Experiences with Unanswered Messages With Pros

Hi everyone,

I wanted to share something I’ve noticed and hear your thoughts. I’ve reached out to some pros over the years with genuine interest in booking sessions, and sometimes my messages went unanswered, even when the pro was active on the site and booking with others. I completely understand that pros have the right to choose who they work with and can prioritize as they like.

That said, it can feel a little disheartening when a message is ignored. I think it’s natural to feel disappointed or wonder if you did something wrong, even when it’s really just a matter of the pro’s preferences or schedule. There was one who is local, has a reasonable rate, and can host. I politely reached out asking what their availability was, waited some days and got no response. I figured perhaps the message was buried so I followed up some time after that, but still no response. I checked and saw they logged in several times since each message and even had new karma up. I would think my profile wouldn't say anything that would push one away and that it would be professional to at least respond at some point and to not discriminate, as it's a platonic paid session. Do some pros actually ignore people based on looks?

I’m curious how others handle this - do you follow up politely, move on quickly, or just accept that some pros may not respond? Any tips for navigating this gracefully, or experiences you’d like to share, would be really helpful.

I hesitated to post this, as I don't like to complain on here but I'm just genuinely confused.

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Comments

  • Is this a regular phenomenon ?

    It seems to me that the closer a community member is to me, the less likely they are to reply to my message.

    Has anyone else experienced this, or is it just me ?

  • There are multiple threads about this in the general forum that may be enlightening. I encourage you to particularly pay attention to the comments written by women as that appears to be who you may be contacting.

    https://www.cuddlecomfort.com/forum/discussion/24280/enthusiasts-responding-to-message-ignore-or-engage

    https://www.cuddlecomfort.com/forum/discussion/24333/bewilderment-re-no-response-after-getting-a-sincere-response

    https://www.cuddlecomfort.com/forum/discussion/24236/no-responses-from-enthusiasts

  • I’m curious to know what others experiences are. It happens to me from time to time as well but it can be for a myriad of reasons.

  • All I can say is that pro missed out on an amazing snuggle with you, that’s for sure. I can’t speak for other pros but I don’t care about looks, I care about respect. You coveted all bases to make sure the pro received your message so it definitely seems like they’re ignoring you. Not sure why 🤷🏻‍♀️ but I would take that as your answer and move on. There’s no point in taking it personally when you don’t truly know the answer.

  • edited February 17

    Asking "what's your availability" to someone whose schedule is in constant flux could be the friction point. Even if they want to help you, it requires some mental labor that they might not be able to source in that moment. Then another message comes saying "I'd like to make an appointment for this day, time, location, and duration." And all that has to be said is yes or no.
    That's how it goes for me anyway. I never mean to ignore anyone who sends a harmless message, I rarely recite my dynamic and unpredictable schedule.
    Try that.

  • edited February 17

    This happens to everybody and is common. The overall reponse rate from professionals is no better than 50%.

    The most likely explanation for the scenario the OP describes is from the professional restricting the number of clients in some way, for example by only accepting repeat clients and not taking any new people. Or something like that. Almost all professionals are part time and frequently have constraints of one kind or another. Yes of course they should say that somewhere in some way .... but life isn't perfect.

    It's highly unlikely to be looks in the conventional sense. It's just possible that there is something triggering her. As I say when preparing candidates for interview, if you turn up wearing the same outfit as their partner who they caught cheating this morning, you're not going to get the job.

    One polite follow up after a suitable interval is a good idea, but if there is still no response just move on. And I repeat, it's much more likely to be something about the professional than anything to do with you.

    Some relevant threads:

  • edited February 17

    My opinion is this. This is a business for them if they are a cuddle pro. You can't take it personally. If you were calling refrigerator repair person, or wanting to book a massage, or learn how to samba, and you aren't getting a return call, you keep going down the list until you do. You wouldn't be asking yourself well what did I do wrong, or getting upset over it . I realize booking a cuddler is feeding a different set of needs than that of booking a tax consultant, however on the other side of that coin, it is not that different because it is strictly business. If they don't get back to you then it can be due to multiple reasons, or due to nothing at all. And it is rare that those reasons have much at all to do with you as you might think. You really can't take this sort of thing personally . It's not always about us my guy.

