paying 1st thing can be a problem

Jack62Jack62
in General

I've twice had cuddlers show up on drugs, drunk, acting poorly. This was not evident first thing. In both cases they were asked to leave before an hour had passed. I asked for some of the money back and was refused both times, for a total loss of $600. When I saw a cuddler who had in all caps here policy on "money 1st" and so I asked her about my issue with this and we discussed it rationally, until she saw that I wasn't interested in booking her. She reported this, but had it ALL wrong. She told the moderator that I wanted to take money back because of some performance issue. NOT TRUE, I perfectly understand that performance is not a criteria for payment, I would never do that. BUT being asked to leave early for their bad behavior certainly is. When the moderator wrote me, he had it ALL wrong too. Apparently only the men on this site can do wrong and whatever the woman says is gospel. After those encounters I started asking, only after showing the money and asking them to count it, that it be left on the table until we finished, along with this explanation and no one had any problem with doing that, I also said it was their choice, weather to leave it or not. The moderator threatened me with being banned if he ever heard of my making that request again. This is a poorly thought out policy that gives no quarter to the man and the starting point is the women are infallible.
One more observation is that this site has everything under the sun going on....everything you think is not supposed to be happening....IS.....it is a dating site, it is a prostitution site, it is a site for fakes, it is a site for scammers. Ya'll need to climb down off your high horses and get real.
Otherwise I've meet some wonderful women and had super sweet cuddles...............

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Comments

  • naominoirexonaominoirexo

    I don’t agree with taking back money or requesting money back. If the cuddler is intoxicated or under the influence ask them to leave immediately. If you can’t tell right away and u paid them , ask them to leave and report their profile for the behavior

  • Carrie_AnneCarrie_Anne
    edited June 2024

    I’m sorry to read about your bad experience, I would be upset too!
    I don’t know if you want to hear any advice but here’s mine:
    Be extremely careful of how you choose someone to cuddle with. I’ve recommended this many times. There are ways to see what kind of reputation people have here.
    There are clues that show how serious they are about cuddling.
    If it’s just another pretty face, only been here a very very short time, no or only one Karma… Probably should move on.
    There are many Pros here who are legit and take this very seriously, some even have taken courses in professional cuddling.

    I would never recommend a Pro begin a cuddle session without being paid first.
    Again, be careful about the company you choose to keep.

    I wish you best of luck!

  • SnugglyChelleSnugglyChelle

    I would never feel comfortable leaving money out on a table until a cuddle is finished. That's basically my client telling me that they're threatening to take it back. I'm also really unsure how it would not be evident that someone is heavily intoxicated until much later in a session.

    @devilsplaytingg has it right - ask them to leave and report them immediately if this is happening.

  • xandriarainxandriarain

    I agree with everything @g_w_t_w said completely. One green flag to look out for is a screening/ consultation call. Most legitimate cuddle therapists will take the time to do a phone or video call prior to their first booking. This helps us ensure that you are booking a session for the right reasons but it also helps us understand your needs better. These calls give you the client the opportunity to get a better feel for them and their level of professionalism to see if they are someone you really want to work with. As someone who has had to endure really uncomfortable sessions where the client was being extremely inappropriate and needed to be corrected constantly because I forgot to get payment upfront, there is a very good reason why cuddle comfort’s policy is that the payment is taken care of at the beginning of the session.

  • HaaaveyoumetsamHaaaveyoumetsam
    edited June 2024

    Hmm. This one is tough.

    Can I ask, if you’ve had plenty of cuddles, why isn’t there any karma? Mind you, this is me just being curious.

    As far as the pros who have shown up high or drunk, I’m sorry you had to experience that as well as lose money you spent for a good experience.

    That being said, I agree with the women who have commented about being paid upfront. I’ve made plenty of mistakes by not getting money upfront and then getting less than what I expected because they simply forgot how to count. So it is important for that to be the first step.

