Not sure how to talk about this, but this ended up being one of the few bad experiences I've had from someone here. Maybe someone can clue me in on if I need to ask someone if they want to do the opposite of a suggestion they agreed to.
A few days ago I drove an hour to meet someone I got along with well in chat, everything was determined beforehand, not complicated, which was great, I got there and she was very shy, I was nervous, but her shyness was to the point of seeming like she was uncomfortable with even just basic platonic touch. It was awkward when I got there anyway because it was broad daylight and when I saw the areas outside she wanted to cuddle in, I felt a little uncomfortable. Because of the awkwardness I decided to chat and walk around with her a bit to feel a little more relaxed and more familiar with each other. I didn't outright ask if we should go do the thing in the place we agreed to (is the guest supposed to push that?), so ultimately we decided to take a drive to the park to chill out since it was a nice day out.
It was a nice walk in the park, though hot, and we settled on the grass and chatted and cuddled, but it was very minimal from her part. She was honest and said she was trying to re-integrate socially and wanted comfort. She had her head rested on my chest but her arms and legs together, and after I said it was OK to put her arm across me, she declined. I did a little toesy (footsie) but she was reticent so I stopped. We did a shoulder/back/arm rub and then left.
I thought we'd try to relax and get to know each other and went around town, saw some scenery, joked, got some ice cream, which all seemed great, then we got back to her place, still daylight, and she said she was going to bed. OK. Well, she said previously she wanted to not have it even go to 9, which was fine. So I left thinking maybe it wasn't as good as it could or should have been, but I enjoyed her company and she said she was open to a next time.
I contact her today asking how she thought it was, and she said she was disappointed it wasn't mostly platonic cuddling and closeness... :facepalm:. So now I'm confused. I know what we agreed to, but when someone's reticent in person to the thing they say they want, and says nothing about actually doing it, and only responds to questions and suggestions (and never initiates or suggests or pushes for anything), then agrees to do x, y, or z, and then later says we didn't do the opposite (and when we did they weren't much open to it)... I can't read someone's mind. This kind of thing drives me crazy.
Am I supposed to explicitly ask and suggest and push for the things that the other person says they want? I haven't been with someone this reticent and mixed in their messaging and actions. When I tried to clear it up, she blocked me. Live and learn I guess. Apparently I was her first, I'm no newb at this, I don't know where people's lines are exactly with touch, but communication is part of the learning process. When you don't get a second chance for not reading someone's mind, and they don't communicate in person, then I feel like I was supposed to be their butler and know how to cater to them like I've known them for 20 years.
Sorry for the long post. I'm just flabberghasted. People, please COMMUNICATE in person, don't go limp-wristed and be blown around by the wind and then have a problem later to the point of blowing someone off and wanting nothing to do with them because you didn't tell anyone you didn't actually want to do what you agreed to do! I hope she doesn't do this to anyone else.