Pet names?!?!

MajesticMangoMajesticMango
edited August 2024 in General

Question: Am I the only person who gets a tad bit uncomfortable when someone messages calling you a pet names right out the get go?

I get some people MIGHT think it’s cute but, my name is in my profile for a reason. Once someone starts using “love” “babe” “sweetie” and all the what nots, I run. Especially if I have to remind them my name is Krystal, not babygirl and they continue with the name calling.

Just my small rant.

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Comments

  • SunsetSnugglesSunsetSnuggles

    Yep, red flag. 🚩 It can be many things...built-in cultural misogyny, a plain old attempt at flirting, a power move to make you more vulnerable, a psychological method to build rapport, or in the same vein, a manipulation tactic to make you feel more of a bond than actually exists.

    I don't often wind up in conversation with these guys, because they typically reveal themselves in their very first message, and quickly realize I'm not here for whatever they are.

    But if I do wind up in conversation with them, I like to respond with, "You can call me Sunset". If they don't get that, I'll make my boundary more clear, "I reserve names like that for my boyfriend, sorry." Anyone who pushes beyond that can take a long walk off a short pier. 😉

    ~ Sunset Snuggles

    🫂 Enthusiast 🌄 Travel Fiend 🐄 Animal Lover

  • Sheena123Sheena123

    I will say that my whole family uses pet names for each other so I grew up used to it but it’s more stuff like “hun”. So I do say that all the time to everybody but if I get someone trying to call me gorgeous, baby, sugar… then I will tell them I’m not comfortable. I had one guy say I’m sexy and I just said with this being a platonic site, calling someone sexy is not appropriate. He had an absolute HE-motional breakdown. And he said what a lot of guys say when they come across a woman with boundaries “fine! I guess I just won’t ever compliment anyone ever again!!!!”…. A child. This 50-60 year old man became a child right before my eyes lol and also said garbage like “we have to be careful what we say around you women nowadays. Its not fair…”

    Listen sir…. I’ve never had to go through a day of my life saying “gee boy howdy, I better not say anything sexual or harassing to women today…” if it’s something you worry about, internalize that and find out why because most human beings don’t have to ever worry if they’re crossing a line because they treat other human beings with respect as opposed to calling every woman you come across “sexy” or gorgeous or baby… (btw, that guy got banned shortly after his tantrum with me 😅”

  • SergeantCubSergeantCub

    Not to justify any of this, but so many men out there are lonely and hurting. Ask me how I know

  • BearBear

    I’ve heard this from many women friends and acquaintances in the past. It took me a while to start using Honey in regards to my girlfriend. It’s not a word I would use lightly.

  • starrynitecudsstarrynitecuds

    @MajesticMango Yes, the immediate sweetie, honey, baby, beautiful, etc. are chat enders with me. I even have it in my profile, and it's still ignored or refused.
    I've been told, "I'm southern, that's how I talk to women."
    Thanks no thanks. I know there's going to be more boundary pushing.
    Another thing I watch for are the heart and kissing emojis. Chat enders. I'm shocked at how many Profiles have them, since kissing isn't allowed. 🤔
    Some scream NONPLATONIC with their constant use of 💕🥰😘 💖🩷❤️.
    Thanks no thanks.

  • TeddyCuddle45TeddyCuddle45

    Stuff like that never really bothered me, now that doesn't mean I'm comfortable with it, I just don't make a big deal out of it, but for me it's just not that big of a deal . I'm the kind of person to come up with nicknames, but that's clearly after we've gotten to know each other better. Some people don't like it and I can respect that, but when someone specifically says don't call me this or that and you keep doing it, the whole "oh that's just how we talk' excuse it mute at that point. It comes down to respect in my opinion, I have a high patience and tolerance level for most things, but not everyone is the same.
    So I think it winds down to being considerate and respectful of someone's wishes.

  • Erin_Elle_Erin_Elle_

    @MajesticMango @SunsetSnuggles @Sheena123

    Y’all are dropping gems this morning — 😊👏🙌 I tend to tolerate pet names in messages, even though they make me cringe a little.

  • HoodiesnugglesHoodiesnuggles

    Pet names are a huge red flag for me but the bigger red flag is if they keep using them after I request that they stop doing so. I know some men are well intentioned but it rubs me the wrong way when they call me any pet names. It’s like they are trying to create an intimacy out of thin air. It doesn’t exist yet and the work has to be done to get there. It makes me feel cheap somehow.

  • TxTomTxTom

    Reading about "beagle beak" and "frog lips" from this thread.

    https://www.cuddlecomfort.com/forum/discussion/20320/cuddle-comfort-use-of-pet-names/p1

  • MajesticMangoMajesticMango

    Wow. I just want to say thank you to everyone who responded.
    Live on Frog Lips and may his thread never get forgotten

  • Jack62Jack62

    I hate being called "hun" it happens a lot................

  • [Deleted User]MaverickLegend (deleted user)

    When someone calls me hon/hun, I politely say just call me Attila

  • [Deleted User]MaverickLegend (deleted user)

    I may not be a smart cookie, but I’m not diabetic and I may be nuts, but I’m not a squirrel. I may be this, but I may not be that but one thing I know for sure is do not call a cuddler bird beak.

