He Now Feels Awkward Paying Me

RelaxwithJRelaxwithJ
in General

Okay so I've seen the man twice so far, and he books for 2-3 hours each time. So now he suddenly wants to see me on a social basis and says it just does'nt feel natural to pay me for my time. He is a newbie, and has only seen one other cuddler before. Me thinks he's got a case of the feels for me. He wants to be more than a platonic cuddle buddy. I like him well enough, but this is not what I want. How do you handle this without losing them? Should I just cut him loose?

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Comments

  • MeltMyWayMeltMyWay

    @RelaxwithJ I would honestly post this in the pros only forum page

  • penguin34penguin34

    @RelaxwithJ this is why I very rarely see the same cuddlers more than a couple of times. 🤷

  • JourneyRoadJourneyRoad

    yes, cut him loose. you signed up as a pro. you’re providing a paid service. you only want to interact with him as part of a paid service. you’ve not agreed to some other type of relationship, friendship, etc. his desire for a different relationship or his feelings doesn’t change the original and ongoing nature of he professional relationship you have with him or are offering him. this type of service can generate emotions/desire that differ from what you’re offering. he may not naturally accept this and become resentful or confused, so yes, it is best cut him off, preferably politely. politely decline and if he doesn’t accept, block/report.

  • ultramk1ultramk1
    edited September 14

    I've had this happen twice now, and I just sat them down and was very frank and honest about keeping it platonic. I thought if I was empathetic and kind, but firm, they would understand. I lost them both. 😕

  • mauvefoxmauvefox

    I’m not a pro but I do own a business.
    If he says it doesn’t feel right to pay you then that’s fine. He doesn’t have to pay you. But that doesn’t mean he gets the service for free.

    I would walk away from this one. It’s the cleanest thing.

  • ksb30ksb30

    Just talk to him, take the loss and move on. You'll find another client

  • VibeSeekerVibeSeeker
    edited September 14

    It happens. He developed the feels without realizing your relationship is transactional. Just tell him you can't do that and accept he will no longer be a client

  • QualTy1QualTy1

    @RelaxwithJ I agree with @penguin34 and others yes you definitely should cut him loose. I've run into the same thing and they do not feel like they should pay you, they feel like the two of you are more than just cuddle client and pro. It's unlikely that you'll be able to safely get back to a professional type arrangement unfortunately :(

  • shycuddler215shycuddler215

    @RelaxwithJ Exactly what @mauvefox said! He doesn't have to pay, and you don't have to give your service for free either. Bye!👋🏽

    Him 'feeling awkward' sounds like a sad attempt of emotional manipulation to get you to offer your service for free.. If you feel awkward paying then see an enthusiast... or leave the site. Problem solved. You dont owe anyone anything.

    He's only seen you twice for about 6 hrs total.. That's not enough time to catch feelings for someone. He doesnt even know you! Cut him loose and stick to clients who respect you, your time and place of business

  • xandriarainxandriarain

    It's important to maintain professional boundaries and not blur the lines with a client even if it's just being a friend. You will encounter clients who have feelings for you and clients will inevitably come and go. Don't ever depend on any one client so much that you can't afford cut them loose. If a client doesn't respect your business and profession they by default don't respect you an you should not trust them with your body.

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    What did you expect? This site is loaded with grown men who make enthusiast cuddles awkward and then post about it on here that they might be catching feelings and you find out it was a virtual cuddle! Add money to the mix and the last fleeting brain cell falls out of their ear and rolls under the couch they never vacuum under.

    But yes, cut him loose. He probably doesn’t have any feelings beyond the pangs of regret at the ATM. He just wants free access to your body and figures, “Hey I am quite a catch, why wouldn’t she be willing to share for free?” At least that’s what he’s thinking leaving his bedroom at his mom’s apartment.

  • SlimBrown62SlimBrown62

    TheFunCartel..."you find out it was a virtual cuddle!"

