I've had conversations about this. If men on this site or men seeking cuddling fall into a specific category or perception. This post and comments kind of verify that. I guess my next question is why do women pros follow-through with cuddling when it's so dark?
@Sheena123 ... good gosh!!! How terrible.
@Saysoh exactly… it’s like saying, I like going and eating at that restaurant, but there’s a 7, (maybe 8 out of 10 chance) that I will get food poisoning… but I take my chances …
@Saysoh for me, I’m still a pro because most of the gross parts of this are only through messages so it’s just super annoying and degrading. Somewhat easy to report and dismiss and then o get to move on to the gems that actually make cuddling an amazing job.
On top of that, in my day to day life, I deal with so many random men that say or do derogatory things, so it’s just another day in the life of a woman. I mean, just this morning, I was swimming and a man said “no pets allowed in the pool. You’re a cute pet”….. what the hell man….
@Sheena123 I can imagine. But also, it's not just men. I've had women grab my ass or rub my chest at bars and have been told how much they want to, "milk," me.
I think, and this is just me, that it's dangerous to say that only men act this way. I've been called a little, "bitch," for not agreeing to participate in a threesome and this is just at a spot down the street. I think it's fair that derogatory and disrepect happens to both sexes. I mean, to take it further, every single bachorlette party has a bag of dicks involved. If we're going to talk about things men do, the you HAVE to talk about things women do that is also disrespectful and degrading.
@Saysoh I won’t be talking about women degrading men only because I can only talk about the disrespect and garbage I go through. I’m not a man. If a man creates a thread discussing these issues, I won’t bombard it saying “yea, well, woman experience it too”…
The only time I usually see men discussing mens issues and what they go through is only during threads where there’s a discussion of what women go through. Pedalling back a few pages, there are dozens of threads created to talk about all the assaults women go through. Looking at threads specifically designed to talk about the plights of men ( not including “why do I have to pay pros. I’m a victim”), and threads discussing men being called bitches and things you e gone through, it’s next to none. A lot of men commandeer threads discussing what women go through ….
@Sheena123 That's a fair point. I haven't gone through previous threads.
@Sheena123 - The topic of this thread is "Why do (most) men do awful things on these sites?" You listed some things that 14 despicable men said to you in one week. You're a good looking woman, with a very well written profile. I would be very surprised if you don't receive a lot more than 14 or 20 contacts a week from men who are perfectly polite.
Were those 14 really **most ** men, or is it that they were so nasty that they stood out from the majority.
Most men don't commit mass shootings, but those who do, receive far more attention and more press than the vast majority of men who do not.
I think the mass shooting analogy is a stretch.
@Sheena123 My God, I'm shocked! The terms and conditions of the site are very clear. These men are in clear violation and I hope they get removed...
I'd like to apologize to you for all normal men here, for the behavior of the others.
I'm so sorry for you and the other ladies.
Whether it’s most men or not that act in the awful ways the original post in this thread describes seems irrelevant to me, or really only barely relevant. What does seem very relevant to me is the spirit of his message and it’s sense of goodwill, both towards women on the site and more generally, and that whether it’s just a few or many men who behave poorly, it does affect the community in negative ways. I find it really disheartening that rather than embracing the spirit of the message, many of the early responses to the post nitpick, and don’t seem to embrace its spirit or its quality of concern. I’m not saying the things that are nitpicked are untrue, just that they seem far less relevant to me than the reasons the cuddler initiated this thread in the first place. There are all kinds of reasons to take issue with details in the post should one want to, but given the subject matter and its concern for women in the community, the nitpicking isn’t a good look. It sort of sounds defensive, and then I’m left to wonder why. I can think of lots of reasons the nitpickers might not want to fully embrace the spirit of this cuddler’s message, and not many of them are good. I’m not saying people who take issue with the premise of this cuddler’s question/ concern are behaving poorly outside the thread ( how would I know?), but that perhaps they’re deprioritizing the opportunity to connect with the deeper issues it presents in favor of argument, correctness, or whatever other interest they maybe find more exciting than empathy and compassion.
@Warmlyhearted @Sheena123
Here's an honest question- is a man apologizing for other men condescending to you?
@Saysoh - Of course the shooing analogy is a stretch. I intended it to be. I couldn't think of anything more dramatic.
Are you familiar with the technique known as reductio ad absurdum? Its a method of proving the falsity of a premise by showing that its logical consequence is absurd or contradictory.
@GreatHornedOwl
Sure. It's like saying if the world was flat, cats would have knocked everything off the edge.
I guess by bringing mass murder on any level into the conversation in this context is leveraging a position.
"You're a bad driver."
"But, did you die?"
@ares_go i haven’t clicked on your profile to see if you’re new or not (I’m going to assume you are but I could be wrong) … Yes! When I was new, and I’m sure many others, we sympathize with the (most men this / most man that) … than, after a while (meaning months / years) you start seeing a pattern … and yes I have an issue with ‘MEN’ using this narrative , or trying to use this to justify their reasons for not getting cuddles.
Wow, it's shocking to read what I guess most women have to go through on here. It puts things into perspective.....I'd be reluctant to message back if I knew abuse and filth like that would be a common occurrence.
I wonder if a charge for the site would help reduce this🤷♂️ I'd happily pay for a safer site for everyone.
From personal experiences, women talk about men who were anywhere from rude to just awful to them; being demanding, inflexible, and inappropriate, among other things.
If we're just talking about a broad spectrum of rude behavior, women pull this stuff all the time too. There are lots of rude idiots online. Welcome to the Internet.
But narrowing to sexually pushy behavior, yeah, there are definitely some incredibly shitty men on this site. Some things I've heard about are amazingly awful.
