How to cuddle?

edited December 2015 in General
Any good cuddling tips for first time cuddle buddies? Boundaries and advice?
No sex is number one for me.

Mod Edit: Renamed topic from 'Cuddling Tips' to 'How To Cuddle' as more people search for the latter.


  • Communication is key. Both specify some things that might make you uncomfortable, but also give some communication of what touch you like so that they know what's expected. And vice versa: ask them what their preferences are.

    If you feel sexual desires coming on, communicate them as soon as possible and probably stop cuddling.

    I recommend not kissing on the lips, as that just activates the brain in those areas even for us physical touch people. If you give a kiss that gives a hickey, you're also probably doing it wrong, haha. A fun more playful attitude will keep sexual feelings low, while slowed, passionate caressing will increase sexual drives.

    Also, as my own personal strategies, I try to have more than one cuddle buddy of the opposite gender in my life, because sharing touch with one special person naturally makes it special on a deeper level. Also, I personally think of my cuddle buddies as family.
  • Holding hands keeps them from wandering out of control.
    Lightly stroking fingers through hair is safe.
    I like having my chest, belly, back, or lap used as a pillow.
  • Clearly some boundaries should be agreed. In our cuddle group there are strict no kissing rules (which may be overlooked when a kiss on the cheek as leaving), show the physical boundaries by talking such as "please don't touch between waist and the knee". Start with basic no go areas, you can always relax the rules slightly as you get to know and trust someone.  Specifically agree if you or the other person does or doesn't like their hair /face touching. Creating specific exercises helps such as taking it in turns performing a back rub, a shoulder massage, a hand  caress. Encouragement should be given to say "no" with any aspect that they are not fully comfortable with. The word "pause" is a  useful word to agree to, pause means don't remove your hands but don't move them around further just now.
  • A thought has been growing in my mind about cuddling, and how to potentially get comfortable with the act of it. So here it is, my untested idea, but it sounds right: learn to dance with a partner.

    Dancing with another is about accepting someone else within your boundary, but also moving with them. It helps you understand your own body and control while respecting another's (and vice versa). It's not as intimate as cuddling, but it's a safe place to "learn the ropes" about boundaries, talking about them, and working around them for mutual enjoyment. ;)
  • [Deleted User]EkstrasBaso (deleted user)
    Hands are off limits in bathing suit areas, is my personal cuddling boundary.
    For first time cuddlers, I recently tried meeting a cuddle buddy in public places such as the park or places with couches. This worked great. Some advice for the park, 2 blankets laid down with some pillows makes things extra comfy. We have found some coffee shops, yogurt shops, and movie theaters that have couches.
    Public cuddles can help you get to know someone and build some trust before trying an at home cuddle.
  • [Deleted User]EclecticLeo (deleted user)
    The beach is a nice public place as well.
  • [Deleted User]EkstrasBaso (deleted user)
    Yes! I want to go to the beach and cuddle. Good idea. :)
  • [Deleted User]Snuggletooth (deleted user)
    I always get an erection, but I don't respond to it. I just want to cuddle. And I would mention that to the other guy because he may not like it, but as long as he knows that there is nothing going to come of it, he usually relaxes.
  • I've had some good cuddling experiences, but 99% of the time the guy wants to make it sexual.  Is this inevitable?  I understand a guy becoming aroused, as Snuggletooth mentions, but if a guy says he wants to cuddle, and its been made clear that it is not to be sexual, then why doesn't he stick to the agreement and end the session if he's too aroused or ignore his erection?  And any tips for choosing fellows that will stick to the agreement?  I make sure there is verbal communication from the get go and that it is mutually agreed upon.  I don't wear sexy or revealing clothes, I don't send mixed signals.  Do guys just use the cuddling thing as a way to try to get sex?  That really isn't fair-its dishonest.  Most of my cuddle relationships end when the guy repeatedly tries to overstep the boundaries.  If he were to say, "I can't do this any more", I'd say ok, I understand, but that doesn't happen. 
  • Lifeisshort! Interesting you say that about the men you encounter.

    I am a man and am having some "boundary pushing" behaviour from the women
    i have found to be cuddle partners. 

