Would you cuddle with users without pictures?



  • I can understand why people would not want a picture on this site.  Regardless of the reality of platonic cuddling and any arguments that it should be perfectly acceptable, there are cultures that would find this site completely unacceptable.  I have a friend in Washington State (USA) that would be fired from his job if he here to have a profile on this site and it was found by his employer (very conservative culture).  Not worth loosing one's job over the ideal of platonic cuddling!  Some other countries have far more extreme penalties.  I'd not judge based on a missing picture until I fond out why.

    That said, I will always hesitate more if someone has no picture.  If they have written something thoughtful and interesting in their profile, I will give them a chance to send me a picture in private.  But ... If no text is written, I ignore the profile and any messages sent to me.
  • @selcouth. Dear Sel, I would be keen to know of a culture that would find cuddling,touch therapy, human contact unacceptable.
    @ FireAndBlue @Cis4Cuddle you are both right, we all have our reasons, for not wanting/wanting to be seen on this site and I of all people should respect that, I have very strong feeling about the site and is function, in getting Touch therapy to be a medical procedure, I hope you understand my thoughts and feelings.
    Love to all John and his Trees, Auckland NZ
  • [Deleted User]Unknown (deleted user)
    I have messaged users without pics but have requested that they post a profile pic. I will not give out my email address or phone number and open an attachment that might contain malware.

    The main reason for me to want to see a potential client's photo is to be able to gauge potential cuddle compatibility. Looks are not important to me. And I would not be compatible with someone who feels the need to hide their face from the world. Simple as that.
  • I've posted this before, but I think it deserved reposting.   Having pictures in your profile pic is not meaningful.  
    There's no way to verify that the picture is really you.    Also,  many pros create cuddling email addresses for free using gmail or yahoo or outlook.com  so there really is no reason not to be able to give someone an email address for receiving pictures!   if you're using a web based email client, there's no danger in receiving images through email..just don't click on them...you can see the pictures in the email itself as inline images.   As a photographer, I've been sending people images through email for decades without issue.  

    The internet is full of random pictures of guys, I can just pick one and assign it to my profile pic....

  • [Deleted User]Unknown (deleted user)
    Well, @greenearth , you have just solved my problem~~again! :)
  • @funandadventure, John, the problem is usually organizations and societies, not individuals.  I have a friend (male) who is a school teacher in a very conservative location of the USA and has almost been fired over "offenses" far less controversial than cuddling.  Or Morocco in general, I am almost certain it would be completely unacceptable for women to be on this site.  I have heard such stories often enough to give the benefit of the doubt (and exchange pictures privately) until I find out the reason.
  • I can understand someone not wanting to have a pic or use their real name, as I am a private person myself. I am very open with friends and those whom I care about, but I am not interested in sharing personal things about me with coworkers, patients, certain family members, etc. Not because there is anything wrong with it, its just not who I am. I don't even do social media. Never had a facebook, myspace, snapchat, or ever done any of those dating sites or anything like that.

    That being said, I did decide to put my pics on here and some people know my name, but that was only after I was on here a little while and took the time to figure out the site. I had to build trust in this site first before I felt comfortable enough to post pics of myself.
  • @FireandBlue and @greenearth made good points above, along with many others. Here's a thought I don't think I've seen yet. One of the key virtues for successful cuddling is empathy;  the psychological identification with or vicarious experiencing of the feelings, thoughts, or attitudes of another. You can't pay attention to another person's comfort level or enjoyment without some degree of empathy. A community devoted to touch therapy should be awash in empathy.  So it's ironic that on a topic like this, the default reaction of many in the "I've got-my-picture-up" contingent is to assume the worst about those who choose not to post theirs. "They've got something to hide."  "They must be sneaking around."  As if it's impossible to imagine that someone could have legitimate reasons for feeling differently than we do about something.

    I have no problem with someone deciding they only want to cuddle with people who have profile pictures. It's an easy matter to set your search parameters to exclude those without pictures. Such a person would never see my profile, and I'm fine with that. The only thing that bothers me is people passing judgment on the legitimacy of my choice. Without knowing me or my circumstances, their judgment is founded on insufficient facts. And it all smacks of a lack of empathy. My two cents. 
  • Excellent point.  People can be very judgmental if you do something they don't agree with.  Like not having a profile picture seems to be cause for much angst.  
    Even though clearly you can just use a fake picture that doesn't matter. They just need one period.   
    Don't feel bad about not having one.  

