunset Snuggles

  • WKplatonicWKplatonic

    @houdin2019, I never paid in cash. If I had to, I would never cuddle.

  • BlackKalelBlackKalel

    I'm backwards if I'm asked I reject deposits but if not and there is a connection in the talks up to I will send full rate beforehand.

    Like today I sent my regular cuddle person her rare for our next meeting and I'm not even totally sure when it will be but I don't like dealing it with day of cuddles.

    Same way I hate tips.

    But again the other day thinking of my regular cuddle pro made me smile so I sent them money and said get dinner on me. Thanks for the happy memory.

  • AllAboutSoulAllAboutSoul

    @WKplatonic Checks definitely require a mutually established trust. I'm more inclined to invest in a true, on-going friendship with a client who discloses a check payment, than someone who insists on Zelle or Paypal (I refuse both and have declined cuddle clients.)

  • Ironman294Ironman294
    edited March 2023

    @houdini2019 if a cuddler wants a deposit and you don’t feel comfortable sending a deposit, just find a cuddler that doesn’t require a deposit. Problem solved, but if you do want to see a particular cuddler and they require a deposit then you’ll just have to pay it. I don’t blame cuddlers if they require a small deposit. If it’s 20 bucks no biggie but 50 or more I personally would not do so. Good luck!

  • cuddlefaerycuddlefaery

    This has been discussed a lot lately. Not that I expect it shall change your mind, but you may wish to read the previous discussions to get alternative perspectives and added context. I know I get a bit tired of repeating myself, and I haven't been on the forums that long 😅

    https://www.cuddlecomfort.com/forum/discussion/16282/scam

    https://www.cuddlecomfort.com/forum/discussion/16266/why-do-some-people-require-deposits

    https://www.cuddlecomfort.com/forum/discussion/15551/deposit-paying

  • mimtheplantmommimtheplantmom

    y’all seem to find issue with everything a professional does to feel safe / more secure. maybe just only cuddle enthusiasts?

  • mimtheplantmommimtheplantmom
    edited March 2023

    my main source of income is doing hair , i’ve been doing it for over ten years and ive always required deposits for it and get no complaints. i pay deposits to my lash tech, my brazilian wax lady, and my personal hair stylist with no problem, every single time i book and i’ve been knowing them for years. hotels and air bnb require deposits, i think some restaurants even require deposits for large parties. it’s a standard in a lot of industries and personally i don’t see why it should be a problem 🤷🏽‍♀️

  • cuddlefaerycuddlefaery
    edited March 2023

    @mimtheplantmom welcome to the forums 🤣 I've only been active in them since January and already it's exhausting, hilarious, and depressing AF at times. Team Eyeroll could be a thing? 🙄🙄🙄 😁

    On a more serious note though, I think with social media people have forgotten or never learned how to search for an answer before asking a question. It's rampant and it drives me batty daily. My teacher self dies a little more every day. Don't get me wrong, I love the positives of social media - I think a lot of people have just gotten lazy about looking things up when they can ask for (questionable) answers rather than take the small extra bit of time and energy to go look for it themselves.

  • notFromOhionotFromOhio

    @houdini2019 - I do not think you are overreacting, and clearly you are not alone in passing on professionals requiring a deposit.

    The concerns that lead some pros to request a deposit are valid and understandable - but they also apply to the clients, and they are the ones theoretically paying for the other person's time.

    Absent an escrow system (which would be hard to implement by a small site) the idea of "send a stranger on the internet a deposit / personal bank info " is bound to trigger flags and bells and its not unreasonable to move on.

    The irony is both sides of the equation are mostly concerned about establishing initial trust. I would not blink about sending a deposit or payment upfront for professional pros I've come to trust in this community. But it only takes a couple bad ghosting (or just plain weird) experiences to drastically raise the bar for that trust.

  • MelancholyMelancholy

    I've been here over 5 years and I've never given a pro cuddler a deposit unless she's booking a hotel room or something ahead of time. But then I don't have 0 karma and my account isn't brand new.
    If your account is new and you have no karma, I can see them be unsure about whether they should trust you are being serious and won't just flake or change your mind at the last second

  • WKplatonicWKplatonic

    @allAboutSoul, I don't keep a lot of cash on hand, and I don't drive, so I guess I would have to give cuddling up. if it came to this.

  • sunnysideupsunnysideup

    I recommend not to pay any deposit unless the professional has lots of good karma.

