“The canvas of plumbing is a toilet and the paint is supplied by @pmvines”
Quote Attributed to anonymous Roto-Rooter employee
@BoomerSpooner dammit I'm trying to have breakfest do you mind
@cuddlefaery, ok I owe you a response. it seems that on one hand you criticize those who misinterpret a picture and the message it supposedly sends and on the other hand you explain why the market forces women to post pictures that appeal to the very same people. I understand it is not always done intentionally and that it may be fine line to walk.
More in general, this issue and similar others are an inevitable unintended consequence of the existence of this platform, and we have very little control. If we agree on that, then I don't think anyone here wants to see the ultimate solution coming to fruition. I guess I wonder how helpful these repeat conversations actually are.
@cuddlefaery some of your solutions are literally, and maybe sadly, DNA altering and therefore not realistic. sorry
What I don't understand for one is how the OP's photos are just fine and nothing inappropriate about, yet she's been advised to check it.
I think we might as well ask her to make sure there was no invisible alien that only the guy, and her could see following her around, whose presence caused the guy to take off his shirt soon after her arrival, or asked him to offer her an illegal drug.
The rules are clear as day on this site, and even more so when anyone goes to message a professional cuddler. He went through all that, went through booking her service too, and then still chose to be inappropriate. I'd say that's ALL on him there, I don't for a second believe it had nor has anything to do with what the OP was wearing in her photos. If her photos were in an photo album and there wasn't much else around, I'd happily give to a kid to flip through them, that's how appropriate, normal, and innocent they are.
I think basically only someone who is beyond help, and looking for any and every excuse under the sun would see anything wrong with them. Or somebody who for some reason views victims of assaults or harassments, especially women, through a similar lens. Though unfortunately, I think it's also sometimes easier for some to nitpick, or point the finger at the victim if they've nothing better to share.
@Lovelight my comments above are general and have NOTHING to do with the OP.
@Sooson "my comments above are general and have NOTHING to do with the OP."
Cool, I wasn't responding to you. 😊
You can only control yourself and what you choose to do. Putting yourself in the company of strangers in an intimate setting and alone is a risky situation. I actually think @BJC is basically right. I personally am very careful with any risk I decided to take. I don’t put myself in a situation of danger because I can’t control what someone else is going to do.. I don’t cuddle in strangers’ homes. Not safe for me. Best to evaluate the situation and how much of it you can control before you put yourself into it.
@bobadevotee sadly you can’t make those men change, you can only change what you want to do about it. For myself if/when this gets to be too much to deal with, I will stop. Also, what you said about what you choose to wear during a cuddle session was really smart! Why would I intentionally invite danger to myself? seriously??
I tend to book cuddlers that dress modestly similar to this
@BJC I also 💯 get the point you’re making and basically agree, if I get to the point that the only way I feel safe cuddling is if I have a gun?? Seriously what kind of messed up mentality is that? Use some common sense people. Why would anyone expose to themselves intentionally to such a dangerous situation. Take common sense precautions. @cuddlefaery also made some really true points about the men here only wanting to cuddle women who they find sexually attractive. I know it lol I’m definitely not in that demographic. My wonderful cuddlers are more the intellectually evolved type.
@carrieanne - People get stalkers. A pro I met in 2017 and still cuddle with left this site after getting a stalker. Keep a gun in your home particularly if you host.
I would never. I would not invite anyone into my house if doing so meant I had to buy a gun. To me that’s just crazy. I am very careful about my lifestyle and I don’t do anything stupid, so I don’t get stalkers. And before you say well, who would stalk someone like me, Even when I was in my 20s and 30s I did not have stalkers. I’ve been on dating sites, and I still didn’t have stalkers because I never revealed any personal information. There are Almost Always ways to be smart and prevent things from happening. One way is to be careful about where you live. Another is to be very careful about who you spend your time with or expose yourself to. I mean, use your brain and critical thinking as a way of prevention. Don’t put yourself in that kind of situation.. there are way too many gunsin the hands of the wrong people already. we don’t need more of that violence.
Recommending reading @JohnR1972's post regarding guns (see page 3)
lol no thanks. That’s a mentally I don’t agree with.
I also personally am against using guns. I've handled them before, was taught how to use and care for them, but I have zero desire to own one myself and am philosophically and pragmatically against using them even for my own protection. There are so many other options available, and I say this as someone who has had multiple long-term (as in years) and cross-country stalkers.
