He Now Feels Awkward Paying Me

RelaxwithJRelaxwithJ
in General

Okay so I've seen the man twice so far, and he books for 2-3 hours each time. So now he suddenly wants to see me on a social basis and says it just does'nt feel natural to pay me for my time. He is a newbie, and has only seen one other cuddler before. Me thinks he's got a case of the feels for me. He wants to be more than a platonic cuddle buddy. I like him well enough, but this is not what I want. How do you handle this without losing them? Should I just cut him loose?

Comments

  • MeltMyWayMeltMyWay

    @RelaxwithJ I would honestly post this in the pros only forum page

  • penguin34penguin34

    @RelaxwithJ this is why I very rarely see the same cuddlers more than a couple of times. 🤷

  • JourneyRoadJourneyRoad

    yes, cut him loose. you signed up as a pro. you’re providing a paid service. you only want to interact with him as part of a paid service. you’ve not agreed to some other type of relationship, friendship, etc. his desire for a different relationship or his feelings doesn’t change the original and ongoing nature of he professional relationship you have with him or are offering him. this type of service can generate emotions/desire that differ from what you’re offering. he may not naturally accept this and become resentful or confused, so yes, it is best cut him off, preferably politely. politely decline and if he doesn’t accept, block/report.

  • ultramk1ultramk1
    edited 3:37PM

    I've had this happen twice now, and I just sat them down and was very frank and honest about keeping it platonic. I thought if I was empathetic and kind, but firm, they would understand. I lost them both. 😕

  • mauvefoxmauvefox

    I’m not a pro but I do own a business.
    If he says it doesn’t feel right to pay you then that’s fine. He doesn’t have to pay you. But that doesn’t mean he gets the service for free.

    I would walk away from this one. It’s the cleanest thing.

  • ksb30ksb30

    Just talk to him, take the loss and move on. You'll find another client

  • VibeSeekerVibeSeeker
    edited 3:55PM

    It happens. He developed the feels without realizing your relationship is transactional. Just tell him you can't do that and accept he will no longer be a client

  • QualTy1QualTy1

    @RelaxwithJ I agree with @penguin34 and others yes you definitely should cut him loose. I've run into the same thing and they do not feel like they should pay you, they feel like the two of you are more than just cuddle client and pro. It's unlikely that you'll be able to safely get back to a professional type arrangement unfortunately :(

  • shycuddler215shycuddler215

    @RelaxwithJ Exactly what @mauvefox said! He doesn't have to pay, and you don't have to give your service for free either. Bye!👋🏽

    Him 'feeling awkward' sounds like a sad attempt of emotional manipulation to get you to offer your service for free.. If you feel awkward paying then see an enthusiast... or leave the site. Problem solved. You dont owe anyone anything.

    He's only seen you twice for about 6 hrs total.. That's not enough time to catch feelings for someone. He doesnt even know you! Cut him loose and stick to clients who respect you, your time and place of business

  • xandriarainxandriarain

    It's important to maintain professional boundaries and not blur the lines with a client even if it's just being a friend. You will encounter clients who have feelings for you and clients will inevitably come and go. Don't ever depend on any one client so much that you can't afford cut them loose. If a client doesn't respect your business and profession they by default don't respect you an you should not trust them with your body.

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    What did you expect? This site is loaded with grown men who make enthusiast cuddles awkward and then post about it on here that they might be catching feelings and you find out it was a virtual cuddle! Add money to the mix and the last fleeting brain cell falls out of their ear and rolls under the couch they never vacuum under.

    But yes, cut him loose. He probably doesn’t have any feelings beyond the pangs of regret at the ATM. He just wants free access to your body and figures, “Hey I am quite a catch, why wouldn’t she be willing to share for free?” At least that’s what he’s thinking leaving his bedroom at his mom’s apartment.

  • SlimBrown62SlimBrown62

    TheFunCartel..."you find out it was a virtual cuddle!"

    This is too funny. I couldn't stop laughing at this. The ending caught me by surprise.

  • cuddlefaerycuddlefaery

    That was/is a hard boundary for me. There was a very small handful of people I met through here that I actually became friends with and would cuddle while free as a pro, but we made it abundantly clear both ways what the agreement was.

    If a client had wanted free services without actually being a friend, I'd treat them the same way I treat any "friend" who tries to take advantage of our acquaintanceship - we'd no longer be friends, and my services would not be free. Whom I decide to gift my time and (very limited) energy to is my choice alone, and I won't be guilted or manipulated into it by a fairweather friend. Thankfully, that never happened with a client, though I had people ask before we even met 🙄

    If the reason asking is "catching feelings" rather than financial, that would also be a hard boundary. In my personal life I can run amok through gray areas all I please, but I have always put my business relationships in a strict container. People can't control their feelings, but they absolutely can control how they respond to them.

  • Mr_Tom_Mr_Tom_
    edited 7:03PM

    You have to be honest and tell him that you are a business woman and that he is a client and if he wants your time, it costs money.
    Tell him asap, or else you are leading him on. It’s part of your job to nip that in the bud before you give him the wrong idea, and that would be irresponsible of you.

  • ksb30ksb30

    I wanted to add this thought and not in this case that op mentioned but i thought it could apply.. .. theres have been pros that will string men along with just enough emotions to think something here to keep getting business and men gullible enough to fall for it. And I mean reputable pros that call themselves " therapists" .. you all really have to be careful out there.

  • TichantoPTichantoP

    I think it’s very unlikely he will respect your boundaries. You could try to explain it to him since he’s new. And maybe he will be receptive to that, but I would guarantee he’ll try this again down the road.

    New or not, he sounds either manipulative or willfully ignorant of the situation, and both cases minimize your worth as a pro.

    I think the only good move is to just say you aren’t comfortable working with him anymore and cut him off entirely.

  • theselovinarmstheselovinarms

    He’s just got a crush on you/in love with you and feels bad that the only reason you’re seeing him is because you pay him. I would cut him loose. He will only start to get or angry or violent or more hesitant to pay. All of those are annoying.

  • theselovinarmstheselovinarms
    • is because he pays YOU
  • SoulSurvivorSoulSurvivor

    As a man who has had a case of the feels before, I think you have to be firm. Give him an inch and he'll take a mile. Be firm. Remind him of your agreement. You are a professional, and you had a deal. You aren't friends, you aren't cuddle buddies, at least you weren't when he made the agreement. Hold him to the agreement and if he refuses to abide by it, block him and let the mods ban his ass.

  • SoulSurvivorSoulSurvivor

    And just let him know -- you don't want to see him socially. I'd say, be polite but direct.

  • Bill1975Bill1975

    He got the feels after 2 sessions? Sounds like he came in wanting more and thought that if he could just get you into his arms, he could convince you to become more than a professional cuddler to him. I would be careful because anything outside of what he pays for could be misinterpreted as you becoming more to him. That includes conversations outside of the sessions. I would keep all conversations outside of the session strictly professional and make sure he understands that anything more in a conversation must happen during a paid session. Definitely stay firm on this because you don't want to end up triggering him and depending on how desperate he becomes, putting your other clients at risk if he begins to get jealous of others.

  • LilyAnneNovaLilyAnneNova

    Be honest, you’re not interested in seeing him outside of the professional boundaries.
    Or lie, and say you have a boyfriend who wouldn’t like that.
    Pros don’t have a relationship status shown.

    Either way if he doesn’t want to or can’t keep paying for your services you’d lose him as a client.

    I’d personally go with honesty.

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