@pmvines You put it better. 👍 Our communications are the window to our soul.
From what I've read (and I havent read them all) I dont hear blame, but what i do hear is the lack of respect given.
No one owes anyone anything but you're looking for someone genuine and a simple good morning, how are you isnt good enough to start a conversation, then you need to re evaluate your agenda.
Whoa, you go away for a day and there's 55 comments. This will probably take a bit of time to catch up.
@PeopleLikeUs "It makes me sad to think about all the situations you must have endured to write such a defensive profile."
I wouldn't get too sad about it. And I would not call my profile defensive but, rather, practicing self-defense. It's really just stating the facts: look, guys, most of my experiences here have not been good. There's a 4:1 ratio of men to women. You need to demonstrate that you're okay and here's how you do it. That's it. No big deal. It's just very annoying that no matter how clearly I express that, they continue with the same old shit. As someone said, they probably are not reading the profiles and don't care. That's probably true and in that case, good luck, amigo.
Yup, we good 'n kicked this soccer ball around quite a bit! Takes courage to post something on this forum and let us minnows nibble at it .
Personally I don't have a problem with a generic message like "Hey, how are you?" It's nice to have something more personal but it's not a big deal to me. Whether I reply is probably more likely to be based on their profile than their first message.
There are always going to be those who feel entitled to your time and attention, unable to understand why they can't successfully connect with someone here while insulting an enthusiast and disregarding valuable feedback. They will complain there aren't enough enthusiasts, but when given an opportunity to learn something that might help them achieve success with one, prefer to puff out their chests and spout off red pill nonsense. You are not a jerk for having standards and boundaries for your communication, and for wanting to see a modicum of effort put forth by the people who are asking you to literally risk your safety in order to share an intimate space with them.
It is equally disappointing to receive a thoughtless reply as it is to send a thoughtful one to no avail. Just two sides of the coin.
@ the people who won't read a profile, but did read through 3 pages of comments on this forum, you should remember what the purpose of this website is. It's to connect with someone and cuddle, not to argue on the forums. If reading a paragraph is difficult, then save your energy and don't read the forum. This is digression since this topic is about the content of opening messages.
I honestly think whatever kind of opener makes you comfortable is fine. However, you have to know that it may make the recipient uncomfortable if it isn't to their standards. There's no way to really know, unless they explicitly say on their profiles. So again, read if you want the most out of this. If you are incapable of conforming to the other person or if your attempts are ignored (or outright attacked), then obviously the two of you are incompatible. Neither of you is necessarily a jerk, though snarky replies or insults may push into the neighborhood of jerk.
@Janoy_Cresva the thread isnt about men not receiving replies though . It's about the OP frustration with the kind of messages she gets sometimes which agree to disagree , she's entitled to have that option as are you to yours . However a lot of responses are people venting about women not replying to them . And acting as though they are owed attention for every message they sehd out . The OP as well as some of the other posters are trying to state some reasons folks might not be able to connect with others on here . Instead of being upset at lack of responses, which most adults on the interwebs realize they are not owed , it might serve one better to take opinions , experiences, and advice of others on things that might help a little . I'm not judging anyone or trying to be rude , but it honestly does seem like some are intent on taking the OP issue and making it about why they are resentful toward women not replying and giving them attention.
(MOD) This particular comment had personal attacks. Please try again. [SoulcuddlerZ]
Jamaican Jerk Chicken is delicious.
If men feel their time is so precious that they can't read a profile or compose a long opener that won't be read, they can hire a pro. Female enthusiasts are volunteers.
@pmvines you are correct, the discussion on replies out side of using them as an excuse for how one makes a first message is outside of the scope of the thread. I would also state that @Babichev does not owe a response to anyone and the reverse is also true. No one owes her the type of message she wants, you get what you get. Take it or leave it.
In answer to the question am I a jerk visa vie her profile and the request to message more...no. I would agree with another poster that message something interesting is vague.
Is she a jerk visa vie her attitude towards those that spent time contacting her? IMHO her op is dripping with distain and condescension towards those who contact her, actually a larger group than that, and she doubled down in latter posts. As to that attitude, yes, at least a jerk. She asked.
I dont think she is as bad a person as her chosen verbiage conveys. Frustration makes you say things. but as I said in a post her attitude, ill bet, has made her over look a diamond cuz she would not look past a carbon dusted initial message.
But totally her deal, rock on!
Honestly yeah it sounds like you are being a jerk. Do you think this is a dating site? We're not here to learn about each other we're here to cuddle. It sounds like you're trying to use this website to find a relationship which is not what it's for.
