Purpose of this website

manonmanon
in General
From the title of this website "Cuddlecomfort" and the text on the info about the site page saying essentially you have a friend that you only want to be "platonic" friends with but you want to cuddle, here is where you find that. So why would so many men come here looking for sex? If it were titled "CuddleFuck" or "SexComfort" I can see how this would be misinterpreted, but it isn't...it is about cuddling which is inherently not sexual (though it might be sex adjacent as you might cuddle before or after sex), so why so many men troll for sex? Any ideas? Also any ideas for those of us looking for non-sexual touch to find actual people here who won't try to have sex with us or are doing it just to try to get sexual? Does anyone legitimately think this website is about finding people to have sex with? If so, what is your justification?

Comments

  • mderollebonmderollebon
    Cuddling is practically a euphemism for sex to many people, so it's not surprising that men (and women) come here looking for sex. All you can really do is be clear in your profile/messages that you are looking for platonic cuddling, and be sure a partner understands before you meet them.
  • Grace_AnnaGrace_Anna
    I started putting a message on my profile that I am not looking for sex or a relationship that includes sex. (I phrased it that way since friendship is also a relationship). Then, I also like to ask men who contact me how they found the site, what their boundaries and likes are, etc. This gives me a chance to directly express which areas of the body are off-limits and that I came here for platonic cuddling only. I figure being direct before meeting is a good chance for people who are
    looking to hook up to be happier by finding someone else who is looking
    for the same thing. Then, I usually meet someone in person the first time. Some men are very respectful of boundaries and appreciate the clarity. I find the above is the best way to cut down on the frustration for both parties, although it doesn't completely eliminate it. (I have met a couple of guys who repeatedly overstepped my boundaries in public despite my doing the above)

  • CrispinCrispin
    In one of his early books, Wayne Dyer described the urge for sex as drowning out a lot of lifes experience similar to attending a concert where the percussion instruments ran over every other musical nuance.  It is like that with many men at various points in their lives.
    I know my life would have been more productive in many ways were it not for a persistent sex drive. On the other hand I might not have become a father were it not so.
    What I've learned is that touch, kindness and hugs not only express ones sexuality but they also satisfy and even defuse it.
    I troll for non-sexual intimacy, tenderness, and the physical expression of tenderness.  I gain so much by omitting sex from the equation.
    Am I cheating nature in some way? 


  • docgatorbdocgatorb
    I'm reviving this thread because I think it relates to many other current threads. Essentially, it questions why we seek platonic cuddle sessions that don't lead to sex. I suspect that there are members who do don't really get this while we try to create an environment to encourage this, battling an uphill struggle.. Everyone tries to explain this biologically (release of oxytocin, and such), but I'm looking for comments such as the one by Crispin. Tender touch, for many of us, leads to relationship building and sex. On the other hand, some have found it worthwhile to remove the sex and pursue the cuddle by itself. I think some may wonder, that's all well and good, remove the expectation of sex, but if you happen to get aroused and with someone you find attractive, why not have sex? The answer, I think that would come from some is that as two consenting adults, you can do whatever you want but you miss the experience of physical contact without sex.  It's like meditation and sleep. When very relaxed, you may naturally fall asleep, but you then miss the experience of a prolonged period of relaxation while awake. Sometimes, the need for sleep is so strong that you probably should let yourself sleep and try meditation again another time.How have people handled this? I think that sharing these perspectives might do more than simply criticizing those who give in sexual urges.
  • jeff53jeff53
    From my understanding the whole point of cuddling is the healing connection of tactile touch without sex.

    Many times women search for this, but look for it as aftersex activity.  I believe it to be a healing skill to be able to seperate the two things especially if you are claiming to be a professional cuddler.

    Everyone wants to be touched in a non-sexual way for confirmation of existance, but with the looming sex drive that can get in the way there is this tension and hesitation that seems to prevent natural cuddling partners from getting together.

    Non-sexual cuddling, tenderness, healing is very hard to find and usually doesn't occur until after you have been in a long term relationship where the two partners have worked through all kinds of trust issues and non-verbal communication learning.

    Omitting sex from the equation isn't cheating nature, but instead is a skill that can be learned to enhance more positive lasting relationships.  If you find that sex is necessary I am sure they have websites specifically for that as well.