    Again, like the women who have commented on this, you’ll have to just try to find the pros who do take this seriously. As from what I see on here, there are so many great women who are on here because they love to do this. Check the karma, read their profile and even request that they show up clear headed. That’s all you can do really.

    There are so many people here for the right reasons.

  • autumnbottomautumnbottom

    @g_w_t_w I have seen you comment this on many of the forums and cannot help but feel as if you may be a tiny bit jealous of the younger girls... We are not just a pretty face. I have had lots of amazing sessions, a lot of people just don't leave karma and that's okay, but I know for a fact there was a time when you were considered "new" with zero karma and just wanted to make people happy. Sure there are girls on here that aren't here for that but they come in all ages and beauty ranges and to try and spread that we shouldn't be booked because we are "pretty and young" sounds like a statement made from jealousy. I insist you work on yourself because hating young pretty girls is incredibly ignorant and wrongfully hateful. How would you like it if we went around saying "hey don't book with the old women on here they are ugly and mean don't book them just because they are old and have been around too long with too much karma yuck" doesn't feel great and sounds like jealousy doesn't it

  • [Deleted User]justwanthugs (deleted user)

    I avoid this situation by reading karma, engaging with the person over a period of several days or even weeks prior to meeting. Also meeting somewhere prior to the cuddle would help as well. From those things, you should get a good take on their personality and their condition to cuddle.

  • pmvinespmvines
    edited June 2024

    The policies are there for a reason. I think you are making this into a men vs women debate as opposed to a business transaction issue, which is what it is. I realize you are upset and emotionally charged about it. It's just that you seem to be using the platform as more a means to complain about the mods response to you (which there are three sides to a story ), and then the underlying it's because I'm a man tone doesn't really do anything other than promote divisiveness .

    I personally don't have a dog in the fight here. I am sorry that you feel ripped off and that it was a negative experience. If you aren't here for as you refer "everything under the sun", then hopefully you will heed some of the advice given by people like @xandriarain and @g_w_t_w . Good luck .

  • SweetCuddler33SweetCuddler33

    Payment is due when we get to the cuddle session location..( Their home/hotel) I prefer to meet at a coffee shop 20 minutes before the appointment.. we sit down and talk for a bit., If the other person appeared to be under the influence of alcohol/drug I would be concerned.. I definetly would not ask them to leave .. especially, not, if they drove to the coffee shop to meet me.. never a good idea to drink and drive.. I would sit and make sure they drank coffee/water.. I would say “ let’s reschedule for another day when you are sober and please do not get in your car and drive to meet someone for a cuddle session or any other reason unless you are sober”I would wait with them for an UBER to arrive to take them home.. they could take an Uber back another time to get their car.. I would not begin a session or accept payment if the other person were not sober ..

  • ReltvlyCanshesReltvlyCanshes

    I don't believe I've been reported or anything like that, but i think that they would go and look at the interaction to verify the situation. I would hope they just don't take someone's word. If the mod got it wrong i suspect you are being completely honest about what happened. Because what you said i don't believe would get you a warning. I think we all know what goes on under the surface, that's why we count in mods to keep that activity low by banning people when they see it. No one is surprised, but what surprises me is that someone claims to be innocent of any wrong doing and blaming a moderator. Something in your statements or conversation had to cause the mod to correct your behavior. But that's all me assuming.

  • SweetCuddler33SweetCuddler33

    Intoxicated pros showing up to a cuddle appointment is wrong on many levels.. do not begin the session.. no payment.. do not ask them to leave .. make sure you help them sober up before asking them to leave .. just being a good human being 😃 you should report them to the site later .. showing up intoxicated is inappropriate/unacceptable behavior.. don’t book that person again .. there is never a reason/excuse to drink and drive ..

  • JohnR1972JohnR1972

    I have personally never had this issue. When I was hiring pros (about the first 2 years I was on this site) I never once had one ask for payment before the cuddle. I would have been willing but they didn’t ask so we cuddled first then I paid them.