I get messages like that in another website, and I just say hello back if I want to talk. I assume that they are just sending something simple to save energy if I'm not interested. Here, it's more tiring for me to respond to things because I'm also uncomfortable with the way people don't post photos and say little about themselves, I can't even tell if I'd want to respond in the first place. I will say that since I added in some cautions I pretty much only get people responding who are meeting what I'm looking for. If they don't have a photo in their profile they say hello with a photo in their first message. Now that I added not to ask me what my fee is, no one has. I checked your page and I sense a difference in that I wrote my boundaries as rules, and before anything else. I think mine is maybe too hard, and yours might be too soft. (mine works, but I also could change it and it might work just as good and invite a few more people to write..) . I hope this these are welcome and helpful suggestions, but sorry if not.. I think if you started with "Some things that make this woman feel more comfortable and gets her attention:" you might even switch it to something like "If you want a reply from me, here are things that matter to me and I'll reply to." or something.. I kind of think the way you wrote it might be read by some as.. this is something I can maybe do.. rather than, this is what I should do. and follow with the "Some things that make this woman feel more cautious:" but maybe change it to "Some things that I tend not to reply to."
I may do some shifting of my language when I get a chance and use yours as a model for how I could be less grr.. I just did it by default because it was easier to throw in a rule when something uncomfortable happened repeatedly.
Thing is that the girl pretty much only want to cuddle with certain types of guys. So does it matter if he wrote an awesome message. Once you see his pic and he ain’t good looking to you at. It’s not gonna matter what he wrote. Why does it fall on the guy to keep the convo interesting and going. If a girl is interested in the guy, a guy can say anything. He would still be funny. Another guy says the same thing and he would be a jerk or a creep.
@Arkini i think she somewhat got the best response. I’ve gotten response from girls who say they just need some cuddling and which that’s all I want also. After some back and forth with description of ourselves or sending pics of myself. They just stopped responding. Like wtf. Are we on a dating site. And worse is they just ghost you and you can see they are still active and visit the site. Say you found someone else or whatever. Don’t just ghost people. There are guys on here that just want a human connection like cuddling and just someone to listen and talk to and nothing more.
*** disclaimer : English is not my mother tongue, so if you read anything that may be interpreted negatively, of course it should be interpret it the other way around! ***
@Babichev You're not being a jerk, of course. Living in the most non-English and non-Espanol part of North America and since there's less than 10 cuddlers in a 75-100 miles radius, you can call my area a cuddling desert. Unless you receive so many messages you need to weed out the junk, please be tolerant to people not writing essays on their first "Hello! How are you?" message. In my case, I have to write my message in both French and English unless the profile is written in French already or stating that they are French-speaking, so that means I already have to double my message length.
BTW I did read your profile and being cuddling deprived (anyone willing to fly north to cuddle me? ), it probably shortened my attention span, so I would respectfully suggest to maximize readability by adding dashes or stars or bullets to clearly show you made 2 lists in your profile.
P.S.: I didn't read every word of every single answer to this post. Sorry about that.
@knight88 Ghosting is the worst thing in the world. Did the other person got hit by a car or run over by a bus? What happened to her/him? It's frankly scary. What went wrong so that s/he doesn't want to write you again? If people who behave that way knew how it hurts us, they would refrain from doing that...
@limoulois "If people who behave that way [ ghosting] knew how it hurts us, they would refrain from doing that" I wish that were true.
I was off getting cuddles from a friend (yay!) and dancing and I'm way behind. I'll try to catch up at least a bit.
@limoulois - Guys don't have to write essays but really, most of them seem to put zero effort into it.
A lot of what's in my profile got added as a result of guys doing things like sending shirtless photos, blatantly violating the rules, wanting me to come to their place for a first meeting, etc. Seems a girl can't win. If you don't spell it out, they do it. If you do spell it out, they don't read it. I've come close to giving up. Fortunately, I've had a couple of good experiences so I keep trying.
@knight88 Re: ghosting. People do it. The people here are total strangers. They don't owe us anything. We have to accept it whether we understand it or not.
@BooksnTeas - I like your suggestions regarding wording. I'll give them a try. Not tonight but some time in the not too distant future. Thanks.
@Arkini " Do you think this is a dating site?" What makes you think that?
"We're not here to learn about each other we're here to cuddle."
I'd like to know a little about the person I'm cuddling. I don't throw myself into that intimate of a situation with a total stranger without getting to know them first. Any man who expects that of me isn't my idea of a good cuddle partner.
"It sounds like you're trying to use this website to find a relationship which is not what it's for."
Nope. Not at all. However, some of the guys who have contacted me apparently think this is a site for hookups and I'm trying to weed them out.
@snuggleme123 " No one owes her the type of message she wants, you get what you get."
True. But supposedly these guys are looking for a cuddle partner. If that's what they want, they are not likely to get it. If you read these forums, guys complain a lot about finding women who will cuddle with them. Disdain? No, just annoyed.
@FunCartel "Jamaican Jerk Chicken is delicious."
Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes!!!!!
@geoff1000 "If men feel their time is so precious that they can't read a profile or compose a long opener that won't be read, they can hire a pro. Female enthusiasts are volunteers."
Thank you. Exactly.
@snuggleme123 "(FYI to those that will say this was harsh a good bit of it was copy and pasted straight from her posts)"
Actually, very little of it was. Two out of twelve lines. From your comment, seems like you're the high and mighty one. Have a nice day. :-)
@littermate "Takes courage to post something on this forum and let us minnows nibble at it ."
