Wow, this thread quickly became impassioned!
I'd like to point out there are actually two different issues being explored here:
1) How to filter for status (or really anything) and to feel supported in one's choice, without having to explain why it is a choice...... 2) The philosophical and practical thinking surrounding cuddling/hugging/interacting with cuddlers (pros, clients, enthusiasts) who are married, or in a committed relationship......both with acknowledgement and approval, and secretively.
Two completely different topics.
As regards the first one......there is the technical aspect of course; are there the requisite resources to organize the site in such a way as to enable searching by fields. Now, one can do so as regards age, location, distances and pricing, so that is embedded already. To then include status and body type, for example, would require a more complex tech back end. I, for one, would welcome it, as I completely support people to cuddle exactly whom they choose. I have read many who suggest that body type, age, status, race should never matter for platonic cuddling......but I am always left with wondering why should such people who feel that way assume everyone should feel that way?!? I certainly get and support those pros who will cuddle anyone, regardless of those details, but why can't people be supported in their choices, should they specify such? Certainly cuddle clients who are paying for sessions will decide if they want to cuddle someone older/younger, larger/smaller, a specific race or not, attractive to them or not.......and not be judged for having such preferences. Marital status or sexual orientation is just another aspect that can be compelling or not. Any answers that criticize this preferential impulse by comparing to accountants or lawyers, etc., completely miss the point. The practice of cuddling includes an intimacy not present in other work and services. Even if it doesn't for you, why not support others who want to make such choices? And CC should consider what biases are present by allowing people to search by financial fields and age, but not by status and body type......
Now, as regards the second topic......it's rich, fascinating, and relevant to so many, clearly. This forum should be a judgment free zone, recognizing the cuddling community exists under a very large tent. I am perplexed why anyone would feel the need to convince anyone else that their perspective is right? Simply hearing the thinking of others can be so stimulating (yes, my sapio nature propels me in this direction, clearly )......so let's curate conversations where everyone can feel safe suggesting what feels good, safe, and meaningful to them is worthy of our attention. I myself feel quite differently from many, as I don't connect to jealousy, or the concept of "cheating", or any kind of possessiveness in committed relationships......but I am truly interested in how many of you articulate your positions. Why some feel that cuddling violates the sanctity of a committed romantic relationship......or why it doesn't/shouldn't. Why some feel that all such activities demand disclosure to their significant others.....or why privacy is a loftier ideal, and support that approach.
In other words, we all bring our own experiences, our own habits/patterns, our own traumatic memories, our own preferences, our own way of dancing and celebrating this complex journey called "life". Let's create the spaciousness here that allows for all to feel safe in expressing their choices, what they have decided works for them......without the need to judge, criticize, or even explain that our choices are the right ones. The tragedy of certainty has created such a divided community that we can barely understand others who don't see the correctness of our beliefs. I am hoping that we can continue to explore, understand, and listen to the perspectives of our community members here in the cuddling world.....and perhaps even reexamine our own preferences/biases, even if only a bit, and continue to welcome a dynamic forum.
I don't judge attached people coming to cuddle. I'd judge attached people coming to cuddle trying to hide infidelity. I'd be bothered if my significant other was cuddling, I'd probably not cuddle if i was attached. I hide my identity because i don't think everyone needs to know much about me until i am able to give them a clear picture. That goes with everything internet based, so even though I'm single i really don't need you to know unless i tell you during interaction. Only people i think are interesting and open about the idea will see my face, especially if it seems fleeting. Enough people know me and i know enough people, unless i think it will be a lasting relationship i dont think they need to. Don't jump to conclusions about the word relationship. But that's all just me, i understand people believe different than i but that's ok. If that doesn't work for you, there is a reason for my anonymity, we weren't going to go far anyway.
I just thought I'd add. I didn't read all this thread but i did notice a few comments about hiding identity and that men hadn't commented on their thoughts. So there are mine. Take it or leave it.
@Morpheus I am not married. I was in a long term relationship last year. When we became official, the cuddling stopped until the time we eventually broke up.
I am also firm about my boundary of not cuddling with people in relationships unless I know for certain that their partner has full knowledge, and even then I still may not feel comfortable. There are exceptions, but that's just my general opinion.
I think my biggest issue is consent, and I know my gf at the time was not comfortable with me cuddling with others.