    This is too funny. I couldn't stop laughing at this. The ending caught me by surprise.

  • cuddlefaerycuddlefaery

    That was/is a hard boundary for me. There was a very small handful of people I met through here that I actually became friends with and would cuddle while free as a pro, but we made it abundantly clear both ways what the agreement was.

    If a client had wanted free services without actually being a friend, I'd treat them the same way I treat any "friend" who tries to take advantage of our acquaintanceship - we'd no longer be friends, and my services would not be free. Whom I decide to gift my time and (very limited) energy to is my choice alone, and I won't be guilted or manipulated into it by a fairweather friend. Thankfully, that never happened with a client, though I had people ask before we even met 🙄

    If the reason asking is "catching feelings" rather than financial, that would also be a hard boundary. In my personal life I can run amok through gray areas all I please, but I have always put my business relationships in a strict container. People can't control their feelings, but they absolutely can control how they respond to them.

  • Mr_Tom_Mr_Tom_
    edited September 14

    You have to be honest and tell him that you are a business woman and that he is a client and if he wants your time, it costs money.
    Tell him asap, or else you are leading him on. It’s part of your job to nip that in the bud before you give him the wrong idea, and that would be irresponsible of you.

  • ksb30ksb30

    I wanted to add this thought and not in this case that op mentioned but i thought it could apply.. .. theres have been pros that will string men along with just enough emotions to think something here to keep getting business and men gullible enough to fall for it. And I mean reputable pros that call themselves " therapists" .. you all really have to be careful out there.

  • TichantoPTichantoP

    I think it’s very unlikely he will respect your boundaries. You could try to explain it to him since he’s new. And maybe he will be receptive to that, but I would guarantee he’ll try this again down the road.

    New or not, he sounds either manipulative or willfully ignorant of the situation, and both cases minimize your worth as a pro.

    I think the only good move is to just say you aren’t comfortable working with him anymore and cut him off entirely.

  • theselovinarmstheselovinarms

    He’s just got a crush on you/in love with you and feels bad that the only reason you’re seeing him is because you pay him. I would cut him loose. He will only start to get or angry or violent or more hesitant to pay. All of those are annoying.

  • theselovinarmstheselovinarms
    • is because he pays YOU
  • SoulSurvivorSoulSurvivor

    As a man who has had a case of the feels before, I think you have to be firm. Give him an inch and he'll take a mile. Be firm. Remind him of your agreement. You are a professional, and you had a deal. You aren't friends, you aren't cuddle buddies, at least you weren't when he made the agreement. Hold him to the agreement and if he refuses to abide by it, block him and let the mods ban his ass.

  • SoulSurvivorSoulSurvivor

    And just let him know -- you don't want to see him socially. I'd say, be polite but direct.

  • Bill1975Bill1975

    He got the feels after 2 sessions? Sounds like he came in wanting more and thought that if he could just get you into his arms, he could convince you to become more than a professional cuddler to him. I would be careful because anything outside of what he pays for could be misinterpreted as you becoming more to him. That includes conversations outside of the sessions. I would keep all conversations outside of the session strictly professional and make sure he understands that anything more in a conversation must happen during a paid session. Definitely stay firm on this because you don't want to end up triggering him and depending on how desperate he becomes, putting your other clients at risk if he begins to get jealous of others.

  • LilyAnneNovaLilyAnneNova

    Be honest, you’re not interested in seeing him outside of the professional boundaries.
    Or lie, and say you have a boyfriend who wouldn’t like that.
    Pros don’t have a relationship status shown.

    Either way if he doesn’t want to or can’t keep paying for your services you’d lose him as a client.

    I’d personally go with honesty.

