I've mentioned this before and have gotten heat for it, but I will answer again...
My wife comes from a SEA culture where married men having a girlfriend is pretty much common place. She has on multiple occasions suggested that I go somewhere to "get a massage". (I have not taken her up on the offer) In her thinking, paying for a "happy ending" is different from being romantic with someone and is not cheating. To apply the same reasoning to cuddling, simply paying someone to cuddle is not the same as having an emotional relationship with another person and therefore would not be cheating. Applying her rules, I do not and would not cuddle with someone who was not a pro. With a pro, it is a business transaction and nothing more.
Her culture however, is also very big on the concept of "saving face". In other words, she doesn't want to know about it if I were to do something. Applying her rule to cuddling, I am allowed, but she doesn't want me telling her.
So, is cuddling cheating? To us, I don't think so... Is it right... I'm not entirely sure and question it, the same way I would question getting a "massage" if I were ever to decide to do that.
And before anyone asks... yes, I think the same rules apply to her. I just don't want to know about it either.
That's a very complicated question and certainly plenty of complicated answers. We each have our own stories and situations, so best to not judge but rather to conduct yourself within your own boundaries.
I, myself, don't consider it cheating but it's not my decision to make for others.
I think it greatly depends on the relationship, boundaries, circumstances, etc. It makes me wonder if anyone else would feel differently if it were these situations:
If a spouse was seeing a mental health therapist and asked the therapist to hold their hand, hug, or to be held (many therapists can sometimes do these but it has to be client initiated/asked for), that wouldn't be cheating right?
If that therapist suggested to seek touch / cuddle therapy in addition to their mental health treatment, would that be cheating? Does that depend on if they told their spouse or not?
If a professional cuddler / "cuddle therapist" that had a brick and mortar business location and offered services, would that change your answer?
At least during platonic cuddles we are clothed. When getting a massage from a Licensed massage therapist, you are normally naked and having someone rub and massage your body, including massaging your glutes! But I've never seen anyone say getting a massage was cheating.
If you are single and not dating someone exclusively, NO. If it's not consensual and it's hidden from your significant other, yes, even though cuddling isn't sexual.
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Yes, if you are having this question in your mind.
If I had a partner, I would definitely talk to them before joining this site. Waiting until you find a good cuddle partner, or not telling them at all, is asking for trouble. Why should your partner believe this is platonic if you're keeping it a secret, like it's something to be ashamed of?
If you have to ask them you know there is an issue. If you are married but live apart or not together perhaps its ok but if you are happily married why would you need to cuddle with another person and not disclose that to you spouse or partner
I think I'd consider it cheating if my partner was doing it. But I'd be clear with her about that. I wouldn't cuddle i if i had a significant other. I also wouldn't want a relationship id need to cuddle outside and hope i wouldn't have that situation. I don't know how id feel if my partner wanted or needed it. I know it's probably a conflict for those that find themselves in it. But clear honest communication would be a step in clearing that up and having an understanding between the two.
@BrionC but what if they're just "married," not identifying as "happily married"? 😆
Only my opinion of course! Maybe ask the spouse directly how they feel about their husband/wife cuddling. Require a signed permission slip! 😁 I feel like if you know your partner would be hurt and you’re afraid to tell them and need to be secretive….or if it feels like cheating, then it kind of is.
Every situation is different. Some partners would consider cuddling cheating, others weren’t. If a married person is cuddling and not telling their partner about it, that’s problematic.
I’m single, and so when I cuddle with someone, their relationship status is none of my business. If they’re married or partnered, I assume this is within the boundaries of their relationship. But I don’t ask questions about that, because that part has nothing to do with me.
@HoosCuddling Unless you get named in the divorce or her partner decides to beat you up
It's not cheating, but it's considerate to ask your partner if they're ok with it.
The best anyone can say is "It's not cheating in my eyes" or "It is cheating in my eyes." You can't make a blanket pronouncement because every committed relationship is different. What your partner might be okay with, someone else's partner might not.
If it's behind your partner's back, yes.
I feel that what is considered as cheating is omitting the truth as well.As being emotional with somebody. That's why it's better to communicate with your partner first before trying something alternative.
@soniye good point Cuddling, even when following TOS, can be emotionally intimate and some partners would have a problem with that. I think if a married person doesn’t feel comfortable telling their partner about cuddling activities, then it’s cheating or would the partner feel cheated on if the knew?
If you wouldn't do it in front of your partner, then it's cheating. Simple.
Yes. It is at best dishonest. Every relationship needs good communication. Lack of communication like you're suggesting here leads only to hurt.
Yes. It is at best dishonest.
Every relationship needs good communication. Lack of communication like you're suggesting here leads only to hurt.
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@IronLemon
If you have to lie directly or lie by omission about being physically intimate with someone who isn't your partner, then YES, you are cheating.
@KuddlyKoala Which cheating starts with lying to your partner anyway.😊👍
not telling them at all, is asking for trouble. Why should your partner believe this is platonic if you're keeping it a secret, like it's something to be ashamed of?
@WriterGF
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@EmpathyInAHug Lol! Which I know a lot of married/attached people, NEVER having the guts to do! 😆😆😆
@WriterGF Thank you, hence I say what I say in my profile when it comes to married/attached cuddlers.😁👍
If I can't speak to your spouse/girlfriend/partner/whatever either face to face or on the phone, to explain and discuss what platonic cuddling with Me entails then there will be NO CUDDLING PERIOD! 😑
if you are happily married why would you need to cuddle with another person and not disclose that to you spouse or partner
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@BrionC Fabulous comment and question! 😄
Its only cheating if your partner doesn't know. I think it really depends on the relationship dynamic
@nay1111 What if your partner knows and objects to it?
I really really don’t understand how there’s still a presumption that a “partner” gets to control who their partner sees or what their partner does or how their partner feels.
I’m tempted to say that whoever told you that this is healthy or desirable lied to you. But I don’t need to go that far. Good for you if that works for you. But can we please stop acting like this is a default setting for all partnerships?
Then maybe we could spend less energy trying to parse out where the thin imaginary line is (for other people in their own relationships) between desirable and despicable behavior.
@MonkeyNeedsAHug It's about respecting a partner's boundaries. If you can't respect their boundaries, you shouldn't be their partner.
"Hi honey Im home. Sorry I'm late, after work without your knowledge or consent I met a woman from the internet who I've been chatting with behind your back when you're asleep and while at work for a while for coffee. After that we went to a hotel, changed into our sleep wear, and snuggled up. Things got really cozy while we hugged petted and squeezed each other, laying all over the bed and being super close and all. Sorry I didn't tell you but really it's because of you that I'm doing this because after all, you just don't give me the kind of attention I want and desire so it's essentially your fault. Oh and another thing, you know the money we've been setting aside for juniors college fund? Yeah, I paid her a few hundred from it. But it was totally worth it because she was extremely attractive, more so than you have ever been or will be so she made a great surrogate partner to make up for all the things that you're not. Touched me in ways you don't. But hey, it's only cuddling so it's not cheating so you really have nothing at all to be upset over. That's just you being insecure so deal with it."