@Skettimon I recommend looking for a 'cuddle party' in your area as a way to get platonic cuddling / affection. I'm sorry to hear things have turned out as they have, but know that it's never too late to grow as a person, get new skills and learn new things, and find work. It may take time and you may have to start from the bottom, but be diligent with it and it should yield results.
That said, for all those who are married or not, it never hurts to take on an approach of forever being a student, learning new things, and finding ways to grow as a person, for yourself, and for the relationship or future relationship.
Best of luck in your endeavors.
Hi Jess, Just joined. I hope you are doing and feeling much better.
No one’s really by Blacksburg, VA, unfortunately ? was really hoping to find someone, but I haven’t really been matching on any site or app.
I have been incredibly sad this week /sigh....
@JasonCuddles Hey, it’s okay to be sad. I’m glad you are willing to speak about your sadness. It is a valid emotional state, just like happiness, anger, nervousness, or even indifference. Does cuddling lessen your sadness? What else do you/can you do to change from sad to happy, or even just content? Are there times when you prefer to get in touch with your sadness, rather than trying to get away from it? Just know that you’re okay, even when you’re sad.
I am not sure if cuddles would help in this case. I just need time really. I am very rarely sad, especially like this, so it's not going to be a long term problem(probably)
Thanks for the message I was just feeling particularly down and I just felt like saying it.
Hey guys ( men and women ). As an older man in his 50s...we were brought up in a day Where men didn't cry or show their feelings......it is important to let your feelings out when needed. I was still self conscious of this in my 40 s. And only cried in front of my wife in private. Many times I cried even away from her. I'm in a better frame of mind now in my life....I am more comfortable with who I am. It is freeing. So let it out men. Alone or with a caring person. It is a way to relieve stress. You are still a MAN.
My life has hit an all-time low. My wife is permanently disabled mentally (has been for almost 11 years) incapable of any kind of connection. I've been touched-deprived for over a decade. I reached out to a "professional" to see about setting up an initial session. I liked that her profile said she wants to help "anyone" in need. She shut me down because I am married. That is her right and prerogative. I have also tried with others (non-professionals), Same. I'm at the end of my rope, so to speak. I'm done. I think I've exhausted what this site has to offer. Carry on.
@Randy444 Well said! I value tears.
@BigHugsCA Being in a marriage without touch sounds really hard. I'm sure many professionals would be understanding though; I think it would be worth reaching out to some more. (There seem to be lots in your area).
For the longest time, I went through Depression and anxiety. Even the smallest things could upset me. I've only had one boyfriend in my life, a relationship that only lasted three months, because it turned out all he wanted me for was sex, which I never gave him. In my life, what I've wanted more than anything is to find someone who loves me for who I am, but it's the most difficult thing in the world. Earlier this year, I finally got help for my Depression and have decided I work on myself before finding that special someone. However, there are times that I do feel lonely, even though I have a great family, and I joined this site in hopes of finding someone to cuddle with and just talk.
@ Spectra615 What kind of help did you get for your depression?
@ respectful Thank you. Yes, there are quite a few in this area. I will keep reaching out.
@BigHugsCA my heart literally aches for you. I am your wife. I can speak from her perspective because I have been her. I have been in the position she is in and I will always have this illness. I have wanted to love and be loved feeling what she does and being stuck in a body that won’t allow someone to love you is pure hell. It’s a double edge sword for those with a mental illness. It’s not that we don’t want it or feel we deserve it, we are so determined to keep the pain in our head at bay we have to be selfish to our loved ones for our own survival and worry about us and not them.
I was diagnosed in June 1996 as Bipolar 1, I have always been a rapid cycler, mania always being my best and worst friend depending on my company. (Never drugs or anything illegal) I have been self managed for most of my adult life until I lost my insurance years ago and went through severe withdraw of 2 Psychotropics which was pure hell, a hell I wouldn’t wish on another human being. My only savior was sleep. It was then and only then I didn’t feel the pain. But you take benzo’s to sleep but they slap you in the face with mania when you wake up so which is better? When I went back on meds I had 10 years of self management under my belt but had to start all over because once psychotropics are stopped you may as well say you never started because your days of trial and error starts all over.
I have seen my Mom love my Father unconditionally through mental illness (he too is Bipolar) and she never stopped loving him with 45 years of Manic Depression always coming before vows. While I was medicated I saw my Moms perspective and when I was not, I saw his. All I can say to you is you may not feel you deserve to cuddle another, to enjoy the company of another, etc. you deserve this. You deserve human touch and you need it, mentally you have to have it, it’s not an option. It doesn’t mean you don’t love your wife. It means you have decided to seek out the touch of someone that will care for you and fulfill your need to cuddle and give you strength that has been slowly taken. I have always wondered who lives the more difficult life. The one with the mental illness or the loved ones. Without an absolute doubt it is you. It is you. Mental illness cannot be seen, it cannot be heard but by those of you that love is, it is pure hell.
I wish you were closer, I would love to cuddle and talk with you. I would love for you to think of how far you’ve come with this journey. You are so much stronger than you think. All of us here are your Cuddle Family and are here to love and support you and if you ever need private support, I am always here for you.
