Flakiness?

snugglebug99

hi everyone!
Happy Halloween
I was just wondering if anyone has any experience with people flaking on agreed cuddle sessions? often with no specific reason given?
It’s been happening to me a bit to the point where i’m experiencing a 50% flake rate and I wanted to reach out to the community to see if this was the norm. Is this something that just comes with the territory of being on the site?
Thanks all!

sunnysideup

@snugglebug99 Yes, I’ve had enthusiasts and professionals both flake on me last minute. My flake rate is not quite 50 percent, though I’ll say my flake rate with enthusiasts is probably higher than my flake rate with professionals.

If someone flakes with no communication, I think you can leave them a negative karma so other people won’t book with them
In turn.

I think that flaking comes with the territory of online networking stuff but there are ways you can bring down that number. Charging a small deposit max $25 or $50 for new clients would bring the flake rate down, though since you haven’t established karma some might be hesitant to put down a deposit.

You could also require a short video chat with a prospective client to get a feel for their ‘vibe’, see how serious they are, and if you think you’re a good fit.

Good luck I hope you can bring that flake rate down a bit!

pmvines

This is a flaky place in a flaky world full of flaky people. I'll say the same thing to you that I also tell the men on this site when they voice their complaints about women not responding to them or not wanting to cuddle with them. The world doesn't owe you anything, and meeting interwebs strangers to cuddle isn't exactly a fool proof business model. It's very hit or miss and there can be so many reasons from so many people as to why meeting them may have fallen through. Sorry I'm just not a there there pat pat kind of person. Not trying to be insensitive. It's just the nature of the site and isn't a science.

JohnR1972

It happens but 50% seems really high. In the 2+ years I have been here I’ve only had 1 pro and 1 enthusiast who cancelled on me on short notice and I have never had a “no show”. Those 2 short notice cancellations represent less than 5% of the cuddles I have had with pros or enthusiasts.

xandriarain

@snugglebug99 if you are serious about Cuddling as a career/business charging deposits is a must. In the beginning of my career I was plagued with cancellations and it only takes a handful of late cancellations/ no shows to turn a good month into a bad month. Nowadays I ask all new clients for a 50% deposit and if a returning client starts to show a pattern of cancelling regularly I will tell them that if they want to book me moving forward, they have to pay for the full session when they book it. Nowadays last minute cancellations/ no shows are rare. And often times some of my good clients will send me half the session fee or even the full amount if they cancel on short notice. If a client doesn’t have empathy for the fact that you are trying to support yourself financially and survive in this world, they are not a client worth having.

Minestrone101

Dat song tho.

warm_embrace

@snugglebug99 I’ve had my share of flakes, last minute cancelations, and no shows over the years and I just consider it part cuddle experience. It may be disappointing when it happens, but it’s not unexpected.

While deposits might be a way for you to mitigate this as a pro, you might want to consider getting some good karma first. I wouldn’t pay a deposit to someone who is new or has no karma.

Katota

Let's see I have been flaked on since, I have been active on the internet period...LOL! 😄Before I was active on the internet I still experienced flakiness from flaky people,
I know shocking isn't it?😜

Lol! This next part will sound terrible and that's okay as I am at peace with it now...😁

These days, I expect flaky behavior over genuine behavior from people in general firsthand.😌
By doing that, it helps to ease the disappointment levels and it helps me realize not to be bothered with them anymore in the future...Even IF they're "not trying" to be flaky anymore, first impressions (particularly flaky impressions 😏) are hard for me to forget about in the long run. 😊

CuddleDuncan

@snugglebug99 flakiness is common but 50% is high. The reasons it is so high include the facts that you are new, and you are young. These factors make you more vulnerable to timewasters. Yes there are people who get a kick out of making an appointment and not turning up.

The rate will decrease as you gain experience and learn how to spot trouble before it happens. However, given that the rate is so high, it would be worth considering how you might experiment with your habits, procedures and attitudes around your vetting and booking processes, to see what can be done to improve them.

It is good practice to confirm any appointment in detail the night before, including the exact place and time, in a message that demands a reply.

If a client does not turn up when you are expecting them, and you have messaged them, and they still do not contact you within a couple of hours, then please write one star Karma to this effect. As with all Karma, what you write should be true, fair and polite. In a case like this it is usually best to stick to a simple description of the facts.

(If the client writes false or malicious 'revenge' Karma, Report the whole thing to the moderators False Karma gets deleted all the time.)

If you have a suspicion or feeling that it was done deliberately or maliciously, then please Report the client. You do not need evidence. This helps the mods identify patterns of behaviour.

