An explosion at a spaghetti factory.
The problem with fast food is it's hard to catch if it's faster than me.
It doesn't matter how old you are, buying snacks for a road trip should always look like an unsupervised 9 year old was given a $100.
Today I asked a hot girl at the gym what her New Year's resolution was. She replied "Screw you!" So I'm pretty excited for the new year!
Why are crows so noisy?
Caws...
My parents have said they'll be making eggs benedict. So I'm going home for the hollandaise.
Meme instead of joke, but relevant. 🫀
Do I want a beer?
A) Yes A C) B
Shout out to the people already itching to take the tree down.
What do you call a person who never farts in public?
A private tutor.
My best childhood memory was falling asleep on the couch and waking up in bed. I miss teleporting. It never happens to me anymore.
I had an apple spice tea. He had an orange spice tea. There was just no comparing the two.
I've decided that from January 1st I'll only be watching videos in 1080p or higher. It's New Year's Resolution.
If you like camping, check for sales at your local sports store. This is the winter of our discount tents.
What’s the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi?
People in Dubai don’t like the Flintstones, but the people in Abu Dhabi do!
Earlier, our daughter came into our room and proudly said, "I'll be this many years old next month!" and held up four fingers.
It's now six AM. We've been up all night. She still refuses to tell us where she got them.
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
Why has a milking stool only got 3 legs ? Because the cow has got the udder 😀
Why did the hedgehog cross the road ? To see his flatmate 😊
Yesterday I ate a clock, it was very time consuming.
Especially when I went back for seconds. 😩
My goal in 2025 is to accomplish the goals I set in 2024 which I should have done in 2023 because I made a promise in 2022 which I planned in 2021.
I bought a vinyl record yesterday called "Sounds Wasps Make".
When I got home and played it, I said to myself, "This doesn't sound anything like wasps." Then I realised, I was playing the bee side...
What insect can bring a politician down in a sex scandal?
A hornet.
What do you call it when you drop your Taco Bell food on your toe?
Burrito. A burrito supreme if you have gout.
I just want to thank the creator of this thread and everyone participating, for the giggles. Good, clean fun, y'all!
Don’t buy shoes from a drug dealer.
I dunno what he laced these things with, but I been trippin all day.
Why do poor dogs chase their tails? Because they’re trying to make ends meet!
What does a baby computer call his father. DATA
I only get sick during the weekdays. I must have a weekend immune system.