Men, how do you feel about sending messages that end up getting ignored?



  • It doesn't bother me. Never been here before, but similar social apps. There's no law or terms of service saying they have to. I make my interest known (friend, date, or whatever it may be) and if they don't respond, it's probably because they're not interested. They have standards, requirements, deal breakers etc. like I do and I did not pass. So, I check the next profile that meet my prerequisites for whatever kind of relationship (friend, romantic partner, etc.) and try again. I'm not superhuman, not everyone is going to want me for whatever it is, and that's fine.
  • What would we have to talk about if all the ignoring stopped?
  • @docgatrob: cuddling is more important than talking. Talk less do more;)
  • @coolguy19850101 I agree, but if we are going to post on the forum, can't we pick a different topic?
  • @docgatorb: I guess talking is the only relief for the things which pains you most.. Are you a victim of same pain? I am..
  • Of course it's a bummer to write a message, and not get a response, but let's not get hung up on that. Other people are busy. We all signed up for a specific reason. Sometimes, I'm just not their reason.

    Is that really "rude?" I don't think so.
  • edited August 2016
    I personally think not writing back is a softer rejection because the honest alternative would likely involve expressing dislike with something in your profile or photo. 

    Now me being me, I would welcome the criticism but objectively I think that type of rejection is more deserving of being labelled rude than simply no response at all.
  • What if members, when they sign on, they get a message popup that says "read it" or "reject it" when they get a message? They have to pick one or the other to get into the site when they get a message. If they chose reject it, they don't get to read it and the sender gets a message that their message has been rejected (very unlikely to happen). If they pick "read it" the actual message pops up. Again they can go no further without picking a response: 'respond" or "later" then the sender gets a message, either a real response or "member will get back to you". Then the member who gets a message has time to mull things over and the sender can decide to wait or move on, .... I know that information that the sender gets is the same whether anything is changed on the site or not. The only difference is that members who don't respond to messages can't get onto the website.
  • Omg you people, check this out :). I posted something on freecycle -- freecycle, not any dating or otherwise people-matching site! -- then replied to my own post to check how I will get the notification. After I sent the message, the following notice appeared:


    Apparently, this has been an issue even on freecycle -- I guess another good-willing, volunteer-maintained site to better the world -- that has nothing to do with men and women! How about we add that to appear after every message sent... or just try and privately aknowledge it :)

    (made my day!)
  • Wait... What the hell...
    @NinjaTurtles... I agree with your basic decency comment whole heartedly. And I even posted something similar to that on a different forum. But I just find it a tiny bit odd that @Arielle disagreed with me there but agreed with you here... Haha. Oh well. Good to know some people recognize and have manners!
  • [Deleted User]Unknown (deleted user)

    I don't disagree with the basic premise of consideration. I've made statements to that effect in several places. 

    I do take issue with those that try to force others to respond in a way that they want others to and get peeved when those others do not.  One should be responsible for oneself, and not try to force others into their mold of expectations. 

     At any rate, I am getting my needs met, and I suggest anyone that is not ... and I quote myself "would be best served to drop their senses of entitlement,  see their therapists/psychologists, take a class on Coursera on Communication, in others words work on themselves and come into interaction with their best attire on".  Annnddd back to the pursuit of cuddling ....

  • @Arielle: I could be wrong, but it really sounds like you're being cheeky directing your "You need a psychologist..." statement towards me. Are you? Because if you are...

    @Snugglecub: Ahhh, you're right... Yea. I completely forgot about people doing that. I understand why they do it, but I really think they shouldn't. But yes, I've been on both sides of that situation so I get why now ignoring can be a common trend. Unfortunate for the good guys though that genuinely are curious as to why they get rejected.
  • [Deleted User]Unknown (deleted user)

    . Snuggle, you talk way too much sense for some. Always a pleasure to read your posts.

  • I disagree I think Snuggle has it all wrong ..sounds like a not so friendly female ..

    I'd rather a potential cuddle partner, especially a "pro", get back to me either way, yes or no.  It would save everyone a lot or angst.  Hey, we are big boys we can take it. 

    And i really don't understand not receiving a response from a cuddle pro.  I mean what the hell she's here to make money, no way to treat a potential customer.  It's just bad business.  I'm ready to "out" two cuddle pros who never respond ...
  • [Deleted User]Unknown (deleted user)
    Why am I NOT surprised that you have 3 cuddle buddies @Snugglecub ?  : - ) 
  • @CarlosHunt

    But yet I'm an asshole who tries to limit my numbers to less than 3 cuddle buddies.
  • [Deleted User]Unknown (deleted user)

    Because they are lining up to get to you @SnuggleCub! People recognize and respond to good energy, as they avoid not so good energy.