I have it, it doesn’t have me ?
@CreativeCuddles your words mean more to me than you can possibly know. Thank you.
You are so very welcome and if you do travel for work and are within a couple hours driving time from Harrisburg it would be an honor to drive your way and cuddle with you. Your time, my treat. Again, my inbox is always open.
@ CreativeCuddles your clients are in for a treat! My care-giving keeps me close to home. Haven't been on a "vacation" in over 11 years, but thank you for the offer. I wished I traveled your way. You're too sweet.
@BigHugsCA I fully understand and thank you for your kind words! I am sure you know those with a mental illness push the limits of those that love us and know won’t leave us. It isn’t conscious, it is part of who we are. Knowing you won’t leave is part of her survival. The thought and act of love and appreciation isn’t shown but believe me it is there. We do so many things just within our own mind to protect ourselves there is no way to verbalize why we do it or how we do it to anyone. The love between her role and yours will never be understood by either of you or to anyone looking in, it’s just there. If she didn’t push you she wouldn’t know you love her, If you didn’t love her you wouldn’t let her push you. You are living the harder side of this illness. You can’t turn your emotions on and off like we can. I know to prevent myself from being hurt I can shut off all emotions and I can close people out like they never existed. We have defense mechanisms like most people do, the difference is they don’t make a difference to this illness so we do the only things we know to protect our brain from pain.
One can always ask what others have done for their depression, but from experience and study what works for one will most likely not work for another. You can read and ask for guidance but ultimately it’s when you know your body so well you can predict what phase you will be in and ultimately be able to tell even if 1/10th of a med is missing. I don’t know if I have said this but I am on 4 medications and another I have for emergencies. I can tell how each makes my brain feel, how I feel without one of them and when I start feeling a certain way I know when I need an increase or decrease and of which med, I just know. The one I have for emergencies I know how far I can push myself or be pushed before I take it, I know how long it takes to kick in and I know how it will make me feel in order to get me away from whatever pushed me to need it. You become so in tune to your own body it blows your mind. I went into this full force with the thought process I am going to be on top of this and it will not control me like it did my Dad. It has been a tough road but I feel my road is a hell of a lot smoother than most and I wish to God I could help everyone that has this and doesn’t understand anything I do I would in a heartbeat. I want them to understand it and help them understand this can be done. I wish it for them and I wish it for loved ones like yourself who not only feel the loneliness of this illness but the uncertainty of what each day will bring. For most illnesses and diseases admitting we have an illness and need help is the first step. For mental illness it doesn’t even scrape the surface. I was blessed to learn early what this illness does to a person, but only as a little girl loving her daddy but knowing he was “sick.” I learned as a little girl who lived in fear of what I know now as mania and dreaded the other side of the coin. The hole that sucks us in that doesn’t want to let us out. We try so desperately to save ourselves but for one step we crawl out of the hole it sucks us two steps back in. In the middle of those two is the Daddy that stole my heart. When you are a child going through the stages of Daddy’s illness the mania and depression are so difficult but when you are a 50 year old woman you don’t remember anything except he was your Daddy.
I’m sorry to rattle on about this but I wish for anyone reading this, please know the stigma attached to those with a mental illness is part of our problem. We are all labeled as “crazy” when in fact there are so many that are self managed but made to feel the stigma because of ignorance and lack of education about mental illnesses that surround you every day, most people choose to hide these illnesses because of the ignorance and lack of education. I choose to be open, very open about myself and those with illnesses similar to mine. If you like me because I am open and willing to share, great. If not, your loss not mine and believe me I won’t lose sleep. Only special people are chosen to have this illness. They are special, they are strong and they are individuals like me. Just know this, this illness is not contagious, it does not determine my success and it certainly will not predict my future for I have it, it does not have me.
@CreativeCuddles I for one appreciate your openness. It is great to get a perspective that I wouldn't get otherwise. You are a beautiful, caring person.
@BigHugsCA You are so very welcome and please know if there is absolutely anything I can help you understand from my perspective please do not hesitate to message me. This isn’t an illness that we survive day by day. Some days it’s minute by minute. Hugs to you
Bump cus it's nice to see some old familiar faces who aren't regular forum users anymore ...
Missing some amazing people who I can't be with because of geography and adulting . Two of my biggest enemies when I just wanna have fun 😂
Thank you @pmvines I can always use positivity sent my way. Lately it is a daily occurrence with depression,grief, and loneliness. There are days I don’t get out of the house still.
Awh yes, loving this thread 🤩🤩
@Bear that's tough, especially after your dad I'm sorry . It's tough to be a caregiver , and often more tough after losing that role .
Thanks @pmvines for the bump
What a beautiful thread.
@Bear I feel nearly the same as you. Except instead of grief, hopelessness is that third thing for me. Being depressed and lonely for as long as I have probably has brought on the hopelessness in full swing. I wish I had some great words of comfort to offer. But I do want to say that you even just making it through the day is an accomplishment that is worthy. What you're going through is real, and I really hope things improve for you soon.
@bear Big bear hugs to you from me. 🤗