tips for first time

TheNewTeddyTheNewTeddy
in General

hello. I just signed up today and I'm a bit overwhelmed. It took me a long time to admit to myself that cuddling is really what I needed, and even longer to admit to others. It's been 15 years since I've last had a cuddle and, to be honest, I'm a little afraid that I might burst into tears should I get another. Maybe that's just because I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed right now, but any tips would help.

Comments

  • Minestrone101Minestrone101

    Include at least 3 nice photos of yourself, flesh out a good summary with thoughts about cuddling, favorite media, and hobbies, and write nice messages up pros and enthusiasts around you. I suggest writing at least a paragraph, even to new members w empty profiles.

    Also, you have to understand that it takes time to meet pple in the community, and to build trust towards a cuddle (it's a very personal experience ). So give it time, don't be upset if you don't get responses in the beginning (it took me 2-3 months before I set up my first cuddle), and enjoy the process. Also, participation on the forum is nor a requirement, but it helpful in building connections.

    Good luck!

  • thesatinbrunettethesatinbrunette

    I never comment on these but yours caught my eye:

    I would DEFINITELY find a cuddler who has a lot of karmas. Read them thoroughly.

    I have had many of my cuddlers who are struggling burst into tears and you have to have the right tools to understand that and sit with them in all the emotion.

    You can even “vet” them and ask them how they might feel if you were to respond in that way.

    Best of luck! ♥️

  • CuddleDuncanCuddleDuncan Mod

    @TheNewTeddy excellent! You're in the right place, well done for joining up.

    Take your time. The cuddle world tends to reward patience, respect, self-awareness, effort and thoughtfulness.

    Crying is extremely common. Some reports suggest that up to 40% of cuddle sessions involve crying.

    From what you say it sounds like you are likely to cry during your first session. Good. Crying is a good thing.

    You may find these threads helpful:

  • LovelightLovelight

    I don't really know what you're experiencing as I've not myself. However maybe the following will be of a little help:

    If you get the chance and feel comfortable to proceed, then you can simply start with hugs and holding hands if a full, more lengthy, and involved cuddle might feel too much for you at this point in time.

    You can let a potential cuddler or maybe even mention in your profile that you haven't cuddled for a while and would like to be with someone who is cool with getting there slowly. It's also perfectly fine to let your cuddle partners know you may need a break and take it when you do if you feel overwhelmed, or just because. That would be my suggestion.

    I am quite good with that myself and if someone requested to take things slow I wouldn't mind. I might actually prefer it. So while everyone might not be on board, I'm sure there are some who will be accommodating and respectful of your boundaries. :)

  • TheNewTeddyTheNewTeddy

    thank you for the responses. it's helped me feel a lot less anxious. I've added some info to my profile but really don't know what to put.

    my first time will probably be with a professional cuddler. I've done the search and there are 0 women within 20 miles of me who wish to cuddle men and have been online since 2021. As such I'll likely have to travel as my apartment is not suitable for this sort of thing.

  • [Deleted User]4TheSnugs (deleted user)

    Nothing weird about it. You're just helping someone make a living.

  • JustPlaneCuddleJustPlaneCuddle

    @TheNewTeddy, I'm so glad you're taking the steps to acknowledge what it is you are needing. That truly is the first step.

    My biggest suggestions :
    1. Find someone you feel comfortable with. What I mean by this is - actually read the profiles and do nor just start a dialog based on the potential cuddle buddy's photos. Start with messaging the profiles that really make you feel something or catch your eye. I've met a lot of people simply by posting about my dog or in discussing what movies are our favorite guilty pleasures. Commonality and kindness can really take some of the pressure out of starting the process because you already feel some sense of connection.
    2. Don't be afraid of virtual sessions & virtual meetings. Some cuddle companions will even travel states away of they feel passionately about what they do and truly connect with a cuddle buddy. It's like meeting a new friend online. You would not just show up in their city and stay at their house without ever exchanging photos or phone numbers, etc. Picture it in that light - getting to know who your cuddle companion is and what their motives are for cuddling.
    3. Expression is everything. You might cry and that is 110% okay. My first 19 sessions were all extremely emotional. Most of them started in tears within the first 10 minutes and ended in laughter or the release of trauma. It's okay and perfectly natural to cry. Don't talk yourself out of trusting someone enough to cry in their presence.
    4. Try to find a cuddle companion that can host or look into AirBnb's. Hotels are nice but can sometimes feel a little too clinical for a first session.

