How to cuddle?

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  • edited January 28

    Sure, but what about a female cuddle partner not wearing undergarments though? Is that cause for concern?

  • @Travismo: It seems to me that unless it's their time of the month or they're very excited, it wouldn't make any observable difference to the cuddle.

    That said, I'd consider any cuddle buddy who went commando a bit of a risk. What, after all, is a platonic reason for not wearing underpants?

    Best to be dressed.

  • edited January 28

    His question is, are underwear required. Does it say anywhere that underwear is required lol I’m not trying to be a weirdo, just sayin, where does it say drawers are required?

  • im ready to start cuddle

  • There could be medical or other reasons a woman would not wear underwear it is not really anyone's concern if she does or not. As long a naughty bits are covered and you have clothing on that is what matters.

  • Re: Underwear Required...
    Comando or not, I personally couldn't tell and don't care to. If up to me (and if they were actually comfy) we'd both be wearing long distance bicycling shorts. But that's not very practical and doesn't address the issue.

    So how about if you guys just don't go pressing any of your rigid bits up against anyone and don't draw attention to your little friend if he happens to stop by? I mean, I realize some guys get excited by their uninvited guest's arrival, but the invitation to cuddle doesn't include a plus one. So be chill, keep it together and just ignore him until he leaves. Okay?? And don't go groping your cuddle buddy where undies could be.

    Easy-peasy and then it doesn't matter what anyone's got going on under there (or not).

    Re: How to Cuddle...
    At a minimum, just be decent ~ Obtain consent and honor boundaries.

  • So um... I've had some experience cuddling with people in the past.

    I've set my preference to women only even though I understand it's strictly platonic I've had bad experiences in the past being taken advantage of by other men without my consent so anything more than a quick hug is going to be triggering.

    While cuddling women... there was a time in high school I was going through a difficult time. My great grandmother was having failing health problems, at one point she had a seizure right in front of me. Was just walking through my aunt's living room one minute then suddenly fell to the ground shaking. We had talked about me getting her dog after she passed away and he was in our house after school one day, found out she was still alive at the time but was in the hospital again. Despite all of this she ended up living another 2 years before she actually passed away but while I was dealing with all that I had broke down back stage crying during rehearsal for "Nicholas Nickelby" A girl who was also in the play who I didn't even really know at the time sat down next to me and just started hugging me and talking to me till I calmed down. She actually helped me out a lot that day and I don't know how she dealt with my non-sense. I later found out who she was and realized she had her own problems to deal with. Anyway... there was a slightly awkward moment when I stopped crying and realized where my face was. Quickly moved to be more up towards her shoulder. I have no idea how long we were cuddling like that before I realized but I didn't stop cuddling, just moved to a more comfortable position. We talked for a little longer before we finally let go of each other and went our separate ways.

    I've tried to cuddle with exes in bed before. I usually find it helps to face AWAY from her. If she's facing away from me that can be ok for a little bit but we'd have to eventually change positions before Nathan gets triggered to the front. And if he does front you'll need to stop for a minute and explain the situation to him cause I can't be certain he'll be aware of our arrangement. Facing each other would be ideal but I think establishing what our boundaries are should happen first.

    Laying on our backs with our arms around each other... actually fell asleep that way once it works but then I woke up needing to use the bathroom with my arm trapped under her.

    Sitting together on the couch watching a movie is also a great way to cuddle though I'd still need to change positions every so often. In this case it's not to avoid temptation, it's cause sitting so long in one position hurts. Honestly everything hurts... all the time, my nervous system is just never ending pain, but stiff muscles from lack of movement for long periods of time don't help.

    Point is be it "Oh this is slightly inappropriate" or "I just need to stretch, it's not your fault" being able to change positions to make things more comfortable for everyone is important and also open communication... cause I don't like sitting in awkward silence where neither of us is talking. You might still be cuddling me but if there's dead air in the conversation or random sudden changing of positions I'm going to start to wander if you're OK. Do what you need to do, but talk to me so I know what's going on.

    I try to be as open as I can... or as open as I feel safe being... If I'm dissociating it might take some time before alters are comfortable enough to actually be themselves around you. They're going to fake being the host at first cause that's what they're use to doing. Another reason communication is important.

    I don't know if any of this made any sense what so ever or if I just rambled on incoherently, I'm kinda tired, didn't mean to still up this early in the morning.

  • @CuddleForDID ~ Your rambling seemed coherent to me. Hope you're getting some good sleep right about now though ~ Too much of the insomnia sucks!!
    coming in to give a hug 🫂

  • "Your rambling seemed coherent to me."

    That's good.

    "Hope you're getting some good sleep right about now though"

    I was then I had to wake up to do things. Now I'm done doing things and going back to sleep cause I still tired.