  • How do I feel if I'm ignored? I feel ignored and thankful that I don't depend on the internet for hugs. I have also learned to believe little on the internet unless I can confirm it elsewhere. I don't believe what politician say either, especially if they have the initials DT and I'm thankful when they ignore me because otherwise they want to rob me.
  • @snugglecub - It seems that you don't seem to have a profile page, so it's not clear to me(now) who or what you are ....
  • I have a question.
    If you walked up to me, face to face, and asked me a question, and instead of
    answering I just walked away, what would you think? I'll bet one
    thought would be - man is that guy rude. How is not answering a
    request any different.

    It has nothing to do with ego, power,
    chauvinism  or entitlement it has all to do about being
    polite. My parents taught me to be polite and respectful of others.
    Maybe that is out of style now. I'm 64 years old and I am probably
    considered a dinosaur. Men just like women have feelings too, even us
    old guys. A simple Thanks but no thanks would suffice. At least acknowledge the person exists.

    I sell things on eBay and Craigslist and I
    experience the same kind of behavior. It appears to happen more with
    the younger generation. I'll answer and there typically won't be a
    "Thank you", just nothing.  What has happened to what
    we used to call "common courtesy"?

    I think it is
    pretty ironic especially when the woman has in her profile how
    important she thinks kindness is, or how caring a person she is. I
    expected this site to have members that actually did care and would
    be more understanding. I am sadly disappointed.

  • [Deleted User]VIPirate (deleted user)
    I'm ignored all the time, but the older I get, the less it bothers me. Rejection is a part of life and what it's telling us is that for every one who ignores us, it makes that one who doesn't a hell of a lot more special and worth holding on to. That's how I see it, in any case.
  • [Deleted User]emo_princess (deleted user)
    @carloshunt "It would save everyone a lot or angst.  Hey, we are big boys we can take it."

    Big boys who can't take it when they are ignored, apparently.
  • [Deleted User]SnuggleSymmetry (deleted user)
    edited August 2016
    Grow up! Calling yourself an emo. Get out of your comfort zone and go live in an African nation or the Middle East. The people there have bigger emotional problems.
  • [Deleted User]SnuggleSymmetry (deleted user)
    @Dave086543 Thank you for your comment on my post. You see clearly.
  • [Deleted User]emo_princess (deleted user)
    @snugglesymmetry Ad hominem, classy
  • edited August 2016
    There seems to be an internet personality that comes out in people that is similar to a driving personality. People exhibit rude behavior on the road that they wouldn't dare demonstrate face-to-face with someone in person. Maybe a car provides the feeling of power, the internet provides a certain degree of anonymity (as does a car). It's hard to imagine that these personalities aren't of a part of a person that is just waiting to express itself in a strained situation.

    That said, I have found that the members who actually do respond to messages  (yes, there are a lot of them) are generally very polite, respectful and open. I think that when you drop your intense focus on your needs (I need a cuddle and I need it now from someone with an attractive picture) and just start conversations with people, perhaps responding to things written in their profile, you will find this community responsive and friendly. There is an opportunity here to talk to people from all walks of life all over the world. Perhaps they are people who you will never have the opportunity to actually meet, but maybe you won't appear to have lived your life under a rock if you do meet someone similar in real life. Simply, you can expand your horizons without ever leaving your chair.

  • Doc, people acting in a certain way and saying certain things over a computer that wouldn't happen in person has been around for a while, at least amongst my generation anyway. We call those people keyboard warriors, it's quite common on Facebook and Twitter, people do it on there because they can't get punched through a computer screen, simple as that, oh you might occasionally hear of stories of people getting arrested over things said on there but it's a very rare thing.

    I'm talking far more extreme things than a simple case of not replying to a message but the point is many people will not act the same in person as they do over a keyboard because there are less consequences to fear, ignoring someone on a computer is a lot easier than ignoring someone in person, especially considering over a computer you can just block someone at any time if they raise a fuss over being ignored.
  • [Deleted User]fastboy1359 (deleted user)
    Some of you have far too much time on your hands
  • Are you suggesting that we should all get a life rather than bitch about how mean it is for someone to ignore us after we went through all the effort to compose a whole paragraph message to a complete stranger? Have you no feelings for our perilous efforts to communicate? Can't you see how badly we need a hug? Life is so cruel.
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