    There is no “perfect” (I.e. risk free) solution to this situation. The client is risking money to pay before and pro is risking money to collect after.

    Possible compromises include…
    1) Pay electronically before the session so there is an option to dispute the payment and recover funds if something goes terribly wrong. This would involve a 3rd party so the transaction would be less private and would bind both pro and client to the terms of service of the payment system (PayPal, Venmo, etc.). Not ideal but it may help keep everyone on their best behavior.

    2) Treat a multi hour cuddle like a construction project. I was recently involved in a multimillion dollar construction project. Banks will not allow you to draw the entire amount of your approved line of credit for a building that does not exist and construction companies will not build a multimillion dollar building before getting paid. The solution is incremental payments. We signed a contract and gave the construction company the first payment to get them started. A month later, after they had completed part of the work, we drew more money from our line of credit and made the next payment. This continued for nearly a year until the project was completed and it lowered the risk for everyone involved. If you have a 2 hour cuddle booked, pay for the first hour then an hour later pay for the second hour.

    I am not saying either of these solutions are ideal, just a couple of options to reduce risk on both sides.

  • Notacat1Notacat1

    If someone showed up drunk to a cuddle I’d be upset that I wasn’t invited to the pre-game :(

    Maybe I’m ignorant, but how can you tell someone is on drugs? If you mean weed, eyedrops usually hides any evidence of that lol

    Also, in order to not lose out on so much money.. maybe only book for an hour the first time you book with someone? Unless you feel comfortable with them, why commit to a multi hour thing on first encounter. Then if you gotta cut it short you don’t lose out on much. Weirdly enough I’ve never been asked to pay upfront. It’s usually at the end if I didn’t already just leave it somewhere at the start.

  • Jack62Jack62

    I was on, earlier, quit and have come back. I saved these. had karma, some attached here

    Sassysasha006
    Sassysasha006 4 hours ago
    Jack is a sweet amazing guy! He listens,and respects boundaries. He is a great cuddler and made me feel very comfortable and relaxed. Enjoyed the time we had together and can't wait to have another cuddle session with him!

    Reply Report
    Rachelsnuggles
    Rachelsnuggles 2 weeks ago
    This is an amazing human being. I am very fortunate to have met him and look forward to seeing him again.
    Sweet intelligent funny interesting kind

    Mostly I'm surprised by these comments, no I'm not........some of you do not read with much comprehension. And everyone knows the answer, Haaaveyoumetsam got it pretty good.......
    I think I'll probably leave again.
    Oh, yes I've had a dozen cuddles, mostly very nice.....did you read my last line??
    The rule is to ridgid, it should be softened, I don't know how......just that I was robbed in my own home.
    have a lovely day....I'm otta here.

  • MorpheusMorpheus
    edited June 2024

    I’ve never paid in advance. I never pay deposits. Just don’t do it. It’s not a requirement of the site.

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    I never pay deposits but I do pay the fee up front just as the session is about to begin without being asked because I tell my cuddle pro if they are good I will be pretty zoned out and might forget. I hate putting anyone in the position of having to ask for their money.

    My other policy is to enthusiastically not pay enthusiasts.

  • Jack62Jack62

    since when is it not required to make payment before any cuddling happens.....I got raked over the coals by a mod over this very question and threatened to be banned
    No one had to ask for the money, I showed it, handed it to them, asked them to count it and then told the quick story about others leaving early and would they mind leaving it on the table, no one minded.....duh!

  • ShaneSchruteShaneSchrute

    When I stopped paying in advance or before a session I stopped getting scammed.