  • [Deleted User]CuddleBunny88 (deleted user)
    I've definitely cuddled users without profile pictures of themselves. I understand a lot of people on this site may have to hide their identities for work or other personal reasons.
    I don't care what you look like, I'll cuddle everyone the same! If they happen to have karma, that also helps to verify if they're a respectful cuddler. I would also book with someone that didn't have karma if we chat beforehand.

    As long as they have their info filled on their profile and we exchange messages, I can usually tell whether or not I'd like to meet up with them as a client. Obviously if there are any red flags, I won't schedule to meet them... They usually end up blocked! It's really important to screen your clients before for extra precaution.
  • @cuddleBunny88 so glad you look beyond a profile picture :)   You're so cool :) 

  • I would eventually want to see who I would be cuddling with... I was in an occupation years ago which did not allow me to have personal information published for security issues.  Not an issue with me, now. Of course, if the individual does not want to show their image it is always common courtesy to either remove their profile if they do not want to continue using the service or at least make contact on a regular basis to show an interest. Usually after 6 months, it usually shows no longer interested.
  • edited May 2017
    When I have a profile, I try to remember to add that I will show a picture if someone asks. I can understand someone preferring a photo, but I'm okay with being looked over if someone would rather pass.
    Some reasons I don't have one is partly cause I do feel a little insecure, it might be a little easier with confidence. I'm not particularly big on having pictures taken anyways.
    I do agree with one person's input that if someone's worried about someone they know seeing their picture, they would also have to be on this site to see it. Still, it's another reason, maybe a silly one, though I live in a small town, I would feel slightly conscious of it. Another similar one is just generally feeling embarrassed, or judged having my face for anyone to see.
    When it comes to a place like FB, I'm a little less particular, cause other people I know will have pictures of me anyways and it's not an adult site.
  • [Deleted User]Unknown (deleted user)
    @MrPapaveraceae just to be clear, this is not an adult site (except for the fact that we are all adults). Adult sites offer internet pornography, and this is as far off from that as the Friend Zone is from being married. What exactly did *you* mean by that? I'm truly curious.

    I do understand your particular reasons for not posting a pic. Especially the "living-in-a-small-town" one!

    Many pros cuddlers require a photo one way or another because they want to be able to identify whom they're meeting when they meet. If I am going to someone's home, I certainly don't want to bear hug someone and find out it's the roommate. Ok I'm being a bit silly, but my point is, it's not attractiveness most of us are looking for. It's to know *who* we are looking for. Also for me, the eyes tell a lot about someone...and they can send a pic to a dedicated gmail account I have set up for use with CC. But every cuddler is different. :)

  • I've found that it's rough when it comes to picture or no picture - be it whether or not I have my picture on my profile, or if the other member that's messaging me or I'm debating messaging has a picture up.

    In the hours since I've had my profile up, I've received what's fairly typical for me in RL and in the digital world in terms of heavy euphemism and prying questions that are very clearly sexual in nature - I'm accustomed to it, I hate it, but I also refuse to let it change myself in any way in hopes of reducing those kinds of unsolicited introductions. I have multiple piercings and tattoos, and brightly dyed hair - all of which are attention grabbing, which is all well and good and gains me a great deal of people approaching me in some fashion. It's just that there's a large percentage of what is commented are things like "with all those holes you got, you really must like givin' head", or "so how many piercings you got in your clit?" (despite the fact that there's no plausible reason to conclude I must have my genitals pierced, since none of that's visible while out and about) to use two examples that have happened just today. To have my profile picture up, is meant to give others some idea what I look like, as that is intended to give them some insight possibly into my personality, at least a little bit, and to allow them to screen if what I look like puts them off too much to consider any extensive dialogue. Online at least I can simply ignore and not respond to the pervy type messages, and give them no more of my energy or time to them beyond simply deleting. RL it's not so easy - you get approached like that, you have to work to shut them down or get away, so that takes work. So it becomes something of a pro/con for me - is presenting enough of myself to grant anyone looking enough information to make a judgement call worth the unavoidable unpleasantness of those with poor filters or notions of appropriateness? I generally say yes, but it still leaves a gross taste in my mouth when I get another person who probably is, for the most part, not terrible, but have for some reason come to the conclusion it's okay to behave that way towards another just because they may look different, or be a woman.