In some ways the worst thing is cancellation ten minutes before the session is due to start, because the reality is that there is not much you can do. I suspect most professionals would sigh and allow one rebooking, but only one. Its not the quality of the reason or excuse that matters; the key indicator is how much they take care of you. In particular, is there an explicit and unambiguous apology?

Deposits are a difficult matter for new professionals, because there is a serious problem of deposit scammers. If you decide to go down this route, a small deposit will achieve most of the beneficial effect. Even $10 is likely to be significant: the principle matters more than the amount. This is important becaue it's the principle that puts off the timewasters (and some clients) but the smaller the amount the fewer genuine clients you will deter. Distinguish yourself from scammers by succintly outlining a detailed process (at the bottom of your profile) for what happens to the deposit and your system for repaying it or transferring it forward to a legitimately postponed session.

Also, make sure you have squeezed all the wisdom you can from the sticky topics at the top of the Professional Cuddling board.

You will not achieve a 0% rate - that isn't a Thing. But don't be disheartened: what you are going through is normal and is just part of the learning process. A 5% rate is very achievable, and once you are at the experience level of somebody like @xandriarain it will be even lower than that. Good luck!

stormydaycuddle

This one is coming down because I don't want anyone worried. All is well.

Nature_Lover_

In the years I've been doing this it used to be extremely rare but recently I have experienced a sudden increase in last minute cancellations. Literally within the last month I've had more cancellations than in the years I've done this combined. It is strongly influencing if I travel to cuddle and whom I choose to cuddle. 🤷‍♀️

avebae

I just joined back in June and only recently have I had no shows or people go ghost before a session. Literally had 4 last minute cancellations in a row - it was so frustrating! I now require a 20% deposit after video chatting and setting up an session. Haven't had any cancellations or ghosting. I get less messages because of it, but I'm fine with people wanting to find a Pro without a deposit.

Since you're newer and don't have karma, I'd suggest you implement a quick intro call into your process to book if you don't. You get to chat and you'll get a feel on if they're truly looking to book. Good luck!

TxTom

enlarged to show texture.

Lovelight

@snugglebug99

Perhaps it'd help for you to start as an enthusiast for sometime so you get some experience, reviews, and better establish yourself on the platform? That way you will ease into it all, gain some credibility, experience, and also be able to charge a deposit more easily?

Or you may alternatively hire a few established pros and go about it that way? Along with other new ones maybe? Although they'd probably mainly just be other female cuddlers if going the pro. Which is primarily fine, though it might rIse a question or two as to why you don't have reviews from men. Or give the impression you only cuddle women depending on how the person came across your profile and how much of attention they are paying to it. So you may still need to cuddle with some enthusiasts.

Your profile has no reviews as it stands, so part of why you seem to be having a ~50% failure rate may be that others who may be genuine are not really even approaching you to begin with because they don't see any of the factors mentioned above.

I've had one experience, I was stood up. Though I was too trusting and naive to notice a lot of red flags.

@CuddleDuncan More or less said a lot of the points I wanted to say, he must be a mind reader or maybe great minds just think alike lol.

It'll help you to learn to spot red flags, recognize patterns and plan accordingly.

Ways You Might be Able to Spot Flaky People:

A few things that I personally think are more or less red flags are:

• Low effort:

• Profile not filled out, or it's questionable/trolli. Poor quality photos, if they've photos of themselves, that's mainly up to you to decipher what that constitutes for you.

• Someone coming in "hot" or heavy. By "hot" I mean basically heavy kind of "lovdbombing" though in a platonic sense. Sending you lengthy messages of flattery or what have you. Don't get me wrong, that can be perfectly nice. Though I'd just pause and take note, so that if you start to see any other red flags, they add up. Too low of an effort can be a red flag and coming on heavy can be too, that's my main point there.

• Messaging you at odd hours or late in the night. They might just be night shift workers, maybe night owls, or maybe their father is a king... I don't know what that has anything to do with it, though it's a possibility. Take note. That's all Imma say there.

• If they say their favorite foods are sushi, pizza, burgers, pasta, rice, french fries, or any food containing vegetables. Same with if they like fruits. Like oh my gosh, who likes that???? Lol. They are flakier than a box of Kellogg's Frosted Flakes, minus the "they're greattttttt" part. I love sushi and a lot of the foods mentioned by the way, though don't worry I'm the exception.

• Another potential red flag is if you notice they are up late at night when you're set to meet the following day. Especially if you were to meet mid day or early in the day. Sure you too may be up, though it doesn't mean you'll flake. I've been up late a bunch of times myself and still followed through with my plans. Though not everyone is that way, so it can be a red flag.

• Another red flag, if they slow to respond between your messages, especially if the messages have to do with booking and meeting. That can indicate they are too busy, not serious, playing or hesitant about cuddling. So I'd take note.