I have to be honest, some of the claims of very high frequency seem a little suspect to me - if a single pro cuddler is receiving 7 ban-worthy messages a day (and 1 decent client), how does this site not crumble in a matter of weeks? This is a niche site and it doesn't have a high growth rate.
That said, I think a significant portion of the problem may be related to the pervasiveness of sex work on the site, and the clash of cultures between the truly platonic members and the rest. As I've never sought out sex workers here, I've never had perfect visibility into how common they are. But the more time I have on the site, the more I perceive sex work on CC as being rampant. I would really like to know how that funnel works - how do so many pros and clients who are interested in that end up on this site, given that there are other outlets specifically for that?
@Stimpson That’s assuming predators are broke. I doubt that is the case, as many are in positions of power, wealth and entitlement.
@Stimpson
"Wow, it's shocking to read what I guess most women have to go through on here. "
We've moved passed this in conversation. I've already asked @Sheena123 if men apologizing for other men is condescending.
@CuddleWho I assure you, whether it seems suspect or not, that is what I go through. I also am in constant contact with other pros who experience the same. If I could show you a time stamp and evidence of what I receive daily, I would.
For some of these men, we make a booking and are about to have a public meet so I give them my number. I try to keep communication on site but sometimes to make sure I have immediate access to communicate, I give out a number. That’s when a good handful will send something like “now when you say platonic, is it truly platonic? Is there any wiggle room?”……..
I will report that and sometimes it doesn’t go anywhere because communication was offsite… You’ll have to suspend your disbelief for a moment and trust me. But I know the “trust me bro” defence doesn’t go far…
@Saysoh to answer your question, I don’t find offence when a man says “on behalf of men, I’m sorry” merely because he’s just coming from a place of understanding. If he’s seeing what I go through, recognizing it and making a statement that seems to say “I will help as best I can if I ever witness this myself”, I feel a bit encouraged.
@Stimpson charging $1.00 a month would do wonders for the site and I would happily pay for it as well, it is impossible to have a perfect system for anything, but people paying $1.00 means that we would have a more active crowd, it would mean that those who feel they could get away with pushing people’s boundaries will feel more accountable because their CC is on file, therefore their information is on file , it means those who truly want to be here will truly be here and so many other things … do I think it will happen? No … but I would happily pay it and see the many benefits in doing so.
@Stimpson @FunCartel From what I've heard, clients with good karma and history on the site can still be some of the worst boundary pushers. Like you say, I doubt predators are broke.
@CuddleWho
There are sex workers here. There are women who take advantage of people seeking cuddling. There are men who do, "dickish," things to women. Now, there's also a thing of men hijacking threads.
Seems like there's a web of platonic shit on the women's side, men can't speak without political correctness and the question of what is this culture?
I'm sure @derenspringer will chime in eventually.
This is a book I don't feel like writing and defending today.
@Sheena123 Support you 200%.
To the men, not raping , not being a creep, and not harassing women is not a gift, it's the bare minimum. It doesn't make you entitled to get anyone's attention. It just means your mom raised you right.
@Saysoh I can't make any sense out of your comment. I honestly can't tell if you're criticizing me and accusing me of hijacking this thread, or if you're concurring with something I said? And if you're saying political correctness is preventing men from saying what they want or... what?
@Sheena123 The other thing that confuses me is the different accounts I've heard from different pros. I've never heard anybody claim it's nearly as frequent as you do, but one pro will tell me "I have to deal with creepy assholes all the time, it's really common." And another pro will tell me "All my clients have been great. I guess there was one weird guy a couple months ago, but other than that it's fine." Two cuddlers of similar age, similar appearance, same location, two completely different stories. I've never known what to make of this.
I now think that one thing that may account for some of the difference is whether the pro is a sex worker. So one pro perceives someone saying "Can we bend the platonic rules a bit?" as a creep, and another perceives that as what she's here for.
@ares_go when broad generalizations vilifying a demographic are made naturally, that demographic will respond. You and the OP kinda want to have it both ways but also say things like:
"Why is it the standard for men to be awful?"
It's not nitpicking to point out why that's problematic.
@Rosinante47 Well said. And the original question was why. I keep saying there a million why’s men do what they do, and without all of the men lining up and telling you why you will never know—it is all speculation.
Of course, knowing some of the men I know the answer may be as simple as “I don’t know” and they would legitimately be telling you the truth. I don’t know is a friend of most men in multiple situations.
Who peed on the floor and didn’t clean it up?
I don’t know
Why didn’t you take care of the problem that was in front of you?
Why didn’t you….
I didn’t finish the question! Why would you interrupt and say I don’t know?
I agree with those comments saying that men being respectful and considerate is the bare minimum, doesn’t necessarily make them wonderful. I’m not a good person because I don’t steal from stores or rob kids half my size for their money. Likewise men shouldn’t be considered good simply because they haven’t asked something sexual while messaging someone.
@Sheena123 I’d call out those crass comments or behaviors if I witnessed them. But I don’t hear those comments in my social circle. I try to keep my piehole shut on the women griping threads, though.
I’m wondering if the issue is mostly guys who think that if there are a few sex workers on here, its okay to ask any pro for something innappropriate -
Or is the issue that those men simply don’t care that this site is meant to be platonic (meaning enthusiasts also get a high rate of innappropriate requests)
This also makes me wonder how men act on dating apps, where being sexually forward is more or less considered atleast okay?
Just because other pros aren't replying to these messages and forum responses, does not mean @Sheena123 is exaggerating anything.
Promise you, it happens to every pro here who's been around long enough. I've seen very nice ladies leave throughout the years on here for all those reasons listed above and then some.
I have no time to keep explaining a situation that, I and others on here, consistently go through. And nor should anyone who is affected by the inappropriate behaviors of other grown ass adults or to feel like you have to reply multiple times to be believed. It is happening. Past. Present. Future.
El fin.