  • SoosonSooson

    @lonelytauros how about just be firm? like this :

  • JubalJubal

    Interestingly, I get many, many pros whose first message to me will use "baby", "honey", "dearest", etc in addressing me. It's never bothered me and it's not something that stands out to me.

    Conversely, I don't think that I use 'pet names' when contacting pros, although it's now tempting to use 'beagle beak' to see what kind of reply I get lol

  • dennis22554dennis22554

    drat---i thought this was going to be a topic about real pet names---may be it is

  • dennis22554dennis22554

    I own the rights to "beagle beak"

  • ChrissyNoirChrissyNoir

    @dennis22554 lol —- me too

  • dennis22554dennis22554

    @chrissy---we are going to have to fight---most likely to the death!! Actually, I changed my mind--I have a feeling I would loose!

  • SunsetSnugglesSunsetSnuggles

    @SergeantCub
    Absolutely, most people are here because they're lonely. But the majority don't use overly-endearing terms for strangers.

    @starrynitecuds
    100% on the hearts and kissie faces. This isn't middle school and you're not my boyfriend! I'm even careful using hearts in public address on the message board, here.

    @dennis22554 @chrissy123xo
    Me three - I thought it was going to be, "Tell us the name of your pets!" 🐈‍⬛ 🐶 🐇

    @Jubal
    Those types of Pro's are likely using the same types of tactics I mentioned in my initial post - in this scenario, probably the attempt to establish a sense of closeness when it isn't there, to stroke the ego, and to flirt just enough, but not too much. They know what they're doing. They're not all southern waitresses. 😉

    @Hoodiesnuggles posted: "It’s like they are trying to create an intimacy out of thin air."
    Exactly this.

    ~ Sunset Snuggles

    🫂 Enthusiast 🌄 Travel Fiend 🐄 Animal Lover

  • achetocuddleachetocuddle

    I don't like pet names from a cuddler and would tell them to quit if I kept talking to them. The last time I recall someone using a pet name here was when a woman suddenly started calling me boo out of nowhere. I knew then she was a scammer. I reported her and requested our DMs to be read because it was so subtle. They did not ban her then and I thought that was the right thing to do. But the mods did keep the info in mind and a few months later she was banned.

    Of course not everyone that uses pet names is a scammer, but 99% of the time they will be someone you are better off never knowing.

  • dennis22554dennis22554

    @sunset--I am shamelessly plagiarizing your pet names to create a form--the gods will most likely strike me down--but some ow Ill keep ticking

  • MorpheusMorpheus

    I had a pro that started calling me Daddy a few day into chatting. I am a girl Dad so I’m very used to a girl calling me Daddy but it still felt kinda odd. Then she started with the I Love yous. I’m very expressive and I do say I love you to the people that I’m close to but I was like wait, we’ve never met, you’re calling me daddy and saying I love you. Felt like a fatal attraction so I cancelled the session.

  • CuddleHugs01234CuddleHugs01234

    Yep, red flag. If they are using words like that, they are probably wanting more than platonic cuddles.

  • come_relax161come_relax161

    Yeah nobody that you just meet should be giving you any nickname, especially a pet name. Run for the hills cuz you got a creeper in your mist. Huge red flag!

  • SunsetSnugglesSunsetSnuggles

    @Morpheus
    😆 I hope you reported her, that chick was either looking for some kink or a sugar daddy.

    Massive difference between your daughter and some stranger off the internet calling you Daddy. No one can try to pass that one off as southern hospitality. 😏 Glad you dipped.

    ~ Sunset Snuggles

    🫂 Enthusiast 🌄 Travel Fiend 🐄 Animal Lover

  • Empress_SwanEmpress_Swan
    edited August 2024

    My baby is named oreo 😍 for a second i thought this would be about actual pet names😆🤣im so off but.... I feel like cuddlers should be respectful to one another and call each other by their actual names thats displayed on cuddle it could very rude to call someone a pet name

  • KaaGeeKaaGee

    Back in my days as a bartender, most everyone was "hon" but usually it was because I couldn't remember their names. I did remember what they drank, though...
    I'm very suspect of pet names these days because I was with a guy for a long time that called any female "Baby". It was very odd to not know if he was talking to me, or one of his daughters, or maybe even the waitress.

  • CuddleDuncanCuddleDuncan Mod

    Anybody - irrespective of gender - using a pet name in an opening message is on the wrong site. It's not Reportable in itself, but a second offence after a request not to do so is definitely Reportable. Not because of the heinousness of the crime itself, but because of what it represents. The people who do that sort of thing are universally trying to exploit or harm our community.

    Anybody good who, through cultural background or habit, does something like that will simply apologise and not do it again. And if the habit is so ingrained that they do do it again, they will apologise even more profusely.

    There are places where use of such terms is common and acceptable in person on first meeting: in a shop, for example. But that's a completely different context.

    Apologies are very good indicatiors. Or rather, the lack of them is.

  • WestsideMarcWestsideMarc

    When a cuddler calls me hun, babe or sweetie right off the bat that’s a red flag for me.

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