edj

I was the sole caregiver to my husband of 29 years for several years while his health declined and I stayed by his side until his final breath 12/12/2019. Having to remain functional while I cared for him has made my experience with anticipatory grief very complicated, and now after his death, I find it hard to grieve, often going for several days to a week or more of just feeling blocked and numb. I find that I need the reflection of someone else to trigger the tears. I am looking for therapeutic cuddles with a fatherly type who can just cradle me while I let my grief out.

Update: It has taken me six years to finally feel human again. I can honestly say that I've faked it till I made it. A change of career from software engineering and robotics to writing has been transformative. I can now experience the full range of human emotions through my characters which was a mind-blowing revelation. I now get up at 4 am, eager to work out for 2½ hours every day, and then I write. I haven't wanted to watch any TV or play videogames in three months.