How to craft an opening message

nomad_andynomad_andy
in General

I'm shy online, and I don't know how to make small talk. I like to get straight to the point. When messaging another enthusiast, I usually just say "Would you like to cuddle?" But I have not been getting very many replies. Maybe I don't sound serious? They think I'm a scammer or bot? How do I come across as a safe, friendly guy?

Comments

  • Comet85Comet85
    edited September 2025

    Here’s the skeleton of an opening message I sent that resulted in my first booked session:

    Hello! :) [mention I’m new here and have not cuddled yet]
    I’m hoping to schedule a cuddle session (my first!) this weekend, and I think you might be a good match. I appreciated your [what made their bio appealing to me]. [Brief backstory on me to set context for my emotional state and hopes for what I’ll get from a cuddling session].
    If you have availability to host [a few days that will work for me], particularly [my preferred time], please let me know. I would love to start with a one-hour session. Thanks!

    Edit to add:

    For an enthusiast, I haven’t actually connected for a cuddle but I’ve had a nice chat going with one local enthusiast for a couple weeks even though our availabilities haven’t synced yet. Here was my opener:

    Hi there :) I’m Comet85, and I’m fairly new to this site but I thought I’d reach out to say hi. I’m curious if you might like to meet up sometime soon for a cup of coffee, a sit in the park or a cuddle at your place? Let me know :)
    I’m free tomorrow [specific date] in the middle of the day. Beyond that I typically don’t know my weekend availability until a couple days in advance due to wanting to be on hand for co-parenting, so it’s a bit of a moving target.
    Anyway, hi there :)

    There ya go, good luck!

  • SpaceGoatSpaceGoat

    I would maybe say a bit about yourself and what you are looking for out of a cuddle? That’s where I would start the convo after a first message that was sparse.

  • BlueIrisBlueIris Mod

    @nomad_andy Speaking for myself, an enthusiast, your to-the-point message wouldn't work for me at all. If you're messaging other enthusiasts, I think it's safe to say they want to get to know you a little before deciding whether you're safe to cuddle with. The fact that you're not getting many replies is proof.

    @Comet85 The message sample you have above is pretty good if you're sending it to a pro. Again, if you're sending that as a first message to an enthusiast, you're probably not going to have much success. As an enthusiast, I'm highly unlikely to ever agree to meet anyone for a cuddle until after I'd had plenty of conversations with him.

    That's the major difference between a pro and an enthusiast: the amount of getting-to-know-you time needed before an enthusiast will meet someone new is typically significantly longer. If you don't have the patience or inclination to take that time and get to know an enthusiast so she feels safe with you, then just hire a pro.

  • pmvinespmvines

    I don't think anybody has ever had any success with cold messaging hey you wanna cuddle to someone

    First thing I'd say is to shift your focus away from cuddling. You need to have trust and rapport and familiarity with an interwebs stranger. Don't assume that just because they are on a cuddle site means they are wanting to immediately throw safety and caution to the wind and meet a stranger for hugs. You need to treat it like any other kind of social exchange and work on getting to know each other first.

    I wouldn't do anything too long it rambling for an initial message. And I wouldn't make it about you and why you want to cuddle etc. I would make it short and thoughtful. Something like hi, you seem like a cool human. Love your pic with the puppy, how old are they ? Hoping all is well with you and that the site has been kind . Maybe make a joke or an observation about something , or a smartass comment. Then just send and forget. If you are meant to hear from them then you will. If not, that's ok.

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel
    edited September 2025

    @nomad_andy First of all, kudos to you for being brave enough to share your vulnerabilities. But this may also be the weakness of your profile. I will explain so it makes sense.

    If you lead with loneliness and craving intimacy it comes across as either desperate or too weighty or clingy. Why? Because you are still a figurative vapor to a stranger on the internet who knows little about you that saying you are lonely and craving intimacy feel like a customer service ticket at a car repair facility. Those are the symptoms…fix me.

