@hugonehugall ~ True! I've edited it to now say the following: "You [those who use such terms] are comfortable with sexualizing women..." Sorry that wasn't clear.
@FunCartel
The point is you can get busy cuddling or you can keep busy crying.
All of your posts since have been narrated in my head by Morgan Freeman.
@CuddleWho I sincerely appreciate the effort you put in to understand the heart of the OP's frustration. I've struggled to find the appropriate wording many times in my life, so it's nice to see someone offer a hand instead of a riot hose.
@FitSmartCuddler I'd also like to commend you for being frank and civil through all this. Whether or not anyone agrees with the output of your frustration, you've at least attempted to keep gas off the fire. I'm sure it's easy to lose track in this thread, so I'll just repeat myself, and others: if you came here for non-romantic cuddles, look for friends, not dates. If you expand your preferences, meet someone, and share your enthusiasm for fitness, maybe in the long run you'll get a two-for-one cuddle & workout buddy?
@quixotic_life: I just about choked when I read the last bit of this comment. That is a fine assessment, and hilariously worded.
@hugonehugall: I'd wager there are some men out there who can't get a hold on their libidos for the life of them—men who really are sexually attracted to many, many people, and can't stop feeling that sexual pull for fifteen minutes altogether—men whose bodies tingle for sexsexsex at all times in the presence of anyone they find reasonably attractive that way (which is nearly everyone).
Oh, they say, they're not going to act on it! They just love feeling that certain sexual something, which is why they only pick cuddle buddies who make them tingle. There's nothing wrong with that, they say.
After all, who would they cuddle if they picked only buddies to whom they don't feel that sexual draw, buddies with whom things would be actually platonic? They're sexually attracted to freaking everybody! There's hardly a single person in the world they could cuddle without feeling a sexual charge! How could they possibly find anyone?
But these men, I think, must be rare. After all, so many men are "100% straight!"
TL;DR It's perfectly possible to pick partners who're captivatingly cuddly and not even slightly sexy (to you). And quixotic_life is clever.
OP here. Thanks once again, for all the interesting comments! But wow, some of you really seem intent on teasing out certain words and phrases I've used, spinning them in the most negative way possible, and completely ignoring other things I've said that directly contradict your negative spin. But that's okay--it's the Internet, and I have my big boy pants on. :-)
Rather than attempt to respond to all the continuing critiques, which would just be a repeat of what I've already said, let's see if we can't just all agree on the following:
How'd I do? Did I miss anything?
“How’d I do! Did I miss anything”? A- (A minus) as I’m sure there will be more teasing out of certain words and phrases you’ve used, which will spin them in the most negative way possible, and completely ignore other things you’ve said that will directly contradict their negative spin in your second address to the union lol
🍻
@FitSmartCuddler ~ I give it a C. Extra points awarded for change in tonality and overall effort. However, major points were deducted due to your wording choices in point #3 being problematic... Specific notations below. Copied for reference:
"If a woman has made it clear she wants to cuddle but doesn't want kissing, intercourse, oral sex, fondling of private parts, or anything else that suggests the dude is thinking he might have a shot at something more sexual, the dude is obligated to respect those boundaries, period."
Corrected to... By being on this site, users are agreeing to meet with one another for the sole intent of cuddling one another. If a woman has made A user makes it clear she they wants to cuddle but and doesn't want kissing, intercourse, oral sex, fondling of private parts, or anything else just by being a user of this site, period.
The following removed, with comment:
"If that suggests the dude is thinking he might have a shot at something more sexual [Gah! For the love of all that is sacred to CC!!! Cuddling through here is to be platonic/not sexual and therefor "something more sexual" isn't a thing here!!!], the dude is obligated to respect those boundaries, period. [Yeah, duh! Otherwise it would be considered anything from coercion, to an assault or even rape.]
You know what? Never mind. You made some positive gains but cumulatively your grade is too low to pass this class anyway. Better luck next term - Perhaps with a different female, feminist &/or credentialed Women's Studies instructor. And maybe don't sit in the back with your buddies. You might pick up more of the nuanced content that way.
And @DarrenWalker ~ Bravo! Top of the class! 🎉
found typos corrected...
"If that suggests the dude is thinking he might have a shot at something more sexual [Gah! For the love of all that is sacred to CC!!! Cuddling through here is to be platonic/not sexual and therefor "something more sexual" isn't a thing here!!!]
You can't have both it ways. I've read, over and over, claims from women that there are hordes of horrible men who are attempting to cuddle but really can't control their sex-depraved impulses. One woman even has a "sixth sense" where she knows a guy has perverse intentions even before he's said or done anything to indicate it. Now you're faulting me for trying to address this ... ?
", the dude is obligated to respect those boundaries, period. [Yeah, duh! Otherwise it would be considered anything from coercion, to an assault or even rape.]"
Duh .... ??!! Again, this is in response to those claims that loads of men just don't get this.
@FitSmartCuddler I don't know if I can better explain it being that it's nuanced semantics, but I'll try..
By stating that one might want "something more sexual" implies they are already doing something that to some degree, in their mind, is sexual. However, cuddling, when platonic, isn't sexual (intimate yes, sexual no). The wording you chose implies/reveals that you find cuddling to be sexual in nature or a component there of. Which is fine. To many it is very hard to separate them. But it can lead to problems here if not fully grasped.
The second part was, to me, mostly unnecessary filler, with a casual "be good" point that wasn't in contention. It just kind of bothered me on the whole.
Anyway, I hope you know I don't hold any of this as something against you personally. It's more that I'm frustrated with how hard it can be to help people understand and to make micro pivots in how they talk about these things.
Thank you for seeking to clarify/understand. Hopefully some of this makes more sense now. And I'm sorry for coming off so aggressively. I realize I probably should have slept on it before posting again and more likely than not there are others who could have explained this much better than my wound up but exhausted self tried to do.
Loads of men don't get this @FitSmartCuddler, it's verifiable fact, and an annoying one with roots that disturb and interfere with people trying to live in loving harmony, and actually longing to love men without defenses. The cuddle community is supposed to provide a space where that is declared and accepted without having to hold a feminist critical theory conference, you know that. The magic of the cuddle emerges from openness and vulnerability, and the patience to watch for the beauty of your cuddle partner to reveal itself. If it doesn't, you can still comfort yourself with new worldly knowledge and some self congratulation for kindness. Even as a dismissable pro I know that. As a man, you can explore very freely with all manner of stranger and learn all manner of things about you, your partner, and people unlike you. The worst thing likely to happen is being dismissed because YOU aren't hot or fit or young (or interesting) enough But then, someone could also convince you that you are all those things then charge you 😁 Consider the possibility any of these lessons would reward you profoundly in the grand scheme?
Argument and character summation aside, your question has been answered outright by people who admitted it took some effort, and maybe even self reflection. 😣
What I happened to notice most is that you were quite lovingly coached by some outrageously hot enthusiasts lol (seriously, I would love to cuddle so many of these smart, sweet, funny, people, for free, and cook them dinner, and I'm going to open the good bottle of wine, and they get to pick the film) and that they have karma reflecting beautiful experiences with other loving and thoughtful people. It's community at its best, and what a great break from all the shallow fleeting nonsense that will eventually hurt you anyway.
Loved this thread Bless you cuddlers and bless your heart op 😊