Carry on, folks, and keep it civil and respectful.
I ain't playin'.
o7
@Sheena123 wow I get waaaaay fewer messages than you do! I average fewer than one per day. And I have never encountered the kind of direct sexual advances you are describing. I wonder why people play out these behaviors in the way they do? I have encountered a ton of predatory behavior in my life, and I really feel for you because it takes a toll and what you’re describing sounds exhausting. I wish you never had to deal with that!
In one word? Entitlement.
I can only use my own experience to show that for my life, it IS most men.
Yes. And we’re not hyperbolizing. And basically everything else @Sheena123 said.
How can decent men help? Being confrontational. When a douchey dude says or does something inappropriate, say something. Call them out. Men like that consider women garbage and will dismiss anything we say because we’re just a "shrill, overly sensitive woman," especially when we speak up for ourselves. Men like that respect other men in ways they don’t respect any woman. Use your privilege for good every opportunity you get.
@Warmlyhearted I'm glad you're well-educated. I'm now interested in what types of scholarly sources foster comparisons of rape vs. S & M.
Also, I disagree with your attempt to speak for the gender, but you are free to speak for yourself.
Your participation is welcome, but comparing sex to rape is probably not a good topic to venture, especially on a cuddle forum (for future reference).
Cheers.
Once again, you have entirely misconstrued what I have said.
I neither said, nor implied any form of rape.
This is why I only cuddle women and don’t even try with men anymore. A lot of men don’t understand what the word platonic means
Edited for content and you're going on a timeout. Enjoy the long weekend off the site! [reurbo]
Honestly very disappointed in majority of these comments on this thread. 💔
If you don't have anything nice to say move on. Especially with women stating the real rawness of what we go through and how scary it really can be. Just for guys to come on here and argue/debate for what reason? Does that make you feel better? How bout you show some sympathy and kindness instead. Don't be part of the problem, your true colors are showing and it's ugly. If this offends you, you're the problem!! End of story. Sending love to all that have had to deal with some horribly uncomfortable situations. 💗 💫
@Jillybear87 I think some of them had good intentions but it frustrates me that when some ppl hear “all men”, they don’t realize the real reason behind it. I say “it’s all men until it’s no men” because I can’t tell if the men in the bar are good guys or not but I’ve been harassed more than I can count by men. Not all sharks kill humans but you’re certainly going to be careful around every single shark, are you not? I don’t know which man is going to touch me inappropriately or say something disgusting or full blown rape me, so until I can feel just as safe as every single man, I’m careful around every man.
They can argue it all they want and say how it’s unfair to the male species to say “all men” but until I can go to a bar or walk at night or even go for a jog during the day without being catcalled or groped, it’s all men….
I think everyone agrees the kind of messages she’s getting is not okay.
I think it’s the “most men” part as the cause that’s off-putting.
I stated in a post at the top of the third page that I would have written the title differently if I knew people would take issue with it.
There's no way to edit thread titles on this site anyways, so I don't know why people are still concerned with it (other than people just not reading everything in the post (which is fine, whatever), or people just wanting to find holes in something to be right (this is how people try to argue their way even if they're wrong). shrug)
Once again appreciate all the people who are supporting each other here. @Jillybear87 said it well. also @Sheena123 made another good point ("not all sharks kill humans, but you're certainly going to be careful around every single shark". scary world out there)
Because men think with the wrong brain
Honestly, hearing "most men" arguments doesn't offend me. They reflect somebody's lived experience. I think I have mostly given up on the majority of people being able to reflect intelligently on issues of the other sex. There are so many reasons for this but I feel that rampant and rewarded narcissism in today's society is a major cause - many people actively avoid thinking about the inner worlds of themselves, let alone others. I'll leave it to others on whether society can be fixed ( @PrettyLuv - thank you for touching on that earlier).
I just try to treat people as unique individuals rather than typecasting them, and avoid prejudice. It requires some skill in judging who is trustworthy though, since there's a certain vulnerable period while you're figuring out whether they are worthy of being an exception or not.
I'm with @Jillybear87 on this, though I am not always known for not saying not nice things. If someone is telling their truth and their story , it is tacky and disrespectful to try to philosophize,.minimize,.and rationalize the merits of their truth. Sure , not all guys are turds. So what. I don't need to raise my hand to declare that in order to not be considered a turd. Debating others over what is said by someone who isn't even part of who is being debated seems like arguing for the sake of arguing . Not very impressive
So glad to be in the place I am, where most of the men I interact with here are well beyond just minimally decent individuals. The women too.
