@nurturingman Your comment just made me genuinely smile, thank you. We all get fired up sometimes (myself very much included - I know I had somewhat ranty justice fingers yesterday! 😳) but as @squeakytoy said it's always great when it's a discussion rather than mud slinging, and tbh I find it nice knowing so many people care enough about cuddling to fight passionately for and about it! 🤗
I'm also now just imagining @CuddleWho being caught by someone while studying cleavage levels and trying to explain that it really was genuine research! 🤣
Attraction is different things for different people. Who I'm attracted to is completely different than who you may be attracted to. If I'm hiring a pro, I absolutely look at attraction... and also price. If it's an enthusiast I don't really care what they look like. I don't fault anyone for showing the best of themselves. It's important to feel attractive... and everyone is attractive in their own way. It's not all about looks either. I happen to be sapiosexual. Meaning, I'm attracted to intelligence. Show me your intelligence and you just scored a bunch of points in my attraction. I would also never ever fault anyone for gravitating towards the enthusiast and/or pros that they are more attracted to. Somehow that helps in the overall scheme of things. You can tastefully show you're attractive. I think @Catloaf did a fantastic job of showing who she is and why you might want to select her with her photos. This is an attractive woman who tastefully shows you that she is. She has some fun photos that give you a glimpse into her personality. Very well done. Still checking routes to canada! :-)
Well now that I look back, it looks like she pulled some of the photos I was talking about. A shame. :-) somebody must have gotten to her with that provocative photo lecture haha. Blast you!
@PrinceDon 100% agree. I love people with optimistic outlooks because I am an aspiring optimist trying to overcome natural pessimism. Optimism attracts me and everything else is secondary. Because I do this through cuddling it is my way of embracing the struggle!
@FunCartel ... Lol, so true! You can literally be attracted to anything. When the doctor asks me if I'm allergic to anything, I always say "just pessimism." Haha
I met with one girl from here years ago who wasn’t a pro and was super cute. They do exist but now the second they sign up they get bombarded by hundreds of messages.
Put yourself in their shoes… In this day and age of onlyfans and seekingarrangements, if I were a hot girl I’d want to profit too! Why not make a couple of bucks and get to spend time with hot guys who aren’t broke?
If I could be connected to a professional who respected my platonic preferences, were not condescending and had a good personality, I would consider paying. The business aspect dominates in the profiles. Paying $150.00 to watch TV at my own home? Isn't that insulting? A higher standard is necessary for some of us.
@tacocowbell i feel that mostly everyone here has 2 major category for the members on here (regardless of gender) … when in reality there is multiple …
You have -
The one seeking to push boundaries - sexual favors / the one who is desperately lonely - heartbroken- or in dire need of emotional and or human connection / friendship / closeness, which this place seems to be the most promising place to get it / the one who views this as a nice gig to make extra $$$ or the one who views it as a therapeutic profession to help others and give back while making a sustainable living doing passionate work, the one who doesn’t get that love & care or cuddling experience out of their current relationships (some have mentioned they look solely for the therapeutic aspect that cuddling brings without any of the above mentioned so I’ll add that as well)
I believe the main 2 at the very top is Loneliness & a way to make extra $ … I could be wrong / I could be right / but my word isn’t final, just my own genuine personal opinion through both observation / personal experience/ & trying not to add any bias.
Edit: 1 category I left out which I believe holds true for some (in both genders as well) is that there are those who view this as a dating site, & when I say dating site I don’t mean trying to “get lucky” or hookup, but to genuinely date … they see this place as leading with emotions & they so desperately want to maybe / hopefully/ possibly find their perfect person here as the other places weren’t it.
Hey, I have no problem with the money aspect of pros. Someone has correctly made the point that older overweight men shouldn't expect to be with beautiful young fit women without having to pay for it. I don't disagree with that at all! I think it's fantastic that one can shell out a few bucks and bridge that gap if they so choose. I'd like an 8 million dollar yacht, but that ain't happening! :-) I agree that I wouldn't want to pay $150 to watch TV with someone, but it's all relative. I happen to be pretty frugal with my money. If I had money to burn I might just do that. And there are several men who do. I've heard stories from my favorite pro of what men pay to be with her. It astounds me! I mean thousands of dollars to spend the weekend with them and so forth.
I dont really like the theory of well , they are hot , so of course they are going to use that to make money . It trivializes and sexualizes pro cuddling which, I am not stupid and do see some pros using sexuality to sell their services, but that is not what it is supposed to be about and only serves to perpetuate the stereotype that this is a pseudo sexual service and that women have to be sexy in order to get ahead as a service provider.
@tacocowbell ”Why not make a couple of bucks and get to spend time with hot guys who aren’t broke?” LMAO! 🤣
@cuddles-ndrm and @pmvines You might not like it but I think most of the “pro-cuddlers“ ( at least in my area) are also on seekingarrangements and advertise things like domination, discreet dates, etc. See for yourself… I guess you can be a bdsm Domme / sex worker and also offer therapeutic cuddling but it definitely sends out some mixed messages.