  • Thanks for the responses everyone. I was curious if this does happen to others. As for me, it's definitely not what usually happens when messaging with pros. I think it's happened 3 or 4 times through the years since I joined out of the many pros I've messaged. I expect a higher percentage of not receiving responses from enthusiasts of course.
    In response to @CuddleDuncan without naming names, this particular pro just joined in January and doesn't have a lot of karma (though there is some) so I wouldn't believe there are too many repeat clients yet.
    To give paint a fuller picture what I had said was hello, with a greeting, gave my name, inquired about when they might have availability and about payment methods, then said have a great day. maybe too short and to the point, or maybe too wordy. From the perfect opening thread I see the answer varies from person to person.
    I am just going to move on and appreciate the helpful and kind words here. I'm not upset, just wanted feedback and to give anyone else a chance who experienced this to maybe contribute to the conversation. Thank you all again.

  • edited February 17

    Every once in a while I'll get that. Not often though, who knows what the reasons could be. Something not jiving about your profile, karma or look. Or maybe just a cuddler that gets a very high volume of messages and just picks a few to cuddle with. Also you mention the recent one was a new cuddler, a lot of gals are just kind of dipping the toes and after going back and forth a bit or maybe a cuddle session or two decide it's not for them (maybe they got a rulebreaking aggresive cuddler first couple times) that's why i see so many that quit within a month or two, deactivating account.

    Edit:, looked at your pics, and some advice I can give you is maybe back up a bit for your pics, seem too close and "in your face", some cuddlers might be put off by that. Main picture has the 'metal' hair, love metal myself too but women can be put off by it. I'd suggest something like second pic backed off a bit or 4th pic. You did say it doesn't happen often, so I'm probably just overthinking things.

  • I would say that lately 1 out of every 10 pros that I message will reply back to me. I have an actual real and honest profile with pics of myself in it. I’ve been on the site for over 10 years. I have more positive karma than most male users so I don’t get it. I went on 2 work trips recently and messaged multiple pros in the areas I was going and no replies and I always send polite and thoughtful messages. The only thing I can think of is that I am honest and list myself as married and some pros may not like that, someone is secretly bad mouthing me or pros are simply just inundated with messages that they aren’t replying to everyone.

  • Yes, this has happened to me. Sometimes with a new pro, she simply does not log on to the system after I send my message, so she cannot even read it. It's like she makes a profile, then just vanishes into thin air.

  • @CSnMUS87
    Everyone gets ignored or ghosted at times, and most often, we'll never learn the reason why. Sadly, the internet has zero accountability...and then there's also the camp of "no one owes you an explanation". All of that makes for an environment where no one feels the need to take responsibility for their actions or treat people online with the same level of respect they would if standing in a room with them.

    That said, you clarified in a later post that this is a brand new Pro who joined last month. New users have their messages throttled - both sending and receiving. It slowly grows over time, but the system limits the number of PM's they can send and receive in the beginning, likely for several reasons (spam, overwhelm, etc.). If the Pro was or is throttled, she may be nowhere near reaching your message as she works through her allowed responses.

    You mentioned that she had new Karma since you messaged her. Bear in mind that people don't always leave Karma the day they cuddle. Sometimes it's weeks or even months later (but not quite that long in this Pro's case). Someone may not have physically cuddled for six months but then a cuddle friend from a group cuddle finally joins the site and leaves them Karma, or someone who doesn't log on often finally gets around to it. People can also delete their original Karma and rewrite it at any time. So the Karma date may or may not correlate to the cuddle date.

    You said the Pro has logged on numerous times since your messages were sent. From personal experience, I can tell you that site visits and working on the inbox can be two very different things. This site is my home page, so whether I'm "active" or not, the site shows me visiting it all the time. That doesn't mean I ever clicked on my inbox.

    My inbox is extremely overwhelming. And there's no catching up...if I sit down and hammer out ten messages, the next day I'll have eight responses, and I'm right back where I started.

