Is it just really hard to find cuddlers in the uk?

[Deleted User]newtothis45 (deleted user)
in General

I'm from Birmingham and can't find anyone. Now when i mean anyone im not including the pros. Honestly, i could have a session with one but i feel it defeats the purpose. Either people are non responsive, don't communicate well or just in active.

From a male perspective, how is it finding someone to cuddle with?

Comments

  • Mike403Mike403

    @newtothis45 - Join the club. It doesn't matter where you're from. Unless you're willing to cuddle men, male enthusiasts far outnumber female enthusiasts. If you message a woman, you are probably one out of 80 other messages in her inbox.

  • CuddleDuncanCuddleDuncan
    edited August 2023

    @newtothis45 yes, it is. There are very few cuddlers outside London.

    It is also true that a lot of people, across the whole site, either don't respond or don't communicate well. Given where you are it's not worth focussing on trying to find an enthusiast woman to cuddle with - your odds are just too low. If it happens that's great, but it's a bonus.

    There are two things you can do. You can look for cuddle workshops/parties in your area. Meetup.com is a good place to start, or Google in general. There are several running in London but I don't know about Birmingham.

    The other is of course to hire a professional. I must emphasise that this does not in any sense "defeat the purpose". If it you find the right professional, it's extremely worthwhile. Cuddling with a professional is not a poor substitute for cuddling a fellow enthusiast: it's just different. It's a bit like steak and chocolate - both brilliant, but in their own way. It's also worth remembering that cuddling with a professional should not be compared with cuddling an enthusiast: the correct comparison is with cuddling nobody at all. I don't know what the situation is at the moment, but there is often at least one active, good professional within striking distance of Birmingham.

    You may find these threads useful or interesting.

    Finding an enthusiast woman to cuddle:

    Finding a professional that suits you:

  • DaveFromSussexDaveFromSussex

    Yeah I have the same experiences. Much worse when you live in the middle of nowhere like myself 🫤 Best I've done is travel to London for pros but naturally that's not always an option.

  • Maverick07Maverick07

    Needle in the haystack @newtothis45

  • SunsetSnugglesSunsetSnuggles
    edited August 2023

    @newtothis45 Traveling for cuddles has been necessary for my experience, and many others. It is well worth it!! 🤩

    Might I also suggest filling out your profile more, so potential cuddlers can get some sense of who you are and what your personality is?

    ~ Sunset Snuggles

  • EthanNeedsHeldEthanNeedsHeld

    @newtothis45 I would second SunsetSnuggles suggestion. More info in your bio would go a ways toward beginning to build bridges with people.
    And CuddleDuncan’s posts are great - I recommend reading the comments as well. Good info throughout.
    All the best…

  • WestsideMarcWestsideMarc

    It’s very very hard to find cuddlers even in Los Angeles!

  • Ironman294Ironman294

    Hiring a professional is not defeating the purpose. If you find and connect with the right cuddler it’s a wonderful experience! And definitely can develop a cool relationship. Make sure to pay for their transport if it’s more than half an hour away whether public or private :-) and don’t forget to offer a tip.

  • Minestrone101Minestrone101

    I think it's possible. Just takes time and patience. As the saying goes : they're not vending machines or Walmarts. It takes time, try to make connections, learn more about the community ,and the experience and needs of your target audience. Best of luck.

  • [Deleted User]newtothis45 (deleted user)

    @SunsetSnuggles I'm not opposed to traveling but it would be easier if i get responses. I can trial adding more to my profile. But the reality is it makes no difference. I'm active and would respond to anyone in a timely manner. Which isn't the case on the otherside. If you could see my messages, I'm not being rude or just saying "hi" but rather thoughtful individual messages.

  • WriterGFWriterGF

    @newtothis45 Unfortunately, if you are writing enthusiasts, they are likely buried in messages and may never see yours. An enthusiast friend of mine told me she went offline for three days and had 200 messages when she got back.

  • BonnyBelleBonnyBelle
    edited September 2023

    Hi @newtothis45

    I can't speak for your reticence to contact professionals, as that is your prerogative, however I know that there are several quality professionals within Birmingham (myself included).

    As a professional I spend far more time responding to messages than I do cuddling, heaven help those poor women who would cuddle for free! I would never have the time to read the messages, let alone respond. At least the charge helps to reduce the number of messages and increases the likelihood that someone is genuinely interested in cuddling.

  • LovelightLovelight

    OP, female cuddle enthusiast perspective coming through if you'd like. While some things I wrote might apply to pro cuddles too, this isn't written about them for I've no experience or knowledge of that:

    @Mike403 "If you message a woman, you are probably one out of 80 other messages in her inbox."