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@pmvines as much as I got a wonderful LOL from the one statement by @tacocowbell that I quoted, I agree with you that being hot does not always lead to monetizing that hotness. I may not be hot by everyone’s standards, but my decision to go pro has nothing to do with what I think I can get with my looks. For me it’s more like what @cuddles_ndream said of the kind of pro “who views it as a therapeutic profession to help others and give back while making a sustainable living doing passionate work.” I actually don’t even expect to make a sustainable living doing it — at least not in this decade, because I honestly think we’re all 10 or 20 years ahead of our time — but I see it as something I can do along with the work I already do without taking too much of a pay cut. I also went pro because I feel comfortable being intimate with strangers and confident in my ability to maintain boundaries both for myself and my cuddle partners. I’m OK with cuddling being transactional. Sure, I’d like some affectionate friends, and I’ve met some through this site as a non-pro, but I’m also perfectly OK with cuddling with someone I’ve never met before and might never see again. It seems from what I’ve seen that a lot of the non-pros (I hesitate to say “enthusiasts” because I get the sense a lot of people are understandably more cautious than enthusiastic) may not feel as comfortable with strangers and may need a lot more time to get to know and trust someone before cuddling with them. Of course each pro has their own methods of filtering clients, but at least I think the benefit of hiring a pro is you know they’re ready, willing, and able to cuddle with you as long as they deem you trustworthy and have time for you in their schedule. For the OP and other people who may feel that time is money and they don’t want their gratification to be delayed too long, a pro may be worth hiring. If, on the other hand, a person is looking for more of a relationship, and they’re willing to spend the time developing one, then I guess they just have to be more patient with reaching out to more people and spending more time establishing trust with them.
@pmvines Well, well, well said and exactly how I feel. It's never someone's fault for being attractive and having boundary pushers, and someone's image is not to be explicitly blamed for that. I do want to say though, the images others put out there as cuddlers do affect all of us. All of us. Especially on a site where sharing our personal space with others is concerned. Some people are truly dense and are not going to get the concept of "she's showing skin but that doesn't mean sex".
And that is indeed harmful. One way to curb said people is to give them none of it. I've given you none. I've given you me, in my favourite snuggly housecoat. I know I've got bedroom eyes that are sexy no matter how I look, because partners and people tell me. But I'm covered up because I'm not giving you any energy I don't want to receive in return. I know who I want to book my services - the people who will be hiring me because you like my approach - and my body second. I'm not in the place of being sexy when I cuddle. Past any effort that I can put in on my part, if you do try to misinterpret things without it being there...that's on you, man.
In my opinion, and this is just my opinion...some of y'all are doing too much though, and then wondering why dozens of creeps keep knocking when it's written in your profile. Most people on here are more than likely not reading profiles first, it's just facts. Booties are sticking out, leaning forward and showing your ladies and whatnot. I'm not a prude. Far, far from it. But I'm also not naive, and the following is going to be the ugliest truth I could post on here. I might get hated for it. Whether you like it or not, you are sending a message about who you might be, and who the rest of us might be too when you tout an image like that. Especially if as a pro, you've got a triple digit price tag. I know it sounds victim-blamey, and I don't mean it to be. The issue of presentation is not a black and white issue other than the fact that we need to be mindful of what kind of messaging we're sending and who might be privy to misinterpret that message and try to get the correct interpretation out of others. There will not be a solution to this unfortunately unless we start policing how people present themselves, and that's not going to happen.
But I'm putting that viewpoint out there to be considered. "Still not asking for it" is a very valid point; let's just be clear on that.
It really is a multi-layered issue I think and we can spend so much time going through the different types of attraction that influence our choices and we'd never arrive at any conclusion other than, based on polls and so much anecdotal evidence, most people are looking to cuddle people who are attractive. The same could be true for people in any profession as well. I've witnessed it with a lot of people gravitating towards the more attractive cashier in a lineup. Let's try something. Which of the following would you hire as a massage therapist if they had the same level of experience? Which would you hire if they were accountants, and the same level of experience? Honestly and truthfully, and why? Images generated by the StyleGAN AI, they are not real people.
I am willing to bet if you are more logical and cerebral, you're willing to give any of these people a shot in either situation. If you are more egoistic, and more somatic, you are likely to choose the person you find more visually attractive. I wonder who is doing most of the boundary pushing. People who are logical and cerebral, or people who lean towards being more somatic? Bad understanding of boundaries definitely plays a foundational role either way.
A Note on Inclusion:
I apologise for the lack of POC in here. I took the images in the order they came to me, as best as I could. I quickly found out unfortunately, POC data, specifically women's data, is grossly underrepresented in the AI world when it comes to StyleGAN. I'm also noticing that even on websites that do include POC, dark skin tones are also underrepresented. This is an example of institutional racism for those who do not understand the concept. I was looking for a generated image of perhaps a Sudanese or similar person with very dark skin, and could not find any. I was disheartened, as Sudanese people can be some of the most beautiful, and the kindest, in my personal experience and I wanted to represent them here. The photo in the very middle is of Sudanese kickboxer Lofogo Sarour and is not StyleGAN.