    I've slowly begun browsing those in my area seeking some kind of connection, in a place/venue that's entire mission statement is that it's intended to be platonic, safe, no expectations of more than what's offered, and I admit - profiles with pictures do make it easier for me to sort them to some degree. If the user's profile shows a person with an appearance that makes me feel something's 'off' at worst, or just that what bit of visual vibe I can get seems like it wouldn't mesh with how I am at best, then I'm happy for the chance to more easily separate those I'd contact from those I wouldn't. On the other hand, there's many users whose profiles may not have a picture, but have enough in the 'about me' that if they've initiated contact, I'd be open and all too happy to maintain a dialogue and open to explore if becoming a cuddle buddy of them. It's just that I'm less likely to seek out and initiate with a pictureless profile. It's all about being able to more quickly sort/analyze potential individuals to risk sharing a very intimate and vulnerable activity, in the end. So I post my picture to give others searching, another piece of information for them to study, in hopes that it helps their willingness to communicate, possibly connect, and if it goes that far, to then bond on some level that helps both of us fulfill the human need for contact, caring, affection, without demand.

    I suppose that it also means that since I've opted to knowingly accept that yes, there'll be the weird, inappropriate messages, for the sake of bettering my own odds of users being able to assess my suitability, that I feel more biased in favour of those who've undertaken the same risk. It's a bias that's unfair to a degree, but if I'm being honest, I have to admit to it, and accept what it means about who I'm more likely to respond to quickly or seek out and initiate. But, bias or no, I would be willing/happy to build a rapport, and create mutually fulfilling arrangement with users that don't have a profile picture, it'd just be harder to get the ball rolling.

    (Also, I know it's often easy to jump to the conclusion that the grossly inappropriate comments come from males - and while it's true in RL that it is usually men who feel alright with doing that, online, I've found that such behaviour is pretty 50/50. It was a female user on here who sent me a PM about what's beneath my clothes amongst some other explicit statements. I don't mention any of that to complain, I mention the pros/cons I have to weigh each time I put my face on a profile anywhere, as examples of what I've experienced first hand and am aware many others online have that would influence their decision to have a picture up or not.)

  • [Deleted User]StarFlower (deleted user)
    edited August 2017

    @snugglefloof I'm so sorry that keeps happening to you! You really sound like an amazing person that anyone would be lucky to get to know in real life!

    @Mark Suggestion: An in-message Report feature. That way we don't have to visit a user's profile to Report. These type of inappropriate messages should not be ignored, as that keeps the creeps creeping.

    ~StarFlower, Dallas-Fort Worth area

  • I've been meaning to do that actually. It'll get done at some point.

  • [Deleted User]StarFlower (deleted user)

    @Mark As my mom always used to say, "The sooner, the quicker!"

    ~StarFlower, Dallas-Fort Worth area

  • I don't understand why guys looking for sex are here. There are other sites on the internet specifically for people looking for a sexual encounter.

  • @Mike403 I get a lot of messages that want services outside the client agreement. Like cuddling in lingerie or "more intimately". While I'm happy to be flexible about things like clothing (ex: shorts vs sleeping pants) and what is done during the session (sleeping, watching a show, talking etc.) I don't see the point in trying to push the boundaries when they are so clearly outlined.

    I try to provide a unique and relaxing service to clients and having to tell people no because they don't want to follow the rules sucks. I also don't understand it since sexual services cost the same or even cheaper in a place like Los Angeles.

  • Right. If you want to pay for sex, get a hooker. This site is about being comfortable. That means for both people.