I believe for most people, saying "get a gun" is a reactionary statement that makes them feel better as if they somehow helped the person they were advising, because they dislike feeling helpless. In actuality it does next to nothing to solve or prevent the situation being experienced, not to mention as I and multiple others have now stated that there is the danger that in getting a gun the victim is likely to be further victimized.
It's easy for people outside of a situation to say "just do x" as if it's a magic pill, glossing over all the necessary steps, hazards, counterindications, and contexts that might heavily impact the outcome. It's a lot harder to address the actual causes of the problem, with all it's intricacies and unknowns, than it is to offer a magic pill that makes us feel better for having offered it.
...saying "get a gun" is a reactionary statement that makes them feel better...
It is certainly not a reactionary statement. It's being supportive of an idea that that person has probably already considered. But it's not a consideration to be taken lightly, and anyone going down that road the correct way will be reminded of that time and time again.
...It's easy for people outside of a situation to say "just do x" as if it's a magic pill, glossing over all the necessary steps, hazards, counterindications, and contexts...
A firearm is certainly not a "magic pill." It's not a guarantee of any particular outcome. Taking a life, even justifiably, is not an easy thing to do and it can forever haunt an individual.
I respect those that decide against owning/using firearms. The considerations one must work through are weighty. And it's not for everyone.
Just try to extend that same courtesy to those whom do choose to support firearm ownership by not trivializing their support as if it's merely a fleeting thought.
Get a gun = just kill him. What a horrible solution to suggest and I respect at a both practical and moral level those rejecting the idea that guns solve everything. If guns (violence) were a solution our world wouldn't be such a mess. What I love about this community is how it spreads kindness and love for each other. Try taking and collaboration, those are makes us human so awesome And Yeah it is complicated and tough at times, if it was easy the tigers and sharks would be ruling the world, but they can't collaborate like we do. Additional reading Sapiens. Try a Google search if you haven't heard of it.
And if you want to argue for guns please share how they solved a problem in your life. I get your love for the fantasy for your lethal teddy bear will make everything better, but has your not so cuddly and deadly placibo ever actually worked? (in the real world, not the movies or your imagination)
@Lifeasdance I believe you have a distorted perception of the type of people who legally carry firearms. I got my first CCW permit in 1985. I remember sitting in the “waiting room” of the Sheriff’s office at 9:50 am because he only processed CCW applications on Tuesday mornings from 10:00 to noon. There were about a dozen other people sitting in the room and I was wondering what they were waiting for. Half were women, including a nurse wearing scrubs. About half looked like they were retired. Even though the county was over 90% Caucasian, about 1/3 of the group were not. It wasn’t until the Sheriff stepped in and asked if all of us were there for carry permits that I realized this diverse group was all there for for the same reason.
And if you want to argue for guns please share how they solved a problem in your life
This question is the equivalent of asking a veteran “how many people did you kill in Iraq?” It is an inappropriate question.
People who have used firearms responsibly and appropriately don’t go around bragging about it or responding to taunts / challenges to justify their decision to legally carry.
Carrying a firearm carries with it serious moral and legal ramifications. Indiana allows me to carry a firearm into a bar but it would be illegal (and incredibly reckless) for me to consume ANY alcohol while carrying.
I do not go around encouraging everyone to carry. However, I do encourage anyone who decides to carry to get properly trained.
@JohnR1972 if everyone getting fire arms had your attitude and level of responsibility I doubt I would have such strong views and comments. Have you followed the news on the shooting of innocent people like after the 49 s game? I've met people who have been accidentally shot by the partners. I've never met someone who avoided being the victim of crime because of a firearm. And for every story in the news about firearms protecting there are at leat 10 of them killing innocent people. Every study I've read supports this as being repretaive? I ve met vets and would never ask. I think its different here' I'm asking people who suggest guns as a simple answer to share their experience because such glib suggestions land like telling someone to try driving without learning how to drive. "Dude just drive a car." Thanks for your thoughts and sharing what being responsible looks like.
@JohnR1972 approximately how much training would you recommend before relying on firearms as a method of self defense? Or what level of ability should person get to rely on firearms? Should someone with anger control issues consider the? Alcoholics? What about people who for whatever reason don't want to or can't get trained?
