Alas, friend. Misunderstood. @snuggleme123 maybe I can explain it better some other time, as I am not condemning men nor am I petrified, nor do I think women are angels.
Alas.
Ok guys, we are all condemned. Guilty till we prove our innocence. Why bother
As someone once said:
"Imagine a friend asks you to play a game of Russian roulette. Serious Russian roulette, with a six-shooter and a single bullet. If you say no because you don’t want to die, is it appropriate for your friend to object by arguing, “What, do you think all of the chambers are loaded?” Of course not, because that’s not the point, is it? The point is that one of them is loaded, so each turn of the game you play could potentially kill you.
"In this Russian roulette scenario, you, Reader Who Would Never Rape Anyone, are an empty bullet chamber. But not all of the chambers are empty, and on a given turn, the people playing the game have no idea whether the chamber that’s lined up to fire is you or one with a bullet in it."
And as someone else once said:
"All men are, in fact, potential rapists, in much the same sense as all women are potential rapists, and all brunettes are potential rapists. All people are potential rapists, because rape is not a function of anything about a person except the fact that they rape people. ... "That Asshole makes up only a tiny percentage of men. However, he has poisoned the well for everyone else."
I blame the lotteries. People buy tickets on the promise of a tiny possibility of winning the jackpot. Then when they are told that the risk of a bad event is the same as winning the lottery, they think it is relatively likely. People are probably more likely to be harmed travelling to and from a cuddle session than during one. Having said that, if female cuddlers are equivalent to buying two lottery tickets, that means their tiny risk is doubled ; and just as people enjoy the tiny possibility of winning big, they also worry about the tiny possibility of losing big.
I think a courtesy response is nice, not responding at all doesn't help anyone learn what they would need to do better.
(MOD) Comment removed. Personal attack; obscured profanity. [SoulcuddlerZ]
@SoulcuddlerZ I take issue with this word. Feels over a line.
@littermate Flag it like I did.
Thanks @FunCartel. Learning!
RE: The courtesy of a response.
Unless I'm mistaken, for every guy who accepts a woman's "no, thank you" and goes away, there are about six dozen who leap on the attention like starving hyenas, and demand "Why 'no'? Explain yourself to me! Did I do something wrong? If so, tell me what it was and I'll correct it so you'll say yes! If I didn't do anything wrong, then what's wrong with you that you'd say no? Justify your decision to me!"
And then there're those other two or three guys who jump straight to verbal attack. "How dare you say no to me, you badwordinsultinsult?"
Whereas if you don't say anything at all, most guys tend to give up and go away—which is what you want from someone you're saying "no, thank you" to anyway. Why risk getting all that garbage when you could just skip to them leaving you alone? ...Except for those two or three guys, but they were always going there.
And unless you've specifically committed to teaching people how to write good opening messages, it's not your job to help the folks who send bad ones learn what they would need to do better.
Teaching stuff like that is a difficult and thankless job. Especially when you're not getting paid.
@DarrenWalker Beautifully put. Good men (most men) may "suffer" due to the need created by the one loaded chamber. However, I cannot (and will not) accept the moral indignation that some put on in response to the real need women have to protect themselves.
Why? Because, if we fail to do so and suffer–in the real way, the way that causes injury or death, not just Hurt Feelings–we are still blamed. What were you wearing? Had you been drinking? Are you sure it wasn't just a misunderstanding of some kind?
As a "professional" cuddler (and someone who makes up the 1 in 4 statistic, having been kidnapped and assaulted repeatedly by a stranger at 17), this is front of my mind at all times. Even after my rigorous screening process, on my way to meet someone for the first time, I imagine having to explain to someone in law enforcement that Yes, I voluntarily met this person (basically a stranger) from the internet to CUDDLE them, but I didn't want what happened next. Can you even imagine?!
It's my responsibility to keep myself safe. I do whatever I need to, in order to fulfill this responsibility. If it bothers anyone, that is their problem and not mine. Although I would encourage them to stop and ask themselves WHY it bothers them so deeply, it's also not my responsibility to enlighten them. As @MissAdventurous so perfectly put it: not my circus. Those who don't want to understand never will, and the rest of the choir doesn't need preaching to.
ALL that said, I will never not respond to a message. Just because I know how it hurts to feel invisible, and I want to be considerate of the other person's feelings. I understand that if you are reaching out to someone on this platform, you are–by definition–already in need of a hug. All that I ask for in return is to have my own need for safety respected. I think that's fair.
@warmlyhelena All the men who say it is the woman's fault for being assaulted, should ask themselves : How would I feel, on being robbed in the street, to be told : 1. You were dressed well, which advertised you were carrying money and valuables. 2. You looked like a generous person, the robber just thought you were giving them the money. 3. You are still alive, so you didn't fight very hard, we think you gave the money too easily, and now you've changed your mind.
My Dad said he hoped for the day when the barmaid of the local pub could walk home at midnight in her underwear, with the evening's takings in a carrier bag, and not be bothered by anyone.
@warmlyhelena I'm not asking in a confrontational way but more out of curiosity. Do you also think that you and other pros feel " obligated " although I hate that word I couldn't think of a better term for this scenario to respond to more messages that you may typically ignore as a enthusiast ( as long as they're not vulgar ) because of the business aspect ? That anyone who reaches out to you may be a potential client and its only good customer service to at least acknowledge you got the message and listen to what they have to say before jumping to judgement about whether not you'll continue dialogue. Or do you treat one line messages the same no matter what ?
@hugonehugall I think the answer comes down to the feel a woman, pro or enthusiast, has about a guy. At least that is what the women on this forum have repeatedly said.
@FunCartel "At least that is what the women on heat put forth." Methinks a typo. . . or a Freudian slip.😀
It is called autocorrect
@hugonehugall I'm sure it would be different. For one thing, I imagine that enthusiasts receive significantly more messages! And can't think that they would have the same sense of needing to oblige everyone with a response. Because I've decided to do it as a service, I'm sure that I do feel more obligated. Even if I don't get a great vibe (no picture, no profile text, no karma, "Are you available?" or those few word inquiries), I will still reply to begin with. If I were getting dozens of messages a day, I'm sure I'd feel differently. As it is, just a handful come through each day, making it much more feasible for me.
@geoff1000 That is a very good analogy, one I have used before! Like, would we ever ask, "Are you sure you didn't maybe want to give them your watch, like a little bit?" Also, your pop sounds like a gem. That's a very progressive way to think for many men of his generation—kudos to you both :