    Instead lead with your story of what brought you here. What in the past has made you lonely? A divorce? Abusive relationship? What are some of the hobbies you developed to keep yourself occupied? What are your passions? Even if you have never tried a passion but you daydream about it—put it out there. What are your strong opinions? These bits of information are the bones of who you are that people will ask questions about…conversation starters. And after you have given this information, then you say that despite all of this you are still lonely and craving intimacy. Not so daunting a statement because you are now more of a human to them and they have something to ask you about or reply to. They can relate to you because you have done some of the heavy lifting.

    Admitting you are lonely and craving intimacy was the hard part. Telling a bit about yourself is how you harvest a deeper compassion for your situation. Don’t sell yourself short—you deserve happiness and feeling whole. I think you can achieve that. But it may take a bit of time and I do wish you the best on this site.

    While sending a first message is taking a step forward, your profile is somewhat of a soft background check of who you are.

  • Gwynne42Gwynne42

    You guys have given great advice. Posting in threads is also a good way to get noticed.

  • easyvibes223easyvibes223

    I use the “I would like to schedule a cuddle session with you” all the time and it works fine for me. I think your tagline needs to change, “I like to cuddle while gazing in your eyes” is a little creepy.

    And just talk about “why” you want to cuddle (not in a creepy way) and maybe ask ChatGPT to help edit it. Just be aware that some cuddles are flaky as fuck and not every person you are going to try to cuddle with will happen for one reason or another.

    They could be looking for a vibe you are not bringing as well and you will never know because they just won’t say anything.

  • jmdankjmdank
    edited September 2025

    @nomad_andy I understand your mindset, I can be that way too but I've learned over time to build up some rapport and possibly some trust with someone first before being so blunt, don't get me wrong I can still be blunt sometimes but I can tell people don't like it, chatting with someone for a while can help you find good people so you can avoid bad situations.
    @TheFunCartel That is great advice!!

  • mauvefoxmauvefox

    The advice here is mostly good so far. I’m an enthusiast and I agree with others, I would not reply to hour message if that’s what you sent.

    I spell out in my profile to please not request a “session” from me. I’m an enthusiast. I’m looking to make a connection. I message back and forth on the site for a while before making any next moves. And that next move is usually just texting off site.

    Say hello. Ask how we are. Tell us why you’re messaging us based on our profile, maybe something we wrote that you connected with. Tell us something about yourself.

    Also try not to have “non conversation” starter messages. If you’re sending a message and you’re not giving me something to build off of, I’m not messaging back. I just can’t do all the mental work of a conversation.

    Also fill out your profile way more. Who are you? What are you interested in? Other than being lonely, why are you trying out cuddling?

  • SideonSideon

    Going to point out here that Meet Ups are a fantastic way to make connections, which make it much easier to then message and correspond after said event if you didn't cuddle then, but either of you are interested. As in all things, no still means no.

    I highly encourage going to one to meet fellow enthusiasts. You have no idea who you'll meet, but you already know you have a group there of shared interest in potential cuddles. At the Meet Ups I've been to, people don't cuddle at that event, but they're a way to explore interests in 1:1 or even cuddle puddles.

    Even though I've been on CC for years, I have a high strike out rate of responses. I'm probably way too direct: "hey, do you want to meet up for coffee and see if we vibe and want to cuddle?" Note, no one is obligated to respond to a mod, btw.

  • CapybaraCuddlesCapybaraCuddles
    edited September 2025

    Hi, I'm also new here and haven't set any sessions yet. I'm hoping to build a community presence so more people would reach out. As of right now my work schedule is erratic but once things have leveled out, I plan on reactivating pro status. I wish everyone here the best of luck with finding people to cuddle!

    [Be sure to not advertise in the general forum when/if you do reactivate as Pro, @CapybaraCuddles . Thanks. -Sid]

  • CuddleDuncanCuddleDuncan Mod
  • mauvefoxmauvefox

    @CuddleDuncan
    Always at the ready with the links. 😁
    Cause not all heroes wear capes.
    (And maybe you do have a cape. That would be awesome. 🤷‍♀️)

  • nomad_andynomad_andy

    Thank you everyone for your advice! I'm going to update my profile and try to be more conversational in my messages.

  • AuroradreamAuroradream

    A recent opening message I got was very nice in all respects and included a statement something like... I cuddled with someone a few weeks ago here and they can tell you I am a safe person. I was glad to hear that-But, there wasn't any name or karma available to refer to.

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