I wish that were the norm, but it isn't. And unacceptable behavior is just that and it doesn't deserve the excuses and pardons it gets.
My hope is for everyone who's decent to figure out a way to empower themselves to call out shit behavior when seen/heard. And if/when they make an attempt to shut it down, they'll have the capacity to get through and inspire change.
Because regardless of one's original 'why' for being awful, those who are will continue to be so as long as they know they can with little to no consequence, or until they find a reason from within to want to be a better being.
[imho]
@FunCartel I absolutely understand the frustration behind the idea of using mental health issues as justification for someone's actions. I totally agree that accountability and consequences for actions that are committed must be there for everyone.
Our genetics and the experiences in life that we have modeled along with desensitization through consistent exposure creates our behaviors. As a society we see the benefit in humanity and a fundamental need to protect the public at large.
These people still have to be seen as having value and rights for the sake of maintaining humanity and freedom overall. When prosecuted sex offenders are mandated by the court to go to a mental health facility to be evaluated and receive therapy as a part of their sentencing. The desire and ability to cause harm to yourself or someone else is a symptom of mental illness and more often than not a mental disorder.
As a cuddler we must be aware that we are placing ourselves in a situation that can be sexually arousing and might draw people with certain types of mental health disorders. That doesn't lessen the offense if it occurs and consequences for causing harm to someone needs to occur possibly including restitution to the victim for emotional harm taking place. That is something those with deceptive intentions also need to consider before violating someone's boundaries and their right to sexual autonomy.
We may also want to consider before choosing to participate in cuddling that some may not cross the line committing a sexual assault but may be seeking to a certain degree a level of sexual gratification even through platonic cuddling.
I admire and commend your passion and desire to advocate and defend those who have been harmed.
I just try to treat people as unique individuals rather than typecasting them @cde123
This ☝🏻👏🏻 … as far as the “all men” argument! I will 100% always have a problem with that, I refuse to take responsibility for worthless souls out there, while at the same time I can still be an advocate and ally for woman regardless what anyone says , I won’t include myself in none of that nonsense, I don’t tolerate it and I come from a place where that’s absolutely not tolerated … i understand there’s a whole world out there but many of us have amazing fathers / grandfather / sons / providers or go at it 50-50 / community members ect the list goes on. Too many amazing Male figures in my life and around me for me to be ok with the “all men” comment.
If the , “why do (most) men” comment were true here, this site would simply not work.
I agree that saying 100 percent is not accurate. I have had some uncomfortable cuddling experiences and more than a few offensive messages. The majority of my cuddle experiences have been very pleasant experiences with men who have made me feel very comfortable., respected and appreciated.
I can understand that certain experiences can be traumatizing making it feel like every person who is similar to the person who caused the trauma has bad intentions. Especially if we have had multiple traumatic occurrences, I believe this is somewhat common
I also feel that no matter how small the number and rather by men or women, we need to recognize that there are men that have been sexually assaulted. This doesn't justify a woman getting assaulted by no means, but I don't believe we should overlook it.
I can't say why "most" of any group of people behave in any manner, as I've yet to personally interact with billions of people.
I'd say if anyone claims to know how billions of people act, then they should probably look in the mirror, instead of claiming to understand how billions of people act, who they've not interacted with even once.
Recorded statistics is a strong indicator of behavior and trends. Rather than defending oneself or their gender, it'd be better to help wipe out the problem. There's that ole saying "All Lives Matter." Shouldn't that phrase be used to help those that need support or are marginalized? Aren't women's lives important? And as equals, we should look out for each other; not to take offense by it nor politicize it - maybe it'll take time to rethink your ingrained and socialized perception of gender.
People want to believe that each person is a unique and special individual, but I feel social forces are as strong if not stronger than most individuals' wills. I mean, everyone here is on a smart phone, streams their shows on Netflix or Hulu, shops at Amazon, and wants to be rich, right? Were those your choices? I predict that it's true for 75-85% of people. They'll go where the social forces push, including their perceptions of gender and gender roles and gender power dynamics.
All lives are important, or unimportant, depending on how you look at things.
As a strong proponent of equality, it's hard to support mass generalizations no matter who they target.
I've personally been hurt far more by women than men, but I'm not going to go around saying "most women" about anything, because I haven't had dealings with "most" women, or even 1/10.