I'm tough. I know what's worth paying attention to and what isn't.
@Janoy_Cresva " the people who won't read a profile, but did read through 3 pages of comments on this forum, you should remember what the purpose of this website is. It's to connect with someone and cuddle,"
Thanks for getting it. There is actually some useful information here scattered about and I'm paying attention to it. I also appreciate when someone expresses something more clearly than I. Perhaps a few people reading will get some ideas that will improve their communication.
@pmvines " it honestly does seem like some are intent on taking the OP issue and making it about why they are resentful toward women not replying and giving them attention."
Definitely. Ironically, they could get some insight into why they may not be getting responses.
@softandlovely "You are not a jerk for having standards and boundaries for your communication, and for wanting to see a modicum of effort put forth by the people who are asking you to literally risk your safety in order to share an intimate space with them."
Bingo! ^^^^^^^^ That. Thank you for expressing that so clearly.
How does ... “ Hello!, how are you “.... mean please come cuddle me, even if you have to risk your safety
I don t mind a short message but I hear your frustration to want to connect. I am the same with turning away pictureless clients or ones who are married. We all have or standards and guidelines to form connections.
@Babichev Your count is a bit off, let me help. First, I said a good bit not a majority. Second, the first 2 and last 2 lines are literary book ends. Third, the body all have a statement from you and a reply. Here are the quotes (I changed continue to persist, more poetic) _ persist with the same ole shit _ There's a 4:1 ratio of men to women. You need to demonstrate that you're okay. _ I'm sorry, but these stupid non-messages make me cranky _ miserably poor reading comprehension skills. I of course had to add words to a couple to make a rhyme.
You asked a question and I gave you my answer. Take it or leave it. I have said in other posts and will state again, my opinion is not of you as a person but only of your attitude toward your profile messages. For sure, I have gotten high and mighty in life before and looked in a mirror and grew out of it. I dont believe I am that here, and I dont want to over "nibble"
I am sure you are a great person, I will bet... some of those short message writers are great people too. Thank you for wishing me a nice day, I plan on it, I hope you have an amazing day as well.
Peace
Not everyone is full of prose and able to speak and communicate easily. They are still worthwhile people. If you’re having to turn people down I guess it’s a good problem to have. I mean there is the argument that to elicit better interactions from people that you’d better be pretty interesting yourself... so if they don’t find you stimulating enough to come up with something great just brush it off and move on I guess.
Yes it’s time to play The Cuddling Game! Today we have @Babichev. Ok Babichev, take it away!
Babichev: Cuddler number one, if you could be cuddle position, what kind of cuddle position would you be and why?
Cuddler Number One: I would be a big spoon, because a big spoon gets all of it and I want every last drop of your cuddle!
Stay tuned....
Holy hell. Who cares that much what she puts on her profile. 😂
She wants to narrow what she is looking for, fine. Just mind your own cuddle business and focus on cuddlers who don't have a stricter outline. If she needs intellectual stimulation, that is FINE.
Even if HER boundaries aren't YOURS, doesn't mean she's a "fill in the blank" type.
Sometimes being honest, can be a little blunt and not everyone takes it well, however no one is entitled either way here to get the response they want. It's OKAY. Just like it's OKAY to need more conversation compared to the "basics" of small talk.
⭐⭐⭐ We are human beings, it's normal to want to connect. How we do that, will always be unique to the individual. ⭐⭐⭐
@MissAdventurous
Well in fairness to the posters, she did ask the forum to debate it and further more conclude weather she was a jerk or not.
She wants to narrow what she is looking for, fine. Just mind your own cuddle business and focus on cuddlers who don't have a stricter outline. If she needs intellectual simulation, that is FINE. Even if HER boundaries aren't YOURS, doesn't mean she's a "fill in the blank" type. Sometimes being honest, can be a little blunt and not everyone takes it well, however no one is entitled either way here to get the response they want. It's OKAY. Just like it's OKAY to need more conversation then basics.
She wants to narrow what she is looking for, fine. Just mind your own cuddle business and focus on cuddlers who don't have a stricter outline. If she needs intellectual simulation, that is FINE.
Sometimes being honest, can be a little blunt and not everyone takes it well, however no one is entitled either way here to get the response they want. It's OKAY. Just like it's OKAY to need more conversation then basics.
100% agree. Its her page and she can construct and run it totally as she sees fit.
100% agree. However, she did not afford that idealism to (her own stat) 85% of those who messaged her. She could have simply ignored them. She could have looked at their profile and maybe replied to a short initial message and a growing conversation begins. I have seen in my life that friendships start with short introductions and crescendo from there.
She chose however to come on to the forum and belittle and denigrate them. And it is that mindset towards that population that is the point of contention. They too are just humans that want to connect in their unique and individual way. They are not owed a response or a cuddle from her. But a little respect would not hurt.
(I know, I nibbled again...dog gone it)
Gross. Gross. Gross. No one owes anyone anything.
I'm not repeating what I just said. If you don't get it, not my circus. Not my clowns.