“Snakes and snails and puppy dog tails…”
Being the “coarser” sex does have some inherent disadvantages.
Don’t want to ….. end of story !!! Why do I need a reason ? 🤷🏾♂️
Yes
So this has been said, but nothing wrong with being analytical of things and behaviors. That being, yeah, Everyone has there personal reasons and some don’t. Not a huge mystery. I don’t cuddle with men because I don’t want to. Simple. No reason. No bashing (although Anyone cuddling with me will here my rants on them but I digress!)
Because I'm not gay and into having that kind of relationship. I'll have a beer and talk instead of cuddle a man.
My cat is a male. Does that count?
Love all the men weighing in, thank you. I just have to say in my experience: I love hairy men (the hairier the better, I'd love to cuddle Sasquatch), many men smell good unless they put some fiendish cologne on, men are NOT gross, and I've known plenty of nurturing men. Yay men.
Actions are platonic, but not necessarily thoughts and feelings. If I am straight why would I cuddle with a man? It is unnatural for me.
If I'm being honest, I haven't sat down and thought about it for enough of a length, but it just seems too weird. A high five, a hug, or a massage with another guy, sure. But a cuddle with a guy just seems weird. I haven't determined the exact reasons why yet, but I can come up with a few.
I'm a total cuddling newbie but immediately after seeing how nice, natural and easily platonic my first session went, I opened somewhat to the idea of cuddling anyone because sexual attraction doesn't necessarily factor into the act at all. Caring for and being cared for by someone - in that moment it shouldn't necessarily matter what the gender of your cuddling partner is, regardless of your sexual preference. That said, social conditioning is strong as I tend to still seem to prefer filtering my searches on non-male cuddlers when I'm browsing the site. And to be honest, probably still weighing attractiveness as a large factor in my consideration of women cuddlers. I'm open to trying cuddling with a man in theory, but it will be a hurdle to clear to become comfortable letting guard down and will require proper communication, vulnerability and empathy from both parties - traits that are unfortunately not as commonly found on the surface in many men because of well, this patriarchy we live in. I should say those same traits were also crucial for me to find to feel comfortable with the first cuddling session I had with a woman.
Maybe an additional complicating factor is I was molested by a male teen when I was a young child and I keep seeing comments in the forum here about male cuddlers who are secretly looking for more than platonic cuddling. I won't judge my entire gender anecdotally or even based on my own N-of-1 lived experience but it's definitely somewhere in my mind as a thing that would need to be out in the open as a concern and could trigger discomfort. I recognize that people who are attracted to men, or even just don't identify as men, have to deal with this risk factor as part of their everyday lives in ways that Im privileged not to have to worry about.
@hugonehugall
Because that is the response of a stroppy two year old, not an adult. Adults think about their behaviours and the motivations behind them; adults are interested in themselves. And that's even before you get to the even more interesting topic of how these unconscious motivations interact with the unconscious motivations of others.
Although, I must say, given your username it never occurred to me that you didn't cuddle with men.
@Libra0
Because I'm not gay and into having that kind of relationship.
Cuddling is a platonic activity. If you didn't already know, this site makes it abundantly clear. The sexuality of the participants is irrelevant.
When a soldier holds his dying buddy in his arms, is that erotic for you? How about when a mother cradles her newborn baby daughter for the first time, do you consider that to be a sexual act? I'm not being rhetorical by the way, these are genuine questions. For you, is there a sexual element to such things?
@MarkB21 ditto.
@sunnysideup I'm in much the same place as you. Once upon a time even a hug felt weird. For me I think it's a deeply rooted cultural more. For example, when I was young there was much tut-tutting at the hugging and kissing footballers did on scoring a goal. In Britain it used to be quite common for men to do things like hold hands in public, until the Oscar Wilde trial. At that point any hint of anything that could be considered as homosexual became taboo. My family was what you might call gay-friendly but we weren't very tactile.
It is a long term goal of mine to be able to cuddle men. I mean, if you paid me a million dollars now I could put my arms and legs in the right place, although I'm not sure that the buddy would feel cuddled.
@arkham I'm really sorry to hear about your bad experience. A lot of people on this site have very broadly similar stories to tell.
One question that somebody asked me about cuddling men was one that I found somewhat helpful, and you might too. If you were to cuddle with a man, would it be make a difference if that man was gay or straight or trans? (The answer for me was that it would probably be slightly easier for me if he was gay, but I'm not at all sure and isn't a significant point.)
