Embarrassed to meet in public?

Has anyone ever met with someone in public that seemed embarrassed to be seen with you?

Maybe I’m tripping, but this was bugging me. I meet someone at a cafe. It’s our first meeting. I mention I only meet in public places on my profile. When I first show up I thought they just couldn’t find me. I mention what I’m wearing and so do they. I think I see them, but they’re wearing a mask. I message I’m behind them one table over. They sit at another empty table, but their mask is off now and it’s definitely them. I wave put they seem to be looking everywhere but at me. So I get up and walk over and they have the most unenthusiastic expression. I know I’m shy and awkward too, but this was beyond what I was expecting. They had positive reviews (but have since been banned). They tell they didn’t have their glasses on so they couldn’t see me. I guess they can drive without glasses. They then proceeded to say of a relative was texting them for an errand they needed to do and how they were tired from work.

So maybe this is a trigger for me, but I just wish people would not agree if they weren’t a 100% feeling to it. I feel like I was inconveniencing them. I don’t want someone to feel like they have to be there just to be nice. I said, hey if you need to go take care of that, don’t let me hold you up. They said it was fine, but body language said otherwise.

I’ve had a similar interaction before, but not as bad. How can I better screen? Am I missing something. Would cancel the meet if you showed up and the other cuddler seemed tired or uninterested? From the first one I already don’t contact or meet with those that don’t have pics or are obscuring their faces. I totally did not expect this after the positive reviews and them being eager to meet. I try to show accurate pics and personality descriptions so I feel I’m showing/telling people what actually to expect. Should I ask more direct questions about their expectations? Should have more grace for shy, awkward first meets?

Comments

  • Sounds like you did everything right. The only thing that comes to mind is he/she didn't read your profile or mixed you up with another cuddler.

    A real long shot....were you wearing a tee shirt with a highly popular/ unpopular politician's face, or maybe a far leftwing or rightwing cause slogan?

  • [Deleted User]Calibrate715 (deleted user)

    @unsocial_bee But previous interactions with them seemed positive? I could see how that would be confusing. It looks like you gave them an out and they didn't take it🤔

    And ahhhh, expectations - that's actually an excellent idea to discuss beforehand. I'm relatively new here but have figured out that's a great way to ensure a level of compatibility with a cuddle partner.

    Yes, grace for every damn thing - yourself included lol. In this scenario, do you feel comfortable enough to be direct with the person and ask if they felt comfortable with you? Let them know you're not offended if they didn't feel that you were compatible with them and that you just want to respect their time and space by asking.

    I guess I'd rather be direct because you could come up with a million scenarios as to why the vibe felt off. Sometimes when that happens we tend to let our insecurities drive that thinking so I'd hate for you to blame yourself.

  • [Deleted User]MrAdmirer (deleted user)

    sorry that happened to you, wish I was there to take their place.

    The whole scenario seems bizarre to me, We live in strange times. So close and yet so far. Maybe find another public place that is a bit more private so an ice breaker is easier?

  • That’s very weird of them and i’m sorry that happened to you! I couldn’t see anyone being embarrassed to be seen with you so they definitely had some internal things going on or just overall wasn’t a good person

  • @TigerFan maybe they did mix me up with some else. My clothing was plain, no slogans or graphics.

  • [Deleted User]WriterGF (deleted user)

    Kind of sounds like some blind dates I went on in my youth. You would arrange to meet somewhere, but if she wasn't attracted, she would leave without saying hello. Sounds to me like your cuddler got cold feet for whatever reason (or maybe was looking for something non-platonic and decided he wasn't interested?) I'm sorry your time got wasted.

  • @unsocial_bee I had a recent meet at a coffee shop and I was a little more timid than I had been in online conversations because it was literally so quiet you could hear a pin drop, so I was a little more self conscious about our conversation being heard by others, and in turn a little more stiff/nervous. I was/am eager to get to cuddle with them, schedules just haven't aligned yet.

    I think you can do the best you can and sometimes the other person could be feeling a certain way, and it not necessarily be about you. But it sounds like how you've responded to others inquiries on this thread you were yourself and not divisive with clothing choice/slogans. Being yourself is the most important 🤗

    Hope your next meeting goes better!

  • So sorry you had such an uncomfortable experience! This would definitely trigger my self-esteem issues. I would directly ask them what was going on, if you have off-site contact info, though you'll likely never get a straight answer. The issue lies with them, not you. 🤗

    ~ Sunset Snuggles

  • [Deleted User]GordonBrody (deleted user)

    My response is sort of the opposite. I am worried that other people will be embarrassed to be seen with me.

  • @SunsetSnuggles @unsocial_bee
    Since the member has been banned, I would suggest not reaching out to them via off-site messaging.

  • @SunsetSnuggles and @Calibrate715 I think I'll try the direct approach next time.

    @cudbud64 one thing I thought about later was that maybe the place was too busy, and he didn't want to be seen. At the end of our meet he did ask to exchange contact info, but by then, I wasn't comfortable and felt even more off. Was he being polite or was he genuinely? I told him I was going to run errands after and he offered me a ride. He seemed uncomfortable during the meet so I didn't want to be trapped in an awkward car with him. Many of the reasons I don't meet in private, if things are not going well I want to be able to safely leave or have them leave.

