I put off writing this because I'm not really the right person. But I am bored of saying the same things over and over again, both on the forum and to folk who PM me, so as is my wont I'm going to create a reference post. Women, please oh please think back to when you were new and add your thoughts.
Note that this is aimed at enthusiast women who cuddle men, and may or may not apply to professionals or others.
Welcome!
So you are a woman enthusiast cuddler (i.e. not a professional) and you're new? Welcome! I hope you find whatever it is you are looking for. If you're wondering how to navigate Cuddle Comfort (CC) ... this will help.
You are in the right place by the way. Lots of people find something good here, be it gentle platonic touch, cuddling, new acquaintences/friends, or just conversation.
Firstly, read the start of the Frequently Asked Questions thread at the top of the General board. This will answer all the questions you didn't know you had. Then explore the rest of the site, it isn't big. The forum contains lots of gems but they are rather scattered and sometimes buried.
Secondly, recognise that both this site and the wider cuddle world tend to reward
- patience
- effort
- self-awareness
- thoughtfulness
- respect
Thirdly, remember that everybody on this site arrived with some kind of story. Nobody ever said, "My life is happy and fulfilling and I get loads of cuddles, I think I'll join a cuddling community." Many of the people who have been here a while (including me) have added a new, happy chapter to their story.
Getting Started
This is a social networking site which works best when you use it to create social connections. Chatting online, posting in the forum, and - if and when you would like - meeting people in person. If you are meeting somebody for the first time, here are some top tips:
As this is a social site we'd like to know something - anything - about you. If you can bear it, write a few lines in your profile. It doesn't matter what. Perhaps some words about things you like, your circumstances or what brought you here. If you'd like to post a photo or five - hooray. If you'd rather not - well, that's hooray too. It's up to you. However, if you don't, please do post a picture of something that you like or is meaningful to you. Nobody likes looking at an array of blue default photo boxes.
A common experience of women new to the site is being overwhelmed with messages. It depends a lot on where you are and doesn't happen to everybody. Fortunately, you don't have to reply to all of them. Actually, you don't have to reply to any of them. If you don't fancy replying, then .... just don't. The End. If anybody hassles you for a reply simply Block them. (And consider Reporting.) Block, Report and Delete The Conversation are hidden under the 3 dots.
The site is good at protecting us from those who wish us harm and globally 20 or 30 people are banned daily. Others are given lesser sanctions such as a final warning or temporary suspension. Sometimes it's not possible to sanction an offender at once due to lack of independent evidence. However, the Report is recorded and may help the moderators (mods) identify a pattern. If in doubt, Report: always.
A person you have Reported will not know that you have done it, although they may guess. There are potential exceptions, but they are vanishingly rare and occur only in very particular circumstances
Moving Forward
Keep messages on the site until you are ready to meet. This is a rigid requirement for professionals and although it technically isn't for enthusiasts, it is vehemently recommended for your own safety. Please, please, do it. Mods can read messages on the site if required, but they can't if it's all on Whatsapp. A request to move the conversation off the site in the first few messages is a Red Flag: please Block and Report. This is a standard technique used by creeps because it makes it harder to get them banned. The site can deal with the bad guys, but it has to know who they are and the only way is for the community - that's you, me and everybody - to point them out.
At the first hint of anything sexual, non-platonic or remotely fetishistic, Block and Report. This includes
clothing requests
'skin to skin' or similar (euphemism for nudity)
massage
crude or sexual language
History teaches us that it is very rarely worth giving such people the benefit of the doubt. So don't. Once in a blue moon with tartan spots you will be doing a decent person a disservice, but they will survive.
If and when you do take messaging off the site, do not use apps with disappearing messages. Again, suggesting this is a Red Flag and you should Block and Report immediately.
I appreciate that it can be difficult to Block somebody in whom you have invested time and effort. Which gives us another top tip - do not become emotionally invested in a person you have not met. This is a standard internet protocol. In fact all standard internet rules for safely communicating with and meeting people apply. For example, if you wouldn't do it in the dating world, don't do it here.
But remember! The commonest type of man on this site is nice, somewhat lonely or miserable, and basically harmless. Men and women both face difficulties in getting the best out CC, it's just that the particular challenges tend to be different.
Maintaining Control
There is much to be said for simply ignoring all the messages and taking charge of the process yourself. Use the filter options to search the men in your area, and write to the ones that seem interesting. Writing commits you to absolutely nothing. The ideal opening message [is]
- Written in correct English, without abbreviations/textspeak
- Polite and respectful
- Probably about five to ten short sentences in length
- May include a photo if you do not have public photos in your profile
- Individual to the recipient
- Refers to their profile (if possible) in an interesting and appropriate way
- As much about them as it is about you
- Seeks only to open a conversation
Before replying to a message, or sending an opening one, always read their profile thoughtfully. It may contain more clues than you would expect. Clearly there is no certain way of telling what somebody is really like from the internet but there are positive factors that you can look for. In no particular order:
lots of Karma
Friends (especially enthusiasts, not professionals)
well written profile of several paragraphs using correct English
thoughtful photo set
long time on the site
good responses to your questions
good forum posts
Obviously there are numerous exceptions to all of these, it's the pattern that matters.
Karma should not be relied upon on its own. Always click through to see what you think of the writer, and see what your subject wrote about them. Be particularly cautious of Karma written by professionals when they were new: such people sometimes write false good Karma because they are scared of revenge Karma spoiling their business. In truth, revenge Karma gets deleted by the mods. Always Report false or misleading Karma.
And now ... You are ready to start!
TL:DR
Have fun! This is a good place
Read the FAQ and Terms of Service
At the first sign of trouble, or even doubt, Block and Report