@CuddleDuncan Thanks. I've gathered as much from just casual browsing of this forum, re the experience being quite common in this community, which makes sense.
To be clear, I am open to cuddling with people of any identity - gender or otherwise. I mentioned that personal history of abuse as something that I do carry with me but I also believe that most people are probably here in good faith and as long as the whole way there's open conversation, clear boundary-setting and check-ins, I don't see a reason I wouldn't try it in the right context. Those things should be viewed as a necessity of humans successfully sharing space anyway, whether a bed or a planet - but we arent always great at teaching or learning this.
There are rules (and laws) that must be followed, but cuddling is not platonic for everyone whether this is a platonic site or not. If someone cuddles with a rabbit, that is platonic(I hope), but if someone cuddles with someone attractive to them, then their feelings are not necessarily platonic. Why do men pay women to cuddle? Because their feelings are platonic? $150.00? And they rent a hotel on top of that in some cases? That's very naive. You can't get a date and find someone to cuddle for free after a dinner and a movie?
@CuddleDuncan: I sometimes wonder whether the "I'm not gay" types think women who cuddle women are inescapably gay.
@CuddleDuncan Awesome post and way to keep an open mind about cuddling the possibility of cuddling men, in the future. ❤️😎😁🤗🎉👍🏿
@CuddleDuncan All the time in the forums we talk about consent and if there’s something you don’t feel comfortable doing that you have every right to say no and don’t owe an explanation to anyone as to why that it is. I.E “ No is a complete sentence “ does this only apply when a woman is uncomfortable doing something ? Do men not have the right to not give consent and say no without an explanation? By the way my profile name suggests sure I’ll hug anyone male or female pending on the circumstances and if it’s something they consent to. But giving someone a hug and cuddling intimately up next to someone for an hour or more are two completely different activities I’m sure you recognize this.
I am perfectly happy to cuddle other men, presuming I have a trusting relationship with them.
I also make sure that they are as mentally prepared for the experience as possible.
Most men I have cuddled in the past found it initially challenging and uncomfortable, simply because they are not physically used to being smaller, and weaker, than the person they are cuddling.
It can be emotional, simultaneously tapping into memories of childhood (hopefully positive but so often not) and memories of physical conflict, whether sports or fighting.
Beyond the getting comfortable part, my cuddling of men has been fine, every bit as bonding and satisfying as cuddling any other human, and positive for them as well.
In day to day life in the past, I have had male roommates and friends that would hang out and cuddle with me while watching a baseball game or action movie, which I always found amusing, endearing, and comforting.
Lol, you are comparing a dying soldier holding his platoon mate for comfort during his final hour and a mother cuddling her new born baby girl to adult males volunteering to cuddle other adult males. Do you know absurd that sounds? To answer your question, cuddling is different for everyone. It can have intimate elements. It’s not just a bear hug to your buddy. You rub shoulders, legs, put your fingers through each other’s hair, hold hands, etc. Why would a straight male do that to another straight male? IMO, unless they are are homosexual, bi sexual, or bi curious.
I need to think of the person I am cuddling with as being attractive to some degree. That's not to say I want to engage in any non-platonic activities with them, but a basic attraction is needed to make me comfortable.
Also, guys are hairy, smelly and too rough. A woman just feels comfortable, whether I see her as a maternal figure, a sister, or a lover (you know what I mean, don't get hung up on the word... it's already been a long day and my brain thesaurus isn't working)
@Libra0 are you not aware that some people here have all the answers and are God's gifts to cuddlers?
You rub shoulders, legs, put your fingers through each other’s hair, hold hands, etc. Why would a straight male do that to another straight male? IMO, unless they are are homosexual, bi sexual, or bi curious.
A tricky part in discussions like this is that having a revulsion about the idea of touching men is somehow part of what it means to be a “straight” man in America. I did all those things you just listed in a non-sexual way with a woman cuddler a month ago. It felt pleasurable, it felt comforting, it was also clearly non-sexual touch. So why couldn’t it be done with anyone? I recognize that asking this question alone will mean to some that i fall outside their definition of straightness. Do you see the same issue if two straight women are cuddling? Would that make you question their sexual preference?
@arkham I totally agree! Anyone of any gender or orientation can platonically preform all the activities described above, with consent!😁🤗
@arkham Are you a straight man? And if so, married, single or in a relationship? All you have to do is ask your female partner if she is OK with you cuddling other men. Or that you’ve cuddle other men in the past. I’ll tell you what the answer will be… Heck NO! And if single, and tell your straight male friends that you cuddle men, ya know what they will say? “You’re my friend, but are you gay?” You do you, live your life. I’m just answering the OP original question as it pertains to why I don’t cuddle other men. BC I’m not into other men. Period. And to why two straight women cuddling each other and not being lesbians. I don’t know, maybe because men and women are different.