    It makes it very intimidating and even though there are people in my inbox I care about and am very interested in catching up with, and new ones I want to get to know, it's hard to dig into such a neverending task.

    I think by the sounds of it, you approached this Pro well, and the lack of response will either fix itself in time, or else it's an issue on their end. It likely has nothing to do with you.

    Answering your question of how I deal with it, because yep it's happened to me, too... Sometimes I don't notice or remember, sometimes I'm hurt or miffed for awhile...it depends on the content of the message. I'd say we need to think of PM's like messages in a bottle...toss them out with the acceptance that they may never reach the far shore, and that it is likely we will never receive a response from the void. If someday we do, it will be a happy surprise. 🍾

    To wrap up, you mentioned looks, twice. We project our own thoughts and insecurities onto the actions of others. If I'm insecure about my weight, I'll think I was ghosted over my weight. If someone is constantly thinking about their race, they may think they were ghosted due to racism. It's a difficult but important thing to contemplate and learn, that other people do not see us as we see ourselves, and they likely do not have the problem with us that we may think they do. 🫂

    ~ Sunset Snuggles

    🫂 Enthusiast 🏞 Travel Junkie 📷 Shutter Bug

  • Interestingly, I received a message today from a pro that I messaged 2 weeks ago when I was out of town and she asked me if I still wanted to cuddle. I clearly said in my message to her that I was an out of tower that would be visiting her area and stated the dates which were 2 weeks ago lol I was like wow did she just not read my message?

  • I have a question for @mark @admin @moderators about a comment above ..

    “ The overall response rate from professional is no better than 50 %”

    Is this statement accurate?

    Do you keep / have stats that support this statement?

    Is there someplace only select few like the above poster has access to such information?

    Inquiring minds want to know ! 🤔

    Thank you for all you do ! 👍

  • edited February 28

    What can I do if I “Request to Book,” a cuddle session but the cuddles don’t respond? In this regard, Cuddle Comforts help menu is useless
    There's another thread in the forum on the same topic, so I'm merging this into it.

  • @theshield44
    Did you message and chat with the professional cuddler before sending a booking request? Some professionals prefer to talk with a prospective client first before accepting a booking with him.

    Not having a photo on your profile and not having filled out your bio information will make it difficult for you to find professional cuddlers who will respond.

    Here's a thread you may find helpful:
    https://www.cuddlecomfort.com/forum/discussion/24859/experiences-with-unanswered-messages-with-pros#latest

  • Sometimes, I will contact a pro and she will not respond. Not that big of an issue, but the strange part is, there are cases where she doesn't even visit my profile.

  • This is just a part time gig for many Pros, or they have too many messages to look through, could be many reasons why someone doesn’t get an immediate response. It’s best to move on to someone else and not take it personally, maybe broaden your search?
    I also always recommend being realistic about expectations.
    We’re all strangers until we make an effort to get to know each other and the process can take a little time.

  • @OhioMike some time ago, when a similar thread was current, I did the analysis on my own experience (which involved a very tedious trudge through my messages). I considered the evidence presented in that thread and talked to some experienced clients privately (including some not active in the forum). Obviously that's all anecdotal evidence not real science, and I didn't have enough to data to say anything too precise, which is why I settled on the 'no better' form of words.

    It's a complicated metric to calculate because, for example, replies can take any length of time. I've had a professional reply to my first and only message after more than a year.

  • Many of the comments in this thread are to the point.....and contribute to the understanding of response vs. no response to messages.

    I have quite a bit of karma, some quite glowing, I message respectfully, and I too get ignored often. I only take it personally if my unanswered message is to someone with whom I have already cuddled, and that's extremely rare. In general, the primary reason is that pros, especially new ones, are just dipping their toes into unfamiliar terrain. In some cases, they have very little intention to schedule. After all, on CC, it is completely free to do so; they only pay when there is a confirmed booking.

    In addition, most here are unfamiliar with creating their business.....and don't have the intuitive skills to do so. I have helped quite a few establish themselves, and I am still surprised at what they don't know. Thus, the loss of interest by not responding is not even recognized.....