You might not like it but I think most of the “pro-cuddlers“ ( at least in my area) are also on seekingarrangements and advertise things like domination, discreet dates, etc. See for yourself… I guess you can be a bdsm Domme / sex worker and also offer therapeutic cuddling but it definitely sends out some mixed messages.
You can't be doing that while on this platform though. You've got to pick a lane, and if you want to do sex work, you cannot be on this website because we are trying to protect the community from the idea that professional cuddling includes it. I would think most people are not nuanced nor would they take this time to make the distinction between an SW and a cuddler, unfortunately. This was a rule instated in December 2018 following the shutdown of Backpage and other places. People who hire sex workers frequently, or look at escort review boards do come here and get it mixed up. Some may even recognize a lady from a particular board or from the past if she ever did partake in the lifestyle.
I remember clients telling me about who they were seeing on CuddleUp that were also on escort review boards, or Fetlife and whatnot. I had an ex-SW friend who tried CU as well and she was recognized just from her tattoos alone. People need to know that once it's out there on the internet, it's there, and people can and do get around enough to make the connection.
When we have people out here especially *some dudes saying things like "she don't have to be very hot (but be hot)" or "if I am paying then I care about how she looks" then in part, we can't just blame some women for feeling the need to make themselves look more attractive/hot then they may or may not be. I'd say it's an issue that comes from both sides. Some men want attractive/ looking women. But then when we have pro cuddlers/ who are attractive be it through effort or pretty naturally we may have another group of men/ complaining about it.
Though also there are such things as simply taking things too far and/or offering non platonic stuff be it on their profile, in a chat or what not. In which case if one feels that's the case they need to flag such profiles so that the site managers can look into the issue.
I'm just wondering how many here have cuddled with pros and what actually happened? I've cuddled with many , and I've not once been offered sex and just offered cuddles., no matter what their picture looks like or hourly rate follow the rules.
As far as sex work is concerned , I've seen a few who offer such services on the site and when I report it to the staff they remove the profile immediately.
From what I hear from other cuddles , etc. , there are those who are looking for escorts, etc. I also get questions about certain cuddlers who I have seen based on karma. Many will ask me questions that give me a red flag the makes me wonder if the man asking the question is looking for more than cuddling.
@Catloaf "But I'm putting that viewpoint out there to be considered. "Still not asking for it" is a very valid point; let's just be clear on that."
In most cases some people are gonna be creeps. There are some of the female cuddlers who may a bit be unintentionally conveying non platonic images. There may also be some who are deliberately doing too much, in which case they should be reported for and dealt with. However I believe that in most cases some people are gonna find any excuse under the sun to be (or perhaps in rare cases just flat out be) creepy.
Edit:
Seems like both sides of the issue are putting people into boxes.
@Lovelight Yes. At the end of the day, predators are going to prey, and horny people are gonna horn. Is everybody aware of rule 34? "If it exists, there is probably porn of it on the internet"? Somewhere in the book there's "if it exists, someone wants to penetrate it". Doesn't make it right though, but yeah, I wholeheartedly agree with you. Some people will just make ridiculous excuses to sexualize everything. You give zero inches, but some guys will take 5 to 8. Haha!
@Lovelight 😅 I ❤️ your spoiler 😂
I'd also like to make a disclaimer, that my 'booties sticking out and leaning forward' comment was not directed at any of the active forum goers here for the most part. I'm talking about some of the newbies who have ripped borderline thirst traps off their IG, posted them for photos here, and then wonder what is going on when they start getting mad traffic and way, way, way too many creeps.
This thread 🧵 took a life of its own 😅 & there was far more dialogue than there was arguments (if any) … I genuinely wonder what @FitSmartCuddler views are / if they have changed or remained the same / or if he’s even read the comments lol
I don't' think I haw seen a thread this long since I joined Cuddle Comfort and participated in the forum section,.
Deleted due to being grumpy at the time
Hey, quick note on the topic of pros who also have profiles on seekingarrangements, onlyfans, etc:
This is against TOS, even if the professional doesn't link to their external site (in profile, forum, or dms). Like @catloaf said, you've got to pick a lane - you can't be here as a professional, and also offering paid non-platonic services on another site.
If you see someone on here doing this, please report them and give us a link to the other site you see them on! Thanks.
Yes, if I am going to pay she has to be very pretty and in shape. Platonic is in the action and the rules. We are free to have our thoughts as long as we follow the rules and don't infringe on others. Why would I pay to snuggle with someone who doesn't take care of herself? or a grandma?
@MarkB21 If you do not want to cuddle a grandma then why do you go up to age 60 on your preferences?