    I'm not sure that number within a week or a month is really the case for most women. Of course, you didn't specify a timeframe. Though I think it's helpful to do so. I think it's probably more along the lines of 30 or 40 a month on average. Though let's suppose it is around 80.

    I think on average about 30 of the men would shortly after messaging be eliminated and some eliminate themselves.

    Side note:

    If either of them are more "picky", then that number may get a lot higher. For instance, it seems to me that a lot of men don't really, even in a platonic setting, want to connect with women who are more than 2 to 3 years at most older than them, 5 is likely pushing it a bit. If said men are in their 30s or older and have an age range of 20 to 35 it isn't so bad. Though considering everything that is still very limiting I'd say and of course they are free to make that decision.

    Then come other challenges such as conflicting cuddle spots, and other factors which I think doesn't necessarily stop a lot of men from contacting women who on paper they already aren't a match. I've had a lot of said cases myself. Got on my profile I prefer non smokers, I've had a lot of smokers contact me over the years and try to negotiate their way out of it.

    Similarly, I've public selected for my prefered cuddle spot, yet I've had a lot of men: who have guest, and or host selected contact me and I've had to reject them too. Or very few said they are fine with public...

    Just to back out of it when the fact of actually meeting and at some point cuddling in public came up. Or before or after I made them aware of how my disability is visible and that they are free to reject if they aren't comfortable with. I do have on my profile that I've a disability, I just gave a bit more info in messaging to them.

    I'm well aware that cuddling in public isn't high in demand with men to begin with and that an able bodied woman doing the same, especially if she's also seen as pretty enough by men, has an advantage over me. That's life, though I am standing my ground and looking for what I'm most comfortable with. If I find cool, if I don't cool, I do what I can to cope with the absence of it and go on with life. I also do what I can to help increase my chances such as having a well written profile, and working to improve the way in which I communicate/present myself, etc.

    That may be more of a me thing when it comes to non smoking, or cuddling in public than the requirements of the average woman. Although, even many of the non smoker women who are smoke friendly, I'd imagine have some standards about it which I'm sure not every man meets consistently or to begin with.

    Though let's say that both their level of "pickiness" is relatively average, that they can both host and be a guest too. Which is more of what many, especially the men, are looking for here it seems. Then run with those 'hypothetical' numbers.

    Back to the calculations:

    You're now down to about 50 if I'm perhaps being generous, I think probably 10 would be eliminated after chatting for 3 days to maybe a week because of red flags, or conflicting needs that come up. So they are left with less potential suitable cuddle partners and you're left with less 'competition'.

    Leaving said women with about 40 potentials. Suppose she can meet about 20 a month, and about 10 of the 40 show red flags during the first or second meeting. She's now down to about 30.

    So I think right around here is generally a good place to base your 'competition' on as a man. That you're really up against about 30 or less men in her inbox, rather than 80.

    Maybe 10 eliminate themselves after the first meeting or two due to them being inappropriate verbally, in messaging, or otherwise. Now she's down to 20 potential quality cuddle partners.

    Suppose that she's hoping to have regular meetings with about 10 of the same men a month, the 10 with the most to offer and who are happy with her remain, that is, if she gets to that point on said month. The other 10 might still have a chance because people aren't pure numbers and situations change. So overtime some of the first 10 gradually become unavailable or aren't available at times. Maybe their needs change and conflict. So the woman would be available to connect with any other 10 or so potentially quality men in her inbox, and maybe other men who have more advantage in the profile and talking stage of said men join the 'competition'.

    Though if a woman really finds the # of quality men she's able to more regularly meet, then she's really not looking to go through a whole lot of hassle and navigating many risks all over again.

    Which means at some point if she reaches her goals, she likely becomes unavailable or not as available to meet or talk with new men. So it's a matter of will you or will you not make it to that level.

    To clarify:

    Now when I say most to offer, I mean things such as: Respectful of her, comforting, and giving rather than seeming just there to take. Having good conversation skills, cleanliness, near to her or at least willing to travel to her. Or if enough trust is built able to provide a nice, and clean place to host her. Though if she's already got a place she's happy to host at. Or men who offer her a closer and nice place to host her and they check off all the other criterias of being decent, then she's got less of a reason to travel far to maybe get the same. In other words, said men may have an advantage over other men based on how they treat her and what they've to offer. So it then becomes a question of what are all the bases each man can improve to help increase his chances and how interested is he to do so. Speaking of which...

    @newtothis45 "I can trial adding more to my profile. But the reality is it makes no difference. I'm active and would respond to anyone in a timely manner. Which isn't the case on the otherside. If you could see my messages, I'm not being rude or just saying "hi" but rather thoughtful individual messages."