    I sat down with my prospective female cuddle partners and had a serious boundary
    setting discussion with each of them. They all agreed to:
    -no sex
    -no kissing
    -no hands on bathing suit areas

    They all agreed to these and are observing these rules.
    HOWEVER, they each are exhibiting some "boundary pushing" behaviour.
    Showing up without a bra, groping, moaning... obviously trying to distract
    and lead us into more physical behaviour. 

    I am very firm on the not wanting sex with my cuddle partners.
    I have other, sexual relationships and chose these partners explicitly for
    cuddling and not for sex. I am ready to drop any of them if keep trying
    to violate our boundary conditions.

    I think it's really important to find people who are in a feeling of abundance
    to cuddle with. I know that it's easy to want more if you don't feel like you
    have enough.

    So, no, not all men are trying to use cuddling to get sex.

    One other note... i did not meet any of my cuddle partners from an online
    board like this. I met them at a tantric workshop. They both approached
    me to ask to continue doing practice together.

    Yet one more note.... sometimes cuddling does become sexual in it's flavour.
    I/we are trying to use this as an opportunity to circulate that energy in our
    system, not to let it build into needing to act on it. It's the mutual building
    of oxytocin and the joy of being touched affectionately but not sexually
    that is the real gift of this practice.

    Hope this helps.
  • [Deleted User]JJFresh1987 (deleted user)
    I thought of this idea...what do you all think of it?

    Do you think that it would reduce the temptation to have sex if you put some sort of thick padding on your naughty bits, and if you do happen to be in a "position" where otherwise those naughty bits would be dangerously close, there would be little to no arousal?  Just a thought.
  • Huggernaut ,. I feel it would be no problem for ladies not wearing a bra.., this is a matter of comfort. The issue is with matter of control of feelings.  Overall a cuddle should remain comfortable for each.  
    As being a guy I would not be comfortable wearing a sports cup. And would not like to consider cuddling that way. Even though I may not be able to control a resulting erection, I CAN control actions taken while condition exists. If can't control then must end cuddling because of no longer being comfortable for me.
  • [Deleted User]PJLion (deleted user)
    Hi there Lifeishort. I read your comments in the forum. You have valid concerns but do not let them deter you. Men get erections multiple times a day and they are often completely unrelated to his thoughts. In the morning when we wake up, it is a physiological reaction because we have to pee. During the day if there is a shift in blood flow as in when sleepiness creeps in. And especially when pressed against a warm body and comfortable. Even my son will get them at only 2 years old. So have faith and consider it a sign of happiness and content, like a puppy wagging his tail.

    And Huggernaut, please share more about these tantric sessions, they may be helpful for many here.

    Happy Hugging Everyone!
  • edited January 2016
    Just focus your energy on heart, it is normal to fall down in the begining but after few minutes you get a taste what keep you in heart and you forget all other parts of body. That work for me. Heart chakra is portal for happiness. :-)
  • Thanks for your clarification huggernaut. I have heard a story similar to yours from a male member. He ended up canceling the session because the woman was insinuating that it might turn to something else. Like you, he had other partners for hookup purposes. Hope there are more male members have the same concept as you two.
  • [Deleted User]angelgirl (deleted user)
    I guess for me, a cuddle can't be clinically dissected into parts (acceptable and unacceptable). Getting to know each other prior to meeting for a cuddle is key to a successful interaction. By conversing and developing a friendship first, you'll know enough about each other to not overstep and if you do, you'll be comfortable enough with each other to speak up.
  • I am in Ky.I hope I find cuddlers in my area.Around the Louisville area.
  • [Deleted User]Sunflowerfield (deleted user)
    If you're looking for tips and you're new to platonic cuddling, please have a look at my twelve tips in this blog post:

  • Prettybabe
    How do you find people that are interested in cuddling in your area.Elizabethtown Ky
  •  Seems like some women (and even some men, reading some of the stories) view erection as an imperative to have sex. As PJLion put it,  it doesn't always mean we are aroused. Even when we are aroused, that doesn't mean we have to have sex or make out! Women: don't believe that an erection means they want sex; and guys, we have these awfully big brains that don't force us to eat as soon as we are hungry; why is being aroused any different?