  • VitaminJVitaminJ

    I’m trying to imagine the shoe being on the other foot. Perhaps I should try this with my lawyer or accountant ? Sorry Gene I think it would feel awkward if I keep paying you…

  • TheDreamWeaver2TheDreamWeaver2

    I have an undergraduate degree in psychology, and It sounds like he is experiencing something called transference, where the intimacy of a cuddle session blurs the lines between a professional relation and what he incorrectly sees as a relationship. This happens to me as a massage therapist on occasion with clients as well. Because he is new, he likely doesn't understand that the reason the connection feels so natural and effortless is because it takes place within a paid, structured container with clear boundaries. Here is how I handle this situation directly and professionally.

    Have a clear, compassionate, but firm conversation. I would do this as a text before booking another session, so he has time to process it without pressure, and so you have a record. Let him know that you feel the connection feels great and that you truly joy the sessions. Remind him that you are a professional cuddler, but remind him that paying for your time is what makes it a safe, dedicated, and focused space that you create entirely for him, without the messy expectations of a standard social relationship. During your sessions you are assuming the role of the lead; ensuring that his needs, safety and wellbeing are being attended.

    If he doesn’t want to continue the professional relationship as a client, unfortunately you should inform him you will not be able to see him further. In the massage therapy industry, we are instructed to refer the client out to another professional. That can be an option.

  • ksb30ksb30

    I just can't grasp even the option of seeing them further as a client if they say that they are okay with it even after a serious discussion about it. The feelings are still gonna be there from the gentlemans side.. It's like they are being taken advantage of.
    Am I wrong to think this way about it?

  • cuddleMeegzcuddleMeegz

    I had no idea there was a pros only forum page ? Ms melt my way .. but never let someone mislead you into going at their pace from the original agreement. Simply just make your self unavailable to him unless he’s booking he will wake up soon enough and just book with people who respect your time. U gt bills to pay and need to use your time wisely. U didn’t come here for a bf. We came to keep nice people company when they feel lonely or stressed out. With our care and comfort in a cuddle . Simple

  • cuddleMeegzcuddleMeegz

    As I said after they come to that selfish conclusion. When he tries to see you , just say you’re at work and already committed to other bookings. He will soon realize he can’t get to you unless he makes a payed appointment. Always make it clear how important cuddling is to pay your bills so your not stressed out .. then COMPLIMENT him for always booking you as that’s taking care of you (financially) for paying for your time with a booking .as this helps u so much . Gas him up and tell him u really make my life easier with cuddling and his support. I’m so lucky to have you as my cuddle partner .. etc .. but compliment him for finding the generosity to book you when he does because it helps so much .. but definitely make you time scarce if he tried to decide in his own u should be there FREE!!!

  • alyhugsalyhugs

    Personally, I’d suggest letting him know that you’re happy to keep things strictly professional or that he should find another cuddler if that’s not what he wants. You don’t need to bend your boundaries just to retain a client.

    And honestly, I wouldn’t worry too much about “losing” a client who is already making you uncomfortable enough to ask the forum about it. Trust there are clients who will respect your boundaries and preferences while you’re holding space for someone who doesn’t. Gotta let him go! lol

  • BirdieBWBirdieBW

    I have experienced this. He is just trying to manipulate you into giving him services for free.
    If indeed he did respect you and value you as a person he would never feel entitled to free labor.

  • AlyLaurenAlyLauren

    As a pro, there have been a couple clients that I connected really well with, or we had other things in common that made me feel like there was a more personal, friendly connection with. When that has arisen, we sat down and had a conversation and I "fired" a couple clients who ended up being friends. If I feel like I want to initiate hanging out with someone, or add them to my friends board game night, or invite them to concert, then I start feeling weird accepting money from them.

    But as a professional, you are primarily responsible for structuring boundaries and expectations, and if you decide to drop your fee and restructure the dynamic, that is your choice. A client can obviously stop paying you anytime, but I think it's weird if the client is the one trying to force change in the dynamic.

    If a client asked me "Hey it feels like we are connecting meaningfully on a deeper level, is that something you are noticing as well?" and was cool with an honest conversation about that, then great! But transference is a real concern and they might have an unrealistic view of a professionals feelings because we intentionally hold emotional space for all our clients.

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