    "Too much of the insomnia sucks!!"

    Yup but at least I'm at home where I can actually take a nap while my ex and my kid are out of town visiting her dad.

    "coming in to give a hug 🫂"

    =D Can I have a doughnut too? I saw on your profile you're in Portland, always wanted to try that Voodoo Doughnuts place but the only time I was there was on a connecting flight and didn't have time to go there.

  • @CuddleForDID ~ Sure!! I'll bring you one of their pink box variety packs!!

  • Ask the people I've cuddled and they will tell you

  • =D Doughnuts!

  • I was super creeped out to see early posts in this thread talking about kissing during cuddles. Just sayin'...

    @CuddleForDID VooDoo Doughnuts are amazing! They have tons of vegan options, too. 😊 When you go, be prepared for a line out the door, at night.

    ~ Sunset Snuggles

  • Cuddles must be platonic. No touching bikini areas and no sexual touching to arouse. Just relaxing and normal cuddles.

  • I love starting out a cuddle session with holding you. I sit up, posted on the headboard or couch and open my arms. Typically men are surprised and sometimes get nervous or weird but that’s to be expected. Let’s all acknowledge that our chosen field here can be weird. But there I am, posted up, arms welcoming and I’ll hold a grown ass man. If they were shaking before, they stop. Breathing slows down a bit. Sometimes they remember to do something or share a story or ask a question they’ve been holding on to. It’s this really powerful, vulnerable, safe space for everyone and it looks like an ordinary hug. I’m very comfortable with myself and that means one of two things happens. Either it makes other people become comfortable with themselves, or it makes other people extremely uncomfortable with themselves. I’ll find out with the first cuddle position, which of the two it is. Holding someone in a maternal way, head on chest/shoulder is a must for me. Then of course you can be spoons together. Or I can lay on your chest (this one is a close second.) I never thought I would talk about snuggling like this, much less coming from experience and learned wisdom but this is a really cool place to be. Happy snuggling!

  • @NataliaBear Regardless of the position or approach, I, as a naturally nervous and worrisome person, become more comfortably uncomfortable. I do not think I am ever fully comfortable, but I am less uncomfortable and that is progress.

  • @FunCartel Liar, liar, pants on fire!!! You were pretty darned comfortable in that lipstick cam footage I took last time.

  • Oh, you National Inquirer cub reporters always spilling the beans!

  • [Deleted User]WiseGent (deleted user)
    edited June 25

    All the physical expressions of affection that you give to your child or pet, are ok.
    Cuddling is for adults that are open to provide this experience to another adult, without any sexual connotation.

    [content removed by mod]

    Reported, reviewed after a night's sleep and some coffee, and removed 1) the trolling rant against women and 2) an off topic and out of place comment that doesn't belong here or anywhere. @WiseGent [-Sid]

  • edited June 24

    @WiseGent - this site is platonic. Fair warning, since you're new: I'll give you the opportunity to edit/clean up your above post, but understand and pay attention: the moment people think this site is about sex/hookups or a dating site, they're shown the door fairly quickly.

  • @WiseGent I get mysoginist vibes from your written words. I apologize if I am wrong, truly. Best wishes on your platonic only cuddle quest.

  • @WiseGent

    Dare I ask - WTH does any of that have to do with platonic cuddling?

  • edited June 24

    Not very wise , nor genty

  • @TheMidnightOwl I am not big on being blatant with my opinions, but I feel I must say I wonder the same thing. I can't help but feel that for him this is a platform to vent in a disguised way about women. I may bow out now. I've said my piece and I don't want to give the mods any more work. I continue to believe the mods work harder than they should have to. Goodnight everybody.

  • The fact that he isn't banned yet means the mods believe that he may not yet fully understand the purpose of this website and are willing to give him a second chance.

  • @Mike403 I agree, actually. Always appreciate your input.

  • @pmvines Touche! While I agree with Mike's statement and I am glad I don't have to make mod decisions, I stand by my original impressions. My whole being is telling me to.

  • I require much more than sex in a relationship.

    This is the most problematic statement in your post. The other statements are not untrue and not misogynistic because there have been instances of what you put forth and even a thread or two started about it even though men are far more often the guilty party. But the last sentence assumes a relationship. Just because you explicitly said you are not interested in sex you did insinuate a relationship which breaks the TOS. Looking for a relationship is using this as a dating site which will get you as quickly banned as looking for a hook up.

  • I don't disagree with FunCartel. I am thinking of WiseGent's other statements as well, not just the ones on this thread. I could have clarified that. Strictly speaking, I should have. I am not one to be so strict in my words or others words. I think my thoughts are reaching some of the people I'm trying to reach.

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