I really think a much better way to end a session is have a clock in plain view and when the person walks in the door you could say. "Well it's 6:15 you made good time here", or something of that nature. Then it's right out there what time someone arrived and they can also keep an eye on the clock a bit just for reference. I would be so happy to just have that and once and a while just glance over at it. No alarm needed, nothing need be said. It's a brilliant idea........
Simple solution is to set a soft alarm 5 to 10 minutes before the session is over.
Then, use that time to slowly wrap up.
If I need to watch the time for a cuddle for any reason, I just look at my clocks. I still use physical/old timey clocks and I've never thought about what other people might want or need to do. But it's been educational to find out.
Sometimes my cuddlers look at their phone, sometimes they look at my clocks. I'm easygoing about phones cause I know so many people need very timely info, etc. But if I get a cuddler that never looks at their phone til they are walking out the door, I will be thrilled. I just know that's not realistic. I'm lost in the 20th century and not working so it easy for me to do this. Of course it is not practical for most people.
Kudos to cuddlers that make any effort at all to reduce phone usage during cuddles. I've enjoyed knowing them.
@mickey46834 I feel like a clock would be worse. With the alarm I can completely focus on the cuddle and not even think about the time at all, until the warning alarm (gentle quiet tone). Checking the time periodically would be more distracting I feel. 🤷♀️
Unfortunately CUDDLES and MONEY dont go hand in hand When theres money involved this a service based on time. Its plaidtn bussiness. Its sold as energy, the touch, etc but the fact is Give me the money 🤷♂️ Avoid Pris if you are looking for sometging genuine
To be frank, some men should not be paying for intimacy (rated PG to NC-17). It is hard to separate the fantasy from reality and most of us need the occasional reminder to keep expectations in check. The other person is a human being with thoughts and feelings putting themselves in a vulnerable position with strangers. It's not an easy thing to do.
Some women are good at keeping up the fantasy with everyone. Others are not. Or maybe the two of you did not click. Pros are only charging what the market will bear, not their true worth (which cannot be bought).
Rushing, appearing unengaged/uninterested, making the session all about them, poor hygiene, having too many double standards (no one is perfect).
Agreed: Bringing negativity into the session—for many of us, this is a rare opportunity to escape a less than satisfactory reality.
Too much focus on others (i.e. other clients) Sure, an amusing anecdote now and then is ok, but many clients (I won’t speak for everyone) this is a too infrequent opportunity for a shared 1:1 experience, and we might prefer our pro cuddle partner to be focussed on us during our time together.
In addition, we might feel that a pro who so candidly talks about other clients with us would just as easily talk about us with other clients.
Finally, while we’re aware that some pros have long client lists, we might prefer not to be made to feel we’re simply one of a large group when we’re in the midst of what is for us a rare 1:1 experience.
@ThomSSI this is such a good thread. Because you’re helping pro cuddlers to be better at least for me it’s helping. Sometimes you forget the things that you say or do might not be welcomed in the cuddle. Thanks for the heads up.
@KozyKim Thank you, Kim! I’d hoped my comments would seem constructive rather than critical and apparently I succeeded. I’m a long-time member and the overwhelming majority of my experiences here have been wonderful, as has nearly everyone I’ve met. I’m grateful for the opportunity and the chance to have met and spent time with so many warm, caring, and empathetic people.
@ubergigglefritz what do you do when they act like that (not platonic)
@KozyKim Your intuition is right! Everyone gives off a vibe. It took me about 20 years of meditation to fully activate my intuition, then I realized how much women already saw from the get go!
@cylee1180 It was great to see your perspective and I share it. Why would anyone get upset that their time is over. Massage therapists set a timer, then they let you get yourself together. I've tried the slow let him do it on his time approach and they often like to linger. I'm fine if he wants to set his own alarm ahead. I tell them that I'm going to be setting my alarm for 10 minutes and 5 minutes before our session ends and everyone that I've done that with seems happy. It already takes more than an hour because you're making sure you have clean sheets and your place looks nice and I get them a glass of water when they get there and the whole process is already an hour and a half. So suddenly your one hour fee has become the cost for 2 hours if you let people stick around. I am gentle about it but I'm also very comfortable setting boundaries. Some people are lonely and would stay as long as you let them and we'll feel rejected no matter how quickly you were ready for them to leave.
@cuddletime68 Yeah! Respect boundaries! Respect pros!
@cylee1180 Many women do see so much from the get go.
@achetocuddle Yeah! It's not fair. I first noticed about 15 years ago. I went to a night club and I noticed when I stepped onto the 20x20' dance floor, I noticed that 70-80% of the women sort of turned or cocked their head a tad. Almost every woman accounted for everyone that stepped onto the floor. It was amazing. It was like I was privy into a whole new world of wonder within the mundane.
@lovecuddles95 I appreciate you asking. Unfortunately, that's not just a quick answer. My main conflict management skill was learned from Jean with Cuddle Sanctuary (once at a talk during CuddlExpo in 2018 and reiterated at Cuddle Sanctuary training). People in the forums often will poo poo training in this industry, but every training I have done has offered something that is either imperative or helpful in my work and my safety.
@cylee1180 It really isn't fair.
@achetocuddle Yeah, men are like I'm stronger, and women are like I read minds. Lol
@cylee1180 Sometimes it's almost that simple. Lol.
@achetocuddle For sure.
@cylee1180 Lol.
@achetocuddle I love that movie. Might be secret to a great cuddle...when Hansel hits the catwalk. 1997 Model of the Year.
@cylee1180 Cuddling with that movie when both people have already seen it would BE good.
A cuddle killer for me would be to realize their forum posts did not reflect who they are in person (assuming I met someone I had read in the forum).
@cuddletime68 Those are very good points.
Looks like this has been pretty helpful getting some ideas and problems out in the air and helping a few people. What a great community it is.... really.
@mickey46834 I could not have said it better myself. Have a good evening.
I think a good cuddle experience is to connect on an emotional level of sincerely caring about how that person feels. Professional cuddling has boundaries that are in place and really should be common sense. I want to be a confidant and someone there to snuggle up to and feel cared about. I almost always give an extra 15min of chat time and occasionally more after the time is up. Definitely giving a big hug before leaving.
What bothers me the most is not during my sessions. I wish people wouldn't pretend to want a session to just try and get me to talk to them. I also wish travel time was better appreciated. I have to pay a babysitter and being a single mom, I don't have a lot of time to travel for free. I always tell them up front what I charge per hour. I completely understand if it isn't reasonable for them, and they want to look for someone closer. I just wish they would say that instead of setting something up and then trying to get out of the travel time amount later by saying they will meet me halfway ect... I also wish people would respect confidentiality by not talking about people they cuddled with or asking about other cuddles I have had. I am a social worker and confidentiality is a big thing to me. You are giving a lot to be that close and vulnerable with someone and it should feel safe and respected.
Confidentiality is huge with me in all aspects of life. I can't imagine cuddling people that don't respect that. I hope to not err and get a hold of one of those.
@pty1999 You got client catfished! Lol 🐟🐠🎏