  • xandriarainxandriarain

    If a pro ghosts or cancels and does not issue a refund, report them. There are legitimate cuddle therapists on this website and there are people who see this as easy money. It’s important to learn how to tell the difference and make sure that there is a vetting process prior to sending a deposit. I state clearly in my deposit policy that if I have to cancel I will issue a refund. Prior to receiving a deposit I do a consultation call over zoom to ensure we are a good fit and to help gain some comfort and familiarity. I always tell clients that are skeptical about deposits that their 50% deposit is not worth risking my professional reputation over.

    It just frustrates me being lumped together with people who clearly aren’t real professionals when cuddle therapy is my life’s work. We aren’t all the same and some of us have more than earned the right to ask for a deposit.

  • SweetCamiXOSweetCamiXO

    @xandriarain Thank you for this! Very well said 👏🏽

  • notFromOhionotFromOhio

    @xandriarain - I'd agree 100% with you about the value of a (mutual) vetting process before meeting or any transaction. This is important for both parties, and ignoring / gaslighting on that should raise all sorts of red flags.

    But all things being equal, requiring a deposit will raise the barrier for new clients, and from their perspective it is not an "earned" right. They have not been party to any previous experience, etc. It is obviously your right to require a deposit, as much as it is their right to move on to other options...

    That said, I think for many clients (or at least for me) the value of time and trust and unnecessary aggravation is a larger concern than a typical deposit amount.

    Reading your profile description you are very clear and reasonable about your booking process and expectations. I'd be 1000% more comfortable following your vetting process, and your expected deposit after f2f call - than the more common "send 40 bucks to prove you're serious" trend I've seen.

  • embrace_comfortembrace_comfort

    I usually only do a deposit for 3 or more hours because if they cancel last minute it is harder to fill that spot. Usually the deposit is small like $20 or $30

  • [Deleted User]stdisc0827 (deleted user)
    edited March 2023

    Nice comments @xandriarain
    That’s the way to go

    I personally feel is all demand and supply issues. If there are less men who want to cuddle than the pros then it will be a different scenario. That’s not the case here. We all know it.. but no point in paying advance and losing out

    I have even seen some post just one pic and a vague one liner description about themselves and if I ask for more pics they are asking money. If you ask more questions about themselves or the cuddle, then either no response or you get banned. LoL 😂

  • [Deleted User]MaverickLegend (deleted user)

    The only deposit I make is at the bank

  • HalfnuggieHalfnuggie

    I find these conversations mildly reductive in my personal opinion. Why continue to question a pros motives? We ALL know dishonest, abusive, greedy, impulsive, and cruel individuals in real 3D life. Yall know what the high majority are on here for. No it's not sex, it's boundary pushing. Pros should stick to their guns when it comes to every regulation they have. Few cuddlers respect this quality. And for those gems, I SEE YOU, THE 3 OF YOUS! THANK YOU!!! 🤗🤗🤗❤️❤️❤️ Like @Xa says, and its true, alot of us don't have the creditials for the clientele we often encounter here.

    But let me answer my own wonderings. Even after establishing a great rapport, and some trust with a deposit, you could still be assaulted by them? Now I haven't experienced all three of those in one but you can guess two out of three, what I have experienced with a client. My most poignant question really is, why do these cuddliers ignore the truth that most of the males in general have issues around exploitative behavior?
    Something as innocent as cuddling is bastardize by a deposit, and not so much the manipulative traits displayed but because of $40? There's enough cuddlers here discouraging a deposit for a service someone absolutely preps for, and decompresses from at times, for me to know that's not the only discouragement you were indoctrined to utilize. Idk, I'm not creditialed. All of us should stand still in our own boundaries though.
    Now one last point! I trust my judgement (lol my last paragraph detroys this point) so the pros that I want to see for myself, most require deposit. Maybe I'm alone when I say it's an attracting feature, knowing your value and serving up ✨️LIMITATIONS✨️.

    **I'm ranting because, presently, I am in a whole other state, was planning to meet a cuddlier I have been getting to know since I first started. who cancelled last minute. No deposit. No reconciliation attempt. Go figure! 🪦

  • [Deleted User]stdisc0827 (deleted user)

    It’s a very tricky situation @Halfnuggie

    I understand your pain
    However crossing the limits by certain cuddlers Vs pros taking a deposit are two different things totally

    We have also seen threads where pros take the money and don’t show up or end the session earlier etc etc.

    once you have the money in your hand, you are at their mercy is abuse and any day is wrong…

    So I think it’s all in the game.

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