  • My guess* about some still thinking/hoping for sex in addition being on here, is that lots of people, whatever their gender, have internalized the messages taught and repeated to them from many sources, that touch for men ideally should be with sexual or aggression intent. So they go everywhere, even those places where the rules, ideology and goal of those spaces in RL or the (perceived) total anonymity of online, with some tentative hope of gaining the 'ideal' interaction. And so they figure 'what the hey, throw in a dick pick, ask for "special" service, you only miss 100% of the shots you don't take!' Even if they fail, or receive negative consequences repeatedly, to the point where it's actually painful to consider the percentage and rate of rejection (ignoring, blocking, reporting, gettin' told off, whatever method) they must each be receiving...they still keep at it. It's minimal effort expended on a gamble that statistically they know will fail, but there's that one in a million chance of hitting the jackpot, and there's also the occasional small prizes of receiving a reply once or twice that's akin to 'congrats you won 5$ and a Slurpee! play the lotto to win big!' This keeps them going, and prevents them from taking any actual positive action on improving their quality of connection/interactions with others, in anyway shape or form. They can say "Yeah, well I DID try, and the odds are against me, and everybody sucks, poor me, but sometimes you do win a little..." This of course also happens to women, but often due to unrealistic expectations/understanding of what is possible/available vs what they want within a particular time frame.

    So those who're holding onto the 'just maybe I'll get some' manner may be here with a need that they have honestly identified - a need for closeness, touch, safety, bit of tenderness, or laughter, with another warmbodied person - but they sabotage themselves out of habit. It is much easier to live with the pain you know, armed with the excuse of bad odds, than to willingly risk tackling what is going on inside themselves first, in the fear of a deeper kind of rejection after having made any changes/accepted and understood any innate source of their root problem. Honest self-analysis and acceptance, can be terrifying, because there's all these boogeymen and worries we have that cloud our notions about ourselves, that to look deep into the mirror and see, and realize where/what/if there is a problem, and actually dare to decide to do something about it proactively - that stuff takes willpower, a whole pile of effort and energy and time, and preferably the support of others. (I'm not saying they need to change who they are to fit some ideal, I mean they need to identify and take the steps that will help reshape the beliefs/ideas/experiences/mindsets so that they can more easily connect with others overall. Sure, attempting to stick to some basic formula of etiquette would also work, but that's more of a cosmetic patch that quickly crumbles after a bit of back and forth.)

    And then there are of course those who're here with no intent/hope of more than the platonic, but aren't out and out averse to it either. Sometimes buddies turn into close friends, and sometimes that turns into all kinds of something elses, without either party actively initiating anything with intent. But others have mentioned that elsewhere in this thread and some other ones, so I'll leave it at that.

    *one with confirmation bias of personal experience, so take it with a grain of salt

  • edited August 2017

    As my mom always used to say, "The sooner, the quicker!"

    As I like to say, "It's been added to the list". Only 35 items to go. :#

  • I think a man looking for sex might be here because he's not willing to hire a hooker. There can be all sorts of reasons for this. It's also worthwhile to remember that most men would be willing to have sex unless they had a reason to say no; so even if a man didn't come here looking specifically for sex, but the opportunity arose, or even the perception that it might, then a man would likely be up for it, unless there were some perceived reason to say no.

    Doesn't make it right to try and solicit sex, but it's never a bad idea to understand the psychology behind it.

  • @JT1980 Like I said, there are other websites(such as Adult Friend Finder) specifically for people looking for a sexual encounter. This isn't one of them.

  • What 2 adults do behind closed doors is up to them, so even though the purpose of the site is of the platonic context, when 2 people who meet talk, get to know each other, and click, other things may materialize. But if you are on here for the intent of finding a significant other, its not really the right place for it, particularly when it comes to the paid cuddlers, for that could be seen as prostitution. I know a paid cuddler here in Birmingham who has fired a couple of her clients because they had mutual interest outside of just cuddling and wanted to give it a shot, so obviously you cant pay someone for cuddling and at the same time be dating them. But if you aren't a paid cuddler on here and you just happen to meet on here and other things develop, so be it. But don't treat the site as a meat market.

  • I understand that this is not a site for finding sexual encounters. I'm not looking for that or justifying anyone who is here looking for that. All I'm saying is that for many people it's not always a cut and dried thing; boundaries can be fuzzy and pliable. That applies to both men and women.

    People often become a bit aroused during cuddling, and need to be responsible in not acting on that. It should be no surprise that some people are less able or willing to restrain themselves, and it's always something to take into consideration.

  • I have tried to start conversations with people from my area without pics. They don't respond.

  • @Buck You'll have a better chance getting a reply from Elvis.

  • edited August 2017

    @Mike403, hey, with a Ouija board, some peanut butter banana sandwiches, some EXLax for easy spiritual colon cleansing, and a big bottle of pills with his name on it, Elvis would probably deign to pass on a message from the great beyond, don't you think?

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