Men, how do you feel about sending messages that end up getting ignored?



  • Yes, discussion above is what I am referring to

  • edited February 2019

    I honestly have been utilizing the friend sections of this site as it has been implemented. I am naturally forthright with my opinion and will call someone out if something has offended me or if I simply do not want to talk to a person. I will genuinely give every person a try and will attempt to give someone the best benefit of the doubt, but I have noticed that when I do tell someone I am not interested, that tends to hit a nerve in the other person and things get ugly. So I can completely agree that if someone were to message me, I should message back, but don't get butt hurt if you don't like what I have to say.
    I think this is usually the part where kids now-a-days say "sorry,not sorry"?

  • edited February 2019

    I’ll memorize the person’s username, which I’ll cut into my flesh after a day of no response. After a month without a reply, I’ll begin to carve their profile image into my chest, should they have a profile image.

    If a year has passed, I’ll burn away their username and picture, after transferring the negative energy into a doll or action figure.

    I’ll then take the representation of my tormentor into the backyard, after filling a small pool with rust-colored water. I try to mask the sound of their splashing with my own screams of dismay and hatred.

  • @hogboblin So tongue in cheek, your can probably taste the wallpaper. Love it! ❤

  • I can't believe this is really an issue. We are all adults. If someone chooses not to respond, so be it. If you see they have viewed your profile and haven't responded, then take a hint and move on. If a stranger doesn't reply to you and your feelings are hurt, well that isn't their problem. It is rude of them --- maybe, but who cares.

  • edited February 2019


    Yes, indeed. It’s all a joke.


    (In all seriousness, I’ve never been bothered by others not replying to my messages. Either here or elsewhere. This might have something to do with pretending to be a female on a dating site once, when I was young and exceedingly bored. The number of ridiculous and disgusting messages I received was very illuminating. It would be awful to deal with that nonsense all the time, I concluded.)

  • It would be kind to receive a note saying “I’m not interested” but I can imagine that most women are bombarded with 100s of messages so it’s best to not take it personal and keep trying to make new friends. New people sign up all the time!

  • edited February 2019

    Either way, another flavor of this thread will appear in a week of "why don't I get response ???" and the churn of this conversation will begin again.
    Basically proof that either no one is listening to feedback or that we are failing to learn or research.

    Note: I know moderators are listening, this is more geared toward some general users.

  • @laylanie

    That kinda seems to be the case for the forums, in general. There are a few topics that get revisited with great frequency.

    It’s almost like a weird cyclic law, or curse.

    Also: “I can’t NOT BE ERECT while cuddling!”

    “Professionals like money TOO MUCH.”

  • I personally don’t see it as rude and am not offended when people do this to me. I’m not everyone’s cup of tea. That’s okay.

  • @hogboblin it's like an angsty version of the Twilight zone or groundhogs day.... But not as fun... And not at all like those things...

    @chubbybunny same here. Lol

  • Just a tip to guys on here. Cause I know a lot of y’all don’t get it and that’s okay. A lot of girls need to feel safe before we agree to stuff. And a lot of times we don’t agree to anything. It’s not y’alls personal fault, but bad apples have ruined the bunch. I used to go on online dates A LOT when I was younger. And would accept most invitations to platonic cuddle. Until a guy pulled a knife on me because I said I had to go home after the date activity. I haven’t been on an online date or cuddle sesh since. Not because the men I meet arnt great, they probably are. But because I’m more careful than I used to be. The knife guy was nice and small talked online. So now that doesn’t cut it. I need to talk a very long time before I’m willing to risk a public meeting, and I need a few public meetups before I will go to your private space. And again this isn’t other men’s fault at all. Its kind of like, you might have walked a lot in flip flops everywhere, until that time you got bad poison ivy, now you wear boots. Would you still like to walk in flip flops? Sure! But you wear them to the beach. Or you ask what the terrain is like before deciding footwear.

    I kind of spell this out on my profile and it scares a lot of men off. And yeah if you’ve never had someone try to molest you or stab you that seems really high maintenance and I get that. But for me it’s common sense. Living is just more important to me than being polite. So anyone worth my time is gonna get that and want to spend the time to increase my comfort level. And so far... haven’t found anyone who is.

    Thank god for the forums. Give me something to do. Lol

  • So this thread gets revisited lol.

    Been a few years, and back again so I guess you're not wrong @laylanie and @hogboblin.

    Ultimately, it is (generally) up to males to be the forthright gender and for women to be the selectors. There are obviously caveats, but as with most other areas in life, this is how it is and this is how it will be.

    Whilst it would be nice to receive "not interested" messages, perhaps us men don't realise how inundated women can get, precisely because we are the ones that are sending the initial messages. By definition, there is a disparity in our experiences, which perhaps is hard to empathize with because we may come at it with a different mindset.
    There is no utility in getting caught up on it. We are not entitled to each others time.

    For those that prefer to receive nothing because its "softer" than a no thanks, It sounds like a fear or an aversion to rejection. And whilst I doubt anyone likes getting rejected, in terms of life, that is as soft as it gets. I posit that we should not see those "no thanks" messages negative in any sense, but should see them as positive. If I get a "no thanks" my general reply will be a "thanks for getting back, all the best" I don't understand why it would be taken as anything other than positive.