For the record, I’m married, I’ve been married one time. It’ll be 28 years this year.
🤦🏼♀️ The forums never fail to make me laugh.
People are mostly selfish and will do what they want, satisfy their needs and shut out feelings of guilt. (I was married and was cheated on which resulted in divorce, devastated our children, changed so many lives. He never talked to me about anything, just made his own choices. I do know what I’m talking about. I’ve never once done that to anyone. because I know how it feels. I keep that door closed in my mind).
@Morpheus 28 years is a huge accomplishment in my book. It's not easy to have someone in your life for that long. Cheers to that.
@carrieanne I'm sorry that happened ! It feels terrible to be cheated on - I know that from firsthand experience but not through a marriage (which I feel is many times worse). Hugs.
@CuddleHugs01234 Thanks, Cuddle Hugs!!
@Minestrone101 🙏🏻🤗
@carrieanne ❤️💜 💙💛🩶
Being cheated on is often the other person is not being satisfied romantically. Taking care of business at home will prevent the issue.
@mannyramirez_ I respectfully disagree. People are responsible for their own behavior.
There are people who will cheat no matter how well their partner treats them.
I think the other person more likely is able to satisfy them better. They weren't getting what they needed physically?
Girls need the more manly man not the feminine one no?
It still doesn't justify the behavior.
@mannyramirez_ I agree with @JoyfulHeart . If someone no longer likes/isn't attracted to someone they're dating, they should breakup instead of cheat, it seems pretty simple to me
@mannyramirez_ you don't even mean that, you read some story about Eddie Haskel grown up and he said that didn't he? It's hard for me to believe a grown up would say such a thing.
Please don't insult me friend. I said nothing to you. Just offering my opinion like all others. Peace to you.
I didn't say it's right or wrong to cheat. I'm just saying it doesn't help when you are sitting alone at night watching reruns while your brother or best friend is making sweet time with your lady.
I'm sorry, i honestly thought you were joking. I really assumed you were making it up to stir it up. My bad, have a great day and all that. Sorry about your troubles.
@Morpheus posted: "im curious how many people commenting in this thread that are very opinionated about this topic, are actually married."
I'm not married. I've never been married. I've been in a committed relationship with my boyfriend for six years, and we've lived together for five.
I get your point of course, but I don't believe I need to be married to have a moral opinion on cuddling behind a spouse's back. I wouldn't want to cuddle behind a girlfriend or fiance's back, either; whether a marriage license exists or not isn't really the issue, whatsoever. It's the breach of trust within a relationship that I want no part of. 🥺
I know if my boyfriend were doing something behind my back, I would be devastated. I talked at great length with him before I ever began cuddling, and we discussed down to minute details, whether or not he would be comfortable with very specific scenarios. If I had gone and done it behind his back, I cannot imagine how uncomfortable and betrayed he would have felt. I never want to make anyone feel that way...married or not, if there's a relationship and an expectation of exclusive intimacy, that's what's important to me.
~ Sunset Snuggles
🦄 Enthusiast 🏞 Travel Fiend 🐘 Animal Lover
I was married for seven years. I can guarantee that if I had cuddled with someone behind her back and she found out, the relationship would have been over. There are partners who might understand such a thing, but others who will say if it is so innocent and platonic, why keep it a secret?
The best way you block married men is probably similar to the best way to block single men and men dating.
Post just enough information to make them think Hmmm that probably will be way to dramatic to even say hello.
Basically no man whatever the relationship status is wants stranger danger drama. Easy way to block all men!👍
Why would you need to on a site devoted to platonic hugs?
@BurlyBear The site is. Some of the users are not.
@BurlyBear @Unscented_Lemon It doesn't indicate non-platonic intentions of either party. It's to do with respecting the significant other who has not given consent.
@BurlyBear This site is dedicated to cuddling, not hugs. There's a vast difference. If you told your wife you hugged a woman at the grocery store, I bet she would react very differently than if you told her you cuddled a woman in a hotel bed for an hour.
Yes, both are platonic. But I think it's safe to say most wives in traditional marriages would not be terribly ruffled by the former, yet would feel extremely betrayed by the latter.
@SunsetSnuggles Agree 100%.
I wonder if this person cuddles with women too