• If they are trying to chitchat with you for days and days without getting to the point of trying to meet or bringing that up in any shape or form. Or if they bring it up, though aren't or are very slow to establish a meeting plan.

• Also if they refuse to video call or give you excuses as to why not, provided that's something you're requesting, I would! Similarly with sending you a photo if they don't already have one. I would likely request if you're especially going to a home type setting or they are coming to you. Then let someone you trust and is watching out for you, see it. Sure some might say "but my privacyyyyyyy", though if something happened to her and nobody knows who she met, so many would be blaming her for not doing this, that and the other. So if your, a general your, privacy is more important than the safety of the women you're trying to cuddle, especially in such isolating spaces, then I'd reconsider cuddling women, or maybe even men. Or maybe try to find ones who don't have that requirement.

• Making or canceling plans at the last minute or less than at least 24+ hours.

Watch out for those who might message you at inappropriate hours and asking to meet at those times. That's a huge red flag and I don't know if you're are, though if you are then suggesting book at a more appropriate time, I probably wouldn't. Though if you do, then proceed with caution not just because of flaking, though they might also not be here for the right reasons and it is my understanding that as a pro you're well within your rights to say no to anyone and any situation that makes you uncomfortable. Although if they happen to send a deposit, you may or may not need to refund them, that I don't know how it works and it can differ from situation to situation.

• Have they or do they tend to arrive late? Red flag.

• If they live far and say they'll come to you or vice versa, proceed with caution.

Aside from the above points, here's a way or two you may be able to protect yourself or lessen the impact flaking can have on you.

• I'm not exactly sure how the pro - enthusiast dynamic works in this regard. Though when trying to confirm plans, or in general make plans I'd state:

1. That you're confirming this and that.

2. You include time from which you'd like a response by and say that if no response by then, you may need to make other plans. I'd especially do this if you're at a stage of being more susceptible to this or you're getting red flags from them. Also I wouldn't necessarily do this just for meeting confirmations, I'd also do it for video calling. An example, sending a message in the morning saying: "Hey are you available to videos call around 6:30 PM tomorrow or what time do you think would work best for you? If I don't get a response by 3:00 PM today I may have to make other plans." This type of message might not really be applicable to pros to enthusiast and vice versa though. So you might need to put your own spin on it to maybe make it more suitable for your situation and dynamic. If they response much later than said time, then that's a major red flag especially if they haven't given some reasonable reason. I'd take note of that and if the day of they are flakey again, red flag! I'd proceed with caution if you choose to.

I hope that helps.

JustPlaneCuddle

I have an 80% client flake rate due to my terms of service requiring a video chat consultation and requiring verification of identity. A good deal of the messages I receive are men aged 50+ that want to have anonymous meets. I also have constant ghosts after I explain that I do not do over-night or late night sessions with new clients. I am having the same problem as @Nature_Lover_ with last minute cancellations. I have considered requiring payment if someone would like to exchange lengthy messages for hours at a time and not book. This takes time away from other clients. I have about 18 regulars and only one has come from this site.

Lovelight

@Minestrone101

That Flake song reminded me of this: 🙊

Self moderated, not exactly suitable for the site. 😂 😭

CuddlykittenPup

With Pros I've never had any cancellations. With non pros 7/10 times

snugglebug99

@sunnysideup thank you so much for sharing your experience and advice! this is all so helpful.
Yes, I think the fact that my profile is so new can make others wary, so hopefully I can work on getting that flake rate down as I get more involved with the community here!

snugglebug99

@CuddleDuncan
thank you so much for taking the time to write such a detailed response and such applicable tips. I’ll definitely add some policies to my profile once I do start to gain karma.

snugglebug99

@xandriarain thanks so much for your input! i visited your profile and it’s so professional. I hope one day mine can look like that too! Love that you have a background in psychology and are seeking continuing ed in the field

snugglebug99

@avebae im sorry you’ve run into a streak of flaky clients recently too! requiring a deposit and esp a vid chat is a such a good idea, thank you. I would also rather raise the barrier to entry and possibly have less interest/less messages, if it means the clientele are self-selecting to be more serious which would mean a higher conversion to actual cuddle sessions.

Lovelight

@TxTom LOL I just saw that, cereal, flake now. 😂

By the way, OP, I'd add this little red flag too:

If they don't even at least greet you or send a little introduction and pleasantries, though they go straight to something like "me want cuddle, what's your rate, me cuddle want."