  • edited March 2023

    I've since had a nice encounter, so hopefully there's more nice ones to come.

  • @unsocial_bee I am totally with you, I never get in a car with someone unless I feel 100% comfortable with them and their vibe.

    @Charlie_Bear Legit!!

    ~ Sunset Snuggles

  • @Charlie_Bear yes, I agree. We never exchanged outside contact info, and I'm glad we didn't. Especially now since I found out they've been banned.

  • @unsocial_bee that could be possible, dependent on their social anxiety for sure. Also probably wise if your gut wasn't giving you good vibes. I understand the desire to keep things public, too.

    If you ever decided that you wanted to try a more private cuddle, having things scheduled and a time frame you can only be present for or a friend knowing where you're going/ nearby can be helpful for your own security. I've met with cuddle buddies privately who I've told I would be sharing my whereabouts with a friend, and some potentials have turned down cuddling or meeting if they were uncomfortable with that.

    At the end of the day, both cuddlers have to be on the same page about both people's boundaries, safety, expectations, which all stems from good authentic communication through the getting to know you process. Otherwise it won't work.

  • [Deleted User]Calibrate715 (deleted user)

    @unsocial_bee Oh yes, my brain skipped over the banned part momentarily. My apologies, I was caffeinating and attempting to form thoughts lol

    But definitely for the future, the direct but tactful approach could be helpful for clearing up confusion. If I'm hangry, tired, or nervous I'm not apt to be my usual self, so I'd hate for someone to think that was a negative reflection on them.

    @cudbud64 Yep on the safety buddy setup. Since I'm willing to provide a cuddle partner with the same info. and bringing them into my home, I don't feel it's a big ask. If they balk, then we're simply not a match🤷

  • @Calibrate715 it's okay. I made this post super early and fell back asleep while I was trying to comment :)

  • I’m reading all the different replies here in the different possibilities. I’m thinking feel yourself lucky. It could be a person that you don’t even want to cuddle with in the long run. Plus who knows why they got banned. Think of it as saving yourself some negative time in trouble.

    Just you be you and don’t worry about it. You are the best at being yourself and keep it that way I don’t change.

  • @unsocial_bee have you considered doing a zoom call in addition to or instead of a public meet? As a pro there is no way I could feasibly vet potential clients in person and I find that my zoom calls work very well. It still sucks and feels icky when a client rejects me but I imagine it’s not as bad or awkward as in person. It also makes me feel safer if I decide that this person isn’t a good fit for my services.

  • @xandriarain I definitely need a new approach because I’ve had more off/strange first time experiences that positive ones. Though I do find it harder to screen when I’m not in person.

  • @unsocial_bee The fact that he was banned means he saw you and you weren’t his sexual type after he saw you. Do I know that for a fact? No. But I can surmise that he was caught crossing boundaries with someone else so the good news is it wasn’t you. I would say your vetting was successful. Do you really want someone who just views you as a piece of meat? I mean you can jump in the lion area at the zoo if you wanted to be that.

    Vetting can mean you might get turned down. You weren’t rejected they rejected your boundaries.

  • Thanks, @FunCartel I just second-guess myself sometimes.

  • [Deleted User]kindnessmind (deleted user)

    I agree with everyone’s statement. I had a guy ask me to sit on his lap. I already said no the boundaries were already set. Another was into massage I’m set on boundary’s regarding touch. Cuddling is just what I’m comfortable with in public meets first. @FunCartel i like they rejected your boundaries not you. @unsocial_bee You did right and I’m the same way second guessing myself. I’m new to this.

  • @unsocial_bee I find it harder to screen when I’m not in person too so I get it. I hope you are able to stay safe and have more positive experiences come your way.

  • edited April 2023

    I’m not embarrassed to be with my step Daughter in public but I know people look at us weird sometimes. She 26, I’m 51, she looks nothing like me, she’s very affectionate and calls me daddy. I’m sure half the people think I’m her sugar daddy. So I’ve never been embarrassed to be seen with anyone but some situations Can be awkward.

  • [Deleted User]CharlesInWI (deleted user)

    @unsocial_bee

    I get this, basically all the time.

    And, I feel for you that it happened to you.

    I wish I could say you get used to it, or over it, but for me the truth is, you simply learn to not wince at the sting of it.

    But it still stings.

    For what it is worth, I would not be remotely embarrassed to be seen with you in public.

  • Thanks, y'all

    @Morpheus I don't think our situation was that awkward. We were essentially just two people sitting down at a coffee shop. Nothing out of the ordinary for the middle of the day. I suspect he had his own issues.

  • @unsocial_bee Wow, I honestly can't believe that happened to you. I'm so sorry you had to go thru that, but please know that it was 100% on him, and it's his loss. I know from firsthand experience that you are an amazing young lady, and anyone would be fortunate to hang out with you!

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