    I think that your profile is decently filled, I do love that you've mentioned the things you enjoy about cuddling in your description. As it is now, I have seen plenty of profiles that yours would have an advantage over. Though I've also seen a lot who I'd say have an edge over yours.

    Though first of all, I think you're not giving the power of having a well written profile the credit it deserves and that may be a mental block you need to overcome in order to help increase your chances. Should you become more open to the feedback you've received from others about improving your profile, that might just be what gets you a response over other men in a woman's inbox and helps to keep her interest. Feel free to let me know if you're more open to it and I'd be happy to share with you some feedback on ways you can improve your profile. 😊

  • niceman99niceman99
    edited September 2023

    I am waiting for admin to get back to me regarding a time waster so called pro cuddler. We made arrangements and I drove over 209 miles round trip due to her deciding she could not go through with it 25 minutes before we should of met at her flat. She then apologized and said she had been attacked before and had just come back to cuddling after a break. She then messaged me saying she had been attacked again by a guy she had met with previously from this website but he had tried to molest her. After further contact she said she would like to make it up to me and said we could have some food and drink watch a movie etc whilst together. Then surprise surprise on the day she pulled out again and said she was never going to cuddle again and was removing her adverts from CC and freeads. Well after loosing 2 days of work and £40 in fuel I was not happy but pleased she had removed herself from the site so could not waste anyone else's time and/ or money. Well blow me a week later geuss who is back […] yes you've got it the time waster who reckons she had been attacked twice yet was back doing her service with massage.

    I am sure admin will end up closing my account as they earn commission from her bookings but I do not think it is right for her to be aloud to get away with treating people like it.

    Reported and reviewed. Removing reference to offending user. Please give us time to handle your report. [Charlie_Bear]

  • CaringPawsCaringPaws

    New Birmingham Pro here, I get it if you want to cast our kind into the fires of Mount Doom so understand if mods prefer we didn't comment here! But from one UK perspective it's just harder to get around. I don't drive and many folks I know don't either, so you're stuck taking a long coach or expensive train, and there's been constant strikes. It seems like a lot of people are quite far away, and our public transport isn't always the best. I used to work a job that was a 3.5hr one way within Birmingham(!) because the buses were so bad. So yeah there may be an issue of sending the right message, or honestly just a logistical one.

  • Minestrone101Minestrone101
    edited September 2023

    Here's how even cuddling a pro could be very beneficial to you imo:

    1. You get to learn the process and etiquette of reaching out to a potential cuddler, to meet or talk with them, to establish boundaries and trigger points as well as consent, and to reach an agreement on meet time, duration, and place. Believe it or not, there is a learning curve.

    2. While there is a business portion of the relationship, women pros really have more options to choose as clients than they can take on usually . So, if you're one person that they reached out to for an agreement, it means you appear to be someone they can trust from the get go and maybe someone that they like/tolerate as a person. Unlike massage therapy or other types of services, cuddling is an EXTREMELY vulnerable position for a pro cuddler and their time and care/affection that they bring is valuable. If they trust/like you, you can be a repeat cuddler. This is something that took me time to get used to , as in the beginning , I didn't get responses from enthusiasts nor pros for 2 months. When I finally connected with a pro, we went through the whole vetting process and I volunteered my ID to help make then feel safe. I also drive from Maryland to Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.

    3. Pro cuddling can help you acquire karma which will help you meet and attract new cuddlers elsewhere.

    4. I've become a lot more comfortable with initiating and receiving touch since I started seeking pro cuddling and that has affected other areas in my life. Trusting the long, arduous process helped me to be in touch with other enthusiasts , both close and far.

    5. I only expected to have an occasional cuddle to meet my touch quota during the pandemic , but I ended up meeting a network of friends.

    Cheers.

  • CuddleDuncanCuddleDuncan

    @CaringPaws 3.5 hours travelling and you're still in Birmingham? Sheeeesh! 😱 That's a very peculiar form of hell.

  • Minestrone101Minestrone101

    @CuddleDuncan Also, thanks for helping me understand the community ! :)

  • CuddleDuncanCuddleDuncan

    @Minestrone101 thank you, it's my pleasure.

  • CaringPawsCaringPaws

    @CuddleDuncan it really was! I'm veering off topic here so as a former hobbyist I responded most to folks that had a simple message without anything sexual, or too demanding. Some people aren't the best communicators, and some people just aren't glued to their laptop/phone and may take a while to get back to you. Or maybe Birmingham just needs cuddle parties?

  • Minestrone101Minestrone101
    edited September 2023

    @CuddleDuncan Yes sir. for real. I think you don't get enough credit for your help and get way too much criticism to put it nicely. Hope your weekend is going well.

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