  • Jack62Jack62

    can't believe it took me a year to discover enthusiasts.....I'm newly enthusiastic ......thanks everyone

  • OverTheMooonOverTheMooon

    I'm sorry that happened, Jack. It really is a tough pickle.
    You seem like a reasonable guy. It sounds like you got ripped off by that first girl. Id recommend booking less time first. Then if it goes well, booking more.
    I've honestly forgotten to pay first, the first couple times I've booked a session. But, it is policy.
    I hope you could report the cuddler who left early.
    There's supposed to be a system in place for that. She should've gave you your fair share when she left early (assuming it wasn't your fault).

    As far as the girl who reported you, and the mod who 'had it wrong'. I'm sorry. Idk the whole story, but people are fallible. I've had good experiences with the site, so don't give up. there is no perfect way to prevent both of you being scammed. The money on the table is reasonable, but against the rules.

  • Jack62Jack62

    thanks Moon man........I have it figured out and all of your suggestions are part of it.......Long Live Enthusiasts LOL
    I just looked at my Visitors list .....it's all blown up, ya'll are adorable.

  • ATemporaryUser0ATemporaryUser0

    for a total loss of $600

    Well, this is part of the problem. You absolutely should not be booking any kind of session for that much money before you've even met the person.

  • TxTomTxTom
    edited June 2024

    I put the cash in an envelope in the foyer ahead of time. Unless I forget, I'll tell the Pro before she arrives where it is (if it's our first session). The vast majority of the time they won't even bother with it until they're leaving.

    I've never had a problem with the transaction itself.

    Edit: When reading about the problems on this and other threads that clients have had regarding Pros and payment issues, I just feel incredibly lucky that I've never had any issues with any of my Pros.

    I don't think it's anything I'm doing, I think it's just they've all been incredibly professional and mature.

    I feel very fortunate, indeed.

  • ShakeShake

    Sorry to hear about your experience. From a mod lense, I've seen the system be abused before but I've seen plenty of scammers get their comeuppance as well. It's pretty common for someone to believe the other gender gets special treatment when they get reprimanded or the person they reported don't get the punishment they were hoping to see so no judgements there, but would urge you to consider there's a nuance behind decisions. Also, just because there's those on this site who abuse their privileges, doesn't make this a dating site. When they're found out, they're banned or given a severe warning. Simple as that.

    I would recommend either talking to the moderator who handled your case or asking admin directly about the purpose behind certain rules. Hope you have better luck seeking out an Enthusiast as mentioned in your last post. Good luck to you.

  • BearBear

    I have not had an issue like this. I myself had to cancel and not show up before so I usually book a hour and pay for it with a new cuddler. Then as we cuddle, I'll increase the time. I also like that people mentioned about meeting up beforehand to get a feeling for the person is. This would work well also. After having this happen to you twice, I would definitely meet up before hand and schedule just one hour with an option to increase the time as the cuddling progressed.

  • cde123cde123

    Maybe you should sit down first with your cuddlers and discuss boundaries and expectations. That should clear up whether she's drunk or high. Then, you can pay her, and get started.

  • Carrie_AnneCarrie_Anne
    edited June 2024

    @autumnbottom
    attacking someone personally is never a good look for you. I think I may have hurt your feelings and I didn’t mean to.

  • CuddleHugs01234CuddleHugs01234

    I do collect upfront. There have been many pros burned by waiting to get the payment at the end. I can see how possibly alcohol was smelled after payment has been made. Or how actions were noticed after, since cuddling does commence immediately after payment.

    If I felt uncomfortable during the session, I would want it to end. Possibly booking for fewer hours as suggested above would help, then once you know them better, book for longer sessions. Or meet up in public first, and survey how they are acting before paying.

  • achetocuddleachetocuddle

    Not sure why autumn came up with her post, but I doubt g_w_t_w is jealous of her, me or anybody else, lol. G_w_t_w is giving good advice in a well-worded way. The guys who make threads like this tend to be guys who let physical attractiveness factor in too much. She is trying to help.

  • Carrie_AnneCarrie_Anne

    🙏🏻 @achetocuddle
    No matter how old we are, there’s always something new to learn about people!

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