    Thus, my suggestion is to lower expectations; the majority of "pros" are not pros at all, in any facet of that description. They are not professional in setting up their business, nor in their communications, and most likely, not in the way they create their cuddle sessions. Once that is understood, you simply reach out to the many who might draw you in, and hope that you find the someone who happens to be amazing :)

  • @beaubliss
    💯

    ~ Sunset Snuggles

    🫂 Enthusiast 🏞 Travel Junkie 📷 Shutter Bug

  • I was just going through my sent messages and I have to say it is rather surprising how many messages go unanswered, even from pros. I guess it just goes to show that even in this profession, platonic fashion of physical touch certain laws like the law of attraction and such still apply.

  • Yes, I absolutely agree. I have been very surprised at the number of pros that I have sent messages to letting them know I was interested in a cuddle session and I got no response at all. If a person is really interested in being a professional cuddler shouldn't they give at least some kind of response.

    It might be I'm sorry but I'm not taking on any new clients at the moment.

    Or Thank you for your interest but my schedule is full right now.

    Or, I'm taking a break from cuddling for awhile. I'll let you know when I'm back.

    Something. That's what people who are really professional do. They at least give some kind of response.

  • I mean, I guess maybe, but it depends on who you’re reaching out to as well.

  • I always reply. And I'm a pro. I've been left on read though plenty myself lol

  • I think most of the Pros/enthusiasts have full time jobs, limited time and overwhelmed with too many messages in their inbox. I read somewhere it was 1:23 (Male Female) at some point in 2022/23 on dating apps.

    There are certain advantages/disadvantages to both genders.

    Women have many options to choose from. They have to be extra careful vetting and who they let into their close space. They have to worry about their physical safety. We men over the generations did build a bad reputation stepping over their boundaries again n again, and have made them feel unsafe.

    On the other hand - Men have to chase, reach out multiple times, carry the burden of bad reputation, handle the frustration/rejection.

    I suggest be patient, be authentic, do not take anything personal or attack someone if they don't respond or have stopped responding, grieve it, respect it and move on.

    If you like to have a session with a Pro then probably book a session (far out date), get to know (if that is what you prefer before meeting) and see if it is a good fit.

  • I want to clarify my earlier post.
    I know that the ladies on this site get tons of messages everyday. And a lot of them are trash, no effort messages.

    Hey, wanna cuddle. Let's cuddle
    Can I come over today?

    I wasn't talking about those messages. Those messages deserve the automatic delete button.

    So do any messages that are rude, condescending, sexually explicit, etc.

    But if a person composes a clear, thoughtful message that shows effort and takes the time to introduce themselves and maybe attach their profile picture, then I believe that message deserves at least some kind of response.

  • It has NOTHING to do with “attraction”!! Don’t be self deprecating! It’s more like we don’t want to read ANYONES messages because we KNOW how at least SOME of them will be (I could send you screen shots! It’s like dudes think this is a covert “fling.com” operation or something..) I’ve recently been in touch with a guy from Seattle who’s going to delete his account because this site’s not as active as he thought it would be. Good female enthusiasts ARE “here”, but this takes a level of bravery FEW understand. I just met a cuddler I’ve been talking to for more than 5 years like, 3 weeks ago, but he’s AWESOME. If there were more fellas like him, this would be a completely different scenario! “Males are afraid women will laugh at them. Women are afraid males will kill them”. In THIS realm of things, that’s ABSOLUTE TRUTH!! Not every dude’s a scum bag, no, but this site serves as proof that “enough” of them are. It’s not this site’s fault, but being “successful” in this context takes thick skin and courage to stand up for yourself!

  • Merging this with the no response thread in the Pro Cuddling forum.

  • I feel the comments from
    @consciousseeker @great_pillow08
    @disneysamurai
    Are spot on.
    To add my 2 cents…men/clients are generally choosing a Pro based on her looks. Majority of Pros (nearly all?) use factors other than looks when booking sessions.
    And to the guys here without profile photos, are you sending a photo in your very first message? If not, you might go to the back of the line.

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