    I hope you find the right cuddle companion(s)! Take it slow and do not rush it! Be honest with yourself and with your cuddler about what you are feeling. A trained cuddler should be able to help you better navigate your emotions and may even be able to provide self-care exercises for after a session. Best wishes, Friend!

  • 4cuddles4cuddles

    Welcome @TheNewTeddy, nice to see someone caring for themself, in such a vulnerable way too.

    Like your profile name. Wish you lovely experiences. Virtual hugs.

  • TheNewTeddyTheNewTeddy

    @4cuddles thank you for complimenting my name. When I started using it, it was aspirational, but the more personal progress I make, the more I feel like I'm living up to it.

  • jetblackjetblack

    @TheNewTeddy - first let me add my welcome and congratulations for taking the big steps of creating a profile and putting out there what you need!

    Secondly, when I started I was alone and isolated. I really felt like I needed this community to be real and positive to help me stay afloat.

    Several years later I’m in a much better state and feel like I have something to give this community as well as benefiting from it.

    I hope your time and evolution here are as positive and powerful as mine has been.

    I’m always available if you need a friendly ear (or eyes as it were).

    -JJ

  • StellarWolfStellarWolf

    New here too. Kind of lurked a bit. Nice to see people are so welcoming and kind. A bit hesitant about this experience, but trying to remember that that are some pretty good people in the world.

  • Minestrone101Minestrone101
    edited November 2023

    Hey @StellarWolf, agree. and nice profile ! Your avatar and pics/summary look welcoming.

    I hope you make some good connections! I think they even might have a NY/NJ group meetup thread on the Cuddle Request forum. gl!

    https://www.cuddlecomfort.com/forum/discussion/2212/cuddlebuddies-ny-long-island-jersey-metro-area#latest

  • HUGGGGGGHUGGGGGG

    Have an open heart, let go, and just twine with your cuddler :3 :3 :3 …. Remember to have good inhibitions when necessary… B)

  • PassionWolfPassionWolf

    I find this site mysterious, yet compelling enough to fond someone who shares the same energy and synergy "cuddling" as I do! Have Snugglin U aLL 🐺

  • StellarWolfStellarWolf

    Thank you @Minestrone101! Wasn't sure about my profile. Made the profile a while back, and kept going back and forth on it. But trying to just own that I'm on here and not feel awkward about seeking someone to cuddle with. I'll check out that thread. Thanks!

  • Minestrone101Minestrone101

    @StellarWolf Yes, sir. The avatar is tight. I think few things are as wonderful as cuddles. No worries.

    I think different people prefer their touch in different forms. Personally, I like cuddling and Latin dancing. If it's with hired work, I like massage and chiropractic.

  • Minestrone101Minestrone101

  • LovelightLovelight

    @Minestrone101 Awww! 🤗

  • Minestrone101Minestrone101

    @Lovelight You can hear the purs! 😺

  • CuddleDuncanCuddleDuncan Mod

    @StellarWolf (and all lurkers in the same boat) there are indeed lovely people in this world ... and some of them are here.

    Don't worry about being hesitant, there is no rush. But remember that hesitancy or anxiety or fear are not reasons for not doing a Thing. On the contrary, they are reasons for doing it. What they are are warnings: is this Thing dangerous? Pay attention to the warning, explore it, take the steps you need ... and then do the Thing. In this case, cuddling. If you didn't need a cuddle you wouldn't be here. Well, nearly everybody needs a cuddle nearly all of the time, so that isn't saying much.

    Oh, and there is nothing to feel awkward about. Cuddling is new and therefore somewhat unfamiliar as a Thing, that's all it is. If your teeth hurt you go to a dentist: if your heart hurts you go to a cuddler.

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