That's the problem, it's easy to cherry pick statistics to support anything, but at the end of the day, mass genetilizations never prove anything, but that the maker of them, is ignorant, and chooses to abide by stereotypes, as opposed to treating each person, as a person.
And much like there would be backlash if anyone who's suffered disproportionately by the acts of women noting such, I fail to see why it's okay in the reverse.
Sexism, is sexism.
Either we judge people, as people, or, we prove who we really are, because in any grouping of people,, we've encountered only a fraction of them, and if one way, is fair, the other... Welp, if you haven't met them, but confemn them anyway, congratulations, you're the problem.
Tree frogs account for 99% of sexual assaults on trees.
@jacob829 talking about making generalizations of "billions of people" automatically shows you haven't read anything on this thread, including the second half of the title. lol. Didn't know billions of people used CC anyway
I read the entirety of the OP, including making strawman arguments, based on anecdotal evidence, yet using words like"most", which the OP has evidently not read the definition of.
Amusingly enough, if I based a forum post based on my own, personal experience, I could easily say the same about women, yet, I know full well that'd be not only inaccurate, yet instantly condemned as sexist.
Didn't know even so few didn't know the definition of common words.
@Jacob879 Welp, I really can't debate a topic if someone explains away a clear statistic (which is different from a generalization and anecdotal evidence and the use of pathos and logos), so I'm gonna agree to disagree.
And sorry for things that happened to you.
@FunCartel All tree frogs matter, except for the ones that are more matterer.
@cylee1180 @Jacob879 Great points to be considered. I'm not sure if this can be seen through the same exact perspective as black lives matter but I do agree we can't overlook any situation where a certain population of people are segregated and targeted for hate crimes.
Here is some food for thought taken from an article from "The Atlantic":
In “When Men Are Raped,” the journalist Hanna Rosin summarized the peer-reviewed results that Stemple published with her co-author Ilan Meyer in the American Journal of Public Health. “For some kinds of victimization, men and women have roughly equal experiences,” Rosin wrote. “Stemple is a longtime feminist who fully understands that men have historically used sexual violence to subjugate women and that in most countries they still do. As she sees it, feminism has fought long and hard to fight rape myths—that if a woman gets raped it’s somehow her fault, that she welcomed it in some way. But the same conversation needs to happen for men.”
his awareness-raising need not come at the expense of women victimized by sexual violence, Stemple emphasized to Rosin, because “compassion is not a finite resource.” She also began to wonder, if men were victims of sexual violence far more often than was previously known by researchers, who were the perpetrators? Other men? Women? In what proportions? Under what circumstances?
A new investigation was born.
Today, the fruits of that research were published in another peer-reviewed paper, “Sexual Victimization Perpetrated by Women: Federal Data Reveal Surprising Prevalence.” Co-authored with Andrew Flores and Ilan Meyer, it appears in Aggression and Violent Behavior. Once again, federal survey data challenged conventional wisdom.
“These surveys have reached many tens of thousands of people, and each has shown internally consistent results over time,” the authors note. “We therefore believe that this article provides more definitive estimates about the prevalence of female sexual perpetration than has been provided in the literature to date. Taken as a whole, the reports we examine document surprisingly significant prevalence of female-perpetrated sexual victimization, mostly against men and occasionally against women.”
Those conclusions are grounded in striking numbers.
You're not exactly sorry, if you support generalizations against one group, without acknowledging the harm done by another are you.
If you don't want to acknowledge the harm done to fathers, who just want to take care of their children, but are unevenly ruled against, with no justification.
If you don't want to acknowledge the men falsely accused of crimes, with no consequences for the accusers.
If you don't want to acknowledge, how often men are the victims of domestic violence, even rape, but want to solely focus on one group.
Here's something interesting for you. In the military, more men, statistically, have experienced sexual assault,, than women, yet, would you like to guess, which groups claims, are most investigated?
See, I've seen the harm done, that's why I'm so against generalizations, because I see how much, only focusing on one group can hurt people, it's why I believe in standing up for everyone.
It's a shame, when people decide, their own sexist ideals, are more important, than standing up, for everyone, everywhere.
But don't worry, just like I've done in the past, standing as a witness, to prosecute perpetrators of harm against men and women, I will continue to oppose injustice, against all who face it, as well, as focusing on all, not just groups I like.
@Jacob879 I make generalizations about generals and I will not apologize for it.