@CuddleDuncan ~ I have to agree with @Libra0 ...
Lol, you are comparing a dying soldier holding his platoon mate for comfort during his final hour and a mother cuddling her new born baby girl to adult males volunteering to cuddle other adult males. Do you know absurd that sounds? To answer your question, cuddling is different for everyone. It can have intimate elements. It’s not just a bear hug to your buddy. You rub shoulders, legs, put your fingers through each other’s hair, hold hands, etc.
Minus this part...
Why would a straight male do that to another straight male? IMO, unless they are are homosexual, bi sexual, or bi curious.
::adding:: ...and minus all their other posts here as they aren't my POV/aren't aligned with my thoughts around all this.
Really though, @CuddleDuncan , Why are you shaming men for not wanting to cuddle men, when you yourself have, "Cuddles: Women" on your profile page?
Also, referring to one as a, "a stroppy two year old" is hardly an "adult" way of getting someone to consider your perspective, let alone change their's. I suppose it may work for some, but it wouldn't for me and in my experience wouldn't for most.
We can make our point's without shaming, or diminishing others (kind of like the "idiot" comment I PM'd you about), and we can also make strides to 'walk our talk' (that what we promote is actually true of/for ourselves first) too.
All IMO...
::adding:: I also agree with @hugonehugall too...
@CuddleDuncan All the time in the forums we talk about consent and if there’s something you don’t feel comfortable doing that you have every right to say no and don’t owe an explanation to anyone as to why that it is. I.E “ No is a complete sentence “ does this only apply when a woman is uncomfortable doing something ? Do men not have the right to not give consent and say no without an explanation?
Before joining here, I never cuddled other men because none had ever asked me, except for one uncomfortable flirtation, which was a hard "no thanks" from me. I'd like to think I would've held any of my male friends that said they needed it. On the other hand, I've never asked to be held, or cuddled, by anyone at all until I spoke with a pro on here.
An attempt at an open conversation about the limits of the platonic part of "platonic cuddling" vis-a-vis "straightness" is shaming men and violating consent? lol
I'm good on this absurd thread. My points have been made.
My sympathy to the victimized.
Have mercy on me. I can't resist one last thing..
@Libra0 said:
Lol, you are comparing a dying soldier holding his platoon mate for comfort during his final hour and a mother cuddling her new born baby girl to adult males volunteering to cuddle other adult males. Do you know absurd that sounds?
When I went out recently and paid to be cuddled by a stranger, it's because I needed comforting. That's what I needed. So no it doesn't sound like an absurd comparison. If I needed sex, I'd see a sex worker. Comfort is a need as well and it's what I was seeking and what I received. I shouldn't have to be a newborn or a dying soldier to be allowed to give and receive comfort just because I'm a man. It's a need to both give and receive comfort and it has nothing to do with sex and I'm sorry you're too narrow-minded to recognize that holding or being held by anyone actually has nothing to do with your sexual preference.
(Ok removing the unnecessary curse on this edit and so long)
And nobody is forcing any of you undoubtedly straight straight very straight men to cuddle with anybody. The point is just to reflect sometimes on your own conditioning.
Are you too narrow minded to read competently? This wasn’t about comfort in these analogy, it was about sexual attraction. Get comfort where you need it. OP was Insinuating I see sexual element in a soldier holding his dying Comrade in his arms to a mother holding her baby daughter. Which is completely Ludacris. But just read and comprehend what you want.
I usually roll my eyes at necro threads, especially when there are many threads on the same topic that aren't so old . But i really liked seeing my old friends @funandadventure , @I_am_Polylover , @chococuddles, and @BlueIris , and it was fun reading my old posts from 4 yrs ago. Also seemed to be a bit more civil in tone prior to being necro posted. Bottom line is you do what it is that makes you feel ok . And dont feel that you need to justify it . Not wanting to cuddle the same gender or sex as you doesnt make you homophobic , and just because something is done platonically doesn't mean that having a certain comfort level who you share that with is by default sexualizing it . Everybody should be encouraged to have an open mind and open heart , but nobody should be made to feel that their decisions for what they feel comfy with needs to be justified or meet a public standard . No means no . Full stop.
@pmvines ....man, some blasts from the past, those names! No doubt it seemed more civil in tone