    Websites like these I believe are needed for those of us trying to find platonic cuddling relationships. This is so we don't have to worry about breaking down to the point that we have think we have to go to a prostitute for such relationships.
  • docgatorbdocgatorb
    jeff53: Yes, agreed, but the common 'problem' of tactile touch leading to sex is often mentioned. I think that this is less of a problem to those who are already in a separate sexual relationship or are asexual. But those who are already in a sexual relationship may have difficulty feeling or being made to feel that they are cheating (there are other threads discussing this). At least some people haven't felt  what it is like to experience prolonged cuddle sessions with someone with whom you don't already have an intimate relationship. Many describe it has healing properties and essential to well-being, but in what way? I think that 'confirmation of existence' is one good description,
  • [Deleted User]IsAnIsland (deleted user)
    Very well said @Jeff53. I believe there is a strong non-sexual future for cuddling.
  • MailleweaverMailleweaver
    Something that's helped me separate my sex drive from touch is to increase the amount of touching I do with everyone. Sharing touch with everyone instead of just the person you're in an intimate, romantic relationship with undercuts instead of reinforces the Pavlovian response of touch = readiness for sex. Give hugs to everyone who's open to them, hop in a friend's lap sometime just to be goofy (no matter whether you or they are a man or woman; pretty easy at Christmas parties--just pretend you're a kid talking to Santa, or be Santa yourself), give piggy back rides to the kids in your family, and find any other chance to share touch with people outside of sexual attraction or opportunities for sex. This helps fill the need for touch as well as separate it from sex in your own natural responses.
  • NinsianaNinsiana
    Yeah a lot of what people said, especially @jeff53 and @docgatorb make very valid points and reasons why platonic non-sexual cuddling is so uplifting. We have lived in a society where sex can be found more commonly than actual intimacy. Most people are deprived of it and it is sad. As a pro, I like to think myself more akin to a therapist. Cuddling is definitely therapy, as someone's emotional and physical touch is so powerful, the tenderness and calm it provides. That is what I feel is the purpose of the site, to help people become more intimate, which intimacy isn't inherently sexual at all, but our society tries to link intimacy to a romantic relationship to sex, or just sex. That is why I do not even consider cuddling cheating, as I am in a committed relationship with my beloved, but just non-sexual intimacy isn't cheating, it is natural. But that is just my little rant about it :)
  • im800mhzim800mhz
    @rei, very well stated. I've always thought there was a definite delineation between sex and intimacy. They don't always go hand in hand,
  • NinsianaNinsiana
    Yep, it is something I learned a bit during sociology in my high school a while back ago. I honestly feel as a society we have this odd feeling that intimacy has to be sexual and it causes us to feel isolated in our own lives.
  • snuggle554321snuggle554321
    @rei Well said!!!
  • im800mhzim800mhz
    not to beat the horse but @rei you really are onto something. I think this disconnect is why so many have other issues making meaningful connections with others. I am glad I discovered this site and like minded people. I don't feel so isolated inside anymore.
  • NinsianaNinsiana
    No worries @im800mhz, it isn't beating the horse at all, but making a valid observation. By isolating ourselves we create an invisible barrier around ourselves and makes it hard for us, as a society, to really connect with each other. Healthy contact nurture the mind, body, and soul. And if you ever need someone to chat with, feel free to message me.
  • funandadventurefunandadventure
    Dear All, This is one of the best threads on the site it is getting to the core of what TOUCH THERAPY is and how it works.
    How can we get more people to join in and truly interpret there thoughts.
    In my job the fear of touch for the first time can be so strong in the aged, some one who has not been touched for 30 years and a nurse wants to hold there hands. Once over the initial shock, they put out there hands waiting and wanting to connect day after day, walking arm in arm in the gardens under the disguise of stability, with a grin from ear to ear, Priceless.
    Love you all John Auckland NZ
  • funandadventurefunandadventure
    This one needs to be thought about again.
    John
  • I_am_PolyloverI_am_Polylover
    edited July 2017
    The founder of Cuddle Sanctuary wrote a blog post regarding arousal, and what to do about it. She gave me her blessing to repost it here, and I think it is pertinent to this thread.
    ♥Jim

    "It happened. I was at a cuddle event and started having sexual thoughts about a fellow attendee. Oops. I noticed myself starting to feel ashamed that my thoughts were inappropriate and creepy. “These aren’t the thoughts that I’m supposed to be having at a cuddle!” I chastised myself.

    My thoughts weren’t inappropriate and creepy. They were natural and human. And this awkward experience posed a good opportunity for me. It’s an important skill to be able to separate out the sexual from the sensual and platonic. Just as people naturally de-emphasize their sexual energy during...”

    http://cuddlesanctuary.com/started-sexual-thoughts-cuddle-event-video/
  • Mike403Mike403
    edited July 2017
    If anyone is just looking for sex, there are websites specifically for that. People need to be made aware of the difference between cuddling and sex, especially since there are paid professionals here. I don't want anyone to get the wrong idea that this is just another gateway to prostitution. This is a fragile industry as it is.
  • PotatoHeadPotatoHead
    edited July 2017
    There must be something wrong with me because I have endured multiple cuddle sessions with professionals and never wanted, nor expected a sexual encounter of any kind. In fact, with the right partner, cuddling is far more relaxing than stimulating and I have even fallen asleep while doing so but that's just me. 

    Although everyone is different, I do enjoy the feeling of skin because I'm human and touching skin brings with it a warm, soothing sensation. It also makes me feel trusted and welcomed. I once saw a professional who allowed me to lay my head upon her chest, which provided an overwhelming feeling. 

    By simply listening to her heartbeat and feeling her breathe, I fell asleep within ten minutes. It was definitely more therapeutic than anything else so therefore, I'm just a little confused when it comes to cuddling and the need to bring it any further. In fact, I can't understand why anyone would jeopardize losing a great cuddle companion. 

    @I_am_Polylover - Thank you for the very interesting link and to everyone else for their input. This is quite an interesting topic. 
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