About me
****UPDATE*****
Wow, I wrote this a few years ago. And I tried really hard for a while to find a cuddle buddy, but it was pretty hard. I'm gonna leave this ad up, though, cause it's kind of funny (and maybe you'll like it!), and maybe I'll be lookin' again sometime, but some parts of the ad might not be accurate or true anymore, and I don't think I'm looking for a cuddle buddy *right now*. I don't have one, but I gave up a while back because it was too much of a logistical pain in the ass.
Some people have messaged me, responding to this, and for a long time I couldn't respond because (a) I forgot I even posted this, and then (b) I forgot my password. Sigh. I need friends, especially girlfriends. Not .... vaVaVaVoom girlfriends ... just regular ones. If I didn't respond to you, I'm sorry. It was either because of that or because this was a really long ad, and you didn't give me anything but one sentence to go on. Meeting people is really hard, time-consuming work, and I'm usually in it for the long-haul, but I'd rather avoid an incompatible match from the beginning to spare both of us.
So, that's it. I'm still here, but only a little.
********************************
My (live-in) boyfriend -- while a near porn star -- is decidedly NOT a cuddler. So. . . I begin my search for something VERY specific:
I offer:
* fat and cuddly
* good taste in an eclectic array of alt-culture
* no drama
I'd prefer if you were fat -- special extra points if you have a nice, big, soft, jiggly stomach -- but size/body type don't matter as much as the right dynamic. You know -- the kind of dynamic that makes us LIKE each other enough to WANT to cuddle.
*Note* that I'm in a monogamous, committed relationship and not looking for
* another one
* a threesome
* to join an extended poly family
If you are in a relationship, you should NOT be doing anything you can't tell your partner about. If you are, I don't want to be involved.
Gender - gender-queer, intersexed, various combinations and transgressions welcome AND WELCOMED. It's for YOU that I hyphen the f*cking "-pan" onto the identity I'm politiking.
Sexuality - I identify as bi-pan, bi being the term I'm most comfortable with, and pan being the term that some people find to be more accurate.
I believe that homos and heteros have more in common with each other than I personally have with either. I have a fundamentally BISEXUAL (-pan) way of looking at the world and relating to other people. I often need to establish arbitrary boundaries in a way that I don't think monosexuals have to.
Open mindedness - You will be hard-pressed to find someone more open minded than me. Really.
I have opinions, but they come from me.
ANYWAYS, my boyfriend recently informed me that he didn't particularly mind if I had a cuddle buddy -- but he has some conditions. His conditions seem reasonable to me since they are relatively minor and it's AWESOME that he even busted out with any of this to begin with.
Here are his conditions. If you'd absolutely hate any of these, IT IS NOT FATED to be. Sorry.
1. Cuddling must take place in my studio apartment in Pacifica (this could be negotiable though).
Note that my apartment is clean and tidy with interesting art and posters and things all over the walls, but it's not spotless or fancy.
I have an old, sick cat.
I do have a car and would be willing to pick you up depending on where you live. Also, I'll feed you something while you're over and make coffee. Obviously we'd have to meet first outside my house -- I can't bring just anyone home to the cat.
2. My boyfriend (living here) will likely be present during cuddling, but he isn't interested in participating or watching. He will most likely be napping with the cat, playing video games, watching Live Leak videos, or reading Heinlein.
3. Cuddling would be a couple hours one or two days a week as an UPPER LIMIT. Maybe a weekly dinner and movie night? Something like that. Weeknights are best.
4. This is more of a house guest issue. You can't be overly loud and/or have an annoying personality. He did specifically mention that if you're a little annoying -- in a benevolent way -- that could be okay -- as long as we keep it down. Haha, this all probably sounds so amusingly neurotic, but I assure you it's 100% serious business.
..............
So, I'm just going to come out and say -- right here in my profile -- that there is ALREADY someone who I'd like to choose as my cuddle buddy -- but I've been rejected.
..............
Sexuality is nuanced. It's okay if you're a gay guy. Maybe that's even better. But I generally don't get along very well with gay guys.
You know who I get along GREAT with? Guys who are probably bi -- or at least their sexuality is more layered and complicated than a cookie cutter greeting card description.
I KNOW you when I see you. You want to be gay. . . I want to tell you that -- sexual identification is a CHOICE.
If you WANT to identify as gay -- and you ultimately see yourself with another man for most purposes in life -- that's okay. You can STILL express the feelings of emotional, and even sexual, intimacy you feel for women.
The mind is such a complicated thing. IDENTITY is simple. Identity is political. Identity should work for YOU. Don't run away from the disparate aspects inside yourself. Those are all parts of yourself. You DON'T have to choose. It's OKAY if some things contradict. That's part of being human.
And, you know what? Maybe you *are* Bi. Is that so bad? You can STILL choose a guy. You can STILL choose to identify as gay, if that description is more relevant.
..........Yes, astute readers -- you've walked into my own personal limerence mini-drama...........
I'll be better in a couple days.
I just have to accept that that DRAW that makes me want to TOUCH someone -- hug them -- cuddle them -- be physically intimate with them -- and be emotionally intimate with them (although not necessarily sexually intimate) -- that draw that I feel as a PHYSICAL sensation -- like crazy magnet currents pulling me toward the person -- I just have to accept -- that maybe -- it's only me feeling it.
Or -- that if it ISN"T only me -- then I'm the only one that feels okay about such a high degree of intimacy.
Or -- that the object of my cuddle fantasies doesn't want to ADMIT that he might be -- slightly -- turned on -- in a physical situation of non-sexual touching -- with a gender he's not supposed to be turned on to.
OR -- maybe I need to accept that -- as stated previously -- being BI (-pan) -- I see the world in a fundamentally different way from monosexuals. -- So, MAYBE I need to accept that he really IS gay and that GENDER MATTERS somehow -- even in what is meant to be platonic cuddling.
BUT-- it seems to me that if gender mattered -- if that were the case -- the cuddle would be more comfortable, no?
What's it like to cuddle with someone you could never conceive of having sex with?
What's it like for there to BE someone you'd never conceive of having sex with (solely based on their gender)?
How does that affect cuddling?
........
It's probably best if you are bi or pan or "fluid" or asexual or whatever you'd like to call your non-monosexual self.
People with physical disabilities / differences / limitations / etc. - Please, I am never quite sure what the correct words are - I'll call you whatever you tell me to. Please specify pronouns and adjectives so I get it right if it matters to you. ANYWAY. . . this is going to depend on a case-by-case basis with logistics coming into play as well as all the other MANY "do we get along in general" factors. I don't have severely disabled friends or family members, nor any type of past casual experience, so I'm may be clueless, but I'm sure you want to cuddle too, right? I wonder about that. How starved for contact are society's outcasts?
Who are you? You could be lots of different type of people. This is great because it's a way to share an intimate experience w/o sex with someone that you might otherwise be relationship-incompatible or sexual incompatible with. Also, it's a way to get closer to someone you may really like, but not want to be "involved" with. So, since I already have "the one" you can be one of many types. I have a wide variety of interests. We *do* have to mesh somewhere, though. There has to be common ground and a spark. There has to be something to make us mutually like each other enough to want to touch (ideally on a regular basis with some sort of friendship also included).
Please, know what you want and be able to articulate it either verbally or in writing. It's okay if what you want changes or you don't like what you thought you would, but don't have (1) GUILT for whatever the reason (2) conflicted emotions that you hide because you can't deal with not being able to reconcile them. (3) a virgin/whore complex towards women (4) an inability or unwillingness to communicate (5) a problem being nice