To me, as an enthusiast getting that from an enthusiast tends to send a message of:

"I don't really care about noticing you as a person, or reading your profile much less saying anything to indicate I read it. I also don't really care establishing a little rapport with you. Because I am more or less selfish, and just wanna get my needs met. So watcha say you swim across the ocean and come cuddle with me in this island of loneliness and dispair to bring me back to life, for free too if I may say. Because of course, you're an enthusiast and don't, nor are you allowed to charge."

Whereas if I was a pro, it may more so send me a message of:

"I don't really care about treating you with basic decency and I probably don't really respect you, because you're charging me money, so lemme forgo basic human decency and get right to it. Maybe even just to get your hopes up while I'm at it, followed by flaking or leaving you hanging."

It might not be a 'professional' response, though if I got a message like that, which I've, as an enthusiast. One of the ways I might respond is probably along the lines of:

"Hi, I'm alright, thanks for asking. How are you?"

Then I'd see how their energy changes, and maybe proceed with caution lol.

However I will note that, there are exceptions. Such as in my case, although I've gotten better with greeting people, especially greeting them back since. I myself have been guilty of not saying hi or asking "how are you" that often, especially early on when building rapport. Or times that I probably should.

That for me doesn't stem from being rude or selfish. My brain just works in a way that I tend to get to addressing the main point, rather than responding to greetings in particular. For example, in conversations, someone might say:

"Hi! Bla bla bla...
...........
..............
.................. So what do you think?"

My brain would register the whole message, though my response would often focus on* what's relevant, and go straight into answering the question.

It took me a while to work on at least getting kind * of better * with that. So I would sometimes say "Hi, by the way." to 'correct' myself.

Now on the flip side, I've two acquaintances whom this is relevant to.

One of them is really supportive of a small business page I run and we occasionally converse privately. We started talking on public platforms and then he wanted to talk with me more indepth about a topic we were discussing. So I said he could message. He just went straight into talking about the topic. No hi or how are you. To this day, I don't think we said hello to each other. I'm not as extreme with it as he seems to be at least in our interactions. So it took me back a bit. Since I'm not a whole lot different and it didn't bother me much, especially having already built rapport with him, I said to myself: Cool, let's go with it! However, he's a really cool person and even said I could talk with him if I needed to. So we've a warm side, even if some of us might not wear it on our sleeves. 😂 😅

I'll take that any day, over someone who smiles in my face while planning to ruin my day.

The other acquaintance we met under similar circumstances and he seems to say hi frequently. Like with every message, even if we spoke just a few hours ago. With him I thought to myself "woah... okay... I'll accept you the way you are there. Though I hope me not saying hi to you that much doesn't get to you." So far neither of us complained, so we must be fine.

This meme basically communicates my personal stance on that lol:

PeopleLikeUs

@sunnysideup

"If someone flakes with no communication, I think you can leave them a negative karma so other people won’t book with them
In turn."

You can't leave Karma for someone you've never met.

Minestrone101

@Lovelight I'm dying here! lol

Mike403

@PeopleLikeUs - Yes you can if they were a no show.

CuddleDuncan

@PeopleLikeUs, @Mike403 is correct. A stone cold no-show (not turning up, no message) is the only circumstance in which Karma may be left for somebody you have not met.

stormydaycuddle

… taking it down. It doesn’t sound right/the way I wanted it to.

MountainCuddles

@CuddleDuncan I don’t completely agree with that. I think a last-minute cancellation could be grounds for negative Karma as well. If they cancelled 5 minutes before an agreed-upon time, after having you drive a substantial distance, that’s almost the same as a no-show, and could be grounds for a negative review. I also don’t think a no-show needs to be stone-cold. If they didn’t show up at the agreed upon time and then messaged you say an hour later with an excuse that ultimately boils down to “you don’t matter enough to me that I care about respecting your time,” that would also be grounds for a negative review. They still wasted your time and gas money.

PeopleLikeUs

@CuddleDuncan @Mike403

Apologies for any confusion. Whenever I bring to a professional's attention that they didn't show up for a first-time appointment, any negative karma associated with the situation is promptly resolved, and they consistently express their gratitude by sending me thank-you notes. I only address this with professionals for appointments where it's their first meeting with a client. However, it's possible there might be a rule or exception hidden within the system.

Lovelight

@Minestrone101 "I'm dying here! lol"

Maybe this will help, lol:

CuddleDuncan

@MountainCuddles @PeopleLikeUs I should have said, I was just repeating what the site management have previously said on the forum. I entirely agree with your points.

@stormydaycuddle I'm really sorry you've been having such a hard time. 🫂 I didn't appreciate that it was quite that bad It sounds really grim.

If you meant you're planning on deleting or editing that post, in my opinion there is no need. It's on topic in this thread and it has an immediacy which makes it a good and 'real' post. I could feel something of your distress.