@Lifeasdance - good questions but no “simple” answers. There is a big difference between owning a firearm you keep at home for protection vs carrying that firearm outside of the home / your property. In both cases the firearm owner needs to know firearm safety and how to hit their target. However life is much simpler for the firearm owner who keeps it at home. In my state, if someone breaks into your home you do not have a “duty to retreat” but those laws vary by state.
Carrying a firearm off your property is a whole separate matter. For instance, imagine a person carrying a firearm goes for a walk and as they are returning home they see a van parked in front of their new neighbor’s home. They have met the neighbors and know they are a single mother and a 4 year old daughter. They then see a man they have never seen before trying to put the 4 year old girl in the van and the child is crying, hitting the man with her fists, and screaming “let me go!”
What should a responsible gun owner do? They approach the van and ask the man what he is doing and he replies by yelling “F*** OFF”.
Every parental / emotional instinct may be shouting this is the time to pull a firearm to prevent the man from leaving with the child but you don’t know enough to make that determination. This COULD be the non-custodial father picking up his daughter for his court ordered time with her. Pulling a firearm in this situation could get you prison time.
I guess my point is people who choose to carry need enough situational training (as opposed to just range time) to develop their judgment to not respond emotionally in such situations.
Thank you, Carrieanne, for your positive comments on my post. I agree with everything you say. It seems to me that if cuddling is causing a person stress, worry, and fear, they should stop trying to do it. Better to seek happiness elsewhere. And regarding guns -- they solve nothing and usually make things worse. I am originally from England, where it is extremely difficult to acquire a gun. People from Europe generally regard the American obsession with guns with incomprehension and dismay. It's an addiction in need of a cure.
@BJC I think we’re like-minded on the subject. I tend to try to go the direction of logic first. I agree with everything you say. A lot of gun owners seem to be very paranoid fearful people. That’s just not me. I would never choose a life like that. My happiness is too important, and I arrange my life for that objective
@bjc @carrieanne @Lifeasdance i am a gun owner who agrees with you. I think it's difficult to measure responsible gun ownership. I think that the romanticizing of gun ownership is astounding. I think the point of training is good, but doesn't solve much. When i read about how many times guns are discharged by those who train consistently and professionally fail to hit the mark, i do not see that as a good solution.
Situational training would be a good training course, if it teaches how to avoid places where you feel the need to have a gun. It's what I've learned after a long life of being blessed to not be harmed or harm Anyone in places anyone felt the need to have a gun. Unfortunately in this country there aren't many places you can be confident someone is not armed.
To be short, carrying a gun is less than responsible in most cases, no matter the training. The access to guns in society is less than responsible in most cases, even for those who are paid to have guns. Good guys don't carry guns, except in Gunsmoke....well.
@BashfulLoner thank you for sharing your experience. 🙏
I’m glad we’re having reasonable conversation about this topic of ways to protect ourselves. I think the most important thing about gun ownership, pro or con, like others have said here - is recognizing If it’s something you can manage, it’s a huge responsibility imo - if you’re the right candidate for it, if you can know that in yourself either way. If it could definitely provide protection and not cause such destruction when used incorrectly then I might feel differently.
@BJC I think that if every person who experienced adverse or even dangerous situations while cuddling left/stopped cuddling, the whole system would collapse. Only the individual can determine when "enough is enough" and how much stress tolerance they have.
We must not equate discussing the dangers of interacting with predatory people we encounter here with ONLY having negative experiences here. If every woman who had ever been harassed or assaulted avoided the locations and situations where it happens... we'd never leave home. It is an unfortunate universal experience that cannot be escaped with our current cultural practices nor just by changing jobs.
I don't believe the answer is telling victims to hide away. The answer is to change things so that there aren't victims in the first place. Treat the cause, not the symptoms.
He’s now calling me on what’s app with him exposing himself (not showing his face) asking if I’m available. I hang up each time and block the number pretty sure he’s using a burner app so it generates a new number whenever you want P
@BlueEyez77 this is escalating to something you need help addressing. Time to involve some support. Maybe some strong persuading fellows need to have a talk with him.
@BlueEyez77 This is terrifying! You might be able to enlist the fine folks at Meta to help you as well. If they understand this person is stalking you and harassing you as such, they can take a lot more proactive measures to keep him from utilizing their service. I'd make sure to report him as well as blocking him if you haven't already.
Sadly, phone numbers are cheap and easy to come by. There isn't much you can do for blocking virtual numbers from reaching you. I usually have my assistant screen calls and texts for me and that helps alleviate the burden.
I hope you stay safe!