I heard something about a wheelchair, am I being summoned?
@Handsomewheels: Not unless you physically abuse children! But I'm sure you're a much nicer wheelchair user than @DarkLordChungus's dad, and so... maybe we were summoning an improvement? 🤷
Oh no! Poor @Sideon got pulled out of moderator vacation. I'm sorry you had to deal with this thread. It turned into a a real doozy.
@Handsomewheels great user name! And great profile pic too. The grin be infectious!
@DarrenWalker No, I definitely do not abuse anything! @littermate I appreciate the kind words, thank you.
How do we feel today about telling our wives of all our side cuddle girls?
@NeuroDiversity
You seem to have a need to brag about your approach to this matter.
Single!!!
@NeuroDiversity I mean, I was married and not happy with the amount of physical affection I was getting in my marriage (among other things), so I bucked up and made my needs known; I paid for marriage counselling, I worked hard to change things for years. When I still didn't get what I needed, I got divorced. I've gotten much more physical affection since then, and there's been no need to sneak around.
I guess I have a somewhat low opinion of people who take the easy-in-the-moment route with these sorts of choices. I see it as choosing to rip a bandaid off, as opposed to continuing to wear a bandaid that's old and gooey just because you're too afraid to touch it. It's a bit cowardly, IMO. But maybe others see it differently.
@NeuroDiversity: How do we feel today about telling our wives of all our side therapist girls? Our side cashier girls? Our side doctor girls? Our side chiropractor girls? Our side plumber girls?
Say, why the heck are all the people we interact with professionally and platonically children, anyway?
Ahaha, thanks @DarrenWalker - you're not the only one who finds it weird when guys refer to grown women as "girls", assuming he's not out there cuddling kids
Thank you for noticing @DarkLordChungus. I now feel heard. Side hustle. I love all my girls.
@squeakytoy I probably get called girl more so than woman and believe it or not, I don't mind. Makes me feel young still lol
@Amortentia: I'll remember that if I'm ever talking to you, specifically, in future!
But when talking about other adult women, I think I'll stick to not talking about them like they're little kids. 'Cause, you know. They might not like it.
@DarrenWalker thanks lol but I think most who don't mind being called girl do mind being called a kid, at least me. Girl in my definition just means young female not necessary a kid. Like the show Gilmore Girls. It has a mother and daughter who are referred to as girls but as young females not as kids.
@Amortentia: Language is so confusing, isn't it? Girl, boy, kid... goat?
But yeah, I'm pretty sure calling someone a girl means you're calling them a female child. Though that was normal once upon a time! Kinda like calling black men "boy."
Cultural change is nice sometimes.
@Handsomewheels You are welcome!
@DarrenWalker black men as boys? That's a new one for me actually. Also, I'd use boy for a man too if I'm playing around, am mad, or other reason. Last one I said recently was,"Boy, you did not just say you're not gonna clean that up" to someone older than me lol. Also, heard recently that the phrase "baby girl" isn't always positive/cute. It's a phrase used by a guy calling his girlfriend that to be sweet. It can be just for fun like in the show criminal minds when an FBI agent calls another FBI agent that, and a Russian guy told me it's some offensive term. So yeah many meanings can accommodate a single word.
I abhor being called a girl. Not sure if that one is worse than "lady" but that's pretty bad too. Woman. W-o-m-a-n. A grown-up. A person. Not something with pigtails and a jump rope. Not something with a corset, or a bustle. Someone in jeans and a t-shirt who is a grown-ass w-o-m-a-n.
To illustrate my point:
No:
Yes!!!
@littermate so the second picture isn't of a woman either? I'd sense a cat fight if she was in this thread lol. That's how women used to dress so they all come in different looks. Third picture would actually not be seen very feminine or womanly. But women come in many different forms so I don't pay attention to how one woman feels like a woman.
I'd say the second image is of a woman—in a time when they weren't really considered members of mankind (as it were). More property, less person. Much as children are seen even today!
Hm. So what if we cuddle for free? What is the shame in cuddling anyone? I guess I’m In the belief that if you don’t want people knowing you do it...don’t do it. Lies don’t last long, be true to who you are.
@littermate 😊😊😊😊. Making me smile hard.
Omission= deception.
I mean, in the bad old days (ie. 60's) it used to be normal in the business world for women and POC to address white men formally, as Mr. Wilson, Mr. Smith, etc, and for white men to addres women and POC by their first names in return, as they did with children.
So yeah... the use of the word "girl" to describe adult women is a throwback to this. It doesn't have a great history.
You go girl.
I should also add that for me, there's an in-crowd aspect to using the word "girl". I don't care if another woman calls me it, just like I don't care if another queer woman calls me a "dyke". I see nothing wrong with reclaiming those words and using them as indicators of our shared experiences.
When a man refers to me as a "girl" or a straight person refers to me a "dyke", it introduces a sour dynamic because they usually lack the experience of growing up in a world as people who only received many basic human rights within the last century, and are still affected on a day-to-day basis by those shitty old attitudes that somehow persist to this day. There's no shared experience or understanding that comes through - just an asinine reminder that they were once above me in law, or maybe still consider themselves to be.
@littermate Yeah, agreed. You'd think it wouldn't be too much to ask to be treated like a person, but... alas. We still have a ways to go.
I've honestly had this question linger in my mind also. I've been putting myself out there when it comes to dating recently (around like a year or two, I know not recent at all 😂) and I told some guys that I cuddle because they asked me what I do and I believe honesty is good for a relationship, some haven't taken it so well and some have. It's really just depending on who it is, I would be straight forward about it when it gets to the question of "what do you do for work" it never hurts to be upfront from the beginning
I’m polyamorous and all of my partners know.