Starting a conversation

BohemianguyBohemianguy
edited February 10 in General

How do most of you start a conversation when you send a new person an email. It's obvious that everybody's here for a cuddle, but I think it's best to start out chit-chatting a little bit, but it's hard to chit chat with a stranger, so how do most of your conversations go?

Removed some words [CharlieBear]

Comments

  • pmvinespmvines

    Why do you think everyone is here for a massage or more ? Can you clarify what you mean ?

  • Sheena123Sheena123

    I’m not here for a massage or more 🤔

  • [Deleted User]EasyLike2 (deleted user)

    lol that made me laugh. I think someone is in the wrong chat room

  • Carrie_AnneCarrie_Anne

    I think someone is on the wrong website, actually! Way to expose your intentions lol

  • GuyverGordonGuyverGordon

    @Carrie_Anne ... you changed your name!

    😁

  • BohemianguyBohemianguy

    Sorry, I meant cuddle and I've edited my comment.

  • Sheena123Sheena123

    Ok, you may have changed the word massage to the word cuddle, but you still kept the “more” when saying “ It's obvious that everybody's here for a cuddle or in some cases more,” which still makes me think the word “more” means non-platonic.

  • BohemianguyBohemianguy

    I said that because I have been propositioned by a few "enthusiasts". There are some who are here for business purposes unfortunately.
    But that's a whole different discussion from what I am trying to learn.

  • Sheena123Sheena123

    Make sure to report enthusiasts that pretend to be a pro. That’s not allowed.
    Unfortunately, you’re going to get a lot that pretend to be an enthusiast and chum it up with you to planning a day and time and then all of a sudden, throw a price at you. All you can do is report and move on.
    Find profiles that have a lot to offer in who they are as a person and talk about that: fave shows, pets, music. Lots to randomly talk about.

  • BohemianguyBohemianguy

    That is a helpful suggestion. Thanks Sheena

  • Sheena123Sheena123

    You’re welcome 👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻

  • [Deleted User]diegosensible (deleted user)

    @Bohemianguy I think it's good to be friendly and yourself! Say "Hi!" and tell the other person why you're here and what you're looking for on the site, so you're on the same page right away. Even if it says you only want platonic friends and connections in your profile, I think it's good to emphasize since it's so common to see others who are here for something else entirely.

    Then like @Sheena123 says, find something you have in common and talk about it. Ask questions, show interest in the other person's profile and interests. Be friendly and kind and if the other person doesn't respond, don't take it personally, just keep trying with other people.

  • BohemianguyBohemianguy

    If I start out by saying what I want,like, I would love to cuddle, I read elsewhere in the forum that is coming on too strong.

  • [Deleted User]diegosensible (deleted user)

    @Bohemianguy I think you probably want more than that, right? Like, we want to cuddle, but we usually don't want that alone. It would be weird to just walk into a stranger's house, knock on the door, sit on the couch, hug for 15 minutes and walk out without any words spoken. So I think what you want is really just to connect with people; hopefully cuddling is an extension of that when you both feel comfortable with it. I think you should evaluate what cuddling means to you at a deeper level and express that (e.g. "I'm here to make friends and platonic connections, I've been pretty lonely after Y-event happened and want to find people I can be real and vulnerable with" is one example that comes to mind).

    But in some ways, I meant more like reiterating that you don't want romance or sex, since that's what a lot of people seem to think this is really about and from what I've read from other women, that's like 90+% of messages they get. I think reassuring people that you want to connect with that you really are here for platonic reasons is always a win. Maybe something like "Hi! I saw your post on the forums and wanted to introduce myself. I'm looking for platonic friends and people I can be close to, and you seemed like someone I'd like to know more about. I saw on your profile that you like The Lego Movie, me too! ...."

  • CuddleDuncanCuddleDuncan Mod
    edited February 10

    This thread is relevant:

    And so are these:

    The basic framework for conversation, which applies to early messages with an internet stranger, is

    • respond to what the other person has just said
    • say something relevant and interesting about yourself
    • pass the baton back to them, perhaps with a question

    The initial 'response' will probably be something in their profile if there is enough of a profile to comment on. If not, skip straight to step two and say something about yourself. Attach a photo to your message if you do not have any in your profile.

    Correspondants who make the slightest, ambiguous hint about seeking 'something more' should be Reported immediately. On this website, history teaches us that ambiguous = guilty as a weasel in a henhouse.

    @Bohemianguy yes, starting out with something which means "I want to cuddle with you" is coming on far too strong because you are treating the other person as a Thing, not a Person. How do you know you want to cuddle with them until you have made some kind of connection? Spoiler alert; you don't.

    Always remember that cuddling is primarily an emotional experience. Yes the physical aspect is important but ultimately it is secondary. In general, women tend to value the emotional side of cuddling more than men: obviously there are numerous exceptions but making this your starting point is likely to prove helpful.

  • GuyverGordonGuyverGordon

    It would be weird to just walk into a stranger's house, knock on the door, sit on the couch, hug for 15 minutes and walk out without any words spoken.

    That would be weird. No no no ... you hug for at least an hour and then leave without any words spoken.

    🤪

  • [Deleted User]diegosensible (deleted user)

    @GuyverGordon exactly, ha 😂

  • great_pillow08great_pillow08

    @Sheena123 Just about every male cuddler I’ve ever met with says most women on this site are here for “more”. You and I just don’t see it because we don’t cuddle women (??) I’ve seen what they see and it’s about as bad as what we DO see from makes. It’s why BOTH genders have to be “ready” for what they might randomly read in a private message. I just don’t know how many of them report it..

    I’d look at their profile and see what their occupation is and ask how they got into that field or if they have kids, ask their ages. Ask if they like to travel and where their favorite place to visit has been.. Keep it “personal”, but surface level!

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