    Stick to pre agreed boundaries and don't push on them repeatedly. (Might be ok to ask very respectfully and prepared to let it drop at "no." )
  • Hi I'm new here and I know I'm probably shooting my self in the foot here but cuddling to me is a little sexural like resting on her breast or resting my hand on her butt can that be agreed appound or it forbidden? Also I would not ask for sex but come on im a man I would not turn it down.

  • edited September 2017

    @robertls19 Cuddling doesn't necessarily have to be sexual, which is the point of this entire website. If you seek the services of a professional cuddler, you will be asked to agree to the client services contract:

    Many of the nonpros on this site adhere to the conduct stated in the CSA as well.

    Item #3 states: "No touching in areas covered by undergarments is permitted. If this occurs, the Cuddler has the right to leave. No kissing is allowed."

    Therefore, if you are with a professional, there would be no touching of her breast or butt. If you tried to renegotiate the agreement, you would likely be rejected as a client. They already have enough clients who try to push boundaries. I doubt many would welcome another one who was wanting to push boundaries before even having a session. Professional cuddlers do not offer sex, so you would not have anything to turn down.

    If you are with a nonprofessional, she may or may not be willing to renegotiate boundaries, depending on whether you and she have a good connection and whether you have established trust with her.

    However, the general expectation on this site with both professionals and nonprofessionals is that no sexual touching is going to happen. If you are unable to readjust your expectations that cuddling is connected to sex, then platonic cuddling may be an impossibility for you. If that is the case, you would have more success on a dating site. Good luck to you.

  • edited September 2017

    Per the question of 'how to cuddle', I think everyone is a bit mistaken on what cuddling actually is.

    After years of research, and after climbing cuddle mountain a few times and speaking regularly with the cuddle sage, I've gained new revelation and came to find out that cuddling is not actually about hugs, spooning, hand holding, and the like, No! It's something much more.

    It actually doesn't even really involve touch at all actually. Cuddling involves cookies. The baking of lots and lots of chocolate chip, peanut butter, oh, and sugar cookies. Then going to the post office to send them to my home address.

    It's really quite simple, but feel free to message me whenever you're ready and I can help you begin the process. ;p

  • I think DeltaPng might be on to something! Cookies make everything better.

    Honestly a session where we baked cookies together then ate them with some hot cocoa or something would be an awesome way to have friendly physical and mental interaction.

    A cuddle session can be whatever is agreed upon by the cuddlers. While most people think it has to involve a bed or something it really doesn't. Just simply putting an arm around someone while standing is a physical interaction that is sorely lacking in most people's lives.

  • I have a friend whos a paid cuddler and for extended sessions and overnights she cooks a 4 or 5 course meal, and encourages the other person to join in. She loves to cook and the clients seem to enjoy the interaction and what not

  • Is this sight real I have tried to communicate with female cuddles and no response most of the cuddles have been off line for months or years.

  • Yes this site is real. @Harrys69? Really? REALLY? Based on your profile, you might be confusing this platonic site with something else entirely. Best of luck. Srsly.

  • [Deleted User]sillyhugs (deleted user)

    @DeltaPng =) - thought your definition of cuddling was good, haha!

  • @unknown I think a good tip might be to think about what your boundaries actually are and what you actually want to get out of each encounter. In @huggernaut 's case he doesn't seem comfortable with people showing up without a bra, moaning or groping him. So aside from the general rules, maybe think about what you would feel might be boundary pushing for you and include them in your personal rules. Of course this doesn't work if you don't clearly explain your boundaries to your partner so communication is a must. Conversely, you could always set conservative boundaries and then negotiate them down as you become more comfortable and experienced with what works for you.

  • [Deleted User]NJMcaringcuddlr (deleted user)
    edited August 2019

    One way to solve this. Each cuddler wear the tin man outfit (from wizard of oz). Cuddling can still happen. The noise from metal clashing together may be annoying but it would be impossible to feel any sort of arousal.

    And it would be an unforgettable experience!

    You guys are giving me great ideas. I’m gonna start selling these tin man/woman outfits for cuddlers... lol.

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