  • Sadness, depressed, feel worthless, what to not bother any more, go hide. However, I do realize that many women must be overwhelmed with messages from men and try not to take it personally. Emotion can be a bully to the intellect.

  • @NinjaTurtles I actually prefer to make the initial message. I still get no response just like all the guys who have made forum post about it, but you don't see me making threads about it every week on the topic.
    As insensitive as it sounds, put on your big kid pants and suck it up. (Of course not directed toward you but to the ones that keep opening the thread of no responses)
    Honestly, seeing this thread resurface over and over again just tends to double down on me not wanting to answer if someone messages me because the fact that odds are high that the person feels they are entitled to a response, makes me want to not reply. In fact it makes me more concerned that their inability to let it go means they may be abusive or not trustworthy if I were to answer.
    As I said before, I will still answer to messages despite that inner monologue, and so far only a small hand full of people have proven me wrong and that's why they are in my friends list.
    Basically, I'm sick and tired of being a face and a body to rub against. I am tired of not being valued as a human being and only being seen as a commodity because of my gender. And I'm tired of people leaving out the 'buddy' part of cuddle buddy. Just be a friggin friend!

    And I will step off of my soap box now.

  • I’m not sure this thread is coming to a common ground of understanding. I think i sympathize with what woman must endure have endured and protect themselves from. I also think it’s difficult present yourself as definitely one of those guys that understands, and is not a threat. Then it’s difficult to know if something you said in a message unintentionally made someone feel uncomfortable. So not getting a response can leave you wondering.

    Of course i don’t have the solution I’m one of the oft ignored or not seen. But I’m also one of those genuinely looking for answers to all the worlds questions. Someone who wants to be helpful in all ways and never harmful.

  • [Deleted User]denveromelette (deleted user)

    I accidentally listed myself as a woman when I first joined. I had no profile just gender woman and my age and location.
    Within 48 hours I had 12 messages. Mind you I hadn’t a profile pic or written anything. One man wrote twice because I didn’t respond. Many were something like this.
    Hi there- I will be in Denver in a month let’s cuddle.
    They didn’t have a picture either or any introduction.
    So some men ruin it for the rest of us is my opinion.

  • Men getting ignored by women is not a new thing. It’s just life. For guys that get ignored, just Move on to someone else. There are plenty of girls out there that will enjoy your company.

  • @laylanie "their inability to let it go means they may be abusive or not trustworthy" Thank you.
    We could all take a lesson from Buzz Lightyear: falling with style is more than flying.

  • @Rexagon I think that is perfect for the situation!

  • [Deleted User]lionloves1 (deleted user)

    Annoying, why are you here...attention? I had a girl recently block me after i agreed with something on her profile.

  • It's all about patience and numbers - I send out a lot of hellos to people, some close some far, far away. Usually with a compliment or connection from their profile and no expectation for more.

    For those that I'm interested in getting to know (long term cuddle plans), I tend to write quite a bit, consider it an investment made blindly and don't have any expectations or feelings about them not responding - perhaps a "bummer that sucks, I thought she would be a good fit..." but not to the point of blocking them or sending them nasty messages demanding their attention - at worse I will send a second and then third message spaced out over weeks or more - I've been told by more than one lady that they get so many messages that the oldest ones sometimes get lost when they're not on for a while. They suggested I send another, so I have done that. I think there's only 2 women I've sent three messages to (without a prior response) - both were enthusiasts and were local - both ended up responding after the third message. Maybe a little stalkery - but again, we're talking weeks to more than a month from first to third message. And nothing ever crude, rude or demanding.

  • I think the rude demanding messages are the extreme, and i don’t think anyone would agree that it shows behavior. But that’s likely not the majority of men on here. Those who truly are here for what the site is intended for I’d say wouldn’t behave that way.

  • I'd like to think that in an online community any message would be met with the same spirit and respect as it was sent. But that's because I mistakenly try to transfer real world ways to the internet. The web is a different realm, and different realms have different rules.

    Although to be told "you're not owed anything" or "you're not entitled to anything" feels like a projection of entitlement to me in some strange paradoxical way.

  • @me2 yes!!!! Don't take it personally, don't expect a reply. Just send and go about your day, message others. If there is a response, a message. Then great! If not, cool, just hope you'll meet someone you connect well with. :)

  • The issue is more about perception than rejection. There could be over a dozen simultaneous reasons for not responding to someone. I have best friends who text me that i dont respond to sometimes, and it will be days later and they ask me why and i honestly have no real legit answer sometimes. Just get a little lazy or feel introverted or am busy and forget. I think a lot of folks who already have some psychosocial issues to begin with perceive not getting a response as some calculated event, and it plays off of their own insecurities and self image. If you are confident and decent self esteem, you are far less likely to be offended or take it personally. I have also said before and stand by that it does seem rather entitled to assume you are owed a response. You arent really owed anything, as